I have noticed quite a few people here who ask questions and when they don't like the responses they get they have all out tantrums -- name calling, speaking rudely, acting like brats in their SWH because they think the responses don't fit in the window of what they expected to get. Several times now I have responded to posters' questions, voicing similar opinions to other respondents, only to have the poster go off on all the people trying to help. It makes it very unappealing to even try to help, and I have to wonder why people bother asking if they don't want answers. Any thoughts?
Oh, Jim, that made me laugh!
Oh, I know it takes all kinds and freedom of speech is certainly at play here. I don't really care if people think my advice is good or not -- there are lots of people who think my advice is worthless! And that's fine! But the name calling and aggression that comes with it is the part I don't get. Whatever... sometimes it feels good to let loose your frustrations without repercussions, I guess. It just makes me wonder what they're like in real life -- would the EVER talk to someone that way? Or do they do it all the time!?
Lucy, I appreciate your response, and I suppose I am throwing my own tantrum, although I'm not calling names and saying people need mental health help. I'm stating a reasonable complaint -- no drama or aggression. Also, perhaps you should go back and see what I wrote on that post. Nowhere was I trying to "educate" the poster. Ever. I asked a question -- will your kid be okay with people not coming. I never said I wouldn't go, never said my position on the politics, and was only responding to her very aggressive stance that she didn't care if people came. Never, however, did I state my opinion about the politics or try to educate her. Personally, even though I'm bothered by the politics, I would still go for the sake of the kids. But no matter what my position, I simply asked whether her kid would be upset if friends didn't come. So, no, you need to reread what I wrote -- or else I might have a real tantrum, and no one needs that.
Also, if she were the only one, that'd be fine -- but she's not. And if you read my response above, I'm perfectly fine with people not liking my advice. I'm not fine with being spoken to rudely.
Momof3 -- I know she didn't ask my opinion about Chick-fil-a. Which is why I never gave her my opinion about Chick-fil-a. Read what I did write, and then reconsider why I asked this.
I feel sorry for them, and their families. Such anger and bitterness is a sign of a deeply unhappy person :(
Lucky for us they are not the norm here!
I think they do it because this is an anonymous forum and no one can call them out to their face on their bad behavior. I know that I've gotten frustrated with people's responses to a couple of my posts and once I changed my post (just added to it) because I was getting frustrated that no one seemed to understand my question.
I would never throw a tantrum on here though. There's no sense in it.
where else are they gonna have them????? their husbands won't put up with that sh!t
Because they can?
They want answers it is just they want specific answers. Problem is it isn't very sportsman like to ask a question and then say answer it this way or else I will have a tantrum and I really don't want answers anyway I just want you to enable my wrong decision.
Cause then they can't claim you guys said it was okay and then....
How about we just say they are crazy?
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My favorite tantrum is the if you had bothered to read the question!!! I did read it, did you? :p Okay, I will try to be serious but only for a second. People who do this tend to have 20 rhetorical questions and one real question and of course the one real question is the only one that doesn't have a question mark at the end so this will be my public service for the day...
If you are placing rhetorical questions that you don't want answered into your questions do not end them with a question mark or we will assume you are serious regardless of how nuts that makes you look!! K?
LOL at Jim.
Damn...NOW who is throwing a fit??? I miss all the good stuff, I swear.
People get cranky when people don't agree with them. They write out their question all self righteously and just KNOW we are all going to agree with them, and then when we don't they get upset.
Whatever.
I answer how I feel, take it or leave it. OFTEN times I get a bunch of flowers, so I must be saying something right. But, sometimes I don't, that doesn't mean I am going to change my opinion. It's mine.
I always smile a little when someone says, "Nice answers only, please!" Because there is a nasty little devil on my shoulder that just wants me to be a b!tch.
L.
My thought is that you are throwing your own tantrum by posting this question.
If you are refering to the Chick-fil-A question, then you might notice that the mom was asking only about how to convey the message that the food was only being provided for the children invited.
Everyone who has access to the news or internet knows about the controversy over the restaurant's stance on gay marriage. I know you feel like you were educating this poster, but I am confident that she already knew.
She asked a fairly simple question, and a whole lot of people jumped all over her with their views on fast food and Chick-fil-A. I can see this mom's frustration. Only 10 children were invited. None of them were yours.
I can see how you would be insulted by the SWH since you took the time to respond to her question and she didn't like your response. But not everyone is going to like your advice. This is just part of mamapedia.
uuummm...because they can.
There have been times when a person's SWH is longer than their question!!! I know I asked a one-line question and MAN OH MAN!! did some people get their panties twisted. oh well..that is life..
You can't control others...but you can control yourself.
I remember who was rude to people...or have posted nasty "questions" (i.e. bringing a dad on here down, or calling ALL of us on here nasty "Bitches" if not worse)...
It takes all kinds...we are like a basket here - you get great apples, good apples, not so good apples and bad apples...just take the bad apples and set them aside.
Don't know, but I think it's funny.
I see the same thing. My view is if you want our opinion, we will give it to you. But I am not going to tailor my opinion to fit what someone wants to hear. I will be nice but I will be honest. If they can't handle it, they shouldn't ask the question.
Freedom of speech V.. Don't take it personally. Look at yourself as a kind human being with some insite and wisom to offer. What the person who receives your wisdom does with that wisdom, really shouldn't affect you. She posted, she asked, depending on her situation and what she has going on, she will respond accordingly. Which has nothing to do with you, right?
Look at it this way......when I see a homeless person on the street, I give him a dollar. I do this out of kindness. What he chooses to do with that dollar is up to him. Does he get coffee, a donut, drugs.....that is not my concern once the kindness has been bestowed. His behavior does not reflect on me.
Don't let any mama's behavior reflect on you. For every 1 tantrum, there may be 2 mama's who will love your advice.
The main thing I have noticed is a tendency for people not to answer the question that has been asked. For example, if a person asked, "How would you ask I go about doing X?" Then they often get responses of "I don't think you should do X, I think you should do Y, and here's how you do Y." I, myself, have probably done it in the past, but when that seemed to be all I was getting in answer to my own questions, I started trying to be more conscious about the actual question asked and trying to answer only that question. Of course, if a broad opinion is asked regarding the "best course of action", then it's fair game... ;)
Edit: I wondered too if this post had something to do with the CFA birthday party post. Try looking at her question as if the party were being held at BK or McDonalds, not CFA and see if it gets you as fired up. My guess is you have strong feelings about CFA's political position which colored your answer to this mom's question and then you felt attacked when she disagreed with your position. I don't think she was throwing a tantrum. I think she felt attacked because of a topic she didn't even ask about and then you felt attacked by her SWH.
It is very hard to judge a person's tone from their text, so we often put our own emotions to it. What came across offensive to you, might not be offensive to someone else. Sometimes people take your advice the way you meant for them to and other times not. If your heart is always in the right place when giving advice that is really the best you can do otherwise shake it off and move on.
On the same token, I think some women come on here deliberately trying to pick fights from innocent questions being asked. It goes both ways.
HTH,
A.
I was going to say something similar to Jim - because we keep it all in all day long - that energy has to be released somewhere! :-P
But honestly, I do have to agree with you. It really makes me censor my posts/questions. If it is more of a rant or question that I know how people are going to react, I simply keep it to myself. Same with anything I say on FