Why Is My Son Making Himself Throw up at Dinner?

My son does this from time to time, but he spends some time with his nose in the corner and is not welcome back at the table after, so it has almost completely stopped.

Because he wants control over himself. Give it to him, but on your terms.

Tell him that he can either sit down and eat what you're serving, or have X, but that those are his only options until bed time, and he will not be allowed to eat once 8pm rolls around and it's time for bed. (Insert your bed time and whatever healthy finger foods you have or can start keeping around the house like an apple, a cup of yogurt, broccoli and ranch dressing, etc.)

Explain that dinner time is social time with the family, and while he doesn't have to eat right now if he's really not hungry, he does have to sit at the table with the family while everyone talks about their day.

It gives him a modicum of healthy control where you've picked the choices he can choose from. I would also pay attention that there isn't junk snack food happening sometime between lunch and dinner that's filling him up. It will get old to be sitting there bored and offered broccoli, and most of the time he will pick eating with you after some initial displays of his independence. But he needs to believe he had a choice.

My stepson used to do this when he just didn't like what I cooked for dinner. He too would put very little into this mouth then pretend/force himself to gag until he actually had to rush to the bathroom to throw up. He apparently felt he had to do this because we would insist that he eat his veggies or try something other than chicken and french fries. I think it's just a control/manipulating thing, he doesn't want to eat what you cook. I always told him that my kitchen is not a restaurant, he eats what I cook or he doesn't eat at all. My mom did the same thing to my brother and me.

Sounds like the way my little brother was at that age. My brother just wanted his way, he didn't want to eat whatever our mother made. Picky and controlling. But that was him. Just throwing that out there.

I definitely agree that some kids will do this. My stepdaughter did it a few times.

Your son will not starve to death. Don't make a big deal about him eating what's on the table, but don't offer him anything else. Allow him to serve himself what he wants and eat it. If he throws up then he goes to his room and to bed. End of story.

He will figure it out.

Lots and lots of kids figure out how to do this.
It's usually a diversion tactic. If you get upset or feel badly for them throwing up, it might get them out of what they are supposed to do or eat something they don't want to eat.
Even little babies figure out how to put their fingers in their throats and make themselves gag.
Don't get into a battle of wills with him since he's found a way to put a stop to dinner.
If he doesn't want to eat, he can go to his room, put on his pajamas and go to bed. No TV, no story time, nothing at all to eat until the next morning.
Don't give in. Don't feel sorry for him or be afraid that he will starve and offer him alternatives. "Good night. I love you. See you in the morning."
It will take about 2 nights of that and I can guarantee he'd rather find something on his plate to eat than get sent directly to bed.
You don't need to get mad or argue. He doesn't need to make himself throw up. If he says he doesn't want to eat, he can just go straight to bed. Even if it's 5pm.
He could be a little on the dramatic side, I know my daughter was. Not about eating, but other things. So, he might cry and say you're mean. But he'll decide he'd rather eat with the family and be part of evening activities as opposed to being in bed.
He won't choose the bed option for long.

Hang in there and best wishes!

my step son did this at first when we fixed something he didnt want to eat like green beans and we decided that if he wasnt going to eat or if he was going to make hime self sick he wasnt oing to eat at all, there were a few times and still are where we ask if he is going to eat everything fixed for him after we tell him what it is and usually now he says yes but it took a few nights of having to sit at the table with no food to get him to understand that its not a short order kitchen he either eats whats fixed or nothing at all but it didnt last long after a few times of waking up in the morning hungry from not eating supper he figured it out and now we dont have that problem.

My younger sister did things like this over meals. My mother was extremely controlling and not what you would call nurturing or understanding. While I and two of my siblings were pretty much beaten down by all the control and became subdued and dispirited, my little sister would have none of it. The battles, punishments, and hunger strikes went on for years, and mealtimes could be a real hell for all of us.

Unfortunately, my mother eventually broke my younger sister's will. She's had an extremely troubled life, and by the time she was 50, she became emotionally disabled. The other three of us have had serious issues with "authority," and emotional struggles to one degree or another, but have managed, with a great deal of work, to live reasonably good lives. Now in our 50's and 60's, we all have hate-love relationships with our mom, who still can't understand that she has played any part in our difficulties.

It's hard to know how much of this dynamic might be taking place in your family, but from what you write, I dearly hope you will consider how you would feel if you were your son, and someone was trying to force you to eat food you didn't find appealing. He may have sensory integration disorder, which can make some textures seem disgusting to him.

