D.B.
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I’m a new mom and my son is in first grade and now goes to a charter school and is home schooled two days a week and attends the charter school classroom 3 days a week. I love the school and I have been very happy with the switch from traditional school to home /charter school. However since the return of school from the break, I have noticed that my son doesn’t want to go to school now and his behavior towards work and school has taken a switch. Every day that I pick him up from school, I ask him how is school son and he always replies the same. “Great!” Now the only issue I have had since the switch is that the last 3 teachers (pre-k through first) have always maintained excellent communication with me. So when we switched to this school I expected the same type of communication…and I have received just the opposite. No communication, almost none at all actually. So I just went with it and figured it’s a new school maybe new methodology. Well the other day I stopped by the school after hours to drop off a packet of school work. There was no one at the front desk and so I went and peered through my son’s classroom to see if I could find someone to give the packet too and his actual teacher was there. So I knocked on the door and what came next was not expected or warranted at all. She saw me and looked pissed off, then opened the door and said, “YOU NEED TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT RIGHT AWAY!” (in regards to the parent /teacher conference’s happening right now) and I said, “Well didn’t you get my email. I already made the appointment.” Then she retorted, “YES! I just need to inform you that the principal will be attending!” and then she tried closing the door on me… and I stopped her and said, “Wait, is there a problem?” and she said, “She is going to be there to go over some pending issues.” And then she closed the door on me. And I walked away feeling ill and like I just got sucker punched. Then I got in the car and my husband said, “What just happened?? It looked like she was yelling at you??!” and I said nothing I think because I was still in a state of complete shock. There have been no notes, phone calls, e-mails, nothing indicating any problems with my son at school. Actually in fact her last words that I DID receive from her was a couple of weeks ago when she said, “He had a good too ok day today.” What on-earth would warrant her behavior towards me like that OR that the principal would need to attend a meeting??? What the heck happened?! Did I miss the memo or something??? When my son and I first started at this school this teacher always approached me sweet as sugar, although she never really spoke to me. Her behavior seemed as if she was really upset with me and I have no idea why or what has happened. What do I do?? My parent /teacher meeting is in a few days and I am sick over this as I have no idea what to expect. Any advice?
I first off want to sincerely thank everyone for their input and advice. I read them all and you all have valuable good things to say. I have given this much thought after reading everyone’s input. I need to say that I did email her about an hour after the incident and asked her directly about it. She waited till Monday to email me back and gave me a very standard short reply as to not be stressed about the meeting. She did not address any of my questions in my email to her, but that kind of typical short response is not anything out of the ordinary for her. So I have concluded that having the principal there is going to be a good thing. I’ve decided to turn this situation into a positive meeting. I’m going to be prepared, have my list and my recorder. I want everyone to know that even though I don’t excuse her rude behavior towards me, I have to forgive it. Sometimes it’s not always about me. She I think suffers from an illness in her personal life that could explain a lot. However, be that as it may one thing needs to change and that is the lack of communication. I’m not going to change schools at this time, but I definitely don’t feel that my son will have the same teacher next year. Who knows what will happen over the summer. I love home schooling him and I just might do it full time if the finances allow it. I love my son and traditional school is just not a part of his future. He is an out of the box kinda thinker and doer. I need to as his momma go with that and nurture it. I still feel that the school is a good fit…my meeting is tomorrow and I will conclude that positive changes shall come out of this. I will be open to hear what they have to say and then I will be giving them my input as well for positive change. Thank you everyone for your thoughts, kind words, and advice. :0)
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I would call the principal immediately and ask very politely for an explanation. There is no need to wait for the conference.
Meet with the principal today and if you feel like this is going to be any kind of adversary meeting with the teacher then inform the principal at this meeting that you wish to record the conference as you have a hard time remembering anything that is said.
Ummmmm....and you are letting you child be ALONE with this crazy woman????? Seriously..tomorrow you need to get in touch with the principal for an immediate (not Tuesday, not Thursday, TOMORROW) meeting about this. And keep your son home tomorrow if he is scheduled. This is beyond innapropriate. You need to get to the bottom of what is happening at this Charter school. I would be really curious why all of the sudden your child does not like school and WHY she can only meet with you in the presence of the principal. I wold also try to get more out of my child on this.
And if it were me my son would NOT be at that school anymore. Just because a school is "charter" doesn't mean it is a good school. In fact many charter schools, at least in my neck of the woods, are performing below the traditional public schools.
She can't act like that. Contact the principal (a) to make a complaint about the way she acted (because I promise you, nooone is going to close a door in my face and that be ok). (b) You need to know what the issue is with your son so you and your husband can deal with it and know what to expect for the meeting. You're not gonna be able to come up with an answer in "the 15 minute time slot" allowed in the meeting if you just get bombarded, right? But more importantly than my feelings about her rudeness: how can you trust a woman like that to be with your child when you're not around? If she's acting stupid like that to you and you've done nothing wrong (and you're an ADULT), what in the world is she doing in the heat of the moment when no adult is present?
