Why Is It So Diffucult for My Husband to Say Something Positive or Loving Toward

I would adress this to him now. He just might not realize that he is. You being the wonderful loving mom and wife that you are, don't deserve this. Address it and if he knows that he is doing it then you need to tell him to stop and stop it yesterday. If your kids see that, then that's what they think how men treat wives and mothers. No. They should not see that.

Geeze I would complain don't apologize for it. Have you talked to him about it. Give him a chance to hear what you just wrote to us. At this point there isn't much to do, if he doesn't know these things hurt you how can he change?

Some men dont realize how much their wives do. Maybe start making a checklist of the things you do daily... including putting all the things in the bag... not only will you have a journal of what you have done all week, but he will start to see all of the wonderful things you do... maybe then he will have a visual of what you do! <3 good luck

My husband seems to always say something negative to me about lots of stuff even if it is something i lost that affects only me. Although I will say he can also be loving. I do not agree with the lady that said to treat him the say way. When I do that, because i want him to know how it feels, it only ever makes it worse. The nicer I am, the nicer he is. Now I don't know how you talk towards him or what. but this is just what i experience. Also, while women want/need love, men want/need respect. And while women want/need to be loved unconditionally, men also want/need to be respected unconditionally. Trust me it is hard to give your husband respect when he is not doing things that are respectful, I know from experience and still have the hardest trouble doing it. Please don't think I am siding with your husband, because I'm not. I know how it feels to have your husband seem to constantly pick at you. But what works for me is doing this. the better i am toward him, the better he is toward me. Tell your husband what you appreciate about him, even if its just him working to support you and see what happens. It can't hurt. Also I agree with the person that talked about the love languages.

Was he like this when you guys were in the courting phase of your relationship??

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

I know it sounds cheesy, but everyone gives and receives love differently. Maybe you two are just missing each others cues? Check out the book and read it, maybe see if he will read it with you. Maybe just mention it's something interesting to you and you'd like him to join you in the endeavor to see if you can rekindle the joy in your relationship?

It could also stem from family stress, work stress, and just stress in general. A lot of men aren't good at communicating when they're stressed or upset about something. Or they can't say how they feel because they're afraid of the damage their words would do- so instead they lash out and nit-pick every last detail because they don't feel like they have any power or control over their lives anymore.

Could be a lot of things- I would start with the book though- maybe something about it will click with you like it did for me.

Best luck!

OMG! Your husband sounds exactly like mine! It's not even funny! They might be related. My husband complains to the max about any little thing! I swear! I never know what kind of mood he's going to be in when he gets home. When he gets home from work, I hear him in the kitchen huffing about something and I'm sitting watching tv, It seems as if I'm always asking, "What's wrong this time?". He was never affectionate with me either! Like he never says anything nice, but he's quick to point out anything wrong! And I have told him this and he has gotten better about being affectionate but he still will never tell me if I look nice or anything. If I ask him he'll just say yeah or nod yes, which is so annoying! He is a great father to our twins! And very affectionate. He, however DOES help me with the kids when it comes to changing diapers, he unloads them and stuff, groceries, he is good at that. I have noticed he talks really awful to him mom, weather it be over the phone or in person!! So I remembered a saying, 'the way he treats his mother is how he'll treat you'. And he comes from parents who are NOT affectionate at all!! I once asked my husband when was the last time his mom said she loved him or is proud of him...and would you believe he paused for a very long time and he said, "when I graduated from the academy" (corrections academy 20 yrs ago!). So before our twins were born I demanded that in our household he WILL be very affectionate and tell our children he loves them and is praise them each and every day!! He said, "yeah! I don't want to raise them like I was raised".
Just talk to him about helping you! And you work way more than he does and don't you let him put you down or say he works a lot! Stand your ground and next time he gets mad about something you forgot, say like I have, "Then you should've packed the bag next time Mr. Perfect!" (my husband hated me saying Mr Perfect, lol!) Way before, he would actually get mad at ME if he forgot his wallet and I didn't remind him! Can you believe that? The nerve! Men are big babies!

