Work Related

In my children's school they have before care and after care. Maybe, for the time being drop him off at before care.

Is there a reason why they need to start training so early? Are they cross training everyone, because they are really intending on laying off some of the staff?

Take care
J.

Employers can be so insensitive to parents. I understand they have a business to run, but some things we can't help. I would just say, "no, I don't have anyone I can leave him with."

You are not wrong for feeling that way, nor for wanting to have the extra time with your son in the morning. I love my job as well (13 years) as a teacher and I cannot get to work until 8 AM (which is what the contract says) due to somewhat the same situation. I am constantly asked to be at meetings at 7:30 AM by either parents or other teachers who coach, etc. I always say no and then offer another time (I am more than willing to meet after school, during my lunch period, etc). I respect my time with my daughter as my own "meeting" and as long as I can offer other times to people, everyone seems happy (or they get over it and cancel the meeting!) That time with your kid goes by so fast. Since you've been there so long, maybe you can offer to be trained during your lunch, after work, or come in one day on the weekend (if it's that important). Do not be afraid to be confident in saying no to the earlier time if you do not want to-I'm sure you are good at your job and they will accomodate you to keep you (at least I hope so).

I wouldn't leave my child with someone I didn't know well, either. But in this economy you don't want to risk your job. Could you drive your son to meet his bus on the bus route 10-15 minutes earlier? He would ride a little longer but that might get you to work on time.

I don't think you are wrong to feel that way. I very much appreciate the fact that my start time is flexible with bus time, delays, etc. Can't the cross training happen when you're there? Hopefully your boss understands.

Many elem. schools have before and after school programs. You would need to drive him to school but he could hang out there and have breakfast etc. while you went to work.

You'll just need to judge if your job performance will be rated down because you cant get there when they need you to be.

Nope. Not wrong at all! Too much happens in the world these days.

While I know that I don't want to have to rely on neighbors for a long term solution, it may be time to get to know your neighbors while this training is going on. As jobs currently are scarce and when there is one person who doesn't seem to want to go along with the program, they are generally the first to be cut when cuts come. I understand that you don't want to let your baby be under someone elses influence to start their day on the right foot, it makes me nervous to turn over the Mommy reigns. In this case if this job is important to you I really think it is time to go out and meet the Moms. You can talk to them and find out what they would do, someone may offer. If not then ask the person you trust most directly or do a before school program that makes sure they get to school safely. I will say don't just walk up to a neighbor you don't know and say can ya take my kid for about and hour before school, not safe for the child, your well being or the relationship.

I don't think you are wrong for the way you feel and I wouldn't leave my child with just anybody, even if they were a fellow parent at my child's school. That being said, I don't think it would be bad for you to start making a plan B for when you do have to be to work earlier. The cross-training is important if it is required by your job, but just think if there are any other instances where you might have to be in early or stay a bit late. You always want a back up plan, IMO. So start doing your research and see what childcare drop-in options you have. Does his school have any sort of before and after school care? Is there another parent you could get to know better through play dates and talking you could eventually have your child stay with? Ask his teacher, sometimes they have parents in similar situations and can recommend someone with references. Consider putting an ad on craigslist and interviewing someone. It is hard to get used to change and trusting someone with your child, but if your job is financially necessary at this point, you won't be doing yourself any favors by being totally inflexible. Maybe try and find a happy medium =) You could also call on this person when you and your hubby just need a date night! Best of luck.

You are not wrong at all. Definitely come up with a plan to come later, work through lunch, work on one Saturday a month( ouch, that sounds bad, but if they start being really rigid, maybe you could throw it out there as a last resort. Someone from my husband's firm does that, and it has helped some). Just as long as you make it clear that you are willing to put in your best work( as you have for 10 years!!!!), then they should be reasonable about it. Have you checked out momsrising.org? They have information for working moms, and for all kinds of issues that affect working and nonworking moms alike.

You are not wrong at all! Of course you wouldn't want to leave your son with a stranger. Unless you are actually *required* to do so, I would never take the suggestions as a directive. Even if you are *required* I wouldn't just do it. My son's safety would be way more important than any job.

You are not wrong for the way that you feel, but you need to decide if loosing your job is worth leaving your son for a short time with a parent that you can get to know. He is old enough to tell you if anything strange happens and in this economy can you afford to loose your job. You didn't say what time they wanted you to be at work. Let the parents know your situation and I am sure one or two will be happy to help you out.

Bravo to you for putting your son first! Stick to your guns!

