Will My 18Month Old Benefit More from Daycare than a SAHM?

Hi A.-
You've received a lot of advice already, but I will try to offer up some new ideas. I'm not certain where you are located, but an absolute LIFELINE for me as a Mom has been my MOMS Club. You can find a local chapter at: http://www.momsclub.org/join.html or, if you happen to be in zip codes 92647 or 49, you could join ours, the MOMS Club of Huntington Beach, North. Most MOMS clubs have several playdates or outings a week, and you can be as busy as you want to be. I've done them here in the OC and in Northern CA from the time my oldest (now 3 1/2) was 2 mo. It was great for me to meet other Moms to connect w/, and the kids play together, so you do get a break.

There are so many resources and free things to do in this area as well, some mentioned library storytime, etc. and maybe if you think of your week like a preschool/daycare time, then your son would be engaged & excited too about all the activities, i.e., Mon. we go to the park, Tues. is storytime at the library, Wed., etc....

Finally, another group I discovered last year that truly is JUST "me time" is MOPS International. http://www.mops.org/
Most MOPS groups meet once a week, childcare is part of the program fee, so the kids are cared for while you enjoy brunch, getting to know other moms kid-free (no one tugging on your leg repeatedly!), hear a speaker, sometimes do a craft--I love it, and have made some wonderful girlfriends through this group.

Overall, I would encourage you to get creative on your own first...but if you still want to try a daycare/preschool type program, see if there's a school that would let you try it out 1 day a week & see how you both do. If it's great and you're both loving it, go to 2 days. My philosophy is that they have their whole lives to be in school, and unless you have to start them young (for work, etc)., try to see what local resources there might be that would engage him, give you a break, and I bet you'll both be happy.

All the best & good luck!
Jenny
(Sorry this was so long, guess I had a lot to say! :)

I also am a stay at home mom to an outgoing 18 month old, so I feel your pain. But, I have found that recently there is a whole new world of things she enjoys, and we take daily outings. We have passes to the aquarium and Disneyland, visit the library, park, and zoo frequently, and she loves it. She gets the incredible benefit from learning through new experiences, while being with a parent. I understand that some parents need a break, but in my case my husband and I lose our sanity when we are not with her (not very often) and are relishing the joy of seeing her discover and learn new things. Try a day trip and see how he does, he may just love running around and exploring.

A., I think it's great that you're reaching out, and this is a very personal decision, so hopefully everyone will be respectful in sharing their opinions. I can only offer you my personal experience to provide a different viewpoint. I also own my own business, and when I was pregnant with my first child (my son is now 26 months and my daughter is 13 months old), my husband and I contemplated the whole child care issue. While I couldn't afford to be home full time, I did contemplate working from home half the week and day care half the week. After carefully researching several options, we found a school we loved named Discovery World. It truly is a school, not simply a day care. They provide structure and a nurturing environment, and have lesson plans for every age range (nothing crazy militant or over-achieverish, just focusing on different developmental skills children are acquiring at various ages; for example, for the infants part of developing their sensory skills they will let them play with uncooked pasta versus cooked pasta to feel the difference in texture). I initially put my son in when he was 10 weeks old, for half a week. It was amazing. Not only did my son flourish and enjoy the socialization and activities, but I felt a huge weight off my shoulders and a sense of relief. I realized that I had been trying to juggle work and my son, and had been feeling guilty that I wasn't fully devoting my time to him, and yet also felt that nagging uncertainty that I wasn't engaging him as much as I should or doing the proper activities, etc. (attributed to me being a first time mom). I also had been feeling somewhat "trapped" being home all day long after having always worked or gone to school full time. Now my son LOVES school, and my husband and I are thrilled with his development. He's 26 months old, and has known his ABCs since he was about 20 months old, can count to 20, has a full vocabulary, speaking in full sentences (actually paragraphs at a mile a minute). I know that speech and other developmental milestones are very particular to each child and vary, but I truly believe that his early exposure to a nurturing, structured, and interactive environment has helped him tremendously. He loves his friends, every day telling us about his adventures with them (which, by the way, his current classroom is focusing on teaching the kids their last names, so he knows his friends' last names and first names). Neither my husband nor I are by any means the stereoptypical parents who want their kids to be overachievers; my husband is a musician/producer, and I am an attorney who disliked the sterile and cutthroat world of law so went into business with my family instead. We just wanted our kids to be loved, mentally stimulated, and wanted them to be around other kids to nurture their social development. My son did so well in school that when I got pregnant with my daughter it was a no brainer--we actually started her in school when she was about 7 weeks old! She's doing wonderful now as well. One of the other things that's been amazing about this school is that they've taught our children to sign, which alleviates a lot of the babies' early frustration at not being able to communicate. Our 13 month old daughter can tell us when she wants "more", and when she's "all done." She even signs "please." She's developing into such a fun little character, and is so different from her brother that we're excited to see her individual development and skills. The great thing is that the teachers work with each child individually to foster their own particular skills and address their individual needs. So while I do think that you have to be careful about which "day care" you put your child in, I do think that it can be an amazing alternative to staying at home with your child, either because your circumstances don't allow you to stay home full time, or quite honestly, if you're like me and just never wanted to stay at home full time.

