Employer Doesnt Want to Give Me Any Time off (Nanny Needs Advice)

At this point I would just tell them. Say BTW I am taking off this date through this date - period! If they want to fire you then you get to find a new family, otherwise, they have enough time to find a sub to fill in for you.

On 8/31/12 a bill went to Gov. Brown that relates to this very issue. See the bill: Domestic Workers Bill of Rights. Hope it works out for you.

When you take a job, you have to consider the needs of the 'industry'. You are a nanny, which means your job (and you are paid well for it) is to support the lifestyle of the people who employ you. If you call in, they have to miss work. If you take excessive vacations, they have to miss work. The whole point of having a nanny, is so that you don't have to miss work.

You already get 2 weeks of paid vacations a year, as well as sick time. 2 weeks is more than a lot of corporate employers offer! You're getting a GREAT deal. It is not their job to cater to you, it's exactly the other way around.

If you don't like that aspect of the job, perhaps you shouldn't be a nanny. I imagine you'd be hard-pressed to find a better deal than what you currently have.

ETA: I really don't understand a lot of these responses. It is not your employer's job to give you "quality time with your son". When you dedicate yourself to a full-time job, you consider all aspects of employment, and agree to take it on (or not). It is not your employer's job to juggle your personal responsibilities. If you can't handle the needs of your employer, then perhaps they should find an employee who can.

I'm curious - if you worked in another industry, do you think you would be able to randomly ask for more vacation time?

I have a job at a large company with pretty good benefits and if I just announced to my boss that I would be taking additional time off because my family was important to me over and above the paid vacation, paid holidays and paid sick time that I already receive (as well as it sounds like you get paid when your employer goes on vacation?) my boss would laugh at me as he handed me my boxed up items from my desk and told me to take a hike.

When I go to the dentist - that time comes off my vacation time. When my daughter has a dentist appointment - that time is deducted from my vacation time. When I get sick because the guy in the next cube was sick last week but is out of sick days so he's at work.... I use my sick time.
When there was an emergency at work while I was working on my master's degree..... I had to stay at work. Work comes before school. Work comes before anything unless my child is truly sick. Even then I would have to have money to pay for her medical care, so it might even come before a sick child.
When I miss work it makes it harder on the other employees in my department.
I can't just miss work whenever I want because "I have a life". In the *real world* my life has to be scheduled around my job. This is because I like to eat and put a roof over my daughter's head.

You have a job presumably because you HAVE to work. You have a benefits package that seems fairly standard to me, if not generous. If that doesn't work for you then give notice and find a way to make it work on just your husband's salary alone or a part time job where you are not the primary employee that does your job.

Your employers clearly don't give a rats butt about you. That is not right, and certainly not fair to you. Even though they need you, for this time that you need, especially with your son, they should have backup to help cover for you when you are gone. You should be allowed to take a vacation with proper notice, whenever YOU want....not when they take their vacation. It's not right. You're living for them....and I would suggest quitting. You don't deserve to be treated this way. I know you probably need the work, but there are plenty of families out there that won't treat you this way. You should give them your notice today of your resignation. Be with your son. You deserve that...and most importantly....your son deserves to have your undivided attention. Especially since he doesn't get to see you very often. I can't believe they don't have a heart, knowing you only get to see him once a year. Your child comes first...not theirs. Best of luck to you. :-)

PS: Your job as a mother is to put your child FIRST. Especially in this case. With the ones that said they are perturbed at your complaining, don't mind them....Your child comes first, and they are being unfair to you. Your life does not belong to your employer. :-D

I have a hard time with this. My husband is very successful in his industry and has worked with one company 6 years. You get more perks then he does. I'm just a little...um...perturbed...that you're complaining about two weeks PAID time off, paid holidays, paid sick days.

