Why Do Peple Wait to Announce Pregnancy?

It's a very personal choice. When I was pregnant with my last child at 40 I did not tell a sole. I wanted to enjoy it all by myself. I ended telling my husband about 8 weeks. I did not tell anyone else until I was around 4 months. My personal reasons and thats how I saw it. I also knew once I told family members and friends I would have to hear all the questions about starting over, my age, and all the "really's", and the omg's. I wanted the joy of having it to myself.

I lost a set of little girl twins Amanda and Ashley at 7 months. I did not want to hear what anyone had to say.

The only reason I would wait to tell my husband is if I wanted to make a big production out of it, and then it would have only been a few days or a week. I did have two miscarriages just before the three month mark, and I wish I hadn't told as many people as I did, because I had to then tell people about the miscarriage, and it was just awkward.

because every person has their own individual threshold for sharing important information.
is that hard to understand?
:/ khairete
S.

I am not an attention seeker. I told my family as a matter of fact after three months because I didn't want a pity party if I lost the baby.

Add to that my firm belief in Murphy's law. Telling everyone would increase my chances of losing the baby.

I did not tell my kids until I was showing because you think nine months is long, it is like dog years to a child.
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Every person you tell would be a person you would have to tell you lost a child. Something I had no desire to ever do.

I did tell my husband as soon as I knew cause well, he wasn't a very sympathetic guy anyway so no risk of unwanted compassion.

I've miscarried, and lost twin girls at 7.5 months, I wish no one, close friends and family, had known either time. Dealing with others grief as you try to deal with your own, assuring them you're OK, I don't wish that on anyone. I understand why anyone would wait.

I choose to wait because SH*T happens.

You could lose this baby - you really aren't that far along. yes, it would suck. yes, it would be sad. so you wait.

Would I tell my husband that I'm 2 weeks pregnant? no. It could be a hormone surge. It could be MANY things...that's why they state you should wait until your normal period is late.

the first trimester is shaky for some. Losing at 12 weeks is hard - at 22 weeks is harder.

if it works for you- do it. it's not like anyone here would be able to change your mind if they wanted to, right?

I told early on 2 of my pregnancies. Which I lost. This made my mother so emotional it hurt me WORSE. She acted as if she lost the babies, and told all my extended family. Since we were working together, she announced both miscarriages to my co-workers.

This was embarrassing, and heartbreaking to have all these strangers know I lost babies. It wasn't their business. I love to give out sympathy but for some reason people giving me some, unless they are very close to me.Bothers me.

With my third I did tell my mother when I was about 2 months along. I also told her we knew this one would not likely make it. I was testing with problems early on. Sure enough we lost the boy at 19 weeks.

I never told my family when I became pregnant with my daughter til I was 7 months. Mainly cause was divorced and not married again, and I had no clue if I would be able to carry this one. I am heavy and I could hide the pregnancy well.
#2 daughter I told at 15 weeks along and #3 son I told when I was 6 weeks pregnant, because my mother was passed away. I didn't fear the world knowing if I told some family members.

I loved my mother, but she was a big attention seeker. I didnt love that part about her. So I truly believe when you tell someone and how is your business. Its not set in stone, its not like you will be struck by lightning but its a personal choice. Respect it and don't question it.

i told everyone after i saw the heartbeat the first time when the dr said the chances were so low to miscarry and then lost it at 12 weeks and i do not like attention at all!!!!
people feel obligated to call, visit, mention it, when all i wanted to do was cry alone and act like it didnt happen to others. now i am ok with speaking about it because i made peace with it but i hated that everyone knew then.

i waited until 12 weeks with my daughter for that reason

I too found it odd they suggested she not tell her husband. That is something I would want to go through WITH him. If I know something.... HE knows it. That's just how we are with each other.

However, I have had 3 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy (after my daughter was born) and I agree with Isn'tthisfun..... I HATED dealing with the fallout of people who knew and didn't know what to day.... or had told someone and so 6 months later I ran into whats-her-name who congratulated me because they heard from so-and-so..... but then they stopped and looked at my tummy....... awkward.

I also don't want an outpouring of sympathy for my pregnancies that weren't viable. I want to deal with that privately... with just my immediate family.

Something like "MOST" pregnancies *that early* aren't viable.... they just aren't. I HATE the fact that we can tell we are pregnant so instantaneosly. Then we have to deal with MUCH more needless disappointment than we used to.... we look for answers where there just aren't any. I miscarried at 8, 12 and 16 weeks - there aren't answers for those miscarriages and it's hard enough having a miscarriage when you've already heard the hearbeat.... to ALSO have to deal with ones so early that just weren't viable seems insane to me.