Sorry for the long post, hopefully it gives you an alternate view. Good luck with your decision, and do what feels best for you and your family. You'll know it in your gut. :)

You have some wonderful advice both ways on this already,--but either way, I think something that will be VERY helpful is really creating an area that is 100%- and it has to be 100% childproofed in your home. Invest in gates, plexiglass to screw over the fireplace, bumpers, drawer and cabinet locks- whatever you need to really make an area of your home a space where your son won't hear any no's and don'ts. Maybe an area of your yard too? And then just let him play-- it may be quite different to have some independent play time alone, but I think this is very useful to kids. We don't always have to be right up next to them- it's exhausting for us, and attention spans are built when we aren't interfering in their work of learning about the world around them all the time. 10 minutes of independent play can turn into an hour- seriously. And you can get things done in the meantime. Also, rotate the toys so that he doesn't have the same ones day after day- also too many can make things worse. Put a few out in the safe space, and then switch them up the next day- toddlers are changing so fast at this age that even a few days later a toy will have a newly discovered aspect to it.
Good luck!

My son is not quite as old as yours...11 1/2 months...but, I'm feeling the same way you do about his being semi-bored at home. I work, but my son stays home with his dad. I'm wondering if, at some point soon, some amount of daycare might be nice for him also...just to be around other kids and start to socialize.

Here's the bottom line. YOU know your kid best. If you feel like daycare might be a nice addition to his life, then it probably would be. There's no rule that once you sign him up he has to attend...if you give it a try and he doesn't thrive, pull him out. There's also no rule about how often he has to attend daycare...if he's only going for a few days a week, or a few hours a day, but spends the bulk of his time with you, then you'll still be the dominant figure in his life and he might get the best of both worlds.

I have friends who have their kids in daycare and they are all 100% happy, smart and awesome.

That said...your son WILL get sick a bunch the first year if you send him to daycare...that's just a bummer fact about being around so many kids...so just be prepared for that.

Good luck!

Hi A., I have an 18 month old in daycare. She really, really likes to go there and talks about the other kids when she gets home. It's like playtime, with different toys and grownups who pay attention to her, both of which she loves of course! I think a way to look at it is . . .you are not abandoning your child to strangers, but rather (1) giving yourself a sanity break (which will help your child too!) and (2) exposing your child to new people and situations in a safe environment, which is stimulating!
Some of the other mommies at daycare and I call it "playcare" - our babies seem to think we're taking them to a big fun place every day to play, instead of dropping them off at daycare so we can work!
At his age, he might have some separation anxiety at first - just something to think about. And different daycares can provide wildly different experiences, so you'll need to find the right one for you and your son.
Also I want to tell you - when I have my daughter alone all day, it is sooooo exhausting, trying to keep her entertained and out of things all day, because her attention span is so short and she is so active! Even when I just have her in the mornings and evenings, it's impossible to get anything done. And then she is sometimes up at night, and my husband snores too and works long hours and has to get up at 3:30 in the morning.
Hang in there sister!! Maybe eventually we will get some sleep. :)
-R.