Anyway, back to your question. Like Nikki said, your industry is this family. Your job is to work for THEM, not work a certain schedule, and also get what you want. Do you have a contract that says you will get to take your vacation whenever you want, not have to work late often, etc? If not, then sorry. It sounds like what YOU want to give, does not work with what this family NEEDS. A word of caution, though...you are not likely to find good pay, paid vacations, paid holidays, and paid sick time...as a nanny. (Or even in professional industries.) You might not like this set-up, but good luck finding something as good anywhere else.

If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't have given you more perks then a degreed professional...like my husband and like many of the people who will answer this. If you worked in an office, would you complain about these perks? Or, do you feel it should be more flexible, because it's a family...and not a company? You need to look at this family as a company, that you are employed by

It sounds like one of them (maybe both) are at-risk for losing their job... taking vacation time while they have it... working late... less flexibility... fear of taking time unpaid.

Here's the thing (from a working mother's perspective)... if I'm in a "uh-oh, no childcare" situation my boss will occassionally let me work from home. My MIL will watch the kids if we're really in a pinch (happened once last year when my son had an ear infection and we both had MANDATORY meetings at work). Other than that, if I went to my boss and said "I know I have already taken my two weeks of vacation, but my nanny just informed me that she needs two weeks off so I will need to take additional time"- it would not go over well. In fact, it would impact not only my income but my retirement contributions, contributions to my health insurance and other things that you are not factoring in.

From an employer/working parent standpoint I would be really annoyed with you. You are essentially going to have 4 weeks of vacation this year. Is your mother's trip a surprise? I doubt it. You should have said something to them when they notified you of their vacation plans. A simple "you know, I would like to take my two weeks in October this year to spend time with my family" would have allowed them to adjust their vacation plans and cover the childcare if needed. Now they are in the situation of needing to either take time unpaid or pay another babysitter in your absence. Either way, not OK when as an employee you knew this could happen.

What should you do? Take one week, not two and help them find back-up care for that week.

If you were working for me and left me in a lurch without some kind of plan to cover your unpaid time off, I would have an ad out for another nanny.

**I wish I could give Nikki G many many stars!**

I was a nanny. I happened to have worked for someone who desperately needed me because of his situation. Plus, his kids were not the type that anyone wanted to watch or have their kids around and he knew that. I agreed to do it until summer. Once summer time came he begged me to stay on. I told him my kids come before any job and they need me to spend quality time with them. He thought I'd be taking his kids with us to my kids' activities.....oh no! That was not going to be enjoyable. So he figured he'd throw more money my way and I'd take his kids. Nope! Not worth it! I told him that I'll stay for 2 weeks until he found someone. He couldn't get anyone (that he liked). He changed HIS schedule to accommodate me. Granted he had just retired from his job due to heart related issues, so he was flexible.

You need to tell them that your hubby thinks you should quit because you're not able to have quality time with your son. It's not like he lives in the neighborhood! Perhaps you can barter with them---offer to have the time off you want, but in return when they take vacation in July, etc they don't have to pay you. Sometimes....yes, people take advantage especially if they feel/know you need the job more than they need the employee.

Best of luck :)

Also, did you get placed there via an agency? Talk to the agency, if that's the case. Plus, anyone hiring a nanny SHOULD ALWAYS have a back-up whether it's a neighbor, relative, or another person from an agency. What if heaven-forbid you or your hubby got in an accident or suddenly ill and it was imperative you need off? Would they tell you no and have no back up plan? If they have no back up---they are not that bright, sorry.

I'd be looking for a new job. Do you have an contract that states what time you are to be at work & when you are to be off? Vacation time, etc? If not, I suggest you make sure to get one with your next job.

I am a nanny & I won't take a job unless there is a contract so everyone knows what's expected. It protects you and the family.

Good luck!

ETA: If there is a nanny agency in your area, sign up! That's how I got my current job & my new job which starts in 2 weeks. It should be free for you because the family is charged a fee when they hire you. The only thing I had to pay for was a criminal background check. Cost $15.

