So Upset with My Sons Teacher

I would request a conference with the teacher.

I have a 2nd grade boy and what I hear from him is not always all of the information I need! lol

S.,
You haven't said why his grade is a D. You can make an appointment to go and speak with the teacher and go from there. As far as what's happening on the playground, I understand where your teacher is coming from if he's not out there. Who is monitoring these kids? I've waited at schools for 1/2 day children in my daycare and have been appalled at the lack of supervision at these schools.

S., I've been trying to figure out a nice and tactful way to bring up something to you. I don't want you to think I'm a prude about occasional typos. But I do have to say that your letter here is so full of spelling errors that you might have a hard time helping your son. Writing is very important and this teacher may have legitimate reasons for giving him low grades. It could be that punctuation is missing or there are a lot of spelling errors for words he feels your son should know. Maybe the penmanship is very bad.

I'm sure it's hard to be a parent dealing with a teacher that could have a personal issue with your son or maybe he's just not yet good at dealing with parents. Maybe he never will be. But their job is hard and I can't imagine doing it for that many kids. I have dealt with a lot of parents of my daycare children that didn't want to admit their child could be the blame for anything. You need to try and get to the bottom of it without assuming this teacher is doing anything wrong.

As a former educator, I have a few things.
First, if your son didn't follow directions, then he doesn't deserve a high grade. It might have been because he didn't understand the assignment or whatever, but he still didn't follow directions. If he copied out of a book and didn't cite things properly (using quotations on the stuff he copied from the book), then he did wrong. He should have tried to re-write the information in his own words. I'm betting that's what the teacher wanted him to do. It sounds to me like either the teacher isn't explaining things, or your son isn't "getting" the directions.
A meeting is definitely in order to figure where the problem lies. Something is clearly getting lost in translation.
Second, what is the counselor doing for your son? Is he ADHD? How does he act when he's frustrated? Is he constantly acting out in class? Is this making it hard for him to learn? Your explanation was very very broad. You need to get the specifics from the teacher and the guidance counselor. Personally, I would make an appointment with the counselor, the principal and the teacher. Everyone needs to get together and get on the same page.
Third, is your son's teacher on the playground at recess? Is it possible that it's not his problem because he's not out there? Talk to the school. Find out who'd on recess duty. Get the WHOLE story. I'm not trying to blame your son, but if he has frustration issues, it could be causing his problems on the playground.
Last but not least....before you send any type of written communication to the school (or anyone) you should run it through spell check. An email full of typos, misspelled words, and incorrect punctuation is NOT going to help your case. I know a lot of people that have dyslexia that can spell properly. It takes work, but it can be done.

You should request a parent/teacher conference immediately! Don't go in angry, but Mr. Smith needs to sit down with you and give you specific reasons as to why he's giving your son Ds on his journal. You also need to make sure that you are receiving handouts on assignments with your sons daily folder or whatever it is they send home daily. You said there was a mis-communication regarding the journal assignment, so get to the bottom of that. Why was there a mis-communication? Did you see the actual assignment or did your son tell you what it was supposed to be? From here on out, you need to see the handout from Mr. Smith.

Also, I don't think anyone was trying to be rude, but Mr. Smith needs to know you're dyslexic when he sends notes home saying, "Get help from mom." We all know it doesn't mean you're not intelligent, but if one of the reasons he's getting Ds is because of grammar, punctuation, or spelling, then that could be a real issue when you try to help him. Perhaps using a tutor could help if grammar and spelling are an issue for your son. Trust me, I have no diagnosed learning issues, but if a teacher sent a note home with my son asking for mom to help with algebra or geometry -we wouldn't get very far!

Also -if your son copied ANYTHING -including "quotes" of facts regarding sharks -without citing a source, then that is considered plagiarism. It sounds a bit harsh for 2nd graders, and I would find out exactly what Mr. Smith has done to teach the kids about plagiarism regarding their journal topics.

