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I really doubt it.
They asked him to play a few times....what happened then?
These kids might just know each other better, for longer, etc.
Hard to say what's going on.
Have you always lived there?
You are really assuming and asking about 7 year olds being racist b/c they do not want to play with your son? I think you are jumping to WAY HARSH conclusions!!!
~They are not in the same classes, they are not friends, they already have each other and their core group of friends (the 4 of them) and aren't lacking in the friends department... if I had to guess I would say that is why they do not want to play with your son. Try not to be so judgmental and harsh, sheesh! They are just 7 year old kids for crying out loud!
Hmm.
This isn't the first time you've asked a question concerning feelings of rejection for your son. I'm assuming it't the same son. Forgive me for assuming that if I'm wrong.
Children can be very fickle. It's the same no matter what race or mix of races you are. I'm not saying there is no such thing as racism, but I don't think it does you or your child any favors to jump to that conclusion.
I have mixed race family members, not to mention friends with kids who are bi-racial or multi-racial.
If a child isn't included all the time in everything, I think it does them a disservice to make it about them being "different".
We're all different, and thank goodness! What a boring world it would be if we were the same.
I live in a very rural area and there are people of mixed race all around us. One kid doesn't get invited to a birthday party or one kid isn't asked to come over and play and it's the same wherever I've lived....San Francisco Bay Area, Portland OR, Sacramento....
There are so many posts on here from moms feeling like their kids are being excluded and in my opinion, it happens no matter who you are or where you live. Some moms feel hurt if kids that are strangers don't invite their kids to play at a public park. It's a kid thing and kids are usually the ones who are able to work things out if you give them the time and tools to do so.
I think I'm trying to say that you don't want your child to internalize everything because the fact is he's learning to navigate his world and there's nothing wrong with him (or other kids) if they don't hit it off right off the bat.
My daughter could make friends anywhere she went within 10 minutes and I'm so glad because the poor thing had to move so much everytime my husband got transferred with his job.
My son made friends, but he wasn't the type to approach anyone like she was. He tested the waters a bit before feeling comfortable enough to jump in.
I HATE racism. I have just about every race and religion covered in my family you can possibly imagine. If we aren't included in something, it's never my first or even last thought it's due to that.
Like I said, kids can be fickle and it doesn't matter where you live or what nationality or whatever you are.
Building relationships is a process and your son has lots of friends.
I SO agree with the idea of water balloons or the sprinkler with some of your sons other friends over.
Just go for it! You are a family in the neighborhood.
Come summer time, you may regret having a bunch of kids over, but I think your son will be okay if you are okay and just go about your business like a normal family....Because you are.
No offense intended and I wish you the best.
it's very hard to watch your child get excluded and very hard not to try and fix it.
the fact is, it's a very natural thing for kids to do at this age. and figuring out how to handle it is one of childhood's challenges. it doesn't sound as if they're mean to him, he just doesn't register on their radar sometimes. and it sounds as if he intuitively gets this and isn't heartbroken or anything.
try to arrange some one-on-one playdates with the neighborhood kids, or go the more work-intensive route of scheduling playdates with friends outside the neighborhood.
these cliques tend to rotate naturally. my kids grew up with the same dozen or so kids, and they were constantly swirling over the years, usually ending up with the same closest buddies but there was always some ebb and flow. it's fine.
mixed racial kids are no longer an anomaly. it's possible but not particularly likely it's race-related. it's just what kids do.
khairete
S.
I doubt it has anything to do with race. kids form clicks, and if these boys are already friends they may not be ready to include another in their close circle. Just have your son try to be friendly with them and see where it goes.
I am guessing that you are relatively new to the neighborhood?
If I am correct about that, then I wouldn't assume it is anything more than the fact that these other boys have a little routine they use. Not something planned and set in stone, but something that is familiar and comfortable---"Mom, Billy is outside, can I go out too?" And Billy's mom knows the little boy and his family and so she doesn't mind. So Billy and Bobby are playing. Timmy sees the other two and jumps on board. Again, Timmy's mom is familiar with the group and its dynamics and ok's it. Then Tommy sees them. Etc.
They get involved in whatever they are doing and it just never occurs to them to see if Robbie can come out too. They are already involved in whatever, and if Robbie doesn't wander over to say "hey guys, can I give that a try?" then they aren't going looking for him.
If there was only one other little boy in the neighborhood, he'd have probably been ringing your bell regularly by now. Even if, at first, it was because his parents suggested it. But being that there are other kids and they are all active playing together, it just doesn't occur to them. They probably figure that if your son wants to play, that he will come out and ask to join in whatever they are doing.