No you are not wrong for feeling that way. As a business owner who employs twenty women I am very sensitive to these issues. I hate when women have to make choices between work and home. Children should always come first, no question. I have two teachers (I own a preschool) who used to work 7:30 -4 and now both of their children have gone to public school so they had to change their hours to 8:35 -2:45. Trust me it is not convenient for me at all but I made the necessary adjustments because they are great employees and needed the time adjustment. First of all how do you know what goes on in this household, you do not know these people, and you do not know if they would even be willing. Asking someone to just drop their child off to someone they barely know is very pushy and irresponsible in my opinion. I do have a few other suggestions. One is do you know a responsible high school student that could come to your house at 7 or 7:15 before they go to school and wait for the bus so you can leave on time. Also, does your school offer an early before care program that you can drop him off to so you do not have to wait around for the bus to pick him up. What if you offered to work through your lunch to make up the lost time getting into work?

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Honestly, if I was you I would be looking for a new job. Usually once they start suggesting that you are more invested in your kids than you job they will find a reason to get rid of you pretty soon.
Good luck!

I completely agree with you! Your son needs and wants his mom to see him off in the morning. It is a shame that so many companies out there are so family UNfriendly. I just don't understand employers not working with their employees to help them and their families, so in return they can focus better and be more productive at work. If possible, you may want to look for another job with a company who is more family friendly. Good luck to you and your family!

No you're not wrong to feel that way. However, if your starting time is 8:00 am should make every effort to get to work on time. Does your school offer any before school care? Is there someone you do know in the same school district that would be willing to watch/take your son to school in the morning?

Did you make arrangements with your employer before school started to adjust your hours? If you did and now they're suggesting you change, explain you can't at this time. If you didn't then I'd be careful because your coming in late could cause poor job performance or possible termination.

Of course you want to spend the time in the morning with your son, but you also want a job right??I'd start looking for a new job. By saying no, they have the right to let you go. nothing is wrong with hiring someone every morning for 30 minutes or

so. times are tough, jobs are hard to find and it's not your employer's problem that you can't get there on time. kuddos to all who said they are extremely aware of mommy's jobs and empathetic to their needs, but
come on, she's a single mom and needs her job and money.

i completely understand how you feel.. but why not try getting to know a neighbor just in case they start putting more pressure on you to do this? it's always great to have a neighbor that your child feels safe to go to if something were to happen to you and you need help. i wouldn't want to leave my children with just anyone either, and i completely agree with your refusal for now. if you love your job and the people you work with, i'd seriously think about this option though. if not. look for another job that suits your family better.

I know that when I was working I had my son signed up for before care it was not much per month but it still allowed him to have me bringing him to school as early as 7am, he was able to play with other children his age, and I was able to get to work earlier. Maybe contact the school and see what they have to offer, or call your local childcare resource and see if there are any family childcare providers in your area that are along a bus route for the school and see if they have any avaliablity....I am sure your job is important but I agree with you as well my kids always come first!!!

I would sit down w/ the boss. Tell him/her your situation. You'd be surprised how understanding people can be. Just say there is no one else to get your son off to school. Mayb you can stay late somedays...but definitely draw the line. My job is very odd & we have all sorts of different start times..but my child started school has to be ____@____.com's all there was to it. My boss understood. Actually told me that he would drive his daughter to school @ 7am & come to work & sleep for an hour in the office before anyone got there! You'd be surprised what parents do!

I think your doing what you think is best and I applaud you for that. Maybe the morning you see your child leave to school gives you bonding time as well as peace knowing that you left him in good hands.

No, you are not wrong the way you feel. But you have to ask yourself if you want to keep your job. I have worked nearly every year of my children's lives (3 kids) ((19,24, 26 now) and for 10 years, I worked 2 jobs from 7:30 am to 10:00 pm. Had to keep food on the table and pay rent. My kids are self sufficient, mature, yeah, I guess I missed out on some things. They also know how it was when we were evicted and homeless for 5 months when their father left. i swore that after that I would not put them in that position again. If you want to stay home with him, then choose what you want in life. it's hard, true, but it also gives them self-reliance and lets them know how to take care of themselves. Good luck.

While I believe your feelings are justified, I hate to say that your employer can impose whatever restrictions they wish. I'm in a similar situation. After being laid off in May, I was fortunate to find a job quickly. My current company does not offer flex time-we are expected to be here from 8-5. I have 2 young children in Day Care while most of my colleagues either have wives who stay home with the kids or have grown children.

Does your school have a before school program that he could attend? I don't know the cost of most programs, but it may be an alternative solution to help you keep your job.

We're not in a great economy right now, so employers are realizing they have the upper-hand in most situations (especially if you are in a work-at-will state). 10 years is a long time to be with a company, and I'd hate to recommend you look elsewhere, but if the problem persists, you may need to reconsider if they're the best company.

