Would You Apologize?

No, I would not have apologized. I still wouldn't if my husband told me to. I would tell him then she needed to apologize to me for not listing and going behind my back to get the juice.

I am a step-mom too and we have never allowed my SD to play us against each other. If that would have been my house my hubby would have been the one to apologize to me! He would have taken the juice from her and told her she had already gotten her answer from me and should not have come for a second opinion! Yes, as step-mom I fully believe you are allowed to say yes or no to a glass of juice. That is not one of the issues that should be deferred to Dad!
Granted you probably could have handled it better, but I totally don't blame you for being angry. It was a bit deceitful!

I WOULD apologize for "yelling" but not for telling her no. Explain you said no not because you wanted to be mean but because you wanted her to be healthy......express that you were unhappy she went to Dad after you had already said no. Then save the conversation for when you are alone with Dad.

I would have said this: "Suzie, I am sorry I yelled at you. It's not nice to yell. But it's not nice to ask your father for something that I said you could not have. So you owe me an apology too."

Then you and your husband need to have a long conversation about presenting a united front. Good luck to you!

My hubby can't MAKE me do anything. I would say that its MY choice if I appologize or not. Since she went behind your back to ask for juice, (she knew dad would give it to her!) I would say I am sorry I yelled, but you were wrong for asking dad to get some juice when you knew I said NO. But as far as hubby goes, he should stay out of it and he absolutely shouldn't have said this in front of the child!

M

No, I wouldn't have apologized. This has happened a few times in my house, and here's how it goes.

I find kid with the forbidden juice, and I ask, "Hey, I thought I told you no juice!"
Kid: "But Daddy said I could have it."
Me: "Dad, did you tell (kid) she could have some juice?"
Dad: "Um, yeah, why?"
Me: "Because I had already told her she couldn't have any."
Dad: "Oh, (kid) you shouldn't have asked me if Mom already said no. Let's put it in the fridge now, and you can have it back when Mom says it's okay."

OR

I find kid with the forbidden juice, and I ask, "Hey, I thought I told you no juice!"
Kid just stares at me. So I take it away and say, "I'm going to put it in the fridge and save it for you until tomorrow." Kid starts crying, so Dad comes in and says, "Oh, I told her she could have that."
Me: "You did? When was that? Because she asked me 5 minutes ago, and I said no."
Dad: "She asked me just a little while ago. (Kid,) did Mom say no juice before you came and asked me?"
Kid sobs, nods, or stares. It doesn't really matter.
Dad: "Don't ask me for things when Mom has already said no."

Kids will pit their parents against each other if you let them. You need to be willing to back each other up on little things like this. If you don't agree with how something was handled, go into a different room and discuss it like adults, and come back united to inform the child of your decision. You can change your mind, and you can explain this to your child. For example, you could go into the next room and talk about the things that juice does to your daughter. Your husband might say, "well, I don't see what the big deal is." Or he might say, "oh, I hadn't thought of that." But whatever it is, decide if she can have the juice or not before you go back to talk to your daughter. I would certainly hope that your husband would side with you on this one, since you talked to your daughter first. Then tell your daughter (or have dad say it), "Dad didn't know that I'd already said no, or he wouldn't have told you you could have that juice. Let's put it in the fridge for tomorrow, and you need to say you're sorry for asking Dad after you asked Mom."

I have a whole new perspective on not yelling at my kids every time I visit my friend. She has 7 kids, and the oldest is almost 9. She had this very same thing happen today, and all it took was her saying softly to the child, "Do not ask Dad for things if Mom has already said no." That was it. No yelling, no time outs, no spanks. And then a few hours later, she said, "Okay, everybody get in their beds!" And 5 kids scampered off to bed, while the two youngest got put in their cribs. No yelling, although several had to be put back in bed. It's amazing, and I want to be just like her!

In our house if kiddo gets a no from one parent, and then sneakily turns around and asks the other parent, or nana, or whomever... he gets in FAR more trouble than if he simply disobeyed. Ditto if he convinces someone else to do something that gets them into trouble he gets into more trouble than the person who committed the act he conned them into.

