My discussion group this week considered this common moral/ethical dilemma. All of us contribute in some physical or financial way to meet the desperate needs of children, the infirm and elderly in a world in which the gap is widening between those who have and those who don't. In case it will be useful, here's what we realized.
We agreed that there is nothing wrong with using some of our resources, time and energy to meet our own needs. It is tricky, though, to be clear about what is an actual need, and what is a less necessary desire.
The understanding we reached is that needs are always valid and essential, and can be satisfied, even if only for a few moments (like the need for oxygen). Needs don't keep coming back in a magnified form. For example, hunger will be relieved by a decent meal, and your next meal will be as satisfying as one that met your needs a year ago.
Desires, on the other hand, are more nebulous, and unless we discover what the deeper soul need is being expressed through that desire, it will never be completely satisfied. On the contrary, satisfying a desire usually gives rise to a greater desire in the future.
For example, people who desire greater security, wealth, prestige, power, or beauty are often (probably not always) trying by those means to meet a spiritual need that they simply don't recognize. Because the material thing they seek doesn't actually address the spiritual nature of the need, they may well have to try even harder next time.
So if a person gets an expensive car that he feels gives him greater status, it won't help him feel more honored or any more worthy of real respect. He'll continually want more and bigger symbols of his "worthiness" until he discovers what his real need is, and learns to live in ways that respect himself.
If you want to relieve your guilt over your wish for perkier breasts, it might help you to identify the underlying need, and whether there is any other way to meet that need that costs less, carries less risk, has less effect on your children. What are you really hoping to feel as a result of surgery? Will it affect your ability to love and serve your family in a positive or negative way? Are you convinced that women lose value as they age or show the effects of living? Do you feel beautiful on the inside? Do you think surgery might eventually lead to some other wish for a more beautiful exterior, like a tummy tuck or face lift as you age? Would less focus on your own appearance be desirable or possible? Do you think that the trend toward purchasing external beauty is helpful or hurtful to humanity? Anyway, do we even owe anything to others?
I'm not suggesting by any of these questions that I know what your answers "should" be – every one of us is unique. And nobody lives a stainless life, no matter how hard we try. If you come to the conclusion that you are emotionally and spiritually comfortable going ahead with the surgery, then that should be your decision.
What you choose is not your sister's business. Her business is to deal with the discomfort of her own judgement and decide for herself whether to help with your children. My best to you. I hope whatever you do serves you well.