Why Should Kids Have to 'Learn to Deal with Mean Teachers'?

Seriously? You don't think it's an important lesson to learn how to deal with people? Especially people that don't like you or that you don't like? There are plenty of situations where people cannot afford to just walk away - especially in this economy!

As others have pointed out "mean" is subjective.

I think I must have missed any threads that inspired this one. Perhaps the people who have advised "put up with" or "learn to deal with" are thinking that what a 5-year-old or 10-year-old often refers to as a "mean" teacher is one who happens to be a bit stricter than that child prefers - my 9YO's (one of whom is pretty sensitive) have told me that one of the teachers that many of their classmates called "mean" is "nice if you're paying attention and doing what you're supposed to" (again, I didn't see any other threads on this subject so I'm not saying that this is *always* the case, just stating that as a possible explanation for some peoples' responses.)
Also, maybe I'm a bit old fashioned here but IMO there can be some good lessons to be learned by at least trying to stick it out in a less-than-ideal situation (assuming it's not abusive)

Hey, you forgot about inlaws. I still have to deal with them!

Depends on what you mean but "mean" could you explain more? Constructive criticism? Disipline? I think are acceptable for teachers, if it goes beyond that, thats where Momma steps in and wont stop until its corrected.

Kids complain all the time: my teacher is so mean, she doesn't like me, she isn't fair, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes my own kids had these complaints.
This is almost always due to the fact that the teachers simply have goals and expectations and rules that the kids don't want to follow, period. A lot of kids have never heard the word, no, you can't, or that's not right, try again.
Then the parents come in and complain that their child is being mistreated, overly challenged, or not challenged enough.

And I don't think it's realistic to say adults never have to put up with mean people, we do it all the time!!!
Most people can't afford to quit a job just because their boss is mean.
You may be able to divorce a mean spouse but if he's the father of your kids you still have to put up him.

Teachers are challenged with teaching a year's worth of material to 20 to 30 kids all day for about 180 days a year, they are required to administer quarterly assessments and detailed reports for every student in their class and ultimately meet state testing goals in their class as a whole, they work with kids of all different learning abilities, from gifted to slow to sometimes English as a second language, they are responsible for the safety of their students at all times and must deal with discipline in their classrooms and on the playground in a way that is fair to all the children, AND they must deal with all the parents who think their child is somehow being treated unfairly, being pushed too hard or not hard enough.
ALL while their profession and their character is being bashed every day in the media and on websites like this.
And they are expected to do it all with a smile?

Yea, that might make me a little mean, too!

R., I'm a little surprised. No offense.
"You don't have to put up with mean people again, ever, in your life...unless you choose to."

Sounds great in theory, but we all know that's not exactly realistic.
It's a slippery slope to let our kids believe that they should never or will never have to know how to handle situations in which they encounter "mean" people or people they have personality conflicts with.

Example: I have "personality conflicts" with one of my neighbors. Her landlord isn't going to evict her because she is a huge pain and inconvenience in my life. And, unless I want to live on the streets with my kid, I'm pretty much going to have to put up with her until I find another place to go, have the money, the time, and the energy to do so while working full time. You see....I DO have to put up with her. My kid has to put up with her.
It's just the way it is.
Every job I've ever had, there has been at least one jerk fly in the ointment.
Unless you're independently wealthy or have another job to go to immediately, you DO have to put up with idiots at work.

I know you're talking about teachers.
Not all of them are good. But I have friends who are teachers, my sister worked for the school system for 14 years, and it's becoming a problem because some parents don't think their kids should have to do anything they don't want to do. They complain if their child has to sit in at recess to finish an assignment because they were using their class time to goof off. They think it's mean for a child to get after school detention for mouthing off to the teacher because detention will interfere with their kids karate lesson.

I'm a single mom and my kids told me at least a million times they thought I was mean. If not letting them have pie for dinner meant I was mean, so be it. I was and am very strict about things.
It never crossed my mind to take them to an orphanage or adoption agency so they wouldn't have to deal with me.
I did threaten to sell them to the gypsies on more than one occasion.