I have the heavy load around here with 3 kids under 5 and a husband who always travels for work (sort of a blessing, I do things my way, no one to criticize me). God bless him. He's a neat freak. And he will often come home from weeks on the road and within minutes comment on "some little thing out of place." I told him a million times not to do this, to no avail.

Once, after a firm warning from me before he got home, he tried not to say anything...about a crayon under the table.....a cheerio under the coffee table.....some mail on the table that hadn't been sorted...but I could see it bottling up. Finally it blew up over some backed up recycling in the spare bathroom. Mind you, I had warned him in advance, that because I was on semi bed rest with a late term high risk pregnancy, I was not going to haul the two kids to the recycling place for a couple of weeks and I would leave it for him when he got home. He of course said the right thing on the phone and said this would be fine. But when standing there looking at a few "bags of junk", he lost it.

It was probably one of the worst fights we ever had. After the fight settled, I re-pummeled him with how completely abominable it was of him to speak to me this way for ANY reason, much less about doing a "chore". How it was atrociously un gentlemanly-like and how he should really be ashamed etc. Not the way I usually speak to him at all, and I agree, mean for mean is usually not the best route, but in this case, he was absolutely not in touch with WHAT he had actually done or WHY it was wrong.

The clencher was that I gave him a consequence. I told him that because of his completely awful misbehavior and poor example it set for his kids, I would never again take the recycling. If he ever said one more word about it, I would find other chores to quit doing. To this day, I stack recycling in the garage for as many weeks as it takes, and the running joke is that he always takes it ALL when he gets home, and with a smile. If I catch him throwing his hands up or sighing when he sees the stacks, I say, "Oh, hmmmm, it sure would be a relief to store up all the trash in the garage too instead of taking it out twice a week...." then he laughs, because he knows I'll do it.
He also admitted it was not OK to give me a hard time about it (much like harassing you for forgetting goggles when you are the one who packs everything).

Keep this in mind, and take time to explain why his behavior is completely dastardly, but then go back to being your nice self. Maybe he will need a consequence or two (packing for the next two trips after being rude to you for forgetting something?), but also do really nice things for him, since honey gets more flies. My husband also tends to sit back and let me pack everything, I know I need to address it, I just haven't yet.

I am not one of those people who thinks of cheating all the time, but when I read yours, it did seem like he was looking for things to pick on, and treating you almost like he doesn't "like you". Interesting you included him not coming on a family outing at the last minute. Is this recent behavior? Keep your eyes wide open, stick up for yourself, and don't lose sight of the nice hardworking person you are. Don't let him turn you into a "poor me, my husband is so mean to me" person. You don't at all sound like that, but over time, this could wear you down. He is at fault. Take the reigns! It sounds like there are issues that need to be addressed, try to get him to talk.

I would look for signs of cheating. Sounds like he is picking fights with you on purpose, maybe because something is going on. And especially missing the family trip? How often dos that happen? Sorry to be so blunt but it sounds like there is WAY more going on than forgetting one goggle. Good luck!

Have you told him (at a calm time) how much it bothers you? Maybe he doesn't realize he's doing it. You could come up with a sign ( a word, or a gesture) that you could use when he criticizes you so he knows he's doing it.

I have to say that what I have found is that some men get like that when they aren't, er, getting satisfied enough. It is hard to be intimate with someone who you feel like doesn't even like you, but it is astonishing to me how many women find that that is the whole key to keeping their husbands happy. Maybe you need to revisit that part of the relationship too...

Good luck. Managing that many children (including your husband, it sounds like!) is hard...

