Would You Give It to Them?

If it's the first time they have asked, yes. I would give it to them, or at least give them as much as you can.

If they continue to ask after this, just deal with it if it happens.

I would but tell them to never spend so much on gifts again if they're cutting their finances this close. And ask them what's going on in general. Missing a week of work shouldn't handicap them like this. Tell them you will this time but really can't afford to do it again so what is their plan? That way you're communicating this is a one time deal. If they ask again, you can say no and remind them you told them you could only do it once.

I don't think I could say no if they needed to pay bills.
I wouldn't do a loan though, I'd make it a gift.
Get specifics, maybe half now, then half after the 1st of Feb. would work?

How about half? They can try to scrape up the rest. Right now it's like you are paying for your kid's Christmas from them! And you would have never spent that much. Tell them never spend that much again.

They are my parents....good, bad or indifferent...I would.

I have several problems with this and several questions .... first, if they were off work for a week, how could they have amassed $600 in bills? Don't they have sick time? Don't they have any savings? Isn't it supposed to be kids asking parents for money? Not the other way around?

I would ask for the receipts for the Christmas presents and see what can be taken back and then just give them that money. The gifts are probably old news for the kids by now anyways!!

Since money has been an ongoing problem with them, I would not lend/give them any money. They're adults and should have figured out how to manage it by now. I would suggest debt counseling for them.

Have they asked your sister?

Push comes to shove, I would just say I don't have it! Tough love seems to be a necessity right now!!

Good luck!!

No. You can't afford it if it will mean you "scrape" by the rest of the month.

You can only afford it if you have no debt and you would never miss it because you won't see that $$ again and cannot count on it.

I do not loan $$ to family, I have not been asked to because they know I will not loan money to family.

In the past, I have paid an electric bill, filled up a propane tank for birthday. For Christmas and holidays I send some type of food that can go in the freezer for them you use. I send all of my daughter's clothes which are high end clothes to my neices instead of donating them to the local shelters.

Once you loan (give) $$ you will be asked again and again and if you think they suck you dry emotionally now, just wait until you enable them a bit and then see how they are.

Once you become the bank, all the vultures will come out.

I know my dad cannot afford to send gifts to my daughter and to me. I've explained it is ok for him not to send a gift, we don't go into birthday and Christmas with expectations of gifts. He insists and it is usually money in the form of a gift card or something. I turn around and send that money back to him in the form of a gift card, etc.

I know you are coming from a good place in your heart and want to help. Maybe you feel guilty because they overspent on your children's gifts. Please consider this very carefully and opt out.

Since this is the 1st time they've asked, they must really need the money. You should give them something. I wouldn't give them the full amount because you and your family shouldn't have to be "scraping by".

Another way to approach this is to tell them that you will give them a loan and would like to be paid back within xxx months. Never ask for it, never expect it back. However, if they do ever ask you for money in the future, you can refer back to this incident.

I would. If you can't help your own parents, who can you help?

I agree with Jill T. If they do this again next Christmas, take most of the presents back before you leave town and get the money back. Hold it for them like a savings account. If they never ask you for money again, it's a small college fund for the kids. If they run out of money again, tell them that this is the "overage" from the too expensive Christmas presents they bought that you asked them NOT to purchase. Tell them that your budget doesn't allow you this kind of financial flexibility. Ask AGAIN that they not overspend on your children.

Dawn

If anyone in my family asked me for money AND I had the means to do so I absolutely would (as long as I knew what it was going toward). I agree you don't want to become an enabler...but sounds like this is the first time they have asked you for money.

Have they at least offered to pay this money back to you? If not, maybe that could be a compromise is to give them the money if they pay back when they are able to do so. You may never get the money back...but at least it may stop them from asking for future loans!

Scraping by means you can't afford it. So no, I wouldn't give them the money. You're going to have to tell your parents that you don't have the money to give. You don't owe it to them just because they overspent at Christmas.

Since they've never asked, I think I would. (As much as I can, at least.) However, I would absolutely NOT allow it to be a trend. If they asked again, I would definitely make that known.