I really think a face-to-face conference would be most helpful here. Don't go in mad or upset though! Hear his side too! As far as playground activity -find out who is supposed to be monitoring the kids on the playground. Teachers usually take turns doing this and sometimes it's done by administrators. If a child is pushing your kid and making fun of him, the child's parents need to be notified and he needs to receive time outs or disciplinary procedures. It may be time to have a conference with that child's parents as well if both sides are saying it's the other's fault.

***And one more thing -I WOULD complain to the principal AND Mr. Smith about the fact that "he doesn't like to talk on the phone." What?!? He's a teacher. He needs to make phone calls when there are issues AND take phone calls from parents. Email is great, but you can't be 100% sure the person receives it or when.

You said that a face to face meeting had not worked in the past. Is that because he wouldn't meet with you or because you didn't like the outcome of your meeting or feel that it accomplished anything? You have a legitimate reason to visit his teacher -- about the assignments and your son's grades. Make a written list of questions you want to ask so you don't forget. Try to keep your emotions in check so you can hear his answers. Enlist the help of a friend to attend with you if you feel overwhelmed. Your son has some problems in school and I am glad you want to help. I wouldn't demand that the grade be changed. I would ask for examples of what grading criteria separates an A from a B from a C from a D and ask to see examples of each kind of work (with the other names blacked out for privacy). Good luck. Your son will be in school for a long time and each year will bring new teachers, new problems and new joys.

S.,

I am wondering about his organizational skills (needing you to explain his assignment) and why you said that he is not the "easiest" in the class, and what his hand writing and his writing process is like? I work as an educational advocate, and I could tell at once that you are a smart person with dyslexia, and it is quite common for the comorbid issues (those that frequently go along with dyslexia) to run in families. How in depth was his assessment? Do you still have his IQ tests and academic acheivement tests results? How is his reading comprehension? Does he write words because he can spell them when he would say something that was much more complicated? Does he need you to stay with him to continue independent work? How is he a multi step processes? Other than this one boy, how are his social skills? Finally, did he just turn 8, or will he soon turn 9?

I think I may be able to help you sort some things out and get him the help he needs. All his teachers will not be gems, but he will be OK if you know the path he needs to follow!

M.

I would certainly set up a meeting time with his teacher. It's important that you and Mr. Smith are on the same page in order to help your son succeed in school this year. Discuss how you can better help with the day to day work/homework and what types of things can you do on the off-school time to help improve your son's abilities in school. What types of things does Mr. Smith see that need to be worked on? What areas need improvement? Ideas on how to achieve this?

If he won't schedule a meeting with you then you need to schedule a meeting with the principal to address these issues, including the fact that the teacher won't meet with you.

Yes, I would ask for a face to face meeting. You need to understand where he is coming from in order to help your child. Honestly, I can't understand a teacher not giving him a little bit better grade if at first he was doing it totally wrong (due to the misunderstanding) and then he turned in something that was at least in line with what the teacher wanted. It seems like there should be something to give your son a little encouragement. This is the kind of thing that makes kids give up trying. There are two things that often happen with teachers 1) they grade by reputation so if your son is not the easiest student he's working from a bias to start with or 2) they are great teachers as long as the child is a great student but they have no clue how to work with a child who is not a great student. Tell him you and your son are both struggling to understand what he wants and tell him you are concerned that you son will become frustrated because he is truly making additional effort and he's not seeing any positive feedback for his additional effort. Ask him what his plan is to help your son and how you can help with that. Good luck.

I am a former teacher so I know how difficult it is to deal with bullying. It sounds like the teacher is being very insensitive about the issue, but I will say that if it is happening on the playground, chances are the teacher doesn't see it and will have a hard time getting to the bottom of it. You can't accuse a student of doing something if you haven't seen it for yourself. However, he should at least talk with your son about it to get a L. insight as to what is going on. I would talk with the counselor about the bullying issue. Who is out on the playground with the kids? Parent monitors, other teachers? They should be watching out for it too. As far as the academics are concerned, it is absolutely unacceptable that this teacher won't communicate with you on the phone. You now need to just show up at school and walk into that teachers classroom at the end of the school day. If you want, call in the morning and leave a message giving him a heads up first. You need to find out exactly what the teacher is looking for when it comes to the assignments, although the teacher should be in communication with you since your son is getting D's. I would think that as an educator, he would want to see his students do well, not fail! If nothing is accomplished by going up to see him, then you need to get the principal involved right away. Good luck!