We learn from the good and the bad that we experience.
That's just my opinion.
There is no way to escape every personality conflict, every person with a bad attitude, every person that we feel is mean.
Even if escape is necessary, you need a plan which takes time to formulate and then time to execute.
In the meantime, sometimes you have to deal.

Again, just my opinion.

Cuz the world is FULL of assholes, R.. If you run from every one of them you will be alone in a dark corner. Better to learn to be unaffected in the long run, and with grace (and a little superiority) maneuver your way in and out of the pack of assholes.

Really, R., of ALL people, I would think you would already know this!

:)

Well even in the cases you cite, lots of people can't or don't change their situation bc someone is mean. Sometimes your boss is a jerk, but well you need the job, the economy is rough and you stick it out. My mom had a horrible co-worker situation for six years, I mean this woman criticized her told lies about her etc, and she sucked it up bc she was single mama, the job had awesome benefits and required no weekends or graveyards. When she got the opportunity to transfer to a different division, she did! You might have to stay in a class with a sucky professor if he/she teaches a specialty you need or your schedule demands you attend that class and you need it that semester to advance to the next part of your schooling, like doing pre-reqs for nursing for example. If your spouse is mean but not cheating or beating, well lots of people deal bc kids are involved as well as commitment etc. The others I can see your point, I mean keeping a mean babysitter is a no-go, although I was in a day care where the ladies were really mean, but my mom could afford it, so that was the deal. She was doing the best she could. So learning to deal at a young age might not be the worst thing ever! I had my share of what I considered mean teachers, but at the same time I was a child so maybe my perspective was skewed as well. Maybe some of them were trying to push me to excel. I thought my grandma was mean all my life and now as an adult I do appreciate how she made me read all the time and do my multiplication tables before playing outside, it made me smarter! I did have one teacher that was off the charts and thankfully I didn't have to put up with her for long bc we moved. But the rest were just cantankerous and the truth is you are going to have to deal with some meanies in life, no getting around it! Just some food for thought ;)

if you spend your life running away from conflict what in the world will you end up? you have to learn to get along with people you dont like, period. Especially in this economy it isnt smart to quit just because someone is "mean" to you. kids are no different, they have to learn that life isnt fair nor is it a fairy tale where all their dreams come true nor is everyone a great person. is the teacher actually "mean" or is the child just upset they are being made to behave and work?

I didn't read all of your letter, but you can't run forever. Learning to deal with a mean teacher, or a mean boss, will help you develop ways to actually bloom as an adult. If we all ran away from meanness, or hostility, or whatever we "don't like" then this world would be in a mess. It is unstable. Maybe you can help your child to understand why some people act certain ways. You can tell your child that sometimes people don't act the correct way, but we have to figure out how to deal with it and get through it. Now mind you, if the teacher is doing really mean things to your child, things that are not appropriate, then I'd go to the principal. But otherwise, I would not.

Wow, I wish the rest of the world worked the way you do. Unfortunately, we do have to work with "mean" bosses, "mean" professors (unless you want to extend your college career by waiting for the next time that required class comes up and hope that the same teacher isn't teaching it again), and I can think of lots of "mean" coworkers that I would rather not work with but they aren't going anywhere. The world is full of different personalities and children, as well as adults, have to learn to deal with them. The sooner they learn this life skill, the better. And just because one child might think a teacher is mean, doesn't automatically make it so. My daughter was talking to a neighbor last night and told her how she definately doesn't want a certain teacher because she is so mean. My neighbor told her that that teacher was her daughter's all time favorite and 7 years later, her daughter still keeps in contact with her. In life, unless you are rich or a very difficult and tenacious person, you can't just walk or get someone removed from a position of authority.