Good luck.

To answer your specific question, are you wrong for the way you feel? Of course not, you are a caring mother and love your child. You are not at all wrong for how you feel. Can you however talk to the people at your job and explain how difficult it is to leave your son in the morning and when you can actually get to work? Sometimes people are more understanding than you think. For instance I have two older children but I will never forget wrestling with those exact same feelings. It sounds like it would be worth it to discuss this with workers/employers. All that can happen is that they can say no, but why anyone except for perhaps a single guy who has no clue what it is like to have children ( and maybe he has nieces or nephews, etc.) you might find people to be very kind about your situation. Unless everything at your job happens very early in the morning why couldnt you learn just as well with an extra half hour cut off or so? After all, this was not in your job description when you started was it? This is just a precautionary situation in case others cannot do it. My final words and something that I read somewhere, you won't make the shot if you don't shoot the basket. Or something like that. Good luck!

Updated

I was trying to post my answer, but am not sure if it is here.

Hi K. -- You are not wrong!!! Be as firm as necessary in establishing your time limitations -- first get your own dept behind you, then just be firm though not confrontational in setting limits. It is a small thing every non-parent can do to invest in the future of one child and therefore the entire planet.

Good luck, though, as it can be tough!!!
:-)
Mama S.

You are responsible for the well-being of your child, so if you don't feel comfortable leaving him with someone, trust your inner instincts. So what if your child can tell you if someone hurt them, the damage is already done. You may wish to get to know your neighbor better, invite them for dessert or coffee or dinner or brunch or something or even ask them ("things at work are changing and I might need to go in earlier, would you be willing...") They might say no and that's the end of it. You may discover a valuable resource, maybe do an exchange where you babysit for them occasionally in exchange.

As for work, who was suggesting you come in earlier, manager or coworkers? Is there a defined start time? Did you ever clear coming in later with your manager? If I had concerns, I'd setup a time to privately discuss it with my mananger to clarify expectations and what, if any flexibility there might be as far as your hours go. Not complaining, just approaching it from a "I've been a valuable employee here for 10 years, but there have been a lot of changes recently and I'm a conscientious employee, so I want to make sure that if my attendance is a problem, we can figure something out that will work for both of us" sort of way. You do not have to go into specifics, its none of their business. (You will have to be prepared for them saying that you must come in on time, and then you'll need to cross that bridge.) I do like the other person's suggestion of saying that coming in on time would require you to find alternate childcare with an insured provider for 15 minutes, and that it just might not be available (providers might want a minimum of a few hours). Co-workers can get jealous if they see someone getting special treatment (or maybe they have to do your job and theirs if you come in later which makes their job more stressful/difficult), so be mindful of that too. Good luck!

8am is a really early start time. Most businesses don't start until 8:30 or 9am. I would ask for a little flexibility - arrive 15 minutes late and offer to stay 15 minutes late. I wouldn't say that you don't want to leave your son with someone. Instead, I would explain that if you require childcare for this 15 minutes every day, you have to pay someone, you must get a signed agreement, and likely, that person would have to have insurance, in case something happens to your son in their care. Is this really worth it for 15 minutes? If it doesn't drastically affect the outcome of your work, I would ask them to cut you a little slack. If you have worked there 10 years, it is probably worth their while to cut you some slack because replacing you would be costly for them. They know this - so don't let them hold this over your head.

NO! You are not wrong. Never hurry to trust someone with your child. This trust should be earned, and takes time. I know someone who was molested by a babysitter as a child, and I am careful about who I leave my kids with.

What about working a little later -- rather than arriving earlier -- would that be possible? And...you can never be wrong for the way you feel, because feelings are not right or wrong, they're just feelings, and you are entitled to yours! I think we have to trust our gut feelings about who we feel comfortable leaving our children with, and who we don't, and who we need more time to get to know before we feel we trust them.

Good luck with everything! :-)

I think the workforce still has a long way to go to be family-friendly. It's not your fault that you are facing this dilemma.

I had a similar problem when they changed my child's start time at school to 15 minutes later. I had to change the time I dropped him off and be slightly late to work. I spoke to my boss about the situation and he was fairly understanding of it. We changed my start time to 9:15 instead of 9, and of course I still had to get there at that time. I proposed to him that I would stay the extra time on the other end of the day or take a shorter lunch and we worked it out. You have to present it that you realize your job is also of paramount importance and that you are trying to work it out to everybody's advantage, not just yours. I think if they are reasonable they will be okay with some sort of arrangement like that.