It's not that I don't want them to know.... Maybe if I had a supportive family I would feel differently. Mine is dysfunctional. So I have to get my stuff in order before I involve them or it gets VERY chaotic and I'm the one left holding everyone together instead of handling MY stuff.

So - this last time I was pregnant I told my husband the instant I knew and once I got sick and couldn't eat the way and what I normally ate I told my daughter - because she's 12. But I didn't share with anyone else, until I did share with my family that it had been ectopic. I can deal with their emotions when I'm not immersed in mine. But to have to have handled THEM while at the same time going through my own process would have been too much.

At any rate.... congrats to you!!!!!

Of course, I did tell my husband. I didn't tell anyone else until further a long. My sister had 5 miscarriages. She herself told me just to wait. Telling people the baby was gone, was very hard for her. I didn't want to experience that. I don't want my family to carry the pain, either. And I do NOT want them trying take care of me in a time I really need space. When you are going through tragedy, it really sucks to hear "Are you OK?" over and over. Like nails on a chalkboard.

It is a personal choice as to when to tell people.
Keep in mind, that even if you tell only family.... people do talk. People have a hard time, keeping things like this "secret." And, it may be that your pregnancy news, even if told only to your family and/or close friends... will be told to others. Unbeknownst to you. People can and do, gossip or tell others. Even if you tell them not to. And they... may put it on Facebook etc.

I had a miscarriage once, at 6 weeks.
By then, I had told family.
I did not do that with the next pregnancy I had.

Because sometimes even with close family, it is heartbreaking to say, "I lost the baby, please don't ask about it."

So I waited til 12 weeks to talk about DD. I'd lost a baby at 6 weeks and my friend lost one at 9. My DH did know about our early loss. HE knew as soon as the test was positive but it was just between us. So that loss was also just between us. I needed someone to hug me and tell me it was going to be OK but I didn't need the world to know.

I also think it depends on the person. My sister is not as private a person as I am. I know all about her IUIs and we knew very early on about each of her pregnancies. I like to keep things close to the vest. I don't think either way is wrong. But some people don't let it all hang out. They just never do.

I thought like you did until I miscarried. People close to you feel the loss too and it was a further burden on me to ensure everyone I was OK and it was extremely painful for me to see the pain that my in laws were experiencing due to our loss. Witnessing their grief was just not helpful to my own healing. Therefore, I waited until I was 12 weeks before I told anyone but my husband and my parents.

It is a life changing moment for people, not everyone is ready to jump off that bridge the second they find out.

I waited because my bf and I were not married, lived in a house with 4 other room mates and were deciding if we wanted to ask everyone to leave since he was the main person on the lease or if we were going to move out just us. In addition I had miscarried before and it was a very real risk for me again. I also was not ready to answer everyone's questions about the situation. Sometimes it's nice to have some time to yourself and enjoy the moment with out the stress of others involved.

I think most people suggest waiting precisely because of the miscarriage risk. If you've never miscarried, you may not see it as that big of a deal, and as support to have people calling you telling you they're sorry. But, as someone who has had people close to me miscarry, multiple times, I can say that often, they just can't deal with the sympathy they receive. It reopens the wounds, and often just makes things awkward.

I apologize to anyone who has miscarried and feels differently, but that is how I look at the decision not to share early on in a pregnancy. My SIL miraculously got pregnant after surgery (sooner than they were supposed to be trying) after trying for years to get pregnant. She was so excited she told everyone. After less than 2 weeks, she had a miscarriage. So then she had to contact EVERYONE and say she had miscarried. Those are very difficult calls to make. Very difficult. I'd venture to say that after about 2, you are tired of making "nice" on the phone as you listen to other people say how sad they are for you.

It is self-preservation... and there is NOTHING wrong with it. But I am referring to sharing with others outside of your spouse. I can't imagine not sharing with the spouse.

You can't understand why people wait?? I can't understand people who tell everyone right away. I like to keep things private until I am completely sure.

I told my husband as soon as I knew but just about everyone else, I waited. Especially once you have other children, if you tell your family, you have to tell your older child, who won't understand at all how long 9 months is. Older kids want the baby here now or never. This whole "wait 9 months" thing isn't something they enjoy. So we waited as long as possible, until I was showing (20 weeks with my second, 16 with my 3rd, 12 with my twin surrogacy). I did tell a couple of very close friends earlier than I told our families and kids each time but they were sworn to secrecy.