Yes--I'd say "I'm sorry I yelled at you and I'm sorry daddy didn't know you are not allowed to have juice at dinner. Now he does." (Pouring out the juice.)

No, you should not have apologized. And DO NOT let anyone tell you that you are a step and you should not discipline a child in your home! This is not a toughie!!!! You had every right to yell at your SD. Those parents that say, I would never allow my spouse to yell at MY kid - those parents are not being parents they are creating divisiveness in the home - in other words they picking teams! Your husband should have turned to your SD and asked if she had already been told she could not have juice. Then, he should have told her that if she was told no she should not have asked him. That is a big NO NO in my house.

I was a stepkid and I never doubted that both adults in my house were the disciplinarians.

Another thing - to those parents that takes sides w/ THEIR kid and don't think the step should be involved in disciplining THEIR child..... If YOUR child gets into trouble, I hope you don't ask your spouse to help monetarily or emotionally!!!!!!!!!! You don't mind that they are legally responsible for YOUR child, but you don't want them to be a co-parent? That is wrong.

She owes YOU an apology for playing one parent "against" the other. She knew darn well that you had already said "no" and she went deliberately around you. On top of that, your husband owes you an apology for undermining you in front of your SD.

Either he wants your help or he doesn't. If he undoes your efforts, then you step back and let him deal with the consequences. In this case, if she drank the juice and it kept her up... well, long nights for him! You say she has to be home by 9, he says 11... long nights for him! You say that boy is no good, he lets her go... long nights for him!

I only give real apologies, so when it comes to someone telling me to apologize when I don't feel I am wrong, it is a big fat NO.

However, the first thing that stood out was that you yelled at her. Why yell?

I probably would have apologized for yelling, as I removed the glass of juice from the table and explained it will wait until tomorrow.

He made her a winner because she obviously felt she got you in trouble and it was the two of them against you. I would talk to him about being on the same page as parents.

This goes way beyond one meal and one glass of juice. If she played you and your husband off against each other this time, she's done it before. And if he got that defensive about it and didn't back you this time (and didn't see that he'd been played, or saw it and was too stubborn to tell HER to apologize), then that's all happened before too, and will happen again. If he showed such a huge lack of any respect for you over this -- calling you out in front of a child, instead of talking to you about it away from the child -- that's happened before too, right?

Look back over past incidents and think about it. Then talk to him -- calmly, nonjudgementally, and when she is not around and not due to be around for a while. Before you talk, you might look into parenting/step--parenting classes (for both of you -- he should go with you) or counseling for both of you, to get you on the same page with this girl. You may have to take this outside to a third party before you both can start to operate as a team. He has to respect your choices for this child, not just enforce his own so defensively. Sometimes people have to hear things like that from an "expert" rather than their own spouses.

Nope!

He should've made HER apologize to YOU for going behind your back to him. He should be backing up your decisions not pulling the bio-trump card.

You can apologize for the yelling part (i.e. not that you reacted, not for being upset, but how you reacted), but also make it clear that she had no business going behind your back and trying to undermine your authority about the no juice rule. Dad needs to back you up on this. He should not be putting you in the awkward position of being forced to apologize to a child who knows she is getting away with something. Sit down with Dad when she's not around and talk about it. You both need to be a united front when it comes to discipline and maybe he was not aware of the juice issue. My 3 year old tries these stunts ("Mom said no, so I'll ask Dad") and we are very consistent in not letting her get away with it, ("Mom said no so the answer is no."). It's only going to get worse as she gets older and becomes a teenager, so nip it in the bud now! I would only apologize after talking with Dad if you feel it is warranted - "I am sorry that I yelled, BUT, you had no business going behind my back to Dad after I said no. That got me very upset and if it happens again, there will be consequences." Then agree on something appropriate (no juice or soda the rest of the weekend, for example).

Uh, no. In our house, if one parent says no and you go to the other, you get in more trouble than if you'd just gone and gotten it anyway.

She certainly knows how to play her father. No, you should not be apologizing. She should be in a ton of trouble and he shouldn't have put you in that position even if he thought otherwise. You should have talked about it in private instead of in front of her. Also, in the end, if you had apologized to her it should have been at a later time after your husband and you had had the conversation and had time to cool down. Instead, she got her way, and she knows it. She also knows how to do it now. As soon as he realized that you had already said no, he should have backed you up, again, even if he thought otherwise. He's opened a huge can of worms here and has undermined your authority over her.