I would discuss this with them as a professional. If a compromise (like not being paid on their vacation so you can get your vacation when you need it) cannot be reached, then I would look for different employment, and I would put in my new contract that my hours end at 6:00PM and that when your son is in town, you get time off to see him and will give x notification to do so. I would not expect all 2.5 weeks, though. Being able to take your son to work with you even though you worked 10 days was really nice of them, IMO. Is there any way your child can visit when they are away? FWIW, when I ask for time off, I do not HAVE the time off until I get written approval from my boss. If the boss says no, I need to make other arrangements. Even if I had the leave to spare, sometimes there was a leave "blackout".

While jobs are important, they are jobs. One of the factors in my leaving my last FT job was because the boss didn't care that I had a family. Stupid thing was, she had one, too, but her kids were older and she put work ahead of them. I heard her tell her DD to put a pizza in the oven and maybe she'd be home by 10PM one night. I was not willing to work those kinds of hours and was very fortunate to have DH's steady job to float us. So if a balance cannot be reached, then you need to find another job. It sounds like they are flexible in some ways but not in others. You need to decide if this is what can work for you.

By the way, do they know you only see him 1 time a year? Do they know that they made you late for a final? Do you charge them when they are late? My DD's daycare charged you $1 a minute, payable to the person you made stay. If you were late too often, you were asked to find another daycare. Maybe it's time to have an annual review of the contract.

To be honest, I would start looking for a new family to work with.. I am sure there are many people who would understand you are a human with a family and love your family as much as they love yours.

Remember, your family is the most important thing in your life and always will be.

I have very good friends that have had nannies care for their children for decades and I know for a fact, they have NEVER treated their nannies like this.. If anything they have encourage their Nannies to keep up with their own families.

These families also had fall back family, other sitters and friends to help them when the Nanny needed time off for any reason.

Maybe see if you can find someone to take your place when you need time off.

OK, the part where they only give you only give you 2 weeks of paid vacation is NORMAL in this country. My husband gets 10 days (2 weeks) per year INCLUDING sick time. That's it. So, you're in the wrong to be upset about that. It's unfortunate that you only see your son once a year, but if you have to work, you have to deal with the reality of that.

Now, the part where they are coming home late and you're missing part of all of your class is wrong on their part. They should be coming home at the agreed upon time.

I think you need to sit down with them to discuss your issues. If they won't listen to you, it's your prerogative to quit, but you'd be hard pressed to find a family that will give you lots of vacation time and spontaneous days off to go to the dentist or the vet. They hired a nanny because they need care for their kids every day while they work.

Good luck!

ETA: I wanted to add, that my husband even had to use one of his vacation days as a day to take an exam because his employer wouldn't just give him the day off. So because of that, he only has one day left for the year (until Jan 2) so we can't go on the short trip to the Dells at Christmastime like we'd hoped. Our kids are going to be so disappointed. Let's hope he doesn't get sick between now and then or his one day that he has left will be gone too!

As a childcare provider I can sympathize with your situation. There are a lot of people out there that don't see the people that work for them as people with lives. It is disrespectful to continue to be late, even after a conversation. They do not respect your personal time. If you are able to quit at the end of the year give them 2 weeks notice at that time and be done.

You could easily start looking for a new family now.

M

I would like to add that you have the right to take your vacation at the time YOU want vacation, not when the family you are working for takes a trip. How inconsiderate it is for your client to assume that you want the same two weeks off each year that they do. I am not saying that they should be made to pay you for all four weeks, but they should find alternate care for the weeks you are requesting, especially if they've been given plenty of notice of the dates.