And because of the risk of miscarriage, I wouldn't broadcast the news until after the 12 week u/s but that's just me. I haven't had a miscarriage but having seen friends go through them has confirmed my belief that it's not something I would want to be common knowledge. It's too painful to have to tell everyone that you had a loss and sooner or later you'll run into someone who heard about the pregnancy but not the miscarriage who will ask "how's the bun in the oven?" and break your heart. I'd rather keep something like that very private.

Oh and if you want to imagine heartbreak, it's telling an older child that the baby brother or sister you were excited about isn't coming afterall. That's not something that kids should know if it can be avoided.

My good friend had 4 miscarriages before she was able to carry to term. It was just too heart-wrenching and emotional for them to deal with all to the elation and happiness around them, and then deal with the loss.

So they chose to wait to tell anyone until they were certain that they weren't going to lose another.

I would feel the same way. Only tell my husband until we were sure that there would be a surviving baby to celebrate.

In my situation, it's not about the worry of miscarriage because I don't speak that on my unborn, although it has happened to me. I don't like announcing my pregnancies too soon because of my own personal reasons like, nervousness or I want to actually feel my joy & excitement and not have it taken from under my feet. I just went to the hospital about a week ago and was told I was pregnant and i've yet to tell anyone except the father of my child.
Hey we have 9 months, patience (:

Not everyone can tell that they are miscarrying, especially if they don't know they are pregnant. Some women just have a heavy period...

The lady who wrote about this went to the doctor, but he didn't act like he thought she was pregnant. That gives me pause, to be honest.

Not everyone wants family and friends to know that they miscarry. Some people are real private. And a lot of people don't want their co-workers and bosses to know until they are so far along that they are showing.

Miscarriage is hard enough to bear as it is. Having to tell everyone who thinks you are still pregnant has to be miserable. Not everyone can stand it...

Those are some reasons...

Because in those "older days" before pregnancy tests and ultra sounds a prospective parent didn't really know they were pregnant until the 2nd or 3rd month. Then they told a few people.

But think about it. If everyone is talking about the pregnancy every day month after month after month pretty soon people are going to think "OMG WHEN ARE THEY FINALLY GOING TO HAVE THAT BABY"!!!!!

It gets really old to those of us not pregnant or immediate family. So that's why most people don't tell the world they are expecting then go on and on and on about it.

Everyone is different. If I were to miscarry, I did not want to have that conversation with my parents,in-laws or siblings. I prefer to deal with pain on my own and then if I felt like sharing that heartache later I would. It sounds like you would be comfortable sharing that with all of them immediately and that is your choice. There is no right answer, it's whatever you are comfortable with. For me, I told no one except my husband until after my 13 week appointment. If you were to tell me at 5 weeks, I would say congratulations.

I haven't read the answers V. Rae, but I'll tell you something which happened to me.

With my last miscarriage, I had announced my pregnancy to friends and family early on, way before the 12 week mark. One family member took the time to tell me (finally!) how sorry she had been for me, all those years when I'd had other miscarriages and then not having a baby for so long.... how hard it was for *her*. That's right-- HER. Not me. Her. To me, I felt like I'd just been dumped on, and when I had to then tell that person I wasn't pregnant-- it was difficult, because she'd already smeared her expectations and her past disappointments all over it.

My husband, on the other hand, got off the airplane at his folks house the morning before and told his family in FL while he was visiting them. I had to call him the next morning to tell him I was losing the baby. His parents were extremely gracious and sent flowers and he came home a couple days later.

It was good that I'd said something to a couple close friends, who looked in on me, brought me groceries, etc. But the other people-- I really couldn't deal with handling *their* emotions on top of my own. That was why we waited until that magic 12th week when we had our son. Because some close family CAN be so stinking inappropriate.

Miscarriage risk and the fact that it seems like you will have the gestation of an elephant because it is sooooo long.

Of course I would tell my husband, but I understand waiting for everyone else. People talk, so you tell your aunt, and next thing you know your third cousin twice removed is telling her hair dresser. Then, if you miscarry you end up with months or running into people and having them ask, bringing back the pain. I have seen it happen to others which is why I waited.

The reason is very simple and you know what it is- pregnancies are not "stable" until after the first trimester. Having said that, the more pragmatic reason for keeping it to yourself is that sharing joyful news is fantastic, but should something happen you need to share the sorrowful news.

Even in very close families, not everyone wants to be burdened with sadness (themselves and yours) when it's really not the end of the world to wait until closer to 10 or 12 weeks. People are VERY quick to share excitement, but the odds are pretty good that you aren't going to send out a mass email or pass around a card should something bad happen. What does that mean? Well, it means that someone (probably your parents and inlaws) will need to reach out to people.