It's just the nature of kids. Especially if your son feels awkward and acts like he doesn't belong (you know--stands there and doesn't jump right in), then they'll just start to ignore him, because he isn't participating. They are in 2nd grade. They don't really have the skills to recognize the dynamics of how to "include the new person" without adults guiding them.
My suggestion, would be to invite one of the boys over alone to play at your house. Set up something fun and interesting. Don't EXCLUDE the other boys, but personally invite one of them. Then, when the others see them playing, they may wander over and ask to join in. Get a slip 'n slide out on the grass. Ask the parents if your boys can have a water balloon fight. Set up a soccer goal and get out there with a soccer ball. Or a badminton set. Or bocce. Or bake a big batch of homemade cookies and go outside to eat cookies and draw on the sidewalk/driveway with sidewalk chalk.
Maybe your son doesn't enjoy the same kinds of play that those other boys do. Have you considered that? You don't really mention what the boys are playing outside, or if it is your son's "thing" or not. Some kids really don't share the same interests. If your son is an introvert, and the other boys are all extroverts, then it is harder for him to get involved with them. They may be rough with each other (and be okay with it). Maybe your son isn't comfortable with it... and so he really IS not concerned about playing with them or not.
Just some thoughts I had after reading your post...
They are in different classes and have developed other friendships. I am always facinated when a mom posts that the neighborhood kids don't want to play with my child what should I do? Well, one don't jump to the conclusion that just because they are white they are racist.
Ally - you are right in one regard, saying someone is racist is very sensative. However, I did not think that inmy30salready was off or harsh for that matter. Racism is on both sides of the spectrum. Its not just whites who are racists.
In this case, I honestly don't think race is playing a part. They have played with your son before I just think they have developed their own circle of friends and unfortunately your son isn't in it. That could change next year when classes change. I don't believe I would do anything. Just make sure your son has freinds over to play after school and on weekends. Please do be careful in labeling people racist. That's not fair.
When you are not white and you or your kids get excluded it is common to think it could be race related.
I am a black woman living in a predominanantly white town, and I always say, if it feels racist to you, then it probably is. Many will likely not agree with me, but both my son and I have been discriminated against and you sort of just know.
But, these are children, and it is possible that while this may be part of the issue, mostly it simply may be that they feel tight with one another and simply do not feel they need another friend. Or, another friend may disrupt the flow of the group and may make others in the group feel insecure.
It isn't fun to feel excluded....but remind your son that there are many other kids in his world and that he will be fine whether he is friends with these kids or not.
I've told my son, "sometimes kids aren't friendly to other kids because their mommies and daddies do not teach them to be nice to all children, or because they are shy just like you. It seems like these boys want to be friends with each other only, so that's ok, we have plenty of our own friends, right? It really is a shame, because now these boys will never get to know what an awesome amazing kid you are."
I would hate to think that they are racist at that age- or at all for that matter. (my sons are also mixed). is your son shy at all? Maybe they don't think they can come up to him. I just say this because my son is super shy and won't talk to kids at first so it makes them not try very hard because he won't really talk to them much.
As for what you can do. Try to have a couple of your sons friends over and let them play outside. Maybe if the boys see he has the other kids over- that will spark their interest. Or you could ask the parents if you could take them all to the movies- maybe that would break the ice a little. Or since it's getting nice out, are you friendly with the parents? You could invite the family's over for a BBQ.
If that doesn't work. Then. Their loss.
I highly doubt it has anything to do with race. I think most people are beyond skin color. To my kids, different skin color is the same as different eye color - just a physical trait.
Kids do tend to get 'clichey' (is that even a word?). I have two boys and it does start around 2nd grade. Maybe you could invite one of them over to play? Once they get to know your son, they will be more comfortable including him.
I think it's probably doubtful that all 4 of the boys are racist. Does your son speak English clearly? We have a couple neighbors who don't speak clearly (different families) and my kids don't like to play with them very much because they just can't understand them. At first I encouraged my kids to invite these kids to play anyway because I wanted my kids to learn to appreciate those who are different from them. But eventually I saw that my kids and these two neighbors were not really forming bonds, so I let it go. If these kids come in our yard to play, my kids are polite and include them, but my kids don't seek them out. If your son isn't interested in playing with the boys, just let it go. He is old enough to distinguish now between personalities and choose the kids he prefers to hang out with. That's OK.
They are in different classes and that right there is most likely your answer. If the other boys are all in the same class then of course they are going to group and hang out with each other. They already know and like each other and do their own thing.
Maybe your son is just not interested in the same things that they are interested in.
