Would You Do This to Your Nanny?

I might ASK her if she is still available, but would not assume and definitely would not hold it against her if she couldn't be there.

This is an employer/employee relationship and should be handled as such. She needs to tell them that per the agreement (in writing I hope) this is her time off, I have already made plans I can not back out of, however I can help you find a temp. Then she needs to hope that she has a contract with the family and that they will not try to replace her with the temp.

She actually DID ask your sister in "employer speak". Employer speak is "I need you to xyz."

Your sister isn't doing this woman a favor. Your sister is her EMPLOYEE.

Just as with her husband, who has a choice to tell HIS employer that HE has other plans, your sister has the ability to tell HER employer that SHE can't do what was asked of her.

However, from my personal perspective, if your sister 'pulls rank' and therefore I have to find a new nanny for that week I would probably end up not keeping your sister for the long term. Is that "right"? probably not. But that's just the way it works in corporate world.

Just my $0.02

Your sister has made travel plans -- which I assume means she's already spent some money for travel etc. -- based on their agreement of which weeks she would be off. Other people are depending on her to be somewhere. She should tell her boss that she has spent money and made travel arrangements that involve other people and which she cannot change or get refunded at this point. The boss may counter with something like, "I'll pay you for that lost money if you'll just work that week," so your sister will need to decide in advance if that is an option she will take up or not. Your sister may also have to consider whether this is worth potentially losing the nanny job over, if the mom decides to get nasty. I would hope not.

The mom should have asked, not told. Also, does your sister have a written contract? If not that would be good for the future because then the contract would specify vacations and who can change them, etc.

Ummmm.....I don't have a nanny, but if I did have a nanny and had already told her she was going to be on paid leave the 2 weeks after Christmas, I wouldn't. I MIGHT ask her if she had no plans if she would be available. And I WOULD be grateful if she could. I would also be looking for other alternatives. So...."employer speak" or not, I wouldn't expect her to say yes.

IF I was your sister, I would say, "I'm sorry, but since this was scheduled vacation time that was planned ahead, I will be out of town." And I MIGHT suggest someone I know that might be able to pinch hit for me.

I would ask my nanny if she could come back, and take the extra week another time.
If not, that would be our problem to deal with, since we had already promised her the time.

But no, we would not just TELL her she needed to be back. Mostly because our nanny would just say no! LOL!

I would be curious to know if this was in writing and does she have a contract? Here at my company, if the schedule is already posted for the next week and person is not scheduled to work and then we need them to, we can ask but if they are not able to we cannot hold it against them. Which in my opinion is the case here.

If her vacation was already scheduled, monies spent, I would respond to the family, "per our discussions over the last several months regarding the two weeks paid after Christmas, I made travel plans and will be out of state. I am not able to work that week."

Me personally, I would have texted and asked not demanded.

Your sister is entitled to vacation time and she's taking it! I'm sure that the mother is in a panice over what to do for a week with her children, but things happen and plans change.

Would I do this? No. It's inconsiderate. She should have called (not texted) and asked if your sister would be available that week, not demanded that she return after making other arrangements.

If your sister is feeling kind, she could help find a replacement for the week.

No, I would ask her, not tell her. However, Wickerparkgirl has some solid advice. That's the way the world really is. We can talk all day about what people should and shouldnt do, but when it comes down to it - all that matters is what they actually do.

We've had a nanny for years... That's a tough one. Does she get other vacation? Our arrangement is 7 days at the nanny's choice, 7 days at our choice during the year. We now end up taking more than the 7 days but we don't take away any of her 7 days. So she's getting about 20 paid days a year now or 4 weeks. So if this was in a sense bonus vacation for the nanny and we really needed her, I would call her in. However, I would reimburse her for her flight. This happens at other jobs. Typical is the company pays nonrefundable costs to the employee. However, if they're on a calendar year and this is the nanny's 2 week paid vacation that she's entitled to, then no. I would not call the nanny back in. So bottom line I thin it depends how much paid vaca she's had this year and if they're going to reimburse her for her flight.

EDIT: just occurred to me - the husband's job is "doing this to him". It happens... Must be unavoidable at his job or his boss is a huge jerk. Are they out big vacation money? Likely the wife doesn't want to take off the week bc it'll eat into her vacation time for when the husband actually can get away. They likely feel that the nanny is a professional and they're treating her like the husband's company is treating him. I agree a text is a horrible way to have communicated though. And I wouldn't have told vs inquired what the nanny's plans were, told her the situation etc

Unfortunatly its no diff if she worked for a company that decided to do a shut down for the xmas holiday then have to call the employees back bc there was work that had occured at the last minute. It is what it is, she is giving her plenty of time in advance to let her know, now if she called on say the 1st then that is a diff story. The mom would be SOL.

I would politely and professionally remind the mom, in writing, that per x (she must have notified the mom at some point or there is an agreement with the family about those weeks), she regrets that she can't be there on the 3rd as she is taking that time off to be with family. She will be back on x date.

I would never do that and your sister has this hopefully in writing about 2 weeks paid after christmas etc. I would make her remind her employer their agreement. Right is right in my book and I would NEVER do that to someone ever!

