Why Does My Daughter Say She’s Scared to Come Back with Me from Her Dads House

Don't read too much into it.
This is a common stage.
Transitions are upsetting to kids.
They cry when dropping off at daycare and sometimes when picking up.
They cry at bedtime, and when it's time to go home from the playground, etc.
For many it's just how they handle transitions and it can be a few years before they out grow it.
It's nice the girlfriend wants to keep you informed but child isn't scared.
It might be a good idea for her (all co-parenting adults) to be reading a child development book so certain things are common knowledge.

it could be MANY Things. It could be they are saying scary things to her about you and she is being used as a pawn.
Your ex's 'Girlfriend' should NOT be doing ANY custody exchanges with you! It should be YOU and YOUR EX.

At 3 my kids cried when I dropped them off at day school because they didn't want to go and then cried when I picked them up because they didn't want to leave. Who can figure out three year-olds??

I wouldn't worry. Good luck!!

I would talk to her father. There's no way we can answer this.

If she's fine when you pick her up, I would assume she's ok.

Kids often don't transition well from one house to the other, whether they are 3 or 10.

But you also don't give us much information about the parties involved. I have no idea if your daughter is being told something bad, or if the girlfriend or you ex are saying something about how much they'll miss her and it won't be the same when she's not there. Either way, it's a mistake. The third problem here is that you are having this conversation with your ex's girlfriend - stop that, and speak only to him. Just say, "Please understand that I will be discussing Susie's welfare directly with John." Then stick to it.

She is probably actually really excited to see you but might get emotional from being away.

It seems like this girlfriend might be the culprit, feeding insecurities to your child like “why are you crying, are you scared to go back to your Mommy?”

Who knows? Maybe she is scared of the dark, of sleeping alone, or the girlfriend is making it up because she is attached to the child and wants to keep her there longer, or to vilify you/make you feel guilty. The best way to find out is to talk to the child, or consider seeing a child therapist who may be able to get to the bottom of this.

i'm not sure how you think anyone might know the answer to this.

could be a 3 year old quirk. could be the girlfriend is trying to cause trouble. could be a natural reaction from a small girl to leaving a daddy she loves, even to go back to a mommy she loves.

if she's fine when you pick her up, why look for trouble?

khairete
S.

Unless you see her crying and upset I suggest you not take the comment seriously. If your daughter is happy when you pick her up, I would ignore the ex's comments. She can be telling you this to upset you and various other reasons.

My two youngest granddaughters, at that age, cried when I picked them up and when they got back home. I saw this and knew she was having a difficult transitioning. At 3 they really don't know what is happening. My granddaughters trusted me and her parents. They were excited to come with me until parent's put on jackets and shoes. Then they sometimes had a meltdown before we left. They were OK once we got in the elevator.

I suggest that the only time to pay attention to your ex's explanation is when YOU see daughter having difficulty.

If you think the ex is trying to build a case for changing custody, get ahead of the game by talking with your lawyer, asking if you need to do something.

Do you and your ex not have regular, free of anger and blame conversations?
I would ask him how he sees the visiting going.

I would ask that her Dad be present some of the time. Because ex is not married, the girlfriend is not a step-mother. Most of your conversations should be with your ex. And her Dad should be the one interacting with his daughter most of the time.

From what I am reading, your daughter has not told you she is scared, only the girlfriend has. If nothing has changed at your place - new boyfriend, dog, neighbour that could cause her anxiety - then I think this sounds like more of a ex's girlfriend problem than a kid problem. I would politely tell her thanks for the information, but you have a good relationship with your kid and she can tell you about her feelings herself. Then change the topic or end the conversation.