Will a Change in Jobs Be to Hard on Young Children?

Updated on December 31, 2011
J.J. asks from Maple Lake, MN
13 answers

I am looking for un-biased thoughts. I have worked in the same field for nearly 9 years of which I have a degree in. I had recently completed a degree in a different career area. I have been offered a job as a new grad. This is a great opportunity but the downfall is the hours. One evening is until 8-8:30, the other evenings are until 5-5:30. There is also a weekend rotation. At my current position I am finished with my day by the time school is out, M-F.
During my last schooling period I became a single mom. My children are everything to me & I worry the big change in work hours may have a negative effect. Their ages are 8, 5, & 3.
Income will be less as I will incur higher daycare costs. Nightly routines will be impacted also. I am sitting here thinking of all the positives & negatives but I keep wondering what would be best for my children. Some of my family members are excited for me with the new job offer, & I am also. But, I have a sinking feeling of not knowing how this would affect the people who matter the most. Plus, I try to do what is best for everyone in any situation & I know I will let people down no matter what & it bothers me to think about this.
I am thinking my best choice now is to put my new career on hold and stay with my current position until they are a bit older.
Any thoughts or personal experiences are welcome.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

I think it will depend mostly on if your children can be kept on their schedule whether you are there or not.

I was in retail for the first 5 years of our daughters life. And I had super strange hours and days..

Sometimes I also gone for a week or 2 at a time for market.. But because our daughter had HER same schedule each week. It seemed to be fine with her. It was just the way our lives were.

So if they will have care giver or caregivers that can help them keep their schedules that is the biggest hurdle.

I have a friend that is a nurse and she has a very odd schedule, but once again her son does fine, because he still goes home at the same time each week day, does his homework, has a play time, dinner, down time and then bed whether she is there or his sitter is there.

On the weekends sometimes she has to work and so he know he goes to his neighbors home on those days and knows their routines and does fine with that..

They have a family calendar that mom updates the moment she has her weekly schedule. He can look at it and see where she will be and where he will be that afternoon or that day.

As long as no one makes it a big deal, children can adapt. this is their life so they seem to accept it. I think it is harder sometimes for parents, than it is for the children.

3 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

If the pay will end up being less, I would not add that to the burden of also being gone and a new single mom so soon. An in home parent is so important during this age. I could see the pull if the pros were really amazing, such as excellent pay benefits, lots of room for growth... only you know what the other benefits are to weigh the pros and cons. However, if you decline the offer, you should do what you can to stay current in the new career field so you will be marketable when the time comes.

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C.C.

answers from Houston on

I'm with you...why work more hours just to pay for childcare...spend those hours with the ones that really count!

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S.T.

answers from Houston on

It's a no brain\er. Less pay, crazy hours. Don't do it.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

this is your time for your kids. :)

choose the job/career which will allow you the most time with them, especially on the wkends. & since your new career is <$$....why would you even consider it?

time to sacrifice for your kids....& put your new career on hold.

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M.R.

answers from Seattle on

I believe you know the answer. It's written very clearly in your post.

You're children will suffer the consequences the most of your new transition. Which to them means less of you.

Your current job sounds too good to be true for most FT working mom's.

When I was a single parent years ago I was still in the US Reserves and had to work 1 weekend per month...and it was brutal on me...I did not get any down time between the work week and it literally almost killed me I became so sick during the end of those 2 weeks and would slowly bounce back and it would start all over again..I eventually got out, but not soon enough. I have only regrets about working that much. I ruined my energy level and immune system. I was just sooo dang tired from juggling it all.

What will happen if a child becomes sick while working at your new job? How much personal time is involved? How flexible are they with you being a mom?

Your children will grow up and be gone in a flash. Believe me, my 23 year old just came home for Christmas, and I do not know where the time flew.

Unless you have a phenomenal support system and back up child care and tons of trustworthy family, I would not take on more hours that conflict with my kids schedules....not now. Later...yes.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Switching careers can be very difficult. If you let time pass after finishing your degree, your chances of being offered a job in this new career could diminish greatly. The adjustment to new hours may be somewhat hard on your children, but they do adjust.