You said you can't afford it. Tell them you don't have that much and that you can only scrap together a couple hundred at most. This will tell them that you are struggling too so they won't ask another time. If they've been paid up years and years on time one month of late payments won't get them in to too much trouble. They could just pay part of it next month to start paying the past due amounts that you can't help with.

I have family that is the same way (to the extreme though). If I were you and you could afford it, I would pay one or some towards a bill but I woulnd't actually give them the money (write a check to the doctor's office and mail it directly).

I agree that once it starts, it will open a new door.

I guess I'm a meanie. I have no empathy for people that overspend and live outside of their means and then cry "broke". I wouldn't lend the money, personally. $600 is a small amount that could've been gathered by selling things, doing odd jobs, etc. Hell, they could've done a payday or auto title loan. Is your relationship worth ruining even further, over $600? Lending money usually ends up ugly and makes this very awkward if the money isn't paid back. I don't ask friends or family for money... I have ALWAYS figured it out privately and somehow made it.

If it were 3 weeks after Christmas and someone asked me for money, I'd be too broke myself to lend it and it would be an easy out. However, at this point, since you already sent it, just call it a gift that you don't expect to be paid back, because I guarantee you, they won't pay it back, and they'll probably start asking for me.

My feelings would be different if I knew they were having a LEGITIMATELY hard time... like a job loss, or identity theft, or a medical emergency or a car accident. Overspending and being irresponsible is not an emergency - it's 100% preventable and self inflicted and usually an ongoing habit, not a one time occurrence.

You (speaking in a kind and friendly way): "You know, I was afraid something might happen after Christmas. You must have stretched your budget thin buying Christmas presents. Your grandchildren love you anyhow, even without presents, you know. Yes, buying is fun. But look what happens if you get sick and have no reserves. I can't send you that much money. But just this once I can send you about half of that. Maybe that will help you get by until you're on your feet again."

The reason I wouldn't make it a loan is because inter-family loans divide people. The payback situation can be very, very iffy, and bad feelings will grow worse. To my mind, it's better to make a one-time gift, and not demand (or expect) any payback. If you get another request, it's a separate event, and you can always say no.

If they are no good with money, helping them out now only means they will keep coming back for more.
You really don't want that to get started up.
Maybe you can give the gifts back to them so THEY can get their money back from the store(s) - it might be a learning experience for them.
And maybe your sister can do the same if she has a similar issue with them.
Then tell them that in future, you will only accept 1 gift per child from them for any given holiday/birthday (although it's ok if they don't give anything at all if that's how they feel).
It's likely they will still blow their money on something else.

i would give it to them but make it clear (not in a mean way) that this is a one time deal and you really cant afford this but its a one time thing so you want to help them out (that way if they do happen to ask again in the future you wont have to feel bad about saying no).. others may not agree with me on this but if giving them 600 will leave you scraping by for the rest of the month id leave yourself a little saftey net, so to speak, and tell them you can only give them 500$.. im sure if they really need to money for bills theyll be greatful for any help you can give them.. and definatley in a nice way mention to them that they really shouldnt be spending so much on presents for your kids.

I have leant my parents money in the past. When they needed it, and often times it was because my mom went shopping, but then the lawn guy came in with a big bill, something like that. When we have it, we give it to them. We also sign a note saying when it will be paid back and all of that good stuff. I would never just GIVE money to anyone.

Gosh I don't know. My parents took care of me for years! If I had the money I would buy my mom a house, send them on a trip to Europe! Who cares! Money is not important. If you have it. My father just died. His last years I took him to the market, cooked for him, took him on errands, whenever I could. He was not a great father by any means but he loved as best he could. Now that he is gone, I could care a less about the money I spent. He was a big pain in the butt my father was. But he was my dad.

Hi, Christy:

Do not give them money.
If you thought they overspent Christmas on your
children, you needed to give the stuff back and
told them to put it on their bills.
Saying, NO, is the hardest thing to do when it is your
parents.
You have been dishonest with your parents by not telling them
how you have been affected by their behavior.
Do you know how hard it is to tell someone how they
have affected you?
Learn it. Be honest with yourself and others.
This is one of the reason's our country is going over
the cliff, people are not speaking up, out , or sharing the
pain and suffering caused by people's inconsiderate behavior.
Good luck.
D.