No more venting here.

No more e-mails to the teacher or counselor.

Call him and set up an appointment to meet face-to-face with him to understand the issue your child is having and to create a plan for success.

I mean no disrespect but he may be having a tough time deciphering your written communication and it is highly likely that you are a much better verbal communicator. Clearly neither of you are getting anywhere with the e-mails, so for the sake of your son take the time to go in and meet with the teacher.

First, his age as nothing to do with this situation nor does the fact that his children are young so please don't hold that as a factor. The grade is the grade and you can't demand that it be changed, so don't try that one. If your son didn't follow directions (regardless of the reason), lesson learned on your part and his part.

Second, don't email him. You have mentioned in your update that you have dyslexia and this is a simple observation (not a judgment), but your written message is difficult to read and the content is distorted b/c of the spelling errors. Writing is not an effective means of communication for you and when you are writing to the school please have someone help you!

Third, teachers really don't have time during the day to take phone calls and most have stopped calling from home b/c of caller ID.

So... schedule a face-to-face meeting and invite the school counselor to attend. Truthfully, it sounds like your son is having a hard time following directions in more than one arena and he may need some additional support. When you meet with the teacher, don't attack him b/c (like anyone else) it will make him defensive and you will not get anywhere. Have a conversation and list your concerns. Address each concern separately and find a solution together.

The solution may be that your son would benefit from the school counseling and may need to have someone help him with his work at home who is more comfortable with the reading and writing. Is there a middle or high school student in the neighborhood who could help with homework for an hour each night?

** Copying facts from a book is plageurism, which is what the teacher is talking about, but 2nd grade is a little young to get picky about that unless paraphrasing was part of the lesson**

If the school counselor is willing to help maybe you should try to set up a face to face meeting with the teacher with them present. That would give you some backup and extra support during the meeting. I would take it very seriously if a teacher gave my son a D because he thought he copied from a book, it is accusing your child of cheating. Honestly, I would think that the teacher should be requesting a meeting with you at this point to help resolve everything. Don't feel bad for pushing the issue and helping your child. The counselor sounds like they would be a good advocate on the school side and also be able to help you with any resources your child needs to succeed. Best of luck!

I would suggest requesting a meeting w/ Mr. Smith (and if necessary the principal and/or counselor). You have two issues going on so you might as well address both at once.

As for the journal, get specific instructions to understand going forward. Ask him to please review the prior entries if you still believe that your son followed the directions. Be sure going forward the directions are clear BEFORE the assignment is done.

As for the issue w/ the other boy, yes you should tell you son to try to avoid the other boy if/when possible. However, the teacher should also tell the other boy to behave appropriately (and barring that, he should avoid your son as well).

Since you have addressed these issues w/ the teacher already, I would suggest having the meeting with an additional representative (principal or counselor). If this was the first attempt, I would suggest having w/ just he teacher first.

