Will This Longing for a Daughter Pass?

Go to a counselor. I do think that you are having some postpartum depression. It's important to get some help.

hard to say. if it's just hormonal, then yes, it will pass.

if the challenges of getting a baby have unearthed long-suppressed desires, then maybe not.

regardless, part of being an adult and a parent is schooling yourself to accept and honor your feelings but not be a slave to them.

i have 5 brothers and 2 sons. i was SURE both of my boys would be longed-for girls (i didn't find out before they were born, i wanted the surprise) and was wonderfully, amazingly wrong in both cases.

being the mother of my boys has been one of the best things in my life. in retrospect i wouldn't change a thing.

i DO hope for granddaughters. but if i don't get 'em, i'm going to be a happy camper regardless. grandsons will rock. and if for some reason my boys and their girls choose not to procreate, i'll love my granddogs.

when i lost an unexpected pregnancy in my early 40s i mourned the little girl i thought i might finally get. mourning something you long for is perfectly natural.

just don't let it hijack your current blessings.
khairete
S.

As a mom with 4 boys? I can tell you that I never really wanted a girl. I think the powers that be knew that and blessed with me 4 boys. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sleep deprivation can cause a boat load of problems. Please see your doctor. Get your hormones checked out.

Get sleep when you can. The house doesn't need to be perfect. Your oldest is in school. Sleep when your baby sleeps. Ask for help. Asking for help doesn't mean you are weak. Or a bad mom.

Please see your doctor.

You're still post partum and you're totally exhausted. It's not a good time to make any decisions. Right now, you're still getting used to your new baby as well as the struggles of handling 2 kids. You have a great relationship with your older son because he has personality and likes/dislikes and he is responsive to you. An infant just isn't at that point yet so, while you love him, the relationship is one-sided (you giving and him taking). So give this a chance.

Your husband is also getting used to this, so it's not a good time for him to be thinking about another child either. I think you both need to give this time.

I was so sure I was going to have a girl - everyone else in the family has them. I went through infertility treatments as well and I knew this was going to be my only pregnancy. I was disappointed when I found out I was having a boy, and I was nervous because I didn't think I knew how to raise a boy. That wore off pretty soon, after he started sleeping at night and became more fun, and when I got through the depression. I feel completely fulfilled with a son, and I wouldn't change a thing.

So, give it time. If you're still bothered by this in 6 months, see a counselor, or if your longing is so strong that it affects your daily life and how you treat or feel about your kids and your husband, then see a counselor sooner.

G., welcome to mamapedia!!

CONGRATULATIONS on your newest addition to your family!!

This sounds like postpartum depression. Please see your OB/GYN **AND*** and therapist. Don't wait. Your OB/GYN SHOULD do a blood test to check your hormone levels. They should be falling - they might have fallen too far since you are sleep deprived. A therapist will be someone you can talk with and help you deal with these feelings.

Tell your husband you need help. You need to get sleep. Find a nanny or someone you trust, if it can't be your husband, to come in and care for the kids while you sleep. Please don't brush this off. Leaving it untreated can go to postpartum depression can go to psychosis.

I tend to agree with Doris. I don't think 'mourning' is a typical hormonal feeling - it sounds more like a postpartum symptom. Especially where you say it feels almost like a physical symptom.

It will likely pass, but just in case it's something a bit more involved, I'd go in. At the very least, then you'll know if it's something they can help with. If not, then tell yourself - it's something we can look at in 6 months - 1 year from now. You may want to see a counsellor to just let it out. Sometimes hormones, emotions etc. all take a toll - especially if you're not getting sleep, etc. It can be good just to talk (not always easy if just had a baby and husband not interested in the conversation!). Working through those emotions can no doubt be helpful.

My personal thought when I read your question was - you've had a break of 6 years between children, two years of fertility treatments, which have got to take a toll - and that's a lot of pressure and expectation. This baby had a lot of build up to him - and maybe he didn't quite live up to the BIG expectation that came with all THAT. That's not to say he's not absolutely wonderful and he won't be/isn't cherished. But sometimes that's part of post partum. Feeling this huge anticipation and then being a tad let down - not with the baby, but sometimes with the postpartum experience. This comes with lack of sleep, being exhausted, drained, also being slightly older and having to keep up with a school aged child who may not be as thrilled with a sibling as you may have envisioned ...

I had the baby blues with one of mine. I felt guilty for having them and that's what kind of created this 'snowball' effect. The more guilty I felt, the more I focused on that, rather than just enjoying every moment. So allow yourself to feel what you do - but find an outlet (counsellor) to let it out, and get some help (doctor) if needs be - and take care of yourself. Best to you :)

You are hormonal! Notice how you feel in a year.

Remember that adoption is always an option. If your husband "doesn't want a third baby", maybe he would welcome a third young person...you can adopt a girl of any age.

Hopefully this feeling will pass. I wanted a girl each time I was pregnant and was disappointed when I found out they where boys. But I would not trade them for anything. I grew up with 2 older brothers. Now I have 2 sons. God knew what he was doing. I would not know what to do with a girl. I have plenty of nieces and many times when I am with them I am thankful for my boys. They are now 19 and 15 and keep us going.