R., in each one of your illustrations, the "victim" never chooses to learn how to deal with the adversity aside from running from it. They never get stronger or ever learn how to deal with the next potentially toxic situation - and there WILL be one. There will always be a next one. We cannot control others, we can only control ourselves and our responses.

I am not saying that people should put up with being abused. As a teacher though, I can tell you that many kids and their parents cannot stand being held accountable for their actions, even when it is done in a gentle, corrective way. They are WAY defensive over the idea that someone is saying they're wrong - which is impossible, right? - and refuse to believe that they have any adjusting to do. As teachers and parents it is our jobs to correct, to guide, to TEACH, because we have the benefit of education and experience. We have been hired for just such a messy task.

My parents always told me that yes, I needed to keep my head down, be polite and respectful and do my tasks in class no matter what the teacher was like. They told me - correctly - that one day I might have an unreasonable boss to work under. They also told me that no matter where I went in life, there would always be THAT ONE person who just gets under your skin like no other. They were 100% correct. So, what do I do? Insist that I am the "victim" of all of these people and stay on the run from potentially rewarding jobs and relationships because it's been tough? Am I really going to give other people that much control over me and my life choices? What does that teach my kids? When I upset them, they should just take off?

In the book of Galations, it says the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. How can I learn patience if there aren't situations that try mine? How can I learn to be truly loving unless I'm confronted with people who are unloveable? God uses conflicts to teach us about ourselves and develop our character.

Again, I'm talking about challenges and personality conflicts, not abusive situations. That said, I do NOT believe these to be the norm in many school situations in which parents claim victimhood. There may be some, but that's not what most teachers are about.

Knowing we can't always control our life circumstances, the real question is: "How can I help my child to be successful in whatever situation he / she is in?" "How can I develop his/her coping skills for life's inevitable challenges and disappointments?"

It's hard for parents or children to determine the difference between a strict teacher with very high expectations and an inappropriate, bully of a teacher. Where I work there is a teacher who has Very high expectations for ALL students regardless of background (listen to teacher, folow directions she has very high expectations for ALL parents(you know-parent your child) she expects children to do their homework, her expectations are consistent. She is considered by some parents to be the best teacher they thank God their kid had and by different parents to be mean. Another teacher is a mean bully but hides it well, talks wonderfully to the parents after school and to the principal. Parents love her. Those of us who work near her would do ANYTHING to make sure our own children wouldnt be in her class. No I dont think kids should be stuck with mean teachers who bully and humiliate them, but make sure to talk to lots of parents and spend time in the classroom before you decide if she is mean or has high expectations.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/44205822/ns/today-today_hea...

As a matter of fact, many people put up with people they don't like.

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Just curious... what do you mean by a "mean" teacher? One that sets standards for classroom behavior and has consequences if they are not met? One that expects a student to actually do their homework, instead of copying from a friend?

A child's version of "mean" may be just based on the teacher not letting the child do what they want.......

I will admit, however, to being in the classroom where the teacher is railing on the kids because of behaviors.... I'm a teacher aide and have seen some teachers that are humiliating to the students AND adults!

Thought provoking question, I like it.

I think what you are talking about is Ageism. We (the collective We of our society: judicial system/financial system/educational system/culturally accepted familial structures/media/etc.) do not give our children power or voice. Children ARE developmentally different than adults (a far reaching term). Given that they have different developmental needs and patterns, and exist within limitations of their bodily stages, they are still HUMAN BEINGS.

We, as a culture, disempower our children.

I'm a Washington kid. When I was 16 I was in community college through running start. What an opportunity! Being able to decide when to go to the bathroom without having to alert the whole darn class. WHAT a concept. Don't do your homework? Tough. You don't get a good grade. Don't like the assignment? Propose an alternate paper. I'll take it into consideration. Don't show up for class? I won't call your parents, but you won't have heard the lecture. It's on you to make up.