I have had this happen twice to me. The first time my MIL asked that we not send her plane tickets to visit us in Europe but to send her $1500 to pay her taxes. Well I contacted the tax office and paid the taxes direct which were not $1500. Hubby insisted that I send the difference to her. I did protest becuase she asked for taxes and not extra money. She called her son on a different occasion and he said we HAD to send money to mom and I asked for what? He couldn't give me an answer and I did send the money. I used the money for something that we needed instead (maybe selfish).

Several years later she called and had casual conversation and stated that she had all these bills to pay. I told her that I had bills to pay and that I did not have any extra money to send. I did this because she would have become the "bleeding" heart that would have drained our coffers.

Do what you feel is all right in your eyes. But do remember once you start this you may not go back. If you do give the money don't expect it back. Write it off on taxes as a gift or something because you will not see it.

Many family and friends have parted over money issues.

The other S.

It's too late now since you've sent the money, but I would never lend money -- I would make it a gift, and I would make it only what I could afford to let go, permanently, as a gift. If you are depending in your future financial planning for that $600 to be there by some specific date, and if paying some bill you will owe at that future time depends on their repayiing that money -- well, I would not have done that. Your own family has to come first in that instance. Never loan what you cannot afford to lose entirely. Just give it as a gift. I would have said, "We cannot lend you $600 without the hardship of creating cash flow problems for us, but I can GIVE you $300 (or whatever amount you could afford not to see ever again)."

Lending money to relatives is asking for damage to the relationship. I know they are in an area having tough economic times, and your dad's job is one that is easily affected by the economy and even by a week off work due to illness (how sad that being sick, which we can't control, can throw the whole world so badly off track). But next time if they approach you I would agree ONLY to pay a specific bill -- directly to the electric company or phone company or wherever, not giving them money even if they say they'd pay it towards that bill.

Is there a good reason your sister cannot at least help out with some kind of income? Is she ill or on disability? Of course, if she really cannot work that is understandable. And if she has really been seeking work but can't find it -- that's understandable too; I won't assume there are jobs for the taking because there truly are not, in many areas. But if she could be working and just isn't, or isn't trying to find something when there are even low-wage jobs out there -- well, I can see how that would be frustrating for you.

Offer to pay the bills directly if you are hesitant to hand over $600, and I would be. Others say make it a gift, and I can see their point. I would go down the middle. Give it with the understanding between you and your husband that it is a gift and you may never get the money back, but let your parents know that it's a loan and you expect payment back. It sounds like they are bad with money, but this is the first time. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Yes I would give it to them. They must be in a bad situation if they have never asked before. If they ask again then that would indicate a pattern was starting-one that it doesn't sound like you can afford. At that point you can say that you cannot do it again. I would also hold off until the next time they would be buying your children gifts to tell them they should not be so extravagant. But do it in a nice way-no lectures.

I don't think the issue here is who they are to you. Parents or not, you know they are bad with money.

My in-laws are bad with money. I would NOT give them money. I just don't feel it's my job to fix their financial ruin.

Maybe offer them whatever you can manage. Just because they asked for $600 doesn't mean you have to give them that much. Give what you feel comfortable with. And from now on, don't allow them to spend so much on Christmas gifts. Try to set a limit or just return the gifts. Also, don't become their bank.

Good luck.

I think/hope this is exactly what I would do. First ok it with my husband if he gave me the go ahead and understood it would be tight for a month then yes with out a doubt I would give them the money. If or when they would ask again say" I would if I could but it hit us hard to give you that first sum of money". I would not mention the dollar amount just calling it a "sum of money". Hopefuly they are like my parents and inlaws and can take a hint. If not and they keep pressing you stand your ground. Tell them sorry your just not able too. (no at the moment just not able too). Then suggest ways they can earn extra money. Say sell the tv or cut the cable or sell a car some extra frunitrue, have a garage sale, turn in their change jar. I am sorry they arent using money wisely and caught themselves in a bind.

Next year I would get them the gift of a Dave Ramsey lessons!!! God bless your heart for even considering taking care of them and helping them out. Hopefuly they will get it together or God blesses you in another form where it does not hit your home too hard.