That's how it is in my house. If we catch the kids asking another adult after they've specifically been told no, they're in twice as much trouble then they normally would have been for just ignoring us. Also, if my husband and I disagree about what should have been done or how it was done, we discuss it in private. Later, if one of us has changed our mind we'll calmly tell the child we were mistaken in how we handled the situation and if an apology is warranted, then we do so. However, never in the heat of the moment like your husband asked you to do. Especially if the child is clearly in the wrong.

Oooohhh this is a toughie.

I am a bio parent with a husband (step-parent) for my older son. I would NEVER, and I repeat NEVER, allow my husband to yell at my son (much less do anything else). And to his great credit, my husband never has. They have a very nice relationship even now that my son is 16, almost 17 (husband has been with us a long time). ETA: My son *is* expected to be respectful - something that has never been an issue because they have a great relationship! In other words, the relationship has to come first.

I have no respect whatsoever for bio parents who let steps treat their children badly. These children did not ask for new families, new adults to obey, more siblings, etc. Of course they act out. The adults need to be the adults.

That being said, from what you posted it sounds like your husband did wrong. He escalated the situation beyond where it needed to go. He needs to recognize that all children play that game (even where the adults are the bio parents of both). If he had an issue with how you handled it he should have talked with you privately. It's especially tricky with dads and daughters (who tend to be competitive with the "new woman" in dad's life).

So, while I applaud his loyalty to his daughter, I do think it needs to be handled differently in the future. If I couldn't reach a harmonious and loving resolution of such issues I would re-think the relationship (for the sake of the children involved).

Good luck.

PS: I agree with DVMMOM that I would apologize for yelling, but not for the other stuff.

NO and the child would be in trouble for asking a 2nd adult after being told NO by the first adult.

Personally, if you were my friend, I would tell you to put her in daycare, make dad take her and pick her up too. If you have no say, why are you working and sacrificing your life for this kid?

Mean, harsh, but realistic. Until he sees you as a coparent, it will only get worse.

There is one important detail that you didn't mention... did your husband know you told your SD no about the juice before he said yes? If he didn't know that you had already told her no, then he was not in the wrong for telling her it was ok to have it.

Either way, I think you do owe SD an apology for "yelling" at her, especially for something so insignificant. I apologize to my son if I make a mistake, and I think you made a mistake yelling at her. A simple statement that she is not to run to one parent when the other says no would have sufficed, bearing in mind that she's a child, one who was forced into step-childhood, and even non-step kids try this tactic.

Lastly, I agree with Angela in that any "discipline" should be left to dad. My fiance does not discipline or "yell" at my son. They are developing a mutually respectful and loving relationship. Discipline is left up to me. My fiance does not have the bond with my son that I have, that allows me to discipline him without damaging our relationship. If you are "yelling" at her for something this small, I hate to wonder how you are treating her when bigger problems arise... and I wonder how positive of a relationhsip you have with her. She's a child, she didn't ask to be in this situation. Just keep that in mind.

No, and I would have used it as a great example of kids playing the parents tho, and she should have gotten in trouble for that, period.
Dad should realize that as well.

I would say no because your daughter knew what she was doing, the topic should have been why did you go to dad when I gave you an answer.

Your daughter should apologize to YOU for disregarding your original decision and being sneaky by asking her dad. She should apologize to her DAD for manipulating him, when she knew darn well you'd already said no for very good reasons. Your husband should apologize to YOU for not having your back. The only person who doesn't owe any apologies is you. My daughters have done the same thing and they have gotten into big trouble for this. If mom says no, it's no. And dad is now on board with "Are you sure mom said yes? Ok, let's ask her." The sneakiness in our household is now at a minimum. Please do not let your daughter get away with this and please have a nice chat with your husband about the manipulations of children.

NO... I apologize when I'm wrong to my children and family - but not when that's not the case or when someone demands it of me.

You need to tell your husband that while in your (and his) home - you need to both be on the same page for house rules, discipline and behavior expectations.

