If you had a pretty close family member getting married in a very small ceremony in a room that would accommodate about 10-12 people max, and that family member told you that your presence is strongly desired (because you're close), but there's no room for your spouse, would you decline the invitation? Would you be offended that your spouse is not included? Oh, and the ceremony is being held in the middle of a work day; people attending can do so on their lunch break.
This was actually MY wedding scenario--in the middle of the week because the date was significant to us. I hadn't much considered that spouse thing before I got married myself and wondered what other people thought. There were no invitations that went out. We made a list and then mentioned it when we saw them or made phone calls. It worked out perfectly. Had we done it on a Saturday afternoon, we would not have had such restrictions.
Not at all.
It's HER big day, she should be able to invite the people who she is closest to.
My hubby and I are NOT the same person, and do not have the same meaning to everyone.
Well if the room's only big enough for 10 to 12 people I imagine most spouses would not be included, right? Bride, groom, parents, siblings, very close friends, even in a teeny tiny family that pretty much covers it.
No, most definitly not. IF they could only fit that few, be honored. It sounds like they are picking the 12 most important people in both their lives!
Nope. And my husband would probably be relieved.
No I wouldn't be offended. Hubby would be thrilled to not have to go ;-)
I wouldn't be offended and my husband would likely be happy he didn't have to go.
No--I'd be glad to be included, and respectful of their desire to keep it small.
It's probably O. of those instances when the "asking" needs to be done tactfully and with explanation, or I could see some being offended! Heck, there are people that get offended when their kids aren't invited to an "adults only" wedding--which I think is nuts (the getting offended part).
no, not at all they can only choose 10-12 people! i'd be honored!
I didn't invite a single person to my 'wedding', since we just went to the courthouse. So, no, I wouldn't be offended. That is a special day. I'd just be thrilled to be included. I'd also greatly enjoy time away from the hubby and kids! :)
Not at all. I think if it was my husband invited to something and I wasn't bc of severe space constraints, wouldn't bother me at all unless I felt equally as close to the couple. In this case, it's YOUR family though. I guess bc I got married later, I don't believe husband and wife need to be joined at the hip and do absolutely everything together. If your husband goes, likely means they can't invite someone very special to them such as a best friend from childhood...
No, I wouldn't be offended.
I take it this is a Justice of the Peace wedding? Does your husband even WANT to go? (My husband would be thrilled not to have to wear a suit and sit through a ceremony! LOL) Nah, I don't think this would offend me.
Nope. Wouldn't be offended. Just because your spouse makes it into your top 10 people, doesn't mean he makes it into the top ten of one of your family members. I'd feel pretty special that I made the special list of the top 10 people to be invited.
No, I wouldn't be offended. It isn't like they are being offensive...they just don't have enough room to include everyone and their dates. Not a big deal in my book.
Not at all, especially if my spouse was not to close to them as I am.
Sounds like a pretty low key ceremony and what she wants, so no, I wouldn't be offended. And, my husband would probably be happy not to have to go. Weddings although fun can be expensive, even to attend after factoring in the cost of travel, gifts and sometimes a new dress...so sounds like you can save some money here too.
No.
Getting married on a work day during lunch hour?
How odd.
Well, that is obviously the only time they could do it.
And they have a budget, getting married in a small room.
No.
Why be offended?
No. Not if what they said was the truth.
I'd bring my spouse if they wanted to come. If there ended up being enough room, I'd have them stand beside me. If not, then they could be there just in the doorway or just outside the door.
Good luck to you and yours.
No, I wouldn't be offended and I wouldn't be so selfish as to boycott the wedding by not allowing my own presence. It's the couple's special day -- they get to decide.
Heather,
No, I wouldn't be offended, especially since the room only holds about 12 people. It would be an honor to be included among those considered very close.
While it is a little unusual, with the space constraints and time of the ceremony, it is their wedding, and if it were me, I'd do whatever possible to attend and celebrate the occasion with them!
Best to you.
J. F.
I would not be offended. They are only inviting a handful of people and they chose you. For some reason, they want it very small and intimate. Be thankful they are including you They even told you that "your presence is strongly desired."
Don't look for reasons to be offended. (Life is too short.) This is supposed to be a happy occasion. If the person is close to you, you should be really excited for them. It's all about them, you know, not your husband.