I love it. Why? I was treated like a HUMAN BEING. With respect. And I was able to bring my best self to the table. Out of CHOICE, not obligation.
_____________________________________________

We also live in a sexist misogynist culture. I thank our foremothers for doing INVALUABLE, hard, *necessary* work. It's not perfect, but as a result of the generations before us, I have a choice. I can choose not to vote. I can choose to go to work outside of the home. I can choose to have children. I can choose to have a divorce. I can inherit and own property. Big things.

I am not a ruined woman after having lost my virginity. I am not ruined if I have a child out of wedlock. I can choose to leave my abusive spouse and while it will be HARD, I can access help. I can (most, most, most of the time) make it work - even if that looks like living in a shelter, looking over my shoulder, broke as a joke - I can still DO it. I can make that choice, if I give myself the freedom to do so.

But there are still limitations. They are just that. Limitations. We are the daughter of liberation AND of oppression. We get to work that out. It's not about barbies, or the media - those are symptoms and they cycle - but they're not the problem. Using my domestic violence example is useful. In leaving a relationship, I not only face my physical limitations (danger, finances, safety of children, being disowned by family, having to uproot and leave home, work, girlfriends, etc.) but my internalized oppression. That is for real. But we can't see it - so we don't give it name or value. That's the fear, the deep hole of "I'm not valuable because my brain has been patterned to believe this. I can't stand up, because if you don't give me approval/if others don't give me approval than I am not worth it/I can change you, and that will mean my work has not been wasted. It means I'll have worth.)

Anyway, I'm derailing. Sorry for the tangent. Back on track. Back to ageism.

My kid shouldn't be allowed to drive at three. But she should be treated with respect. She shouldn't just have to DEAL with something BECAUSE she's a kid.

Same thing different face, I shouldn't have to deal with something JUST because I'm a woman. I shouldn't have to stay in an abusive relationship BECAUSE I'm a woman (for internal or external reasons).

Yes, yes, yes. Limitations, mean people, systems of marginalization/oppression exist. I get that. And within that framework I get to also incorporate a few concepts.
1. Personal Responsibility - given any set of circumstances, we can choose to act with authentic Choice.
2. Acceptance - Some things are beyond our control / We all have limitations that we are powerless over / This. Just. Is.
3. Serenity prayer stuff - grant me the serenity to *accept* the things I cannot change/courage to *change the things I can*/wisdom to know the difference.

Doesn't mean I have to like it. But it does give me an ability to be aware of what systems and limitations are in place. Where am I (not as an individual, but as a title - like female, or 15, or black, or lesbian) not treated as equal BECAUSE of my title.

I am a strong woman. Still, not as strong as my husband. I wouldn't be able to cut it in many positions where physical strength is a requirement. I GET that, and I'm fine with it. However, if I Ephie, were able to lift the same amount, and if I were denied the position BASED on me being a chick...we'd have a problem. I'd fight it. I'd be pissed.

Likewise, I've had crappy professors. Listening to them was like nails on a chalk bored. The feeling was mutual. Some professors just didn't like me. Heck, I'm a questions asker - that doesn't work for all teachers. Sometimes I was able to switch out of those classes and sometimes I *had* to take that class because it was too late to switch/there wasn't an available spot in a different class/they were the only teacher for a particular subject. Fine. THAT's life. I can accept that.

What I CAN'T accept is if I had gone up to switch and they had said (which they didn't), "no, you can't, you're 16." Or, "no, you can't you're a woman."

THAT is not okay with me.

I've left jobs that sucked and I've stuck around. But I got to HAVE a choice. That's the difference.

So yah. I'm with you. Sometimes life hands us hard knocks. Cool. I can hang. I learn from hard knocks even when I don't LIKE it. But hand me a hard knock, and tell me to deal BECAUSE I'm too young to do anything about it, or because I'm too female, or I'm too _______ - then we've got a problem.

And while I'm ranting and I'm in a tangent mood, let me say this:

Five or 55, we should have a choice to pee when we need to. Sorry, but my kids don't have to ask me permission to go pee. Just because they're little. If we're in the car? It's different. But then it's different for EVERYone, not just them, and not because of their age.