You should also tell him that was extremely rude and disrespectful of him towards you, his wife.

IMHO if the two of you are not a united front the child she will walk all over you. He handled the situation entirely wrong. Upon finding out that you had told her "NO" he should have taken the juice from her and told her that if one of you says no to something then she is not to ask the other one. He should never have yelled at you in front of her or ordered you to say your sorry. He handed her all the power. Even if he didn't see the problem with her having the juice at that time he should have backed you up in front of her and then later after she was in bed he could address the issue with you for future instances.

No apology, no way.
You realize that SD did an end run around what you laid down.
Dad is not on board with seeing what she did as wrong.
The problem here is that this child has pried you and Dad apart - and THAT's what she's really grinning about.
The whole juice thing is only a symptom of a bigger problem.
You need some couples/family counseling.
If you are going to be helping raising this kid and if your marriage is going to survive it, you and Dad need to both be in agreement over the consequences of the child manipulating the both of you in this manner.
If my husband were in this situation - he would have taken the juice himself and handed her a glass of water to drink with her supper, and THEN there would be a punishment for fishing for a better answer when Mom already said 'No".

NO! You should NOT apologize! I am a step-parent/primary care giver to my stepson and I am fortunate in that my husband pretty much gives me the authority to make judgement calls and decisions for my stepson the same as I do for our three sons. He is very quick to back me up in any situations where my SS has been told no by me and then yes by my husband (unknowingly). You have to stand your ground with your husband, because if you let little things go, like the juice situation, your position and authority in the household could fly out the window in a big hurry! Good luck!

wow, she has neatly and completely taken control of this family! and you and your dh have compliantly handed it over to her.
personally i would have apologized for yelling because that's never a useful response to just about anything. but i would have had a conversation LONG before this with my dh about synching our parenting styles and never never never having a fight about it in front of the kids. ever. whatever discussions need to happen about who should have done what and how it will be handled next time should go on behind closed doors, and the kids informed about the results. period.
no child in my house would EVER feel comfortable going to one parent after the other had given an answer. that would door would be slammed shut before the kid ever got a foot in.
you and your dh need to work this out WITHOUT input from the SD. you have already ceded way too much authority to this child. if you can't work this out, this family has little chance of proceeding in a healthy, positive manner.
khairete
S.

Sounds like all of you were a bit childish. If it were me, I would've grabbed the glass of juice & poured it out if I had told my child no & they did it anyway. Kids will do that. I remember as a kid getting into the 'sweets' after being told 'no' & hiding it then eating it secretly either in the bathroom w/the locked door or the bedroom when no one was around but raising your voice only makes things worse. Next time, try just taking it from her when you've told her no then doing away w/it. As for your husband, he should've supported you in asking your daughter "is that true, did she tell you no then you asked me when I didn't know she had told you no??" rather than telling you that you should apologize. You are correct in he should've supported you. I wouldn't apologize, he should apologize to you, definitly as he was in the wrong b/c he was taking the child's side in this situation from what I can tell by what you've written. If it were me, I'd stand your ground but next time I would try to refrain from 'yelling', just say in a more calmer manner "I said no juice" & take the item from her. As a helpful hint, you may want to find a different juice w/no added sugar. I buy the store brand b/c it's all natural and that way it may help w/excess sugar too. Hope this helps & good luck!

I think you need to talk to your husband and find a way to work as a team, backing each other up.

Sugar typically makes people have a quick rush of energy then it makes them very sleepy so the sugar should not be what's keeping her awake. Also juice should be 100% and really not be bothering her. Especially at dinner. I am not sure where you got that information but most nutritionists I have ever talked to say sugar makes you tired. That's what our hospital nutritionist told us plus the one that gave our family nutrition classes in our home through the college extension class.

It's usually the caffeine or additives like red dye 40 that is in the food that makes people wired up after eating something. Perhaps you can talk to your pediatrician about your concerns about her diet. Also if you and your husband don't agree then you are always going to come across as the b^^^^ch. Why allow yourself to be in that roll? If she can't go to sleep let her husband sit up with her. He'll soon see what you are talking about and perhaps consider what you have been saying. If he thinks this is a silly rule he is never going to say no to her when she asks even if he knows you told her no.