I was in a somewhat similar situation. My toddler gets very bored at home. I was always planning outings (2-3 outings a day) just so that my daughter didnt climb the walls at home. We were always on the go. We also dont have family close by. So it was very challenging, but I am a SAHM, so I was trying to make it work.

Then, I had a second child when my daughter was just 16 months old. The new baby kept us home in our tiny condo - the baby has several naps a day and needs to be on a more strict schedule for eating and sleeping. I could see that my 16 month old daughter was very frustrated by all of the time home playing with the same toys.

I enrolled her in a toddler program 3 days a week (M-W-F). I, too, would have never considered this in the past. Im a Dr. Laura listener. But I realized that for my child, it has been great for her. She has a big personality, is not shy, loves to interact with others, and very active and chatty.

The program I chose for her has a set plan for the day - so it feels more like preschool. Storytime and songs at 9am, Art at 10am, Outdoor play at 11am, Lunch at Noon, followed by nap. Etc, etc. Technically these programs are "daycare", and most of the children attend all day (8am-6pm) 5 days a week because their parents work. I tend to drop her off late (9:30am) and pick her up early (3:30pm).... there is no pro-rated price for me...but whatever...

I like that they have planned an entire day of activities for her. I am not concerned about "learning". She is only 20 months now. She doesnt need the pressure of knowing her ABCs yet, etc. Rather, I like that she is engaged, and getting to do fun stuff for a few hours.

And then, on the days that she is home, she is not climbing the walls. She enjoys her toys at home. I am less frustrated with her. I also hired a "mother's helper" on Tues and Thurs mornings to help me with the new baby, so that on the days my toddler is home, she gets more of my undivided attention (she doesnt have to compete with the baby as much)

It is sucking up all of our extra money - but for now - it is what is working. And our home life isnt as chaotic as it could be, having 2 children under 2 years old.

Oh, one other thing: I have tried to make her "school" feel more like part of our family. Meaning that we talk about her school when she is at home. We sing the same songs she sings at school, and read the same books. The school gave us class photo, so we put that low on the fridge, and we look at it, and she can point at her friends and tell us their names. The school has family activities often (potlucks, etc. this afternoon there is a singalong), and we attend those events. Each week her teachers tell me what the "unit" is. For example, last week was colors. This week is cooking. So last week, we talked about colors on the days she was home and wore the same colored shirts. And yesterday, she helped me cook for 20 minutes.

Oh, one other thing: Dont choose a daycare/preschool that is further than a 10 or 15 minute drive. Because especially if you do a half-day or shortened day program, you will feel like as soon as you drop him off it is time to pick him up again.

Sorry this is such a long post. It is a tough decision, esepcially as a SAHM. And I know that other moms judge me for my decision -- but I do think it is a nice outlet for my daughter. Im confident that I made the right decision for her. It may not be right for every child (especaiily one that is content at home, and perhaps shy or clingy)

But it is right for us. So, look into your local options... you may find that even a 2-day-a-week program, just for a shortened day, is enough for him.

Sounds like my son, when he was 2, he went to presechool/daycare, it has been the best experience, I would recommend it over a home daycare setting, my son has learned sooo much, his verbal skills, math skills grew in 6 months of school, he learned table manners, made friends, I can not say how much it improved our lives. I have time to work, get organized so that my time is spent with him instead of trying to multitask my chores. I am a school teacher, and I realized how much planning I do at work to make a schedule of activities, that I would never be able to do at home. He learns music, does crafts, all the things that I could never put together in week, the school does in a day. Luckily I found a school that took kids that were not potty trained(that can be hard). A good school is worth it!

He will absolutely NOT benefit more from being in a school/daycare environment at this very young age. If you are worried about Gymboree classes, he would be way more exposed to the flu, colds, etc. in a 3 day a week class.
I used to teach a 1 1/2 year old class in a school and even though we cleaned and cleaned the toys, tables, and everything else with bleach, the kids still caught things from each other all of the time. I had parents pull their children out because their kids were constantly getting sick.
Aside from that, YOU and your husband are the MOST influential people in your son's life. It is best that he spends the most amount of time with you two as possible. He's also very young to be required to share an adult with a handful of other toddlers.
If you live in a small place, the best thing you can do is to go out to the park, library, other friend's houses who have young children, etc... as much as you can. Your son is going to have to learn in any environment that there are things that are off limits. He will test the limits anywhere. I have a two year old in a good sized house with a backyard and he constantly goes for the handful of "no touch" things to see what I will do about it. It's human nature.
Hope this helps!

http://www.longbeach.gov/park/classregistration/pre_schoo...