I don't know, I have never told my kids to deal with it. Granted I have only had two teachers I have had to deal with. Not bad with four kids.

What I have found is when you start probing into a bad teacher you find out one of two things. The first is that your kid is not an angel and you have a serious sit down with the child. The second is that the teacher is not only making life living hell for your child but most children in that case.

My kids have had a few sit downs and they have had two teachers removed.

Thing is you need to be open to accepting the child may be in the wrong. If this is the case you will not be getting the teacher removed, you will not have the support from the other parents needed. If the teacher is the problem it is not very hard to organize the other parents and the school will listen.

I don't know that a kid must learn to deal with truly mean teachers. However, "strict" is often misconstrued and therefore, a strict person can be considered mean....even though they are not... Hence, I think children (especially younger ones) can't always differentiate between the two and therefore, it does become the adult's responsibility to in fact help the child "deal with it" .. To me, dealing with something means perhaps helping a child gain a new perspective and or helping the child communicate their concerns with regard to a particular teacher. Additionally and to answer your question why should kids learn to deal with a mean teacher. They should, life is about coping and getting through difficult and or uncomfortable situations. This, in my opinion allows a kid to grow emotionally. However, that isn't to say someone has a right to be mean to a kid , let alone an adult... but it does mean that yes, we do need to teach kids how to deal with it.. It must be noted that dealing with it is empowering... while "putting up with it" is not.... therein lies the difference..

My best to you..

I agree that sometimes it's not that simple to rid yourself of a mean boss, professor, souse OR co-worker. Sometimes the almighty dollar takes precedent over those decisions.
I hate the thought of K-12 kids having to "deal" with mean teachers, but overall, it's a life-skill personality thing. In the even of severe circumstances, you CAN have your child moved to another classroom/teacher.
I guess that's an upside of homeschooling, but overall, I prefer my child to learn to deal (with a LOT of things) in public school, because it is a microcosm of life, in general.
And I agree "mean" is a relative term...now, "abusive" is another thing.

You must have had an easier life than me --- Sorry, BUT --

Yes -- gee, there are a few bad grade school teachers out there BUT -

Well, I had PLENTY of "mean professors" in one undergrad degree and 2 graduate degrees --- and learned to deal. Or else, I could not graduate and would not have the job I have today.

Had PLENTY of "mean" bosses and learned to deal. Or would have been fired - over the course of 25 years.

Same with co-workers, although could work around them a bit more. Again, or would have had huge issues with work. Sometimes, it is easier to work with people than against them.

Spouse = well, some problems, but did marry him for better or worse :) and love him to death (not abusive --- obviously)

Friends = actually put up with them because they were my friends -- wow!

Taught my 5 kids to do the same -- quite unusual apparently. Hmmmm -- what is wrong with our country?

Point is, in my "real" life, you have to get along, or get the hell out! If it is so easy to leave the people you are around, then what is the point? If there is a LEGAL issue (and there are PLENTY of protections in school if you need them), then press it --- via an advocate, or a lawyer ---; otherwise, get along or get out. There are private schools and charter schools and home schools --- if you are not the one to teach your kids to deal with reality then who will?

I asked the same question recently. I got quite a bit of feed back that pretty much took the side of teachers. I think of course it depends. There's a fine line to walk between being strict and being mean. I bet most of us as parents cross that line sometimes.

In each of the scenarios you list, you would not just up and walk away. The situation would go on for quite some time before that choice is made.

My alternative is to keep my kids home for as long as they will tolerate it. But a lot of people have told me I just need to let my daughter go to school and I know my oldest daughters were all glad they went.

In life we will deal with ALL these situations sometimes. No parent, boss, spouse, co-worker, friend, or babysitter will be perfect or even nice all the time.