It's your decision entirely. Personally, we told our IMMEDIATE family very early (parents and siblings) and waited to tell everyone else until closer to 10 weeks. My sister got married when I was 10 weeks pregnant, so we knew folks would figure it out when there was no champagne and sushi for me! My sister WANTED to share the news, so we actually let her announce it at her rehearsal dinner. If she had not asked about it (she asked if they could share the news), we would have told people the day after the wedding. Same thing with my son. We found out the first week in August that we were pregnant, told the immediate family at Labor Day and the rest of the extended family in late October.

Your choice. You know your family and yourself. I know that when I am grieving, I prefer to be alone and not reach out to others. For us, telling people too early would have meant less privacy to grieve if we had needed to do so.

My aunt and I are very close- she's only a few years older than I and there are very few things we don't discuss. I was the first non-parent phone call she made when they were pregnant with my cousin. I was the first phone call with her next three pregnancies... none of which she carried beyond 8 weeks. It was devastating to her and to me (we were trying to get pregnant as well). It wasn't until very recently that she shared with me that she had 5 more miscarriages, but stopped telling people because our sadness made hers even worse.

Just a different perspective...

We waited because of the risk of miscarriage, having to deal with announcing a miscarriage, not being attention seekers, being private people, etc. Quite honestly for me I waited until I was comfortable announcing what amounted to 'hey, I had sex with my hubby and we are having a baby'. For me there was only two of us at conception so I wanted us to share the intimacy of our pregnancies as long as possible in private. To each their own I say.

I held out the news as long as I could. We had just lost a son 8 months before and it was still a really open wound. (God had his reasons for miscarrying). I would wait until half way to tell anyone if I could. I would wait until half way to even know myself if I could, unfortunately even if I have a symptom they want to know because of my high risk pregnancy status.

As of date I have one living, one deceased, and one miscarriage... wow at 23 that is a lot to take in. I say wait! its not just the 1rst trimester that is deadly. I found out my second had a fatal condition at 18 weeks.

As for the telling the hubby thing. Well I guess you have to eventually. I am more of a person to let me deal with it on my own though. ( the saying I am pregnant not crippled comes to mind!)

I'm not good at keeping my own secrets. When it comes to others - consider me a locked vault. But my own? Forget about it.

So, each time I found out I was pregnant (about five weeks along), my husband knew immediately (he knew before me the first time, since he got to the test first) and my family knew within a day or two. This time round, my children also knew because I don't have a quiet voice and they are smart cookies.

Apart from being excited, I told my family and close friends because I figured that if I miscarried I would want support, and because pregnancy hormones paint me hellishly depressed. I needed my friends to know what I was going through. Now, I don't regret my decision, but I will say this. When I told my friends and family (a total of about 6 people - not including my children who announced my pregnancy to EVERYONE), I asked that folks not talk about it with acquaintances until I was through my first trimester. Want to know how successful my plea was? Not. At. All.

Hah! The whole town knew by the time I was eight weeks along.

This would have been very difficult should I have miscarried (thanks be I didn't), and it was uncomfortable because I feel uncomfortable about receiving certain types of attention. It's actually a really difficult aspect of being pregnant for me. I don't like being touched or stared at, loosing my autonomy, treated differently, etc. I don't like becoming public property and pregnancy seems to invite other's bad boundaries.

So anyway. I assume that if I were to ever be pregnant again (not part of the plan), I would blab early on just like I did the past two times. That said, it might be better if I learned how to keep my mouth shut! :-) Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sending you health and energy!

Well, my husband and BFF always knew right away, but I chose to wait to tell the rest of the family (and my older kids) until I was 12 weeks along. Even though I don't have a history of miscarriage, I feel the pregnancy's not REALLY established until then, you know? Too many things can go wrong between the time of the little blue line and the time when the fetus really takes hold and starts growing. If there was going to be a feeling of sadness or loss, I'd rather it be contained to my inner circle, that's MY comfort level.

I have always waited to tell others until , we'll into the 2nd trimester. I like to wait to keep it between my husband for awhile. Also, for me the pregnancy doesn't seem as long, when we wait to tell people & spread the news out. I had a baby 3 weeks ago & some of our aquantances we don't see often , didn't know until a couple weeks before I was due.

We told both our families right away the first time I was pregnant. Then, miscarriage. It was very stressful and emotional to have to take the time to tell everyone and go over the details over and over again. You're lucky you have never had that experience. But, close family or not, I can tell you, that it's no fun to keep recounting and have to deal with their sadness while trying to deal with your own.