Charter schools welcome parents. If she and the principal do not then switch him to another school.
Relax the meeting is soon. Ask your husband to come along. I think you might need a ally and he has a right to be there.
I don't have any idea what could be going on but I am incredibly curious! Please update us when you find out.
I had to quickly check your city after reading your post because it sounded like a teacher my son had in 1st grade. I'm sorry-she has no comminication or social skills. I can imagine how your stomach turned upside down. I would call the principal and tell him that you and your husband are very concerned about your son's recent negative feelings about school and need to urgently speak with him. If he tries to turf it over to the teacher and the scheduled parent/teacher meeting tell him it is URGENT. What the heck? With a reaction like that from her-what has been going on? Your son isn't happy, either, so remember that you and your husband are his advocates. Listen carefully to what they say and be calm about it. I wish you luck-been there.
Maybe the teacher had just found out that the principal would be attending the conference in order to evaluate her ability to deal with parents. She may have just found out that the the principal was going to be there and she was still in shock about that. That doesn't account for her rude behavior. Perhaps other parents had complained about her style of meeting with parents and delivering an evaluation and the principal decided to sit in on your conference. Maybe she thought you had requested that the principal attend the conference. It may have nothing to do with any of your son's issues. good luck.
I agree with the other posters. There is no reason to feel sick & wait for the conference. Politely ask the teacher for a further explanation. If she won't give one, move on to the principal. Tell him/her what happened and ask for an explanation. I would think, if there was a problem, letting you know prior to the conference would be beneficial for everyone rather than having you bombarded & expected to come up with a solution to the problem in your 15 minute time slot. The teacher sounded like she was rude to you. I hope it all works out for you and your son.
If that is the way the teacher treated you...an adult, I would be very concerned about how she treats your first grader. Given your son has a had a personality change about going/enjoying school (which may be normal), I would really be observing from that angle.
Go into your meeting with an agenda: Here's what I expect from my child's school Mr./Ms. Principal and you the teacher.
Good luck!
Well, that's just weird! She should have spoken to you and then let you know that you could all discuss everything further at the conference. It's not unusual for a principal to sit in on a parent-teacher conference, but to have that reaction is bizarre. I used to teach, and most teachers welcome any parental interaction they can get! As long as a parent isn't storming into their classroom screaming or causing some type of disruption, teachers usually feel like they don't get enough communication with parents. Even if that isn't the case, you just can't act like that to a parent. Perhaps the teacher has been fired or is leaving due to job conflicts? Maybe that's why she was so rude and why the principal will be at the conference. Regardless, you should have been told what is going on, but maybe it has nothing to do with your son's behavior or anything.
I am interested in your school's charter. Do you all use a set, online curriculum that allows for kids to go to the brick and mortar school and also be home-schooled partially? I edit curriculum for a company, and I know their curriculum is used by both full-time homeschoolers and some brick and mortar schools in different ways.
Hello, I can't imagine what would make a teacher treat you this way. I would make a list of concerns and take them with me. Starting with how she treated you. If something has happened at school with your son, I would want to know why you weren't informed right away. You can only deal with the things you know about. Maybe this is not the right school for your son.
One of my grandsons (he and his parents live with me) told me last week about how one of his teachers called him stupid and retarded. I told his mother, but didn't tell my son. I volunteer at another grandson's school and spoke with the principal (off the record) about how his mother could deal with this. He got on the phone and called the principal to my other grandson's school and that principal called me to tell me that he had spoken with my grandson. He was so angry with the teacher and assured me that this would not be tolerated. We just happen to have a grandchild with Down's Syndrome who has mild retardation. We do not use that word in a negative way. The first principal used to be at the other school and knows this teacher. He also knows all of my grandchildren and just adores them. He was also very angry. Teachers are just people and some are good and some are not.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.
Yes, you need to go in right away and get some answers for this treatment. Something is not right. Your son does not feel comfortable and the teacher was condescending and rude. If there is a problem that is causing her to have that much angst, she should have been in contact with you about it long ago and not let it come to this. Even her note - good to ok day- is rude and condescending. I would not tolerate being treated like this and would really be digging for some answers as to what is causing my son to not like school anymore.
I would feel the same way. Call or go to the school right away and demand and answer for that odd behavior. If she won't talk about it then go to the principal. Also try to ask your son gently if there's anything going on he hasn't told you. That is really strange and I would not be able to wait even 1 more day. She had no right to act so dramatic and then cut you off as to not even give any explanation. That is very very strange.