I think the things you mentioned are really the last resort right? I mean, if life were that easy. It isn't always easy like that. just because your marriage isn't working, you don't get a divorce first thing. I think some of your things are easier than others, for example, you can't compare a mean boss and a mean babysitter or a Boyfriend to a spouse. Yes, in situations, it is easy to say, done deal and walk away, but in most it isn't. In this economy, I don't feel like many people have the option to walk away from their job because their boss is mean. And if the first option is divorce in a marriage, why would you waste your time.

I think that you do have to teacher your kids how to handle themselves in those situations and yes, Learn to deal with them. There is no easy way out of life, why would you teach your kids that at all. If you have a mean teacher or a personality conflict with a teacher and you just change your child's teacher without there being a path of resolution - you have taught them nothing. If you teach them resolution, you have taught them strategy, how to deal with their emotions, how to adjust, paitence, how to deal with difference and you teach them that not everything in life goes your way. Because, in real life, nothing always goes your way. And regardless of what you thing, when you graduate, life is still full of people you have to deal with, even if you have more of a choice.

I hate it when people are mean to children. Teachers should be more understanding and patient. If they can't be nice, parents should move them to another class. I homeschool but when my hubby and I were both in college, our children went to school for a year and they both thought their teachers were mean. But I knew their teachers and helped in their class and their teachers were both jewels! I was thrilled with them and I thought I was picky since I homeschooled them for 2 years already. So I just helped my kids work through their feelings. They survived. =)

I wish I had done something other than deal with the same mean teacher my son had for two years straight. I could have taken him out of the class and insisted on him being in another class, put him in another school, or homeschooled him. He was impacted negatively by her and the effects lasted a long time! Call it a personality conflict, or whatever, this lady taught him nothing except book knowledge. I would encourage any parent facing this to reconsider their options and trust their instincts.

Well, I didn't have time to read the other responses, but who says they should have to "deal with mean teachers"? Who says that? I've never heard that before. I'm never "mean" to my students. I'm firm, stick to my guns and have high expectations, but I'm not mean... ever. If a teacher is mean to your child then you need to go talk with that teacher to find out what the issue is. You are your child's advocate. I think it is important to learn to work civilly with other people and to try to work through differences. I think it's rare to come across a truly "mean" person in general. They may have a negative attitude or a sense of humor that rubs people the wrong way, but that doesn't mean you just run away. Children haven't had much experience with learning to cooperate with others that have personalities that are different from their own. They need OUR help - their parents help them work through these things. Thinking you're never going to encounter situations where someone will hurt your feelings or treat you badly and you can't just walk away is completely unrealistic. I'm not going to teach my child that if someone's having a bad day or if they have a sad life that they are just "mean" people and she should move on. Are there mean people that we have to cut out of our lives? Sure, but I think it's rare. If someone is mean to me, how do I know it wasn't because of something I did to hurt them? I want to teach my daughter to build relationships with people. Kids think people are mean ALL the time. Your kids probably say YOU'RE mean from time to time. Should they cut ties with all their little friends when they get mad at them and don't share?

I am taking my child out of a Christian school because her teacher is mean.
He is also not teaching, but it is the meanness that bothers me. My husband wanted to force her to stay and I had to get people to explain it to him. She actually has developed anxiety and never had this before.
We told the new school we can NOT have this and we were given the option of coming without paying or signing a contract. They are so sure she will be treated right.

We have to learn how to deal with mean people. But children cannot do that. They don't have the power, so we must intervene.

I think it depends on the situation at hand. Switching teachers because mom/dad heard some negative things that does not directly affect the child............no, get oved it and learn to adjust.

Other situations merit mom/dad stepping in. Last year, my hubby and I had to almost to to a lawyer to get our daughter out of an orchestra instructors class. He is a bully. He was bullying our daughter. Our daughter LOVED orchestra until she had him. She is a cheerleader as well... he told her she should be one or the other.

