Why Do Preschoolers Repeat Themselves?

My son does this ALL the time! I definitely think its normal for the age. I agree with more detailed answers. However, somedays that just isn't going to happen all day long! Just know you are not alone:-)

First, I just want to say congratulations. You have a bright child!!! :)

I truly believe we should ask all state boards of education to require at least one semester in early childhood development before being allowed to graduate high school. There are many questions like this for which there are answers but almost none of us know. Considering how many of us will need to better understand a young child at some point in our lives, I just don't understand why this is not required. Most people become parents without knowing the difference between a developmental skill, like potty training and skipping, and a learned skill, like tying shoe laces and reading a clock. Without this understanding, we end up very frustrated and often children are pressured with unrealistic expectations.

I know how frustrating it can be with a pre-schooler that repeats and repeats. There are, generally, two basic reasons for this repetition, unless the child is on the autistic spectrum or is OCD. With these children, there are several repeated compulsive behaviors. But, in most cases, a young child is repeating the question because they do not yet have the verbal skills to ask their questions more specifically and they are not getting the answer they wanted or have not yet found a way to organize the answer into their frame of reference.

In the earlier stages, often around age 2, they often ask questions just to learn the language. They want to learn syntax - how we organize speech into sentences. For example, in English we tend to place adjectives before nouns, "the blue car". Whereas in Spanish the adjective normally follows the noun, "el auto azul" (the car blue). When a child asks a question and is given one or two word answers, they will often ask again and again waiting to hear a complete sentence. Quite often, if these children are given complete sentence answers, or even two or three sentence answers, they are likely to repeat the question only a couple of times rather than over and over again.

When a child is older, around age 4, the 'why' question is repeated more often because they want to understand how things work. I understand the average 4 year old will ask 435 questions a day! :) But, they often do not know how to tell you they want a more detailed or specific answer than what they are receiving.

For example, a child sees you setting the table and asks what you are doing and is told you are setting the table for dinner . If the child asks the same question again, you might ask if he would like to learn how to set the table (or even better to ask if he would like to teach you how he would set the table). If that is declined and he asks again, I would ask if he wants me to tell him about where I put the dishes and utensils, or if he would like to sit up higher where he can see how I do it. Sometimes we are doing things like this that have many steps to it. First you count the number of people who will be eating. Then you count the dishes. Then you carry the dishes to the table. Then you set the dishes in each place. Then you count the utensils, carry them to the table, and arrange them by the dishes. Then you count the glasses, etc. Then place the trivets to protect the table from warm dishes. Then comes the napkins, etc. So, if the child wants to know all this and just keeps hearing, "I'm setting the table for dinner" you can understand why he keeps asking again and again. He wants details.

If a child sees you stirring paint and asks what you are doing and is told you are stirring paint, she may ask again and again. She doesn't know how to explain that it makes no sense to her because she did not see you add anything to the can. You just opened it and started stirring. She is used to seeing you add an ingredient before stirring something and is confused. If you keep giving her the same answer, she just keeps asking the same question. We have to teach them how to phrase the question they are trying to ask. So you become the detective. Ask things like, "Do you want to know why the paint needs to be stirred?" or "Do you want to know what it feels like to stir paint?" or "Do you want to know what I plan to do with the paint?" etc.

We often think that we teach children with our answers. Any good teacher knows it is not about giving them good answers, it is about giving them good questions. A brilliant scientist once credited his mother for his successful career. The interviewer asked if his mother had an interest in science as well. He said that his mother was just a very good mother. He said that each day when he came home from school, instead of asking him what he LEARNED in school that day, she asked him what questions he ASKED in school that day. She inspired him to ask good questions.

If we teach our children how to ask the good questions, they become more curious, more inquisitive. These children learn more, understand more, pursue more - not only in school, but for the rest of their lives.

Of course, a big part of asking good questions is asking them respectfully and courteously. If the child is frustrating you, use it as a teachable moment. If you have already answered a question and you hear it a second time. Ask her if she can tell you the answer you already gave. If she can tell you what you said, you can respond with something like, "Good. Then the kind thing to do is to say, "I heard you say you were setting the table, but I want to know more about it (or I want to help or I want to see it)."" But, be sure to notice when they do improve. When they manage to ask the second question with added respect and courtesy, let them know you see and appreciate it.

These are not all the reasons children repeat questions, but they are among the most common. I hope this provides enough understanding so that you can discover what is driving your child's questions.