I'd have to agree with Faith. Being hypercritical is a sign that he may be cheating on you (he's got to find fault with you to justify his behavior). Especially if it started suddenly. Is this something new, or has he always been like that? Other signs -- is he overly preoccupied with his appearance? Is he often tied up with work until late? Not saying that he is being unfaithful, but I went through this in my first marriage, so I am painfully aware of the signs. At any rate, you need to have a bunch of heart-to-heart talks. Let him know how badly he makes you feel. If he doesn't see anything wrong with his treatment of you, and he isn't willing to try harder to do the little things that would make you happy, then you have some hard choices to make. Can you live with this? Your kids need a happy Mom. You deserve happiness.

Under the banner of "you teach people how to treat you..." I would really confront him the next time he criticizes, as opposed to waiting to deal with it. My response would be "Excuse me? Next time bring your own goggles. I don't appreciate your criticism." You can try to say it nicely, but stand up for yourself!!

Under the banner of "you get what you give..." I would try to give him what I wanted back. If you want him to be appreciative, thank him when he comes home for being the bread winner. Compliment him for being a great Dad. Tell him what you think makes him a good husband. You might be surprised how this can create good will that will come back to you. It seems counterintuitive -- he's being mean, why be nice to him? But I think it can improve the overall atmosphere in the household.

I'm not saying this will fix all your problems, but it could be a place to start. You've been together for a long time, and I fear some of this behavior is probably a little engrained by now... Good luck.

I have to admit that, in our relationship, I am the one who comes across as overly critical at times. My problem is that I have high expectations of myself and of others (and a tendency to over-commit). Most of the times that I am beating my husband up, I've been beating myself up as well, but he has no way of knowing that. I have to make a conscious effort to say all the good things that I appreciate about him, not because I don't feel or believe them but because I get too wrapped up in the day to day stuff. I don't mean to say that we don't have a loving and affectionate relationship. It's just that some days, by the time he gets home, I'm at my worst (I'm a morning person, so the dinner hour is the witching hour for me). Sometimes I can self-regulate, but lately he's had to tell me several times to suck it up and treat him better (pregnant with our third, so my hormones are also at play now). These comments are generally better received if I'm not already in a funk, but they always hit home for me, since it's a known flaw of mine. I suggest making some time for the two of you to be alone to discuss this, particularly if this is the first time you're addressing it with him. Try not to put him on the spot with "You always..." statements. Try "I feel... when you..." statements instead so that he understands the impact of his actions. If this conversation goes well, you can ask him what he'd like you to do to help him to improve or how he'd like you to tell him when you're feeling mistreated or taken for granted. This way you have a pre-determined way of addressing issues without having to lash out or hit him over the head with it all the time. Give him the benefit of the doubt and be there for him as he wrestles with this one... he may not have a role model or a path to improvement, so remind him that you're in it together... He sounds like a great father, so I wish you both the best of luck~

Well cheating is not the first thing that came to my mind and I am surprised at how many moms automatically suggest that to mom's asking questions on here. I hate that so many people are so untrusting or suspecting of their spouses.

I agree that some husbands are much harder on their wives. I have one of those. A lot of it depends on their childhood and how they were raised.

My husband is a good man and provides a very nice lifestyle for us. He is a perfectionist and worry wart, I am more of a positive outlook person and look at the better of things vs the worst.

What works best for us (and any marriage) is COMMUNICATION. We are very open minded and keep our commnication lines wide open among ourselves and our daughter. When he is on his worry roll he counts on me to step up and call him on it. I do that and he steps back to look at the situation differently. This is crucial because we run our company from home, the 2 of us and we are working 24/7 together with our company and family.

We will celebrate 22 yrs marriage in Dec. One priority that we've had from day 1, before baby, was to have a weekly date night. We continue to date night every week. Date night does not have to costs you a lot of money. Just go for a walk for 30 minutes and talk about yourselves, not work, not children.

We also make time for "me" time for each of us. I've headed out of town for a weekend and he will go golfing for a weekend. It is something we do that is healthy for us.

Hang in there and I hope things improve.