Would This Bug You?

Would this bother me? No. Are you overreacting? Yes.

I've been w/ my husband for over 20 years and I still say 'my' room and 'my' bathroom and even 'my' kids sometimes. He calls me out on it occasionally and I just smile. I mean absolutely nothing by it, it's just how it comes out.

I have been married for 12 years and I still say my. It;s not a big deal I doubt anything is going on and I don't think he is selfish for saying my bed my room etc. You are overreacting.

I make every effort not to, but after 10 years of marriage and 12 years together -I still often refer to "my bed" and "my room" or "my house." It's completely unintentional -it just comes out that way. My husband never says anything about it.

No. It wouldn't bug me. It is his room. It is your room. Collectively it is the room of both people. Personally, this isn't a battle I would be willing to wage. If that is the biggest marital problem you face, you are blessed.

We'll be married 22 yrs tomorrow and we still say "my" sometimes. It does not mean someone is selfish. Gees... you sound like you are wound a little tight...

Loosen up, Pick your battles..... this is not something to sweat over.

I think you are over reacting. I still say "my car", "my computer", "my cat"... and we've been married forever. He calls me on it once in awhile but laughs because he knows EVERYTHING in this house is OURS. I catch myself most of the time and remember to say "ours" but every now and then the "my" pops out for some odd reason. I'd say chill, you already know what's his is yours so don't fret.

it wouldn't bother me. My husband says that sometimes and even I am guilty of saying things like that. It IS his room in a way. But it's also your's so you can also call it "my room" if you wanted.

I say "my" all the time. I try to say "our" but sometimes it comes out as "my". That doesn't mean that I am selfish and if your husband is selfish in other ways, this is NOT an indicator.
It IS his bed, his room, his refrigerator, his garage, etc. It's just so happens that they belong to you to. It's not that he's selfish. It's just a habit and if he is saying "our" 50% of the time.......then he has done a lot of work to choose his words wisely for you.

Hang in there......in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. He is trying to meet you halfway, why don't you try to meet him halfway and give him some grace?

been married for 13 years and we still say "my" sometimes. If you really get down to it, it is his room....just as it is your room. I am sure it is just habit and it is the way most of us talk. Not a big deal

I think that you are over reacting - I call it "my" room, "my" bed, "my" kitchen....LOL - of course everything in the house is "OURS", and I know that. Just like when one of the kids does something great he says "That's MY boy/girl" - I don't take any offense, nor does he. That is just silly.

After 8 years of marriage I still sometimes call our room, "Mommy's room" when speaking to my kids. My husbands always corrects me and says "Mommy and Daddy's room". For me it's usually because I'm distracted--not selfish. He says it doesn't bug him. If everything else in your relationship is going okay then chalk it up to habit and don't worry about it.
J.

You are way over reacting! I still say my at times, as does my husband, and we have been married for 12 years! Just because you share something with someone does not mean it is not still yours. When talking about my kids or my bed, I can use my or ours, it is all the same. By saying my I am not saying they are not also his, I am just talking about whatever it is in relation to myself, and not in a way that include all owners.

That would annoy me too but I'd let it go quickly. It's not a battle worth fighting and your hubby may not even realize he's doing it or what it means. Even if he's doing it on purpose just to make you mad, just ignore it. =)

I get it. Honestly, men don't.

If he's being selfish about other things, then to you, this is the icing on the cake. You may think he is doing it on purpose, and that there is some meaning behind it, but, there's not. He just doesn't see the significance in his choice of words, and you are reading too much into it, because you are very aware.

My husband's family is like this, and at first I thought it was very strange, but now I just ignore it. They will be talking together, brother and sister, and one of them will say "my mom" even though they have the same mom... like it's the same as saying "my car" or something! It's not the way that I or my side of the family speak, but I know that I cannot change them and I wouldn't dream of trying to correct them.

You have expressed your irritation to your husband, and he has tried to change his habits, albeit only somewhat successfully. That's a good sign! He heard what you said and made a change. Now, maybe you could work on the underlying problem of the other selfish habits he has, and you wouldn't be so bothered by his choice of vocabulary.

No, it would not bother me.