As for rules, you need to have a chat with hubby and come up with about 5 family rules. Then have a family meeting and post them somewhere everyone can see them. The rules should have consequences listed, for example.

Rule #1. If you are going to be late you must call to let us know where you are and what is going on. The consequences of not calling is that you will be grounded from TV for a week.

Rule #2. You have 3 chores that are your responsibility. The trash needs to go out anytime the trash can is full. The big trash cans must be on the curb by 7am or the trash men will be gone. The consequences of not handling your chores will be that you will lose phone privileges until you take the trash out correctly 5 times without being told.

Kids need simple rules. Ones that they understand and can follow. Not drinking juice is such a small thing. But what your husband did undermines every bit of leverage you have as an authority figure. He should not have done that and you should not have yelled. I yell and then feel bad about it too. Again, if he does not think the rule is valid he will not back you up or enforce the rule and you'll be standing there with them against you with nothing on your side.

You need to back down and let your hubby be the bad guy. Be her friend and not her boss. She will never obey you, it's just not going to happen. That's what I meant about backing off and letting him handle the telling her what to do. It will eventually make her respect you more.

I think your husband should have said to your daughter, I didn't realize you asked your step mom and she had said No. And then, whether he let her have the juice or not, he should have said Next time, if you have already asked one of us that answer will stand, understand?

I probably wouldn't have "yelled" (not sure what you mean by "yell"), I would have either said Honey why do you have a glass of juice when I told you No? Or simply picked up the juice and replaced it. And if I were asked to apologize, I hope I would be able to calmly say Apologize for being concerned about her health and sugar intake? Why would I apologize for being concerned about her health? However, if I did "yell", then I would say, I am sorry for yelling, but I'm not sorry for saying No as I believe that it would best for her health to not drink so much juice. Then get on with dinner and have further conversations with my husband without SD present. You do need to have some serious conversations with your husband about the importance of being on the same page with your SD. While I do believe that usually the bio-parent should have a greater voice in how to raise the child, inconsistencies between step kids and bio kids in the same household and the need to be wary of the child's ability to play parents against each other, mean that conversations to discuss why and how, without the child present, must be ongoing, open and cooperative to make a happy household.

NO NO NO NO!! She undermined you she. Most of all you HUSBAND owes you an apology for not sticking by you after he found out she asked you first. Absolutely not, do not apologize!!

I'm not sure how old your SD is but I'm assuming she should not have been playing both sides to get what she wants. No I would not have apologized but there would have been a LENGTHY conversation with my husband after she went to bed about the whole situation and his need to support my decisions.

He is fueling her lack of respect for you by taking her side when she disobeyed you.

How much do you want to bet that he wouldn't have been mad at you for yelling at her if it wasn't your SD, but the daughter you 2 shared?

He seriously needs to teach her that she needs to respect you and follow your rules while in your house.

If he doesn't I don't want to know what she will be like towards you as a teenager!

Although I do not believe that yelling will resolve anything, I vote that you did not need to apologize to her.

No way i would not appologize!!!I would take the juice away from her and telll her and your hubby that you had said "no".She is a child and there are times when appologies are needed but not when they know they did wrong!Your husband should appologize to you for saying that in front of her!!

In our house, for "treats," we always double check with what the other person said before saying "yes." My daughter isn't even 3, and she will ask me and then go to my husband asking for candy. So we have a check-in policy on "sweets."

No, I wouldn't apologize. Your hubby should have checked with you.

I think that both you AND your husband were in the wrong with how you handle this. I do think that you owe her an apology for yelling at her, but you should not be "forced" to apologize. She also owes you an apology for going behind your back and asking her dad for something after you told her no. Your husband ALSO owes you an apology for calling you out in front of his daugther.

If I were you I would sit down my husband and discuss what we can do to keep this type of thing from happening in the future. If he is unwilling to compromise, then in the future, if she asked me if she could have juice at dinner (or anything else, doesn't matter what she asked me) I would tell her she needs to talk to her dad. And then just stay completely out of it. She is not your kid, so it is not up to you to make sure that she is healthy.