sometimes young teachers are just right for 2nd graders. they have energy and enthusiasm and that's a necessary component. too many years in public schools can jade the best teachers, especially when they are endlessly taxed with having to make special accommodations for endless students. remember that public schools by definition must conform to what's best for most.
you say your son isn't an easy child and has frustration issues. this probably makes him susceptible to feeling bullied even when it's pretty much just kids being kids. they tend not to be gentle with each other. most of the time this is a good thing. the teacher is being honest by saying that if he's not on the playground he can't address the behavior. it needs to be dealt with when it happens if it needs to be dealt with at all.
no teacher can respond to emails immediately. they are BUSY.
getting a D for doing the work incorrectly is exactly what should happen. i do think the second D was harsh, but you need to discuss it calmly and yes, face to face. your written communications are hampered by your dyslexia, so speaking to him in person just makes sense.
what do you mean 'it hasn't really worked' to speak to him before?
if i were him i wouldn't want to talk on the phone either. he only has so many hours in each day, and talking on the phone to a mother so shaken that she can't sleep will take up a LOT of his precious time. go in so you can see each other's faces, and talk intelligently and reasonably.
and calm down. this is not an issue to get so upset about that you're shaking and not sleeping. your son will have a variety of teachers over his time in public schools, and some will be way worse than this guy. you need to pick your battles, and you need to adjust your expectations of what teachers can and should be doing to get in line with reality.
khairete
S.

Hi S. (my mom's name too)
I agree with the other posters who suggest it's time for a face to face meeting, conference with Mr Smith. You can request them at any time. JUst you and the teacher, don't bring your son with you.

It might help for you to write down the things you want to address so that you remember, sometimes I get a little distracted and realize there's a dozen questions I forgot to ask, you know?

As far as the playground incidents, each school has a policy in place where if it happens X number of times, parents are contacted, or if there is a specific kind of physical contact. I have been a reccess moniter at more than one school and it IS very difficult to be constantly aware of EVERY single conflict between every single child, we never had enough eyes.

As another poster suggested, your son needs to learn some skills to deal with conflicts like these. To make him 'bully-proof'. He will be in MANY MANY situations where he is not DIRECTLY monitered at EVERY single moment from now on. You can actually ASK his teacher for some tips on that.

Mostly I would want to get to the bottom of the journal thing. That is very frustrating!

You are his ONLY advocate, if you don't step up for him, no one will. But remember to step up for him in a non threatening way!

Good Luck with your little fella!

:)

S.,
Don't worry about your LD I have the same problem it doesn't mean you are unintelligent. Some people are just rude!

You need to meet with this teacher, if your attempts are not working you need to call the principle and request a meeting that they be in. Your child has a right to be listened to by this teacher so he can't just blow you off. Do not be afraid to go as far as you need to, place a call to they superintendent if you need to.

I went around for 2+ years dealing just with the teachers and got nowhere. I finally wrote the principal and detailed all the history of what happened. (We now know my daughter has ADD and dyslexia but each teacher just felt she should try harder, or she had an anxiety disorder, etc.). I would write a letter, then have someone else read it so that it does not sound like an attack (which mine did and I reworded it to sound more like I was concerned about the progression of issues, not so much focusing on what the teachers did not do). My daughter was tested by the school and found to have ADD but they did not agree she had dyslexia (my cynical self says this is because then they would have to spend money to teach her differently but for the ADD they just want me to medicate her). We had a private neuro-psychologist test her and he confirmed the ADD and found dyslexia as well. We are still fighting with the school (now middle school) to get her help since she is making decent grades but is emotionally very drained and depressed about school. So my suggestions is, that if you feel you are not getting results from the teacher, do not wait too long to escalate it to the administration of the school. I would write the letter to the principal and copy the counselor and the teacher. Good luck.

As a teacher of adults and parent of a school age son I want to play devils advocate here. I do realize that bullying can be really bad. My son was pretty upset about a bully at his school earlier this year. However I also know that getting an adult to intervene in every situation just eggs on some bullies and makes them that much worse to the kids they are bullying when the adult cannot be readily found. I think it is an important skill, even at your sons age to learn good habits as far as confronting the bully himself using words or avoiding him altogether and not getting into it. There are lots of great books on the subject. As far as the school work I would get from the teacher (email can work well for this) what specifically he finds to be D-worthy about your sons work. I know as a teacher I know it is plagerism when I see two students write the exact same words or I can find passages the person wrote straight out of a book and the internet has now made finding that super easy. Some kids plagerize on accident becasue they basically have memorized a passage in a book and don't even realize when they go to write. I would encourage your son to learn what it is to use his own words and express himself in writing more often. It tends to help push out that tendency to repeat what was said and use ones own words more

So glad that you wrote to this site. Although you have an LD, it's obvious that you are an intelligent woman who cares about her son's well-being and education. Good for you.