It was the same way with my husband and myself because i ended up moving in into his house that he had so to him it was all "his" things but then i started calling him out saying its "our" things and it would bug me but i just dropped it because i would catch myself sometimes when it was my things that i had brought from my apt. so i think its pretty normal trying to adjust to living together, we have been ,married for 3 years and he still does it but now he catches himself. But i say dont worry about it!!

I'm also guilty of this sometimes. Sometimes you are just thinking in first person so that is what you say, kind of automatic. My husband hates it when I say that I am not going to deal with such and such when it comes to our building that we own with a relative. I will say something along the lines of "I am going to tell him that I want xxx or whatever". I should say "we" but it is kind of automatic. I mean we but my hubby only hears I.

You are not over reacting, it would bother me too. Next time he says "I", you should call him on it and then have a heart totheart conversation with him on how it makes you feel and that it isn't just him anymore.

I think that this is a symptom of something more. Was it his room or bed before the two of you? It may just be habit, and you could be reading more into it than he means. To be honest though, yes, it would bug me.

If he had the room before, can you do something to make it "our" room? Redecorate, etc?

It is annoying. My husband also approach me with life changes "hes" thinking about doing. "Like when I get this paid off, I think "I" am going to do this or that. Really? Just you? What about the rest of us? Hes like "Oh thats what I meant". Nope, you just said "I"

Just make fun of him everytime he says it and make a joke out of it. It will probably annoy him enough to stop. Or, copy him and say my.... as well. He will get the point.

My SIL says "my mom" - and she has 2 brothers - she even says this when she's in the same room with her brothers! Drives them a little nuts.

For your hubby, it's just a habit that's slowly (very LOL) changing :)

No..its not just the major problems that affect the relationship, it can be the little ones too.
It's sort of like a situation I have with my partner. He wants us to get new laptops come tax-time (we are both students) so we can use them to download digital text books and not have to carry all that weight around. But in all honesty he is a computer geek and really just wants a new toy. Well when we were discussing how we would use our tax return to the best advantage he looks at me and says in a snippy tone "well i dont care what else happens, come tax time I am getting a mini". I was pissed! Like I don't contribute just as much to the househol as he does. He might work full time and be going to school but damnit I have been going to school since my twins were four months (now 19 months). He told me once that he had more right to that money because he was the one with the job and I flipped. I told him that if it weren't for those kids he wouldn't be getting that tax return and who is it that takes care of them all day so he doesn't have to worry about their safety?...yeah...i won
anyways..now that im done with my rant...lol..no i totally agree with you. if you are married (whether its been 2 years, 2 months, or what have you) then your life should be shared..and it should be all "mine". Tell him this, as he seems to not be making that connection on his own. At the same time you might sublety do sort of the same thing, but i dont mean maliciously. just make comments like...i love my couch or something.
betcha he brings it up, and then you can tell him that now he understands.
hope you get it worked out.

i might feel the need to tease my husband, but not a big deal. That he has improved says he is trying to please you. I'd give him credit for that.

I am very guilty of this as well. I often say my boys and my house. It bugs my husband but altering language is harder for some people. It isn't that I don't think of him or our family as a team. He is a very active father but my default is "my" not "our." We will have been married for 10 years in April. If it bothers you start correcting him, maybe that will work. Or...if this is the worst of your problems consider yourself lucky.
Wishing I could be more help,
Suzy and her men

My hubby still says that sometimes but he is getting better at it too.

---- We've been married 11 years now... Maybe in another 12 years, he'll get the hang of it. Meanwhile, laugh and dont worry. It's more how he says it (how it comes out) than how he intentionally thinks of it.

That wouldn't bother me but if he is selfish I understand why it bothers you.

I wouldn't get too iritated by it....he probably doesn't even realize he's doing it most times..

Now...something that really gets to me----when my inlaws refer to our house as "J's" house (hubby) or "B's" house (my SIL) Its mostly my MIL that does it and I ALWAYS correct her.....or in the case of my SIL/BIL's house, I say "oh, did B's hubby move out?" But she STILL doesn't get it. Must be old age....LOL

maybe it only bothers you because of the other things he does. But saying my room and my bed is not selfish I say it all the time and so does my husband.

i dont think this would bug me. i do this to my husband (though i do it on purpose i will stretch out over the bed and say mmmm my bed, and he will say its our bed and i will respond its rrrr bed imitating a pirate)