I wouldn't apoligize either. That just gives her the impression that she can go to Daddy whenever you say no.

no i think you're right. and i think your husband is causing trouble between you and sd. maybe not deliberately, but that's pretty blatant. you both need to be on the same page. HE should apologize, because of telling her yes to something you already said no to- and she definitely should be disciplined for going behind your back when she'd already been told no. NOT OKAY.

My child does this to my husband and I sometimes.This is a normal thing. It doesn't mean it's a bigger issue because she's a step child. Kids do these things. It's not that big of a deal is it? Did hubby know that you said no? Sometimes parents that don't have their children every day don't want to say no to everything. Honestly it may not have been a big deal to him or he wasn't thinking like a woman in this situation. Like I said there are times when I say yes and my hubby says no or vise versa. I would have compromised and said since we both said something different to you, you may have half a glass of juice but from now on the rule is no juice with dinner or after. No need to argue or ruin your day over it. Just talk about it calmly with your husband.

.

your hubby should not have undermined you infront of her. it will be a constant problem for the both of u, if not sorted now. it will only snowball.
even tho ur hubby is wrong, try to see this from his side aswell....that child is his, he feels responsible for her. he loves you, but loves her too, he doesnt want her to feel as if he is choosing you over her. He probably did not realise you already said No, and jumped to her defense when he heard you yell, not fully understanding the issue.
She is being manipulative, but thats kids, they will always use what they can to get what they want. you cant let it show that it upsets u, or she will continue to do it. Do not let it get between your hubby and yourself. Make rules about her like, undermining you in front of her. Also, let him know, that in order for you to be the kind of mother she needs, he needs to let you do your job and not interfere. In the same regard, you need to let him know you do love her, and her well being is your priority too.
Kids are funny, you treat them too well, they become naughty and take you forgranted, you discipline too much, and they rebel and make you out to be mean. you have to find a medium...
i understand cos i have a daughter, and my fiance is a step dad in training, and its not always easy. I have been accused for loving him more than her, cos i scold her when shes naughty, i feel bad, cos its always been just her and i. i want her to feel like a part f a family, not like she's left out. your hubby may feel the same.
take it easy, and dont take what she says to heart.

i would not have apologized to her and she would have gotten a whooping too for going behind my back and asking her father! I do not play that! If I say no my son knows be better not go ask anybody else because if i catch him doing that he know the concequence. and in all actuality your husband should have have a gotten on HER case as soom as he found out that you told her that she could not have the juice! they are both dead wrong!!

Big mistake for your husband to chastise you in front of your child, even if you do owe her an apology (which you do) but parents MUST NEVER chastise each other in front of the children. Whenever I have been out of line or unfair with my children (or if my husband was), we pull each other aside in another room, out of earshot from the children and tell the other what our thoughts are. Yes, you have to apologize. You were wrong to yell at her and if you don't then you are teaching your child to be prideful. Is that what you desire for your child? There have been many, many times when I have laid down the law but my husband, unknowingly, allowed something. Children know how to play parents, this is a well known fact so it's wise to discuss ahead of time with your spouse what rule you set so he doesn't unknowingly undo your rule. It happens but DO apologize. It's the right thing to do. AND, use this experience to explain to your daughter how mis-communication happens and that her daddy did not know you had said no to the juice and that if she goes behind your back again (meaning, if she goes to daddy AFTER you said no) that a consequence will take effect. The best thing that could have happened is that you could have said to your husband what rule you had set and leave it up to him to take it back. That way, he is supporting you. Parents have to support each other. It's so important to back each other up.

Um..no sorry. He should have scolded her for going to him when you had said no. You were in no way wrong and she is learning that all she has to do is run to Dad to get her way. I don't care what she wanted, if you said no, he should back you up and then talk to you later if he thought you were wrong, definitely not correct you in front of her. In the end if these things happen a lot she will ultimately not respect him or listen to him bc she will think she has control over him. Now I know we are not always consistent as parents, I mean life gets crazy. But I think she was in the wrong, just wanting her way like any normal kid, he was in the wrong correcting you and for not correcting her. I don't think you were wrong at all in this case! JMO~ Take care!!

He never should have yelled at you about it, especially in front of her.