At this age just saying "I'm building something" is being too general. They want more of an answer. What are you building? What are you using to build it? How are you building it?

Our 3 year old started this too, but if we answer her in a more in-depth way she says "oh...OK". and moves along to the next thing.

She wants a better answer to her question!

when she does this her answer was not answered well enough she needs more words more of an explanation to be satisfied.

Yes both my kids did that. They are so inquisitive! If my child asked “What are you doing?” and my answer was only ‘building something’, they would follow that up with ‘WHAT are you doing?’ emphasizing the “what”.

A more detailed response worked better. I would talk about what exactly I was doing at the moment so my response would be more like “I’m building a book shelf. Did you want to look at it? Right now I’m using the hammer. If you could build something what would it be?”

Stuff like that. They just want to engage and capture your attention.

Now if they continued to repeat the same question over and over, not understanding, regardless of my response, then I would be concerned.

It's a developmental thing. Your child may also repeat herself over and over or seem to stutter but it's not really stuttering. It's thinking out loud.

I definitely think its a developmental thing that some kids do. I know my niece was one of those that always said, why after every answer. So I also agree with them wanting more of a detailed answer. I think if this is bothering your best bet is to answer then shout out a question back at her.

What are you doing dad?

I'm building something. Would you like to know what it is for? Would you like to watch?

My daughter is a little over 3 years old and she does this too! Once I feel like I've answered her question significantly, I'll turn it around on her. For example, one of her favorite questions to ask in the car (I have no idea why) is when we pass a construction area, she'll say, "Mommy, what are they doing in the dirt?" over and over again. So I just say, "well, what do YOU think they're doing in the dirt?" and that usually distracts her enough to quit the broken record and move to something else.

She also repeats whatever she's asking when I haven't really given her an answer or I didn't hear the question. Then it gets LOUDER! :) I'm sure it's a phase. Be patient and try to turn it into a learning experience. If she's asking her daddy what he's doing, maybe he can show her all the things he's using to build-- hammer, drill, wood, etc-- and say, "What do you think I'm building, honey?" Should help sharpen her critical thinking skills if nothing else!

Good luck,
Hilary

I thin she wants you to say, and what are you doing?

They're still getting acquainted with language - it's a phase and it will pass.

My daughter repeats "why" almost out of habit, sometimes incessantly. Sometimes, after I've answered a question multiple times (and it's not a question that can have a detailed response), and she asks "why?" again, I'll turn the question back to her. "Why do you think such and such?" She will generally then answer the question herself.

I will have to think about how to give more/better/more detailed information when she asks a question. Maybe that would help.

Aww my 3 year old is doing this too, and I am so frustrated with it sometimes. He does do it when we are general with our answers, but I also find he does it when I don't give him the answer he wants.

That part of it really annoys me, or he also seems to repeat when he wants something. For example, he'll say Mommy I want an apple..My response is okay I will get you an apple...and while getting his apple he's going on and on...Mommy I want my apple. Uh I'm so exhausted with hearing the repeating over and over the same questions, especially in the car.

Just this morning I snapped at him, and said "you can ask me one time for a piece of gum" and my answer will still be the same "No you may not have a piece of school before gum, it is not allowed or fair to your friends". When you are done asking me again (and I give you the same answer). "You will not ask me again do you understand?" "You need to say okay Mommy and move on"...To my surprised it worked this time...Of course he asked again, I explained my answer hasn't changed etc etc, and he said "Okay Mommy" and I didn't hear from him (well about gum that is) the rest of the car ride.

I'm surely fully waiting for this phase to be over with. This is something I have such a hard time with. It annoys me to no end, probably moreso, because during his repeating episodes I also have my 19 month screaming and wanting my attention too! So you're definitely not alone in this, and boy i am glad to know my kids isn't the only one doing this either...Nothing like a broken record player :)

my 3 yr old is doing that but he just got to where he could hear good. Now I had a kid in the store the other day and he kept repeating me. I thought it was just a phase and cute so I said something about it. Mom got real defensive and said "he is autistic" I didn't mean to offend just thought it was aphase cause mine was doing it too. oops. With mine being hard of hearing and hearing issues the repeating doesn't bother me I assume it is his way of learning. I also take and add more words to it. Lets say he is saying down cause he heard me tell the dog to get down. I hear down , down , down I will change it to daisy down. When he repeats that I change it to daisy get down. etc. or daisy get down off the sofa. That will get him quiet he can't repeat that :)