Think about the long-term advantages for you and them. Remember the reasons that you put in the time and work to get this degree. You must have expected some advantages for your family. Keep these in mind, and accept the job.

You say you've become a single mom. Is their father still involved? If so, what are the possiblities of arranging his parenting time to happen on the days you would need to work later, or on the weekends? If he's not going to be involved, yes, daycare will be something you'll need to work out, but that is a challenge, it is not impossible.

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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

Considering your degree is recently completed I'd say you'd be at a slight disadvantage by waiting to move forward with a job in that field. Can your family help with any of the childcare? Perhaps on the weekends or a weeknight? Who would watch them then??
I see your point in waiting til they're older but you are in a prime position to move ahead. Is this new job a stepping stone to one with "normal hours" or will it just continue to be irregular??
Day care would only be for the 5 and 3 year old until fall when you'd only have the 3 year old right? The other would be in school. Lots of programs have full time preschool. Maybe that would be an option.
I applaud you for making huge strides to better your position yet keep your family first. Best of luck!!

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M.

answers from Omaha on

I sort of think it would probably be hard on them because of the schedule change. It is a pretty major change and they would be missing out on time with you. I didn't really see you mention anything positive about the new job. Is it possible that if you don't take this one, you could still get another one that was just as good or better without the bad hours?

You are the only one who really knows all the details. I have heard this suggested as a way to make a decision and I think it is really interesting. Instead of trying to use logic to weigh the pros and cons, stop for a minute and pretend you have made the decision to take it. And now pay attention to how you feel. Then pretend it is a done deal and you are NOT taking it...NOW how do you feel? Which way made you happier? Go with your gut feeling, literally. If you have knots in your stomach one way or the other...that is not the way to go.

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

You are probably just on a new grad high, where you are surrounding by offers and opportunities galore. Companies hire new grads for the sole purpose of "fresh blood" and acquiring subject matter experts w/up to date on info/knowledge/technology. tbh, now that I'm a mom, I'd rather be hired b/c of my experience, not just b/c I'm a new grad. But then I guess you can't gain experience in your new field w/o working in it.

If this new job will be awesome for your career and income in the near future, I'd take it. Children through the ages have survived their parent's work schedule, no matter how traditional or unconventional it is.

But if it won't do anything for your income/career short term, then I'd stick with your old job for now, and the comfortable routine that comes with it.

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M.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

I went back to work one year ago and my children adjusted just fine to the schedule. However, I'm home everyday by 5. Even though the change has been easy on my children, it has been more difficult on me. I'm rushing to get dinner on the table, make sure the kids get all their homework done, and getting them to activities has been difficult. I've had to rely on friends that I can carpool with just so they can continue to do their sports and other things.
The time that you have with your children is so short. You don't want to look back and regret that you spent the time working instead of hanging out with them. Trust your gut feeling and take into consideration that other job opportunities will come your way, and you just might find one that works better with your kids' schedules.
It's a tough decision and only you really know what's best for your family.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Children do better with a happy Mom. That being said it's time to really think about which job will make you happier. If you went back to school to learn new skills for a job that is totally different than your current one, something about the current job is not satisifying to you. Yes the daycare/afterschool care will be more expensive but will the work be more satisifying? You could probably find a high school girl to help with the kids one night a week and on those weekends. If the high school girl could pick up the kids and get their homework done and feed them dinner, when you get home it will be time to tuck them in. You could make something in the slo-cooker that morning or have a big batch of spaghetti and sauce for her to re-heat. Same for the weekends.
You want to what is best for your kids but don't put your dreams and goals on hold until the kids grow up.

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S.N.

answers from Minneapolis on

Who will take care of the kids on the night you work until 8-8:30?? The 5 - 5:30 nights seem reasonable.

That being said I always thought I would work - it never occurred to me that I would maybe be a SAHM one day, and now I am. I see a lot of people in my neighborhood who work and who stay home and how their kids react to it (esp. in the summer).

Your children are young... keep your current job and spend those precious moments with them, if your talented (which it sounds like you are) you'll get the opportunity again.

Good luck.

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