Well, it boiled down to him bullying her to the point that we went up levels to get her out. When we spoke to the director, he was such an a$$ hole to us...He said he would not let her drop, this ia a life lesson, etc.

Well, she got dropped. You do not tell me that I have to leave my child in a class with someone emotionally and verbally abusing her. other students were witnessing him being this way to my daughter and confirmed what she said. It got as high as the principal saying no and at that point we had legal counsel lined up. We said, if she is not moved away from that guy's class, we will have our legal counsel contact you, we will file charges of harrassment against the teacher and we will go BIG time public with this info.

She was in a new class the next day.

That said,,, yes she has had some teachers that we are not crazy about nor is she and with those teachers, yes we do stay in class and it usually end up well. SO, YES you can change a teacher if needed, but you need to be ready for a big battle and have some bucks to back you up.

kids are expected to "put up with" lots of things i dont agree with. They are forced to eat what they dont like, wear what they hate and it seems keep bad teachers.

To a degree i give my daughters rights to choose, i would transfer her to another class if i felt the issue of hard to deal with.

ETA...there is a big difference between "mean" and strict.....i would make a judgement call, a teacher that punishes, and is not patient with destructive behavior...oh well(i wouldn;'t either). I had a teacher growing up that would make kids who chewed gum stuff their mouths full of kleenex. That would be my definition of "mean"...and i wouldnt tolerate it.

Hi R.
Thats exactly why it is our job as a parent to be an advocate for our children.
If our child tell us, or we see ourselves that a teacher is mean then we say /do something about it ,period.
All the best
B. k

"Mean" can be based on opinion and not fact. Some may call strict, or firm teachers "mean"... Me? I think being strict is perfectly fine.

I've seen some moms call some teachers "mean" that are NOT mean at all! I think it has as much to do with perspective and opinion of the child and/or parent as it does the teacher themselves.

Though I agree that we have to learn to "deal" with mean people I'm not sure that a young child can or has the ability to do so. We should protect our children,it's our job and responsibility. And of course take every difficult situation to teach our kids about life and the people in it in a child friendly way.I believe that children should be in a safe and healthy environment to learn in. I don't think that we should expect anything less. I'm saddened by what school has become for some kids today. I don't think that protecting your child is promoting "running" from your problems at all.
C.

I am sure there are "mean teachers" out there, but most of the time I think it is not really that the teacher is mean, but that they do not cater too/put up with a child;s bad behaviors the way some parents will, so the child sees them as mean, and than complains to the parent. And you make it sound like thinking your boss is mean makes it easy to get them removed, sorry, but that is not the case. Unless you can prove real harassment, thinking someone is mean does not allow you to have them removed from their position. If you really do know that your child's teacher is "mean", and have real examples of inappropriate things she/he has done, than take it up to the principal.

While as an adult, I have many times had to cut ties with mean people, I've also had to put up with them for a certain amount of time first-especially the mean bosses. It has always ended in my own learning how to be graceful under fire, make a strategy, not take things personally, take the high road, toughen up and improve if I can see past my pride, etc. I ALWAYS come out tougher on the other end, even though it would have been nice not to deal with it at all. But there will always be mean people, and these are valuable lessons.

I wouldn't deliberately choose a mean teacher for my child, but unless they were off the charts, I would encourage my child to live up to the expectations, be tough, not take it personally, and appreciate the nice teachers all that much more. Mean teachers are temporary, but the lessons learned are life long. Some of my least favorite teachers (and this was in the 70's and 80's where teachers were allowed to be mean, paddle kids, yell, punish, etc) provided my fondest memories and best lessons-if that makes any sense.

I'm homeschooling right now for academic reasons in our district, and I'm sort of disappointed to not be risking some of the "problems" various schools and teachers can provide. I think a perfect, enjoyable, custom tailored education is an inaccurate preparation for the real world, so I hope to move to a better district in the next few years.

