Why Is It So "Scary" to Go Poop in the Potty?

A lot of times they are afraid to fall in. my daughter prefers the potty seat that has a bit of a back on it. It makes her feel like she won't fall in.

My daughter did the same thing. She actually got so bad she went to her room, put a pull up on herself and pooped in it. Finally, I just had to get rid of all pull ups/diapers in the house. Then it wasn't even an option. She tried to hold it in too but I gave her lots of grapes and apple juice for a couple days and then she had no choice but to let it out. I'm not sure what the fear was, but after she did it on the potty for a couple days she was fine.

Hi G. -

When it comes to "poop" - kids say and do the funniest things. Adults too, if you think about it. When we are little, we don't want to "let go" so we want to keep out "poop" near us as long as possible. As we get older, it becomes embarrasing to "poop" in public (you know, smell & all), so we "hold it" until we are back home. Older adults, on the other hand, can't wait to "let it all out." Ever asked an elderly person how they are and they tell you whether they went "poop" that day? What an obscession.......lol

Anyway, back to your son. It is about "letting go," being in control of one's like and body. Just keep reassuring him that what comes out he no longer needs. Explain to him that his body has taken all the "good stuff" from his "poop" and he can now throw away the rest of it. Compare it to an old toy he has outgrown if need be.

Best of luck,

M. M. Ernsberger
Certified Life Coach

My daughter was the same way. She requested a diaper to poop in, until she was almost four. She had been peeing in the potty since she was two. I finally got her to poop in the potty (just in the nick of time) before she started preschool, but she still wouldn't go in their potty and waited until she got home to go (Now she's nearly five and goes on other potties without a problem). I used gradual increments to get her used to the idea of pooping on the potty. First, you can be encouraged that he knows when he needs to poop and that it doesn't belong in his underpants, so you can praise him for that. I praised my daughter and let her wear underpants, trusting that she would let me know when she needed to poop. Then as a first phase, I put the diaper on for her and let her poop in the bathroom, explaining that the bathroom is where you go poop. Then when this is comfortable, you can move to the next phase, and instead of changing the diaper as they are used to, you introduce the idea of putting the poop into the potty by dropping it into the toilet and letting them flush. After he's used to this, you can try letting him put his own diaper/pullup on and dropping his own poop in the potty (might be messy, but at least it's in the right place and easy to clean up). I also had a small potty in the bathroom near the toilet and I also used m&m rewards as incentives. Good luck! I hope any and all of these little tricks will help you. Either way, don't worry, he WILL get there eventually!

We went through the same thing with our three year old. It was so bad that she would actually hold it in for days at a time. Our nanny actually got her a "brave" toy to help her at the potty. For her it was a stuff animal from the backyardigans, uniqua- because uniqua isn't afraid of anything. And it worked. We also had to give her miralx so that it happened easier and then once she was going comfortably we stopped it.. it took some time but she got there. I remember how incredibly frustrating it is, remember that he will eventually do it!

My daughter (now 4) went through the same thing. Would come to me in tears asking for a pull-up so she could poop, and just like your son she would go and hide (she liked to hide outside behind our air conditioning unit) poop, then come in and ask to be changed.
We did a couple things to help her over this hurtle.
First, when she came back from pooping, she and I would go together to the bathroom, dump the poop from her pull-up into the potty. I would say "this is where we put our poop" then we would say "bye-bye poop" and flush.
Second, I realized my daughter always squated when pooping, so sitting on the potty was different mechanically. So, my husband, the expert pooper in our family LOL, took her to the bathroom one day and explained to her how to push the poop out. I don't know exactly how he told her, but it worked. Once she got used to how to poop while sitting she stopped being afraid to poop on the potty and we finally said goodbye to the pull-ups.

I have gone through the same thing with my daughter for years. We have also spent a lot of time with gastro dr's and I gues it all boils down to pain... or at least discomfort, more than "fear" of the toilet.

(According to the docs) Most kids are not getting enough of the right kind of fiber in their diets. This makes the poop very hard, and other diet issues can cause issues with the muscles used to squeeze it out. So, to solve this they suggest.
Drinking more water. eating more fruits and veggies, and just sitting on the toilet every day, a few times a day if needed til they go at least once a day. Turn it into story time, or singing time, or just quiet talking time... make it a fun safe place to be... Set a timer so they know they wont have to sit there forever. And when the timer goes off, do not scold him for not going, tell him he did a great job trying, and we will get it next time.
Typically, they go in there pants, crouched up, because it is much easier to push it out in that position. If he really prefers that position, let him put his feet on the toilet seat and try crouching on the toilet. (If you have a steady toilet seat :-) They tend to hide, because they know it is not making you happy that they are going in the pull up. Some kids are scared of public toilets, especially the ones that flush on there own. ( I bring a roll of masking tape to cover the sensor when she goes in.