By the way, isn't your husband thrilled he doesn't have to go?
If it was a "normal" wedding in a church and whoever could fit could come, then YES I'd be offended. But a small affair like this, no absolutely not. It does sound like an honor to be able to attend. Maybe it's just the smallest group of the most important people in their lives, or maybe it's a financial thing (weekday ceremonies can be much less expensive), but either way I would be happy and proud to go. My husband, who would go with me to anything, would be happy to skip out on such an intimate affair. It's a short few minutes in the day, not an all night affair.
Nope wouldn't be offended at all.
Nope. Who is this question in regards to? You, or your spouse?
Nope I would not be offended. They will probably be invited to whatever party follows that weekend. My husband would not be offended because he works and would not have time to go anyhow.
After reading your SWH, I had to check out this question! I will respond as literally and without expounding on another person's response as possible (insert humor here) :)
1. Would I decline? No. If this person is important to me and I am important to them, I would be there.
2. Would I be offended? Under the circumstances, no. There's room for 10-12 people so excluding spouses (especially on a weekday) makes sense.
If this was a wedding that involved a ceremony and reception that could accommodate a larger number of people, then I would be offended but would probably still go because the relative wanted me there.
Well, I kinda think I would be offended...I'm apparently more sensitive than everyone else on here!! ;) I mean, I guess if this really is the circumstance, I'd try to be understanding, but it's a little odd. I think when you're married you sort of come as a package. I would understand if they said no kids, but no husband??
If this was a very close friend of yours that you have known many years then maybe I would understand it more than a family member. I mean family is family and if there's room for you there should be room for your hubby.
I guess I'd talk to your husband about it and see how he feels. If he's fine with it then you should absolutely go. If he's offended then you should tell the family member that you mentioned it to hubby and he was very hurt. If that's the case I might not go. But, more than likely, your husband isn't going to mind. I know mine would probably be relieved I didn't want him to put on a suit and figure out how to get out of work.
No...it's not a personal attack. I mean if she said "your spouse can't come because I don't like him"...then yes I would be offended.
I would go and enjoy that I was one of a chosen few to be there.
No, I wouldn't. I never met a husband that wants to be at a wedding that isn't his kid, anyway.
Since this is a close family member, they are probably being up front with you and there is just plain no room in the room for spouses. If it were someone you were not that close to, you probably would not have been invited in the first place.
Lighten up! Your spouse is not being snubbed, and you are being honored by being in their very intimate circle of friends and family.
No. I would NOT be offended. WHY on earth would I be offended? They WANT ME at their ceremony. They explain why it's ONLY ME. No offense taken. It sounds like they are getting married at the Justice's office and that's limited space.
The ceremony is happening so you can take off on your lunch break! How GREAT they are being thoughtful and want YOU there. Why make a big stink over it?
If I am CLOSE to the family member? I would respect their wishes and be grateful they want me there.
What's your problem with this?
Say what? on their lunch break? I'm sorry, but it would have to be a very close family member, like sister, for me to do that, and I'm not sure why in the world they would want it that way?
To answer your questions, no, I wouldn't be offended, I actually would feel sorry for them for only wanting 10-12 people there on their lunch break...
No it wouldn't bother me. There's a logical reason for the exclusion.
My husband would be THRILLED not to have to attend...go and support your friend.
I would not be offended and I am pretty sure that my hubby would not want to go as he hates weddings. Party pooper. I would call and ask you why he wasnt invited (unless you had already spoken to me or an explination was in the invite). I do think the bride is asking alot of people and almost seems self centered. But if my husband were invited and I werent I would be very sad.
***** others are saying its ood or weird to have a small wedding. i disagree. after being married twice once at the jp (i am thinking this is what your going to do reason for the smaller group???) and having 167 guests I much rather have a small wedding (jp or not) of 10-20 ppl than the huge croud. Go for it!!!*****************
Be offended - NO - she's including you. Go, enjoy, be happy for her. You and your husband are not joined at the hip - he'd probably be thrilled that he didn't have to go. What's the big deal?????
It sounds like this is a Justice of the Peace wedding and no, I absolutely would not be offended. btw, my hubby would not be offended either. We got married at a Justice of the Peace ceremony and there was only room for about 8 people so we just had our kids and a few grandkids. No one in the family was offended.
