Wont Let Husband Stay More Then Night with Last baby...am I Mean

I have had 4 babies and never had my husband stay the night. he has always stayed at home to take care of the others at night.

Yes, he can visit, but yes, he is most needed at home, keeping the boys on schedule, in their routine and safe. Good luck!

I TOTALLY told my husband that he had to sleep at home!! He was there for the birth, loved all over our first little girl (I have two boys 9 and 6) and then went and picked up the boys at school and brought them back to the hospital. Then, back home after visits from everyone! He slept at home, took care of the dog and the boys, got them off to school the next day and came back to the hospital.
However...I sent him home after that baby because he snores like a bear and I didn't wan him in the hospital after the c-section or I NEVER would have got any sleep. So, maybe I am selfish. But, it worked for me!
L.

I have 3 as well - 2 girls ages 4 and 5 and a 7 month old baby boy. My hubby was with me the whole time with #1. Not with #2 and 3. He's been mostly home with the girls. He was there during the c-section and stayed a little bit after but then that's it.

I wouldn't let my husband stay even one night for my second or my third. He went home about 2 hours after the delivery and called me that night and then came the next day. I can't say that he rested well (he claims that he can't sleep if I am not there). The purpose was to be there with the older kids (and unfortunately my youngest-5 years old, missed his mommy and was very difficult and my husband could not be empathetic and yelled at him and put him back to bed crying when he got up at 3AM). But I got rest, and I knew I wouldn't get it if he was there with me, especially non stop, and I was going to need it. You will have enough help in the hospital. I vote for make him go home.

Sounds like you are predicting rather accurately probably how it will go. Tell your husband exactly what you told us. Say something like "At the hospital I'll have all the help I need at night. You go home and get good sleep. Take care of the boys. I'll be happier knowing you and the boys are well rested and that their routine isn't broken too bad. I will need you when I get home. I'll be fine at the hospital with all the nurses and stuff."

Honestly - I'm impressed. My husband didn't spend even one night in the hospital when I had my 3 night stay with induction, c-section, and recovery. He went home, slept, and then didn't get up to help me with the newborn either. (Had the baby on Fri, he was back to work on Monday).

If I were you, I'd get mom and MIL to come ASAP to help out!

When I had my daughter (vaginally) I stayed in the hospital only one night. My husband did not stay with me. I was slightly miffed when he asked if he could go home, but in the end, I was very glad he did. My daughter and I slept very well and he would've been uncomfortable in the makeshift bed provided for him. None of us would've slept as well. I think having a well-rested spouse is the best thing on arrival home.

Maybe if you frame it like you are only concerned about him "I worry about you getting so tired and I really want you to be able to enjoy the baby..."

Also, is there anyone else who can come help you once you get home? Or someone to watch your boys at times?

I didn't have a C-section, but my hubby didn't stay any nights. He went home, went to bed, and came back the next day. If there's no medical reason for him to be staying with you, he should be home getting sleep. That's all you and your daughter are doing while you're at the hospital is sleeping. He should not have hurt feelings. It's just a couple of days. He needs to understand that sleep is as valuable as diamonds right now and he will be seeing your daughter all the time once you get home.

My hubby stays through the delivery & till he know all is ok. Then he is off to take care of the others... we have 5 at home now (7 yr old girl, 6 yr, 4 yr & 16 mo old boys & our news - 1 week old girl).

Last week we hearded to the hospital after getting the kids to school and to Papa's house. We got to the hospital around 9:30 which was a 1/2 hour early for my induction... I delived at 4:22 and daddy headed to his parents to have dinner & pick up the kids around 6. He did bring back the crew to meet their new sister & that momma was ok, plus momma checked homework, then he got them home for bed. After that he visited the next day after picking up the kids from school, we did homework together and they got pictures with baby Eva & picture buttons/pins from the nurses - they did leave in time for daddy to get them dinner, baths and to bed. The next day we were releases around 1, so the kids were suprised when they got out of school and mommy and Eva were home.

It is important to make sure that the other kids routen isn't effected that much... they are use to a certain way of life & the transition will always be better if they can stay as close to their ways as possible.

I wish you luck & hope he can understand.

Totally think you are right -- absolutely would encourage you to stick with your plan!

It's a great idea. You both have a lot on your plate, and a little extra sleep will do him wonders.

It does sound like a good plan to me. But I think it's cute he wants to stay. My husband certainly didn't!

Good for you for stating what you need. Be sure to talk with your husband, praising him for what he does and telling him that you're asking him to do this as a way to take care of you.

I don't understand why he would be hurt. However, he gets to decide how he feels. He could just as easily listen to you and decide to accept that you are making a reasonable request and since he likes to be helpful be glad that you've told him what you need.

You are not responsible for how he feels. So don't let this upset you. It's your responsibility to take care of yourself and your family. It's not your responsibility to be sure that he's happy. Your happiness is your responsibility. His is his.

I told my husband he couldn't spent the first night with me. I had my son @ 8am, and I knew he needed to be at home with our daughter and get some good sleep, so around 8pm that very day, I sent him home. I was completely fine. I cuddled with my new baby boy and didn't miss out on anything. My husband would have been miserable in that chair with nurses coming in and out of the room. He showed up at 7am the next morning with a special breakfast for me!

I dont have my hubby stay even one night. We have other kids and we have been through this before. At the hospital I have all the help I might need but the kids at home need to have things normal as possible. And I have to admit the hospital stay is almost a vacation. I have someone bringing me my meals, cleaning up after me, and help with the baby is only a buzzer away.

i think you are right on target.

also i might add to him that you need him to be there for the BOYS as well.

It sounds like you know what you need. You and your hubby know your family and situation best. I guess I am the odd man out. There is no way in hell I'd be able to get my hubby to leave while I was in the hospital, no matter how logical my argument. He wanted to be there "just in case" and to have alone time with me and our new baby. It probably does make a significant difference that our son was not in school at the time and my hubby's parents were available and reliable babysitters.

After our first baby (we have three children) my husband didn't stay the night. He stayed with me until my 2nd and 3rd babies were born, cleaned up, and when they were getting their stuff taken care of in the nursery after the birth but when they came back to the room and I was given the "ok" to care for them because the epidural had worn off he left to go home to sleep. In the mornings he picked up our older daughter/s from whomever was watching them so he could take care of them and if possible bring them to visit in the hospital. There was no need for him to stay at the hospital.

I had a c sect with dd and dh stayed the 1st night bc I still had the cath in so I was useless for getting out of bed. He left after they took the cath out the next day. And I did not want him there for the other nights, I wanted him home getting rest and taking care of getting the house ready for us to come home. He came early in the a.m. each day then left around 4pm. I was able to shower walk around and at night the feedings were easy so I was not super concerned.. So to answer your ? no you are not being mean, he needs to be there for your other kids, do you have a friend or family member who maybe able to stay with you during the night in case its rough?

I don't know. My husband stayed with all 3 and I needed it. But if your hubby can't relax and let the nurses do their job in helping to...then maybe it's best!

My husband stayed home with #1 dd while I had my csection with dd #2, brought her to visit a few times and stayed at home. He was the best person to take care of her. My sister stayed in the hospital with me and was so much more fun and better. She and my good friend/doula were in the room for my c section. First birth was vaginal and everyone was there, he did stay that time.