I find the teacher's behaviour was extremely RUDE. There is never a good time or reason to be rude. I'm one that believes open communication is vital in the education of my children. I do not expect my daughter's teacher to teach her everything she needs to learn in life and I'm sure she doesn't expect that from me either. However together we can ensure my child receives a well rounded education. There is an open door policy at my daughter's school. If we ever have a concern or question we are free to address it immediately. We speak with the teacher every day during drop off and pick up and have her email as well as a cell phone number in the classroom. She also has our info and is not shy about using it if there is ever a question. That teacher had no business being so rude and disrespectful to you. I would have opened the door told my child to collect her things and we would have sought out the administration. IF she is that rude to you, the parent, imagine how she is with your child who is powerless. The administration would be told in no uncertain terms that IF there had been any problems with my child they should have informed me immediately. The lack of communication is unacceptable. Is there another charter school you could move your child to? It is my job as a parent to ensure my child receives the best education possible in a nuturing environment with all parties cooperating and communicating with each other.
Go to your son's school this morning and request to see the principal. Schools exist to educate students, their parents have a legal right to immediate access to any and all information regarding their child. The principal is there is make sure the school is running smoothly, this is something they do everyday; conferring with parents.
Teachers are required to maintain good relationships with parents and to collaborate with the parents of their students. This teacher's communication with you is poor and her intimation that something is wrong without elaborating is unprofessional.
Please sit down with the principal, relate to him what you told us and let him/her set this matter straight today. Flat out- you have rights, the school exists for your child and you, don't let anyone make you feel this way and perhaps cause your child emotional or psychological harm. Go today!
Please let us know what you find out. We're curious to know why this woman is acting this way, too. Good Luck and [hugs] for you little son!
I would contact the principal since the teacher isn't forthcoming. Neither can expect you to know about "pending issues" let alone do anything about them if they don't communicate them to you. Sounds like her behavior is a bit off. Possible to switch teachers? Communication is always key especially between home and school.
BTW...never heard of a part-time charter/part-time home school before, always one or the other.
That's awful and so rude!! I would call the principal as soon as the school opens and set up an appt at drop-off. Actually, I'm not even sure I would send him until after the meeting. Both my kid's go to Charter schools and I have never heard of that kind of treatment.
As far as the principal being there goes, there could be so many reasons why so don't go there, just concentrate on your one on one w/ the principal and figure out what school is the best for your child.
Good luck!
one of my kids always has the principal in the meetings. because he has an IEP. For me, it means nothing. But, i wouldn't worry about the problem, you'll find out soon enough. He could of bullied a kid. he could of been bullied. Who knows. Most teachers do not want you dropping in on class. It can be disruptive. She shouldn't of yelled at you. That is a given.
Make sure your husband attends with you this meeting with the principal and teacher.
No sense in asking your son and having him feel ill too. Go to the meeting and find out and as mentioned, if you need to, move him.
Try to go online and see if you find any reviews on the school to see if there is any answer to the behavior.
Often times in smaller more "high-end" schools, the Priniple will be involved. I teach at a small Catholic boys academy (22 years) My son is in the second grade there. our Principle know all that goes on, makes written comments on his report cards, etc.
A few things, document, document, document. Write up the incident. date, time, how it made you feel. Be sure you are armed with information and questions. Write them down. Don't be afraid to ask questions or express your concerns.
Do not assume the teachers behavior has anything to do with you or your son. She could be under a great deal of stress for another reason.
Is she a new teacher, how does she get along with her administration....
Perhaps another parent just left....
Appointments - Teachers jobs are never done. We have several hours of work that go way beyond the school day. Grading papers, inputting the grades with comments,lesson planning, our own documentations, meetings, inservices...Not excuse her behavior, but we as teachers experiance parents that are very intrusive, judgemental, and feel the world owes them and thier child everything. We see this in our students attitudes too.
Be your childs advocate. There may be an issue with coordinating the homeschool and traditioal school work or schedule. If you have not been notified of a problem, don't automatically assume there is one. Are you sure the teacher recognized you as YOUR son's Mom? I have made that mistake before...very embarrasing....I'm a veteran teacher!
Good luck and go with an open mind.
I don't know where to begin, but in brief here is what I suspect. First, teachers are not all well rounded or balanced in their personal lives and I suspect that this one teacher is taking her personal feelings out on you. Second, I also suspect that if you or your child are being treated 'different' it may have something to do with you home schooling (funding) schools get paid for the number of days a child attends school and no money if out other than sick. Additionally, there may be a need for her to give your son extra time she may feel she doesn't have to perhaps get him caught up on classroom lessons/activities that go on on the days he is not in class. (most teachers don't like or have time for this) Whatever her reasons for being less than professional don't factor into your solution; seek clarification with the school principal and if you are not satisfied with that outcome go higher in authority such as the school district administrators and if you're not satisfied even then go to your city/county supervisor. Best of luck and remember no one will advocate for your son better than you can.