Are they having any sort of reception that your spouse will be able to attend? I mean, it wouldn't offend me, or my husband, but I did have a cousin get married in a very small ceremony in a tiny chapel that meant a lot to the couple, with a larger reception afterwards and it didn't offend us that we were only invited to the reception.
Yes, I would feel insulted on behalf of my husband. Leaving out one half of a family couple would definitely hurt some feelings.
Naaah. Just a dry cleaning bill (for hubby's suit) that I wouldn't have to pay.
And my particular husband can be quite gracious and charming when he's with my family and friends, but then he bitches and moans about what a martyr he is for months afterwards, so I'd just as soon leave him out. Same thing if it were reversed -- I'm far too shy to want to tag along to a wedding with hubby's friends. I can pull it off when I have to, but I'd be thrilled to have a good excuse to, say, clean the toilet instead. (really!)
how close is the family member?? Sounds like you can go to the wedding and be home in time for a sandwich.
To keep family harmony.. I would go the wedding and not be upset.. afterall the event will be over in 15 minutes.
How weird! I would be offended if my husband wasn't invited. I would decline. My family, all of us come as a package deal. I don't do excluding others.
I'm not sure that in this specific situation as it's laid out "offended" is the correct word. I would be confused and wonder why the flipping flark the couple getting married were doing it in such an inconvenient way and unconventional way.
The fact that the hostess purposefully pointed out, "Your spouse can't come because there's no room" is somewhat rude to me. A wedding invitation with only your name on it would have sufficed and been perfectly polite.
Jack and Jill are pleased to invite Heather to their wedding at 123 Marriage Way at 12:30 prior to the 1:30 reception at 456 Cake Point.
If your husband is invited, then it would read:
Jack and Jill are pleased to invite Heather and Jonas to their wedding at 123 Marriage Way.....
I don't know. It's weird. It sounds rushed and cheap, as well as rude the way they're handling it, but not quite offensive.
I guess I'm in the minority again. I think it would bother me that my husband was not invited. This is a FAMILY member, not a friend. I think that is the difference in my head. If it was my bff and was running down to the JOP and only could squeeze in a couple people, then no big deal. But I think the difference is that you said its a family member, which also means my husband is family as well. I guess everyone can choose to have any kind of wedding they wanted so I would go without hubs as they asked, but it would bother me. Just my opinion.
depends on how close my husband is to the family member.....if we met often then I wouldn't feel offended but would feel sad for my husband being left out and would probably not attend..............but if this family member was closer to me and especially given the fact that this is a lunch hour wedding and not a weekend long affair then I would attend but not make a big deal in front of my husband.........
Nope I would not go. Period.
If my husband was also close to this family member yes. Otherwise, no.
I wouldn't go. Spouses can stand in the hallway if you are only inviting a few people.... really, I would likely be bored going without my husband anyways. I mean, you are only inviting a few people, what's one or two people more in the hallway?... Why can't my husband stand in the doorway and wait for me... it sounds more like a personal issue than a space related one, and that is why I would be offended.
Wow! That's asking alot of people for such a special occassion.
Good luck to that marriage....obviously they are pretty demanding and specific...I'd love to be a fly on the wall when they start disagreeing with each other, and esp when other people start disagreeing with them.
Would I be offended? No, bc I wouldn't want my spouse around such demanding people anyway. I'd go, drop off my gift wrapped toaster, and score my family brownie points.
I don't know. If this was a close relative then I would have already known about it and she would have talked to me about it when she was planning it. If this is some relative you are not close to then why is she inviting you to such a close private ceremony. Either you are very close or you're not. If not I would just plan on getting them a gift and decline the invitation with the excuse of working or not having a babysitter, something. If you are close then you already know how hard this was for her to decide to invite certain people and not their entire family.
That is super weird! Who gets married in such a small venue? Don't you think one might get clostrophobic in a small room with that many people? I don't know that offended is quite the word... I just find the whole thing very odd. I would probably go just out of curiosity alone.
Am I completely wrong here or is the family member inviting your husband and not you?
I'm thinking that is the deal and why you are offended and everyone is missing it?
What is the deal here? Somehow I feel that there is something else going on here.