I'd go for a face-to-face again. It doesn't really matter what he wants. You are the parent here and you need to be aggressive (in a good way) to get your son's needs met.

If I were you I would send an email that says nothing but - please contact me with your availability so that we can meet in person to discuss Wyatt. I am available at XXX days and in the morning/afternoon (give him choices). I look forward to your response and to meeting with you.

If he doesn't respond or doesn't want to meet with you - go to the principal and get him/her involbed. Your son's education is your number one priority and should be theirs, too!

I'd also be sure to metion that you have a LD and need his help and understanding to do what is best for your son! Good luck!

Definitely request a face to face meeting with the teacher. It sounds like you are focused on exactly the right thing - your child's educationa and what he needs to do to succeed.

Meet with the teacher and have him clearly outline what your child needs to do - have him show you samples of what sort of work he expects and show you where you son is lacking. Ask him for rubrics for assignments like journals that dont clearly have a right or wrong answer. Ask him for suggestions of what you can do to help your son at home. Next, ask him what he is doing to help your child. If your son is in second grade, getting D's, something is wrong. He needs more help, needs to be taught using different strategies, etc. Some of the problem lies with your son and what he is or is not doing, but it is also the teachers job to help all students succeed and he should modify his teaching to address your son's needs.

As far as the pushing - unfortunately, other than monitor and talk to the kids as a whole about taking care of each other, the teacher cant solve the problem. He can monitor, but the second he turns his back, the bully will do it again. When he disciplines the bully, the bully will be even madder at your son. Talked to the school counselor to get suggestions. My only suggestion would be to have your son play with or sit with some of his good friends at lunch and recess times, when these things often occur. If the bully trys to push or name call, the kids should all tell him that they dont like it and that he should stop.

Good luck!

Ask for a meeting with the principal and explain the issue to him/her from your side. Try NOT to just accuse the teacher of doing wrong- it sounds like he means well, but is young and might not have a handle on everything yet. But ask if you can talk FIRST with the principal and then with him AND the teacher together. I am sure this can be worked out before it gets worse- just the fact that you are an involved parent and willing to take steps to try and work on these issues should count for a lot with both the teacher and the principal, because a lot of parents wouldn't bother!

Good luck- it sounds like you have the right idea here!

I think you need to go to school. Have a face to face meeting with the principal, the teacher and the counselor.
Find out what is going on in that classroom.
Offer to spend some time volunteering in the class - even if it is an hour a week. Sometimes that's all it takes to find out what the class dynamic is and how this teacher is relating to your son.
YMMV
LBC

Sounds like you need to schedule a sit down meeting with his teacher. Sometimes email and talking on the phone just doesn't do it. Sit down, explain that it was "your fault" for the journal stuff but that you were sure that the second time around he did it right.
With the boy on the playground....I had an issue like that with my son two years ago. He was in Kindergarten and there were some boys on the playground that were kicking other little kids in the groin area. I went in and talked with his teacher and he basically told me the same thing your Mr. Smith said. It's on the playground, it's not his responsability, tell my son to stay away from the other children. I was floored. I went and talked to the principal and to the playground teachers. If your son continues to get picked on at recess you may need to do the same thing. Often times there are only two or three recess teachers outside trying to watch 200-300 kids. The kids are tricky and know where to hide to be nasty to other children. The teachers may just need a heads up to keep an eye out.
So, you tell the teacher you need another face to face meeting...maybe even see if you can get the school counselor to meet with you as well. If you are married or his dad is involved in his life I would bring him with you. That way you are not outnumbered. Then hash it out. Discuss what is expected of your son and what you expect of the teacher. Bring a list of the things you want to talk about. Often times I forget one or two big points when I am emotional.
Good luck to you
L.