However, making apologies shouldn't be painful, and it would be a good lesson for her if you apologized.

Heck no I wouldn't apologize! And if it were my kid, I would make her sit in time out for disobeying me. Then next time, make sure she understands that, unless she gets two yeses, then it's a NO!

Whether or not you agree on things...you ALWAYS need to present a united front. Once one parents decides something...it is up to both parents to follow through...no matter what! You can fight about it (in private) later. The mixed message thing will rip your family apart.

You both need to get on the same page and set some groundrules...the first being when one parent says_____, the other agrees, no matter what they think, or you are setting the stage for some very serious marital and child rearing issues. VERY BAD.

Juice isn't worth yelling about...but your husband gets a huge thumbs down for not supporting your decision either way.

Any time our kids ask for something the first question we ask is did you ask your _____, and what did they say? There are tons of things my husband and I disagree on when it comes to deciding for the kids...but my kids will NEVER know that.

United we stand...divided we fall.

No I wouldn't apologize (unless it was something like I am sorry your father is a fool who gave you juice). In fact I would probably pull dad aside and say hey, you know she goes nutty when she has sugar before bed. Now she's had a big glass of juice and she won't sleep. Have fun dealing with that, dad. Then I would hope like hell that she was rotten as can be for him. But I am feeling a little snarky and mean today. Then I would get dad to agree to ask (because kids are notorious for going from parent A to parent B to get what they want) prior to allowing things did you ask NS? What did NS say. Same with you. If a child asks you for something and dad is around ask if they asked him and if so, what did he say.

No way!!! Oh my goodness... I would be so livid! She's 8, not 2. My daughter is 2 and I could totally see her getting a "no" from me and going to ask daddy, but at 8 it's completely unacceptable and her dad should have let her know that he thought so too! So sorry, what a tough situation. Sure, you didn't react in the best way, but we have ALL done it - taking care of this little person all day, making sure everything you do is in their best interest and then they go and act like a stinker. My kiddo is only a toddler and I have a hard time with self-control sometimes! I teach a classroom full of 8 year olds; she knew what she did was wrong. Shame on Daddy, too. I understand that he wants to be her knight in shining armor, but he's not doing her any favors modeling poor relationship behavior (not that you have a poor relationship at all - I don't mean it in that way). She will learn to be manipulative and pit you two against each other if he keeps that up. I know that's extreme right now, but all those little things add up and form a personality!

Heck No!

Ya'll need to have a talk. Hopefully he is the kind to actually listen. She is 8yrs old according to your profile, that is plenty old enough to know what she is doing.

absolutely not, and the manner in which he addressed it was awful! they should BOTH apologize to YOU! him for berating you in front of the child, and her for disrespecting you by asking him a question that you had already answered. and as a matter of fact, she owes her father an apology as well for basically lying by omission.

after all that is said and done, you and dad need to get on the same page with what is/isn't allowed as far as eating/drinking so that the answer is the same no matter who she asks.

Yelling isn't ever a good choice, but having a spouse who doesn't back you up is stressful.

You should have apologized for yelling, but that's it (and I don't like that he PROMPTED you to do so, like you were the child in the scenario).

He SHOULD have told her he was disappointed that she asked him for something after YOU said no and stressed that the 2 of you are a team and won't be played against each other.

Does that make sense? Whatever the 2 of you need to do to get to a team place is worth doing (talking, counseling)

GOOD LUCK!

No way! Not in a million years. She went behind your back and asked him anyway, that means he needs to reprimand her for not treating you well.

Well first off 6 ounces is a serving of juice. So that is problem. If children over like 2 are thirsty at my house they drink water. I rarely and usually when we are visiting friends allow them soda or juice.
And yes I lump juice in with soda.

Um no I wouldn't apologize, what did you do wrong that you should apologize for? Everyone keeps saying you should for yelling at her, get over it, how did yelling hurt her, maybe it startled her, oh well, sometimes you have to get their attention sometimes. She knows what she did was wrong that is why she was sitting there with grin on her face. She got her way and that is what she was setting out to do. Your husband should apologize to you for treating you like a child, that would not settle well with me at all. He isn't your dad, he needs to step back and look at it if it was the other way around.