I miscarried at 6 weeks and I was so pissed that my husband had told his family about the pregnancy that early. I had to deal with them not know how to deal with the miscarriage and it was very stressful for me. I didn't even tell my own family. I wanted no one to know so I didn't have to hear the constant "are u doing okay?" So for the next preg, I didn't tell hubby until 8 weeks because he had such loose lips the first time. I didn't tell anyone else until 12 weeks when the test said everything was a go. You can say that you would want everyone to know until it happened to you. Then you might wish you had waited. And as for telling so early, my SIL would tell at 5 weeks, and they were the longest pregnancies ever.

I waited to announce my pregnancy (including to the father) until I had decided if I was going to carry it or terminate it.

My husband wanted to wait 3 months before telling anyone. This was because his aunt (who is about 10 yrs older than he is) had a BUNCH of miscarriages. She announced she was pregnant right away each time bc she was so excited and wanted a baby so bad. There was a ton of drama each time she had a miscarriage and I think it traumatized him. He hates drama. All the emotions were hard for him to handle too. So..he was spooked and coud not handle us telling anyone till he was more sure it would stick. If you want to tell people you should tell! It's all up to each individual person to decide what to do.

I totally agree with you--and I've miscarried. We announced my pregnancy at 11 weeks, impressed I'd felt good enough to wait that long. With my first, I felt awful, and I was teaching, so my students knew something was up. I had to tell my work, and I felt it only just to tell my family and friends first, so everyone knew early. With our second pregnancy, I hit my first tri during the summer so it was much easier to keep a secret. But, by 11 weeks, I was already starting to show just a little, and I was headed back to school in a week, so we shared with family and friends. Days later, I miscarried. My parents happened to be at our house, and they were wonderful. We called my mother and father in law to tell them, and otherwise emailed everyone else with a simple "We are sad to let you know we have lost the baby. We are fine, but very sad." I heard only one inappropriate comment (a sister in law who'd had an abortion and likened it to my miscarriage) but chalked that up to her and her own baggage and it having nothing to do with me. BUT...and here's the crux, for me: I lost a bunch of a blood. Had I been working, EVERYONE would have known, because I would have missed at least 5 days of work. Even after that, I was pale as pale can be. I couldn't lift heavy things or I felt like i'd pass out. I would say I had a week of recovery to feel "normal" and then another week to feel like I could do all the things I used to be able to, strength wise. When I returned to school (at that one week mark), nobody knew; it was the start of the school year and teacher inservice. The hardest part for me was knowing I'd had this wonderful summer--I was pregnant!--that I just couldn't share, because I was no longer pregnant. However, the two women that had known I'd been pregnant very kindly asked if they could share it with the principal. Knowing I was still not 100%, I was grateful. They shared with him, and nothing came of it--but, had something been more wrong, he would have known why. My point being: I think there comes a point way before the 12 or 14 week point that a miscarriage is traumatic enough not to be hidden. There is absolutely no way I could have called in "sick" one day to miscarry and been back to normal the next day. Perhaps if I had miscarried at 5 or 6 weeks, I could have, but not at 11 1/2 weeks. Besides, for me, the perceptive people in my life have always known I was pregnant; I feel too awful for them not to notice, so I might as well share. The empathy I got from those I shared with was SO helpful when I miscarried: my church, my school, and my family were all very supportive and helpful; they helped me realize I wasn't alone, and that it happens to way more people than I thought it had. I was not at all regretful that I had told people "early".

I'm always surprised by the women who wait to tell hubby! I always have hubby double check the test. The only time he didn't is when he was away on business, but I called him immediately.

I did not wait with any of my three pregnancies, but all three of my pregnancies resulted in beautiful, healthy children, thank goodness. I don't know how folks wait, I can't!

I am with you ~ we told family and friends as soon as it was confirmed with a pregnancy test :) The way I saw it was that I would need their support if I did miscarry.
Congrats!

I am with you. I don't fully understand. I didn't wait with either of mine. I figured if I did miscarry I wanted people to not be suprised if I was a mess. And not telling your husband. That would be too hard. He was right there when I took the test with my youngest. And as soon as the test came back positive we called my parents and then his mom. My asst mgr just had her first in Jan at 40. And she'd been trying for a LONG time and she told me as soon as she found out. And then decided to tell others after her family knew because if something did happen she wanted suport. My sister in law had several miscarrages and didn't tell anyone and I think had a hard time getting through it alone.

I guess it depends on the person. With all 3 of my pregnancies, pretty much the entire family (including those on the other side of the world) knew within minutes of me knowing. Just can't keep good news all to myself!

I told the whole world as soon as I knew, around 5 1/2 weeks. I couldn't wait.