There's a valuable book by Faber and Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I wish my mother had read a book like that. My childhood would have been saner.

It could be a sensory issue (look up "sensory integration") because those kids can have a very sensitive gag reflex and throw up easily. I have one. It could also be for attention or to avoid eating foods he doesn't like. Either way, I wouldn't force him to eat. Don't make mealtime a big deal or a struggle. That just makes it worse. Just offer him the food and don't worry about whether he eats it or not. After a week or two of ignoring him at mealtime, if he's still doing it you might want to consult a pediatric occupational therapist who is familiar with sensory issues or check out some books. One that comes to mind is "Raising a Sensory Smart Child" or something similar to that. There is also a book called "The Out of Sync Child" that some people swear by, but I found it too dense and not very practical for kids with mild issues. Don't let the sensory word alarm you. Many people (my son and brother included) have mild forms of it, and it merely affects their taste in foods, clothing, etc. You might hear some people mention autism in relation with sensory issues because in extreme cases sensory integration disorder is on the autism spectrum, but that is only in very extreme cases. Both of my sons actually went through a few months of occupational therapy for mild sensory issues, but I have only one that gags/vomits. Mild sensory issues are actually very common. I have a very strong gag reflex (where my son gets it?), and it's frustrating because it really can't be controlled sometimes. Good luck.

I would really like to know where this idea of throwing up came from. So many children learn from school unfortunately. Is your child overweight and wants to lose weight, does he ever mention to you that someone has taught him to do this. I would have him checked by his doctor, I find out what is happening at school. Are they noticing a different little boy!! Has someone at school called him fat. These are the talks that you have to do with him. When you bring it up to him and he feels uncomfortable, if this problem isn't solved now it could lead to something else. Good luck my dear, I know how you feel as a parent. Have it looked into.

My second child did this as well. He had previously eaten a great variety and suddenly became very picky. He would claim he wasn't hungry. This began happening with some veggies, then some fruits and anything new that we wanted to try. He could even just look at things and make himself vomitt. We just continued to offer foods (even the same ones he had previously gotten sick with) and talk to him about the importance of a varied diet, and it did get better. We have a rule that you must at least try one bite of everything we fix for dinner, but if you don't like it then you don't have to eat more. If you don't eat enough, you get a pb sandwich. If you eat some, but not all, you don't get dessert. If you eat everything, you get dessert. However, if you end up with a sandwich for dinner, you do not get any snacks then before next meal.
Don't give up. But also remember where you are as to how hard you push. We stopped fighting/pushing when eating out until recently. Ds is now 9, and will try new things only getting sick recently over trying asparagus for the first time (just learned how to cook it...lol), so it truly does get better!

My daughter (now 9 yrs. old) used to do the same thing. She was about 4 at the time. She would do this when she wasn't interested in what was put on the table. However, she has always been told that I am not a fast food restaurant and will not make "special meals" for her. She will eat what is served.

Then one time she threw up chocolate milk all over Grandma's white carpet (the milk was not the part of the meal she was objecting to). I was very upset and embarrassed. Without overacting (yelling, etc.), I made it perfectly clear that it would not be tolerated anymore. My demeanor after this particular instance must have been enough to convince her that I was serious and she wasn't interested in the consequences to come if she did it again. I believe she also felt bad watching me on my hands and knees scrubbing the carpet several times to remove the chocolate before it stained.

Good luck! I know how frustrating it is.

N.,

My oldest did this, too, with foods we made her try and she didn't like. Our family rule is that you get three meals plus one school snack a day and that's it. You either eat what's served or you wait until the next meal. There is no fixing something different or grazing in the kitchen between meals. My daughter often picks at her dinnner, but doesn't eat it, then has a big breakfast the next morning. It eliminates the power struggle without encouraging her to spoil her appetite. It also keeps our grocery bill in check. I had a friend with a "fix your own dinner" policy if the kids didn't like what mom fixed. This was 10 years ago in Texas (where groceries are cheap anyway) and her grocery bill was $250 per person per month...times SIX kids plus parents.

Good luck,
S.

I am amazed that there is a forum about this, and that I am not alone. My five year old son has recently started to do exactly that.. when I place food in front of him that he does not like he literaly looks at me, complains and then vomits! I have never seen or experienced anything like it and it is nice to know I am not alone.! I can definitly see how it is a control mechanism and even a way to play mum & dad against each other.... I found the responses very helpful and will definitly try some of the suggestions.
Thank you.