Sometimes the "mean" teacher is the best teacher. If you have concerns about a teacher, talk to your school principal about them. Definitely if you have safety concerns. But each teacher my kids thought were mean at the beginning of the year, are now the best loved teacher in their memory. They each have had teacher's I have thought were bad teachers, but not ones I was concerned for their well being, just lousy teachers. Also, by teaching them to walk away from difficult situations, you are setting up a pattern that will not benefit them as an adult. These days you can't walk away from a job, there aren't any, and college isn't full of nice teachers.

I agree 100% with Adrienne. When I was first starting out I didn't have the luxury of being selective about my coworkers to the point of walking out. If you leave too many jobs because you feel the people are mean, eventually you aren't going to get another job as the personnel department is going to have the impression you are difficult to work with.

We need to teach our children to decipher what is truly a bad situation and what's just personality differences. My son is a senior and through all his schooling years there was only one teacher who was a bad match for my son. I did work through the ladder to get the situation remedied. However, he's had a few teachers I wasn't fond of, but who did their job well. My son learned from those teachers, even though he felt like they hated him. Those teachers were actually trying and I respect them for trying.

DJ

OH how I SO wish somebody did something about the HORRIBLE teachers we had in school, at my school. 99% of all the teachers...yes, all of them from Kindergarten all the way up...were MEAN! I mean downright abusive mean. Violently shaking the kids, yelling or screaming at the kids. We were literally petrified of certain teachers & oh how we HOPED we would not get those certain teachers. Some teachers blamed certain kids for things other kids did & punished them ALL the time...for stuff they didn't even do. Making fun of the kids, embarrassing them in front of the class. But what really got me was the violent way they treated the kids. Wasn't just one or two, it was nearly ALL of them! Nothing was done about it either. A lot of the teachers were related. The principal was just as mean as the teachers so of course SHE wasn't going to believe us kids...after all, kids were liars you know. I had to endure HORRIBLE experiences being bullied not only at home but in school by kids AND teachers! I can tell you SO many stories...TRUE stories but nothing was ever done. I didn't get good grades either til college...WAY too much homework...could not possibly get it all done in the 4 hrs or less we had by the time we got home. I dunno how the popular kids did it but those kids were the teachers' pets so of course they got a free ride all the way. Very sad how education can be for some.

It sounds like the "mean teacher" in consistent in my opinion and your children have to adapt and focus on their education. HOWEVER, if the teacher's personality and style of classroom management is interfering with your children emotionally and affecting their work, then it is a matter of concern you should address immediately during a parent-teacher conference, invite principle/third party if necessary.

Don't let the first quarter/marking term close and not address the issue. You are within your right to advocate for your children and they are advocating for themselves communicating there's a possible personality conflict in the classroom.

Communicate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are different definitions of mean to different people.
A child will call a teacher mean if she says be quiet and then turns that child's card around after he started talking again. That is just a natural consequence.
Or if the teacher says homework is due Friday and the kids who turn it in late get a 0. Again, another consequence.
Teachers who don't smile the first 6 weeks are considered mean.

If a child encounters a truly mean teacher I don't think they will call her mean. They say Mrs X does not like me. My son's kinder teacher "did not like him". She was a truly mean teacher. My 4th grade teacher took her two fingers and stuck them in her mouth then swiped them over my glasses, she would always ask me to take them off and ask if I could see her fingersl That is a mean teacher. But I never called her mean. She just didn't like me.
Or the gym teacher who called me by my middle name the first day of middle school in a new school district, I knew no one. He said in front of the whole 6th grade, I didn't think anyone woudl really go by a name like that, and he mispronounced it.
I never told my mom about the real mean teachers. I told them how mean my teachers were that expected me to actually do my work instead of talking.
Kids are afraid to talk about the real mean teachers. There might be a retaliation.
So my 4th was to go onto 3rd grade with a teaher who most of the mothers didn't even like, THe High Schoolers told my daughter horror stories about her. I pulled my son out at 3rd to homeschool him. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to do so. Not many do.