We've had a nanny for 7+ years so I can see both sides I think. So typically you get your 2 weeks and then paid for when they take their vacation? So probably 4+ weeks a year? That's not bad. It's a bit unusual I think for a nanny to have 2 weeks at her discretion. I hired through an agency and they said typically it's 1/2 the employer's discretion. So I'd keep that in mind. As well, you said 2.5 weeks. Why the extra 1/2 week? And then another 1/2 day on 9/28. On the other hand, getting home late when you have school to attend is very unfair. I would never do that to our nanny. Ours doesn't have any place to go 95% of the time but I'm still very punctual or I let her know and see if it's ok with her. So end of day, you have to figure out if you want to look for another job or not. There's not much else you can do. If you want to keep this job, I would ask for one week off when your son comes. They do have to understand you have a life but 2.5 weeks plus the 2 weeks you've gotten plus that 1/2 day is over 4.5 weeks in a year so likely very hard for them to cover. That's a lot. How old are these kids? Do you have a friend who could cover? You could also ask for the extra week as unpaid so they cover hiring someone else. How do they cover when you typically take 2 weeks at the holidays?... No easy answer to this and kind of need more information but end of day, they likely don't want to lose you and will cave if you put your foot down. It does mean some risk they look to replace you though. So depends how badly you need this job. Overall, I think expecting 4.5+ weeks paid vacation in a year is a lot and both of you should have worked some of this out ahead of time.

ETA: I think you need to clarify if your agreement is 2 weeks vacation when you want it or the agreement is you get 2 weeks paid vacation a year period. If it's the latter, then you got your 2 weeks this year. I don't think that's very fair but if it's what you agreed to, then too late for this year. If you are supposed to get 2 weeks whenever you want it, why is it an issue this year and not others? In the past did you discuss when you'd take it at the beginning of the year so your employers could plan? Also, as someone mentioned, it's September already so you must mean 2.5 weeks pretty soon and that's tough to ask for. Your son coming this year is a last minute decision?

A lot of my co-workers have nannies because our jobs are often less than predicatble in terms of needing to work late, client meetings, business trips and some specific times that we absolutely cannot miss work. We have generous vacation packages, but we'd never be allowed to schedule 2 1/2 weeks off at one time. (Heck, even on our vacations, there's the expectation to check voicemail and email at least once per day.) Also, our vacations are technically at our discretion, but they msut also fit within the parameters of the company's needs. It's possible to be asked to work through your vacation and then be paid for it at the end of the year, if that's he needs of the copany. When my co-workers' nannies are on vacation, sick, etc., they have to fly in grandparents from out of town to care for the kids or pay someone else to care for them (while also trying to work around a temporary schedule).

My point is that the schedule that YOU would like your employer to provide to you-- being off for 2 1/2 weeks at a time solely of your discretion -- may not be feasible with the demands of their jobs. They may be able to work with you for 1 week or so, but 2 1/2 weeks at one time is a lot ot ask of any employer. Separately, they may not have a lot of control over working late if they are in client meetings or working against deadlines for big projects. If your employer is an attorney, he could be in a position where he simply cannot get up an leave (clients, court, etc). You need to let them know what time you absolutely must leave for school and set up in advance where you should take the kids on evenings when they don't arrive home by that time.

I understand that you have a life, but your needs may not be realistic for what your employer can do for you. (Plus, working 10 days out of 21 and being able to take your son with you the rest of the time isn't a bad deal.)

I think you should, as nicely as possible, simply tell them that you are entitled to YOUR OWN paid vacation and that you will be taking it at x time. At that point, the ball is in their court. They can deal with it, or they can terminate your services. Either way, take your vacation and if they choose to terminate your services, apply for unemployment benefits.

I understand that they already used their vacation time, but they knew that you had time coming so if they didn't think to ask you when you were taking vacation so they could plan theirs for the same time, that's their problem. If they want you to take your vacation when they take theirs, they need to re-write the contract.

Other than telling them what you have said here there is little you can do. You can tell them you are considering quitting at the end of the year if things don't change but that could backfire and they will find a new nanny and let you go before you plan on leaving.

You really have no legal rights to anything you are asking for so if the situation is not as you like your only choice is to find a more flexible employer.

You sound like an awesome nanny! Its unfortunate but they are taking advantage of you and really aren't considering your needs either. I would quit and find another position where they treat you right. I am so sorry for the news about your dog and this whole situation. I am really saddened by the way they are treating you--give your notice and move on. Life is too short to be in a job where you are taken advantage of and mistreated. Everyone deserves respect and you are not getting it!