Sorry if I am rambling.. it is late and I need to go to bed, but this site is a little addictive. I have a lot more tips in a booklet they sent home with me. But those are the ones that are helping her. Contact me if you need more ideas and I will find the booklet.

Hi G.,

You are not alone. My daughter is going to be 4 in Dec and she does the same thing. She goes the whole night without the diaper, sometimes gets up in the middle of the night by herself to use the potty, and has to sleep with her sippy, but she will not poop in the potty. She asks for a diaper and goes and hides do do the business. We'be been struggling with this for at least 7-9 months now and I don't know what to do anymore. I was told just to ignore it for a while and when she's ready she'll go. but if you find something that works for your son please let me know because whatever I tried obviously has not worked. She gets excited when we talk about it, but when push comes to shovel, she doesn't care. Good luck and let me know how it goes. Just know that you're not alone and this is very common among many children.

Take care,
T..

I had the same problem - but for my son it was an attention issue. He had switched from an at home day care to a center at three and a half, and then just after he turned four we found out I was pregnant. He figured out that he could get extra attention from his teachers and from us if he pooped in his pants. Once we made him clean out his underwear and focused on rewarding positive behavior, he was pooping in the potty like a champ. He has since been my daughter's potty training coach - he is pretty proud of the fact that she has been pooping in the potty since she was six months old. He "lectures" her when she has an accident, but is good with disposing of her dirty diapers and is on lysol patrol. Good luck!

My daughter did the exact same thing, complete with the tummy aches. She always hid under a table or behind a chair when she pooped. I don't know why it was so scary for her, but it seemed really primal.

What helped was to provide really strong encouragement with no actual force. That is, I never insisted she poop in the potty, but I consistently challenged her to give it a try. I also gave her lots of reassurance that it was OK to be scared, and that I would stay with her if she wanted to try. A lot of the time she would sit on the potty and try, and would then ask for a diaper. I did not make a big deal, and never showed any disappointment or anything. I just gave her the diaper and was very matter-of-fact about it. One day she was just ready to do it, and she did. I made a HUGE fuss over it, and she was so incredibly proud of herself. Occasionally, she still wants me to sit with her in the bathroom while she poops, but generally just goes and poops all by herself, and tells me about it afterwards.

Kids work through this stuff at their own pace. I personally am against sticker charts and reward systems, especially for potty training. I am not saying they don't work - I think a lot of people have success with them. But I believe the the best reward is knowing you did something that was really hard and scary. The feelings of pride and self-esteem that come from working through a fear are so important. Just my two cents.

For my second son during potty training, I hung Dum Dum suckers and Smarties in the bathroom. He got one for peeing on the potty and 2 for pooping (one of each). Every time you go potty you give yourself a reward and only give him one if he goes. He will get the swing of things in no time at all.
Also, what kind of toilet seat do you have? My son was deathly afraid that he was going to fall in the toilet, like in Flushed Away and some of their other movies. And he did not like the donut seat in the toilet because it moved around and he felt unsteady, so I bought the Potty Pal seat off of Target's website. It cost only $25 and is a permanent seat so it will not move. We bought two and have one upstairs and one downstairs. It is comfy for my hubby and I too, just one extra step to cleaning. Check it out -- it really helped us! Good luck!!

This is a common thing. Really common. Kids this age are afraid the poop is a part of their body that they are "losing" and , well, just imagine your arm suddenly dropping off. That's scary. Other creatures hide when ill or vulnerable...so do kids voiding, or fighting voiding.
I am sure this is something you will end up waiting out. It is a conception thing in his mind. You can't make the brain /mind mature faster. You can only keep a stress free environment that allows that to happen on its own. Like you can't make a plant grow faster by pulling on it.
Good luck...and lots of patience.

It's the water splashing on their bottom that scares them. Try putting a papertowel in the toilet before he goes, it worked for my son, whom I potty trained at 2. The toilet was scary for him. I also placed him facing the tank on the toilet so he had something to hold onto when he sat there. Let me know if that works for you.

Good Luck

I heard one mom solve this type of challenge by putting the potty where her child like to hide when he was pooping, and he then went in the potty. Maybe your son needs a special place to do it along with your encouragement?

I wouldn't so your child is scared so much as embarrassed. Most people unconsciously let children know how disgusting poop is. That creates shame in a child when he potty trains. If you feel you may have done this, I am not sure how to correct it, or if it is correctable. But i would suggest trying to let your child know you think his poop is wonderful (as hard as that may be). My daughter is 2 and has been better at pooping in the potty than she was at peeing, but now she is fully trained.