There are a few classes that are for 18mo. Check one of them out.
At that age I got my son a little bike, the kind you push or they peddle, and we spent hours walking around the neighborhood. We watched the bugs and cars, he learned his colors that way-there's a red car, there's a blue car,...
We also joined a couple play groups so the mommies could have adult conversation and the kids could run around crazy on the playground.
If you need some time to yourself find a friend you can switch with once a week-you take her kid one day and then she takes yours.
It's not an either or proposition. Find which plan works for you.
Good Luck

Hi A.,
Have you considered the Lakewood Tot Lots program? I work full-time, but my sitter started taking my daughter to Tot Lots this fall when she turned 2. I think you can bring your son now that he's 18 months, but you can't leave him until he turns two.

It's really reasonable; the registration fee is only around $65 (for being under 2 and not being a Lakewood resident). You'll have to participate in a few fundraisers, but all the money goes back to the kids. The program runs from 9:30 until 11:30 Monday through Friday during the school year, and you don't have to go every day. You'll have to work one day a week, but you'll have to be there with him anyways until he turns 2.

http://www.lakewoodcity.org/news/displaynews.asp?NewsID=5...

They play outside, do crafts, and go on (optional) field trips. Feel free to contact me if you'd like more information.

I can totally understand what you're saying. It's not easy and your house sounds a little challenging but I'd try to keep busy outside of the house as much as possible and stay home with your son longer. They are only young once. A few ideas to consider...mom's groups, mommy and me preschool classes at the nearest community college, kids club at the mall, disneyland annual pass, pretend city, indoor bounce houses, and the park for longer than an hour with a friend so that they can run around and tire eachother out. If you can unwittingly redirect your son and try to say no while in the house as little as possible, that would be a lot less frustrating for him. Good luck, I know it's not an easy job!

Yes, It will help him utilize some of that energy and also allow him to become more socialized. Try to find a daycare with only a few children so that the exposure to others will be at a minimum. YOU need a break even if it is only for a few hours a day. You will be a much better mommy. Also I work in a Pediatric Clinic and it is interesting that the sickest children I see now are the children who did not receive the swine flu shot or the seasonal flu shot. Of course this is still the season of colds and there is very little we can do about that except use common sense. Hand washing and covering one's mouth and nose etc. Take care and Good Luck.

Hi, A.,

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. (My husband is a touring musician and thus away half the year, and I attend graduate (psychology) school full time and have two kids, ages 3 and 2, though.) I enrolled both my kids in nursery school three months ago because I needed focused time to study difficult material and wanted to give my kids a chance to interact with a lot of people. I'm glad that I did. My kids attend half-week, so I still get to see my kids quite often. Although I pay more than I would if they had stayed home, I'm glad that I enrolled them in school. They, esp. the older one, seem to enjoy it and learn a lot that they might not if they stayed home with me full-time. (My kids get to interact more with other kids this way, playdates notwithstanding.)

Something else to consider in deciding whether to enroll your child in nursery school is the issue of physical health. You mentioned that your husband did not want to let your son participate in Gymboree classes this winter. I don't quite understand why your husband does not want your son to get the swine flu vaccination if he has seen a lot of kids come into the ER with swine flu lately. (It seems counterintuitive.) I'm not doubting your husband's judgment; I'm just not familiar with what went into making the decision he made. If you and your husband won't let your son attend Gymboree classes a few hours per week, then why would you let your son attend nursery school many hours per week? From what I've observed as a teacher, even at the best nursery schools, there are just as many sick kids at nursery schools as there are at Gymboree. Will you always forgo the swine flu and other vaccines? If so, are you going to keep your son out of Gymboree, nursery school, etc. for a few months each year until the flu or whatever season passes? Only your family can decide what's appropriate for it.

Best wishes,
Lynne E.

Keep him with you you'll be glad you did.