I'm with the others who are saying it may not be feasible. While they give you two weeks off paid per year, you really should try to make your vacation work with theirs, it's the nature of your job. I can't take vacation when there is a big meeting or something else going on at my job.

I was a nanny in college and I never took one day off, though they did give me 5 days. If I took off, it meant they had to also and I just didn't think it was fair. I actually did take two weeks off one time. I had my daughter and found them a backup sitter during that time. But that was it. I came back to work for them when she was just two weeks old because she was coming with me.

I think if you can't make it work, then you need to look for another job. They need you to watch their kids so they can keep their jobs that pay you. I know it may seem unfair, but it is what it is.

Also, when my sster would babysit for us she took so much time off. She had already used her leave for the year when she asked for an additional week off. Neither my husband or I could support it, so we told her no. She turned around and basically told us too bad (like some of the advice you are getting here) and said she was taking it anyways. We had to let her go. It was the last straw in a whole host of issues, but she worked for us, and telling us she was not coming was not going to work.

I wish you luck in figuring this out.

How about getting a "MissSunnyG" calendar, and writing all YOUR important dates on it, and leaving it in a specific spot at their house, so they know what you need? When they are planning things, or deciding when to work late, they can glance at it, and know what you have going on. Unless, of course, they just don't care. Then I'd say maybe get a new job. But it does sound like you have a good deal where you are. Being a nanny and getting all those days off paid, and getting off when they are on vacation sounds good though.

We have had our nanny for over 3 years, and we would never act the way you describe your employers.
From what you say, it sounds like they are abusing the relationship, and since they cannot seem to make it home on time despite knowing of your other commitments (you should not need to remind them repeatedly) it does not seem that they will change.

I would say either make your peace with the situation as it is, or find a new family. You will fall in love with other kids too, and eventually these folk will send their kids to preschool and likely leave you hanging.

Being a nanny is an important job. Being a human being is more important. Do what you need to do to be true to you.

I would find a new family to work for and get a better contract. This family is taking advantage of you, and they don't respect you. The fact that they don't come home on time frequently in spite of knowing that you have classes that you must be on time for, in spite of knowing it cuts into your own family time, is very disrespectful. They have the attitude that your life doesn't matter at all, and the only thing that matters is their wants, their needs, and their children.

I would personally find a new family and then give them two weeks notice.

Two issues so I will answer two ways.

Vacation - you do NOT have 21/2 weeks. You have 2 weeks. You want to take them all at the same time. Your employer said No. That is their right. It doesn't work in the schedule that they have. I bet if you talked to them about one week that would be different. You did get two weeks paid when they took their vacation time. Was it ideal for you? Perhaps not but you did get it.

Arriving late - you have every right to be upset about this. You need to speak with them again regarding this issue. They understand that you have a class and need to leave at a certain time. If this is not in your contract, you might add that if they are late you add additional charges.

In the end, you have to decide what to do. Stay or go? I think you need to review all your perks with this job and understand that you might not get those in another position.

I didn't read on here where anyone said your job was not a "real job". I think you need to understand that what you want and think you deserve are different than what your employer has offered and given. I don't get to tell my boss I am taking 2 1/2 weeks off. First, he would laugh, especially if I was only given 2 weeks vacation. You are being rather bold in that.

I personally feel that your employers feel like you are at their beckon call and don't seem to take that you do have a life outside of their home and they should take that into consideration and be a little more flexible especially as loyal as you appear to be to their needs.

I think people reach a comfort level and then take advantage whether they realize it or not at the time. It is great you have a good relationship, but when your child comes to visit and you give plenty of notice and then are told "no" you can't have time off I would think again about my employer.

You have more control in this than you may realize. They need you. Let them try and find someone else who is as loyal to them and who their children obviously care for. It's not that easy in this day and age to find that compatibility. Your husband may be right....it's time to maybe leave as sad as that will be. Good luck.