It really doesn't sound like they are being rude to him they are just being 2nd grade boys and when 2nd grade kids (doesn't matter if they are girls or boys) get together and are playing they are consumed with what they are doing. Sorry to say but the earth revolves around them at that age and they are not going to actively look for someone else to play because they already have a group.
They did ask him to play once or twice...per your post. Did he have a good time when he played with them then? Based off of the fact that they asked him to play before I would have to say that their choices are not race related.
I do have to say I really think you are jumping the gun on the whole race issue, these other boys have not been mean to your son, they are being self involved kids. I also truly hope that you have not shared your "race" concerns with your son. Just because someone does not want to play with you or does not go out of their way to acknowledge you does not make them racist.
Your son says that he doesn't care about them so let it go. He will find his own group to play with and it will all be good.
I have a similar situation. I twin boys who are 6 and we have lived in our neighborhood for over a year now. We are not a dealing with a racism issue, however, our issue is just as important. I have a hearing impaired child and the kids in our neighborhood do not want to play with either of my kids. When we first moved here a couple of the neighborhoods kids came to play and then all of a sudden nothing. If they are outside and my kids come out they amazingly have to go inside. You will find that even in this day and time that many parents are ignorant to the fact that their actions and the actions of their children have an affect on others. I would just let it go and insure your child that it isn't their fault, but it is the fault of the other parents and children. All children want to have friends and sometimes other parents don't realize the pain they are causing.
Make your house the fun house. Build water 'wash' stations using pvc pipe, make sidewalk chalk paint, play games outside, etc etc. Pretty soon all the kids will want to come over to play. Yes, at first it will be because of the "stuff", but friendships can develop from that. We have the neighborhood basketball goal. DS isn't friends with all the kids who come to play, but he doesn't really care since they are playing with him, all he needs is an opponent lol.
It has nothing to do with race, trust me. We have a roving band of 6 - 12 year old boys on my street. On any given day half are ticked off at the other half and allegiances change almost hourly - usually because someone said they could do something better than someone else. My white irish son thought he was black because dh has olive skin and tans dark, boy was he surprised when we told him he wasn't black. It truly meant nothing to him, skin color is a characteristic like hair or eye color with no negative connotations to it for the majority of kids that age.
Wow Inmy30's...you are out of line and that was way harsh yourself...way to represent your age group!
Love...ignore the negative comments regarding the fact you said the word "racist" but know it is a very senstive subject in American society, so tread carefully when you use the word.
Kids play and don't play with each other for different reasons. Most kids just see a group of kids playing and they join in whether asked or not. When kids get together on the street it isn't a formal gathering...its basically you play with who ever shows up.
My first question is do you know their parents? Maybe you can have a play date at your house and you can ask the mom over too, that way if you don't know each it will give you and the mom time to get to know each other and the boys a chance to get to know each other better. Or if you see the other kids outside maybe walk your son over there and let them know he would like to play with them Good luck! I know how hard it is to see your child excluded!
Your boy may be better off not playing with them right now...that could be a blessing. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your neighbors...you may not want them all over your house - especially if they're exclusionary.
I'm having similar problems with the neighbor kids excluding my dd. I just sign up for a lot of after school activities and I plan ahead and invite other kids over who enjoy my dd's company. This has been very good to widen her social circle. Why put him in a situation where he is excluded? Granted, it's convenient to play with neighbor kids, but at what price?
We live on a farm, and have no neighbors. Any kids that come over are invited over. My boys (the youngest is in 2nd grade) have friends, but they spend lots of time at home without having friends over to play with. Periodically they will invite friends over, and they enjoy that, but honestly my 2nd grader doesn't have friends over very often. My 14 year old has a much busier social calendar. :)
If your son wants to have friends over, let him invite them. If he's happy playing alone, that's a wonderful trait, too. I love how independent my boys are. As he gets older he will likely get more involved with friends. As others mentioned, when classes change next year, or even over the summer, the groups that they hang out with will likely change, too.
I would let it go. Have him make plans with friends he does have and the rest fill with family time/ memories. I doubt it is race at 7, although kids can be harsh pretty early. I had similar issues due to being a chunky kid. I was usually one of the last kids to be picked when choosing teams and I had limited play dates.
Get him out and mingleing with society so he isn't overly shy. I'm not sure if you have him involved in any sports, karate etc? May be something you can look into so that he can build some solid relationships. I feel like Most people don't really see race any more. They see a person, how they behave and treat one another.
I can understand as a Momma wanting your child to be accepted in any group but, the truth is that some kids go through a little of this and have for many,many generations. I think by you trying to step in, it would only make things more awkward for your son.
Take care, and remember your kids can pick up on your vibes and feelings that you put out there so don't stress about it. Find other avenues.