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No-she is not at their beck and call-she is self-employed and has days and hours that she operates and days and times that she does not.

It would be nice and an added bonus to her business if she had a wonderful substitute for the times she is unavailable.

As a childcare provider, I have had parents ask me this from time to time. My answer to them is simple...Oh my goodness! I already have plans made for that day/week but give me a few minutes to get together a list of possible people that may be able to help in a pinch.

Then give her a list of a few people you may know and then go on with your plans as you have made them.

People ALWAYS take the path of least resistance (in this case, the path with least issues to them) and so their first response is to ask your sister to help. This does not obligate her to help them in any way.

I guess I see it differently. Work is work. We don't usually tell our bosses when we will work. If she wants to be in control, she could start a daycare instead. But that's no guarantee that it's easy to get time off.

For many years I've been trying to make extra money on New Years. I've had so many families agree to use me that night, over and above their normal days. Then when it comes down to it, they end up going to relatives. No extra money for me. So this year, I've been planning for 2 months to take that night off this year and spend it with my daughter. I've already had 2 people tell me they want to use me that night. But I'm NOT doing it. I don't need the money that bad. If I was a nanny though, it would be my job to comply.

Here's what my husband has done. If he gets to the end of the year and some of his vacation is unused, he tells his boss that he needs to pay him for the time on top of his regular pay. So he won't take it. But he'll get an extra weeks pay. Maybe your sister could tell her she wants a bonus for changing her plans.

I wouldn't "expect" her to cancel but I'd look at how much vacation she's had during the year already. If it's been a lot, then if I am willing to cover her expenses she's already incurred, then I think I would want her to work. Does it suck? yeah. Sucks for the family too. Don't forget that part. But she is their employee so if they're willing to suck up the cost so she's not out of pocket and she's not overdue vacation, then it's up to them. I definitely think they need to reimburse her for airfare etc! And if she hasn't had any vacation all year and this was the big vacation, I'd have a harder time taking it away from her unless I guess I was going to make it up to her in 2012. So she'd get double vacation that year etc. This is how most employers do it... Not sure why a nanny should be treated differently. We have a very good relationship with our nanny so I would have gone to her and asked if she could and told her the situation and hope she'd offer to reschedule if we paid for her flight and all. And it'd depend on if we had alternatives vs how much of a hardship it would be emotionally for her to cancel. ie: her son's wedding vs a fairly normal trip. So not a black and white situation. It seems like if you sister gives a flat out no, I'd consider replacing her. It would be a big strike that I'd weigh against her other negatives and positives. If the family is totally inflexible too, if I were her it'd be a strike against them as well to weigh. So again, not black and white in my opinion. Just sucks for everyone.

It sounds like the mother wasn't thinking, just kind of paniced and since your sister is the nanny it was an automatic response. I agree with Krista P. Texts can be taken the wrong way and she should have called.

I run an in-home daycare and I've had this happen to me more than once. Most recently, I had a week off while my kids had a break from school. The timing was perfect. I was only watching one child at the time and her family was going on vacation. They gave me plenty of notice they were going to be gone so I made plans for my kids and I to do some fun things that week. Well, on the second day of their vacation one of them got hurt so they decided to cut the trip short. They texted me, asking if I could work that week since they were coming home early. I was honest with them, I had made plans and wasn't going to disappoint my kids. We ended up reaching an agreement, I worked Thurs and Fri but took the beginning of the week off. Unfortunately, that's one of the drawbacks from being a nanny/sitter. They expect you to be open and available like an actual daycare facility. I hope your sister can find a nice and polite way to remind them she had the week off and made plans already. Hopefully they're the kind of people that will understand and value her enough to not make a big deal about it.

No, I wouldn't do this to a nanny. I would talk with her in person, outlining the difficulty and ask if she could return early. (Only if I didn't know of her plans.) I'd then ask if she knew anyone who could fill in.

Ultimately it's the parents responsibility to find someone. I suppose technically they can require that she return or lose her job. But this would not be good business. It would cause resentment and the possibility that life would not go smoothly after that.

If I were your sister I'd talk with the mom in person. Be sympathetic while saying she won't be in town and can't return. Offer to find a substitute if she can. Be gracious.

No, I wouldn't do this as a nanny.

But let me also say as a former nanny that I would have a written agreement regarding vacation times, so that if the agreed-upon weeks were cut short, I'd have something at hand to negotiate with. Something along the lines of "okay, well, if I accommodate you this time, let's look on the calendar and see where I'm going to get to take my other week of vacation."

Being a nanny is tough. I've learned the hard way that I have to be both flexible AND willing to advocate for myself, usually via contracts with families that spell it all out. I'm sorry for your sister, though-- this sounds like a hard situation.

I would state I have already made plans per the discussions for months with you. The mom can take the week off. There are ALWAYS options but people want to take the easiest route for THEM. I would also be VERY careful that this does not set a precedent where next time they change their minds she has to jump to their attention again. I would make sure there is a contract that spells this kind of stuff out - vacation time, overtime pay after 8 hours for the day or 40 hours for the week, car usage, authority to decide to visit the doctor (and a consent to treat form signed by the parents otherwise the doctor will not start treatment without a guardian or parent), etc, etc.