Sounds like a bad situation all around. Yes, they absolutely should have tried to plan their vacation with yours in mind. I have been on the other side of this many times. I have used a home daycare for the last 6.5 years. I LOVED lots of things about her and just recently started my youngest in pre-K so I no longer use her daily.

My mistake was that there was never a written contract...just a verbal agreement over the years....that seemed to evolve into something beyond the original agreement. My job gives me ONE pot of time for absences....this is to cover my sickness, my vacation time, my children's sickness, doctor's appointments, the babysitter's sickness and appointments...you get the picture. I only have one pot of time to pull from and it has just a certain amount of time....once that is gone...I miss work and miss money.

There have literally been times that my babysitter took all of her vacation time at the front end of the year...then ended up taking a good bit of time later in the year for her sickness and emergencies. Could she help it? Nope, but it still came out of my PTO time to cover her absence. Guess who didn't get a vacation that year? Yep! ME! All of my time went to cover childcare for the time that she was out.

There were times that the babysitter had things coming up as quickly as I could accumulate vacation time. I sacraficed my time and stayed with her because I felt it was best for my children to have that individualized care. Frankly, I did get pretty tired of it for a while and it was one of many reasons that I put my child in pre-K this year. I gave her 4 months notice and left her care on great terms.

You say that you would take this time unpaid and that's great. However, they would still need to either take off work themselves or pay someone else to care for their children. That's a big chunk of time to have to cover frankly.

It really does sound like they treat you pretty well benefits wise. They apparently cover time off for monthly dentist appointments and they do let you bring your children with you. You have to decide what you can stand here... The reality is that they DO have to work. No matter how much they like you, if what you are expecting is beyond what they are able to accomodate, then they may have to find alternate childcare.

That being said, they really should have tried to coordinate their vacation time with yours.

You need to talk with them again. They do not want to take the time off to watch their own kids because they have to work. Perhaps you can suggest they find someone else to watch their kids so you can take the time off that you need or they could arrange to work from home for the short amount of time that you want to take off. They could ask a neighbor, a relative or check out any of the nanny/babysitter websites.
They are not being fair and are taking advantage of you. Please let them know that you need to leave promptly at 6:00 pm on the days you have class and that they need to make other arrangements if they will be late.
It might help to write a proposal for your needs to be worked into your current contract. They need to be respectful of your needs.
Writing down what you need helps keep a record for you and your employer. Make sure you keep a copy of any correspondence.
Also, write down the time (with enough notice) you will be taking off to spend with your son and they will have to make other arrangements.
If they don't seem to understand and are not willing to work with you, you might want to think about leaving this situation.
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Find a job where you can have your own child living with you. Your current employer doesn't like or care about you, the like the service your provide for them.

If you wish to continue to work as a care giver, write your own contract because you DO have a life.

Your husband is right, give notice and tell them why.....who knows maybe they will see the light.

Sounds like you need to find a new employer!

I have to say that even in a job in corporate America, you certainly could easily save up 2 weeks of vacation to be taken all at one time. However, it's also tough to be able to assume that those 2 weeks CAN be taken together. As a previous child care worker, I can sympathize with your situation. As a parent, I can sympathize with their needing care and not being able to give 2 weeks consecutively.

That being said, however, you ARE being disrespected and taken advantage of in this situation, and unfortunately it may come down to "you either adhere to our contract in all ways and stop taking advantage of my flexibility, or you need to find another nanny" situation (if you're willing and able to make that ultimatum). This may be the only way to really put your foot down and let them know you're done being disrespected. You need to be treated respectfully. I'd be embarrassed if I ever treated my nanny in this way, and I wonder if they'd treat a family member the same way (which in my opinion is really what a nanny is)! And making you late for school? That's ABSOLUTELY inexcusable!!!! I don't care WHAT they have going on at work! They need to make other arrangements if they're going to be late on those nights.

It sounds like you need to put your own activities on THEIR calendar (ie: phone, etc). And after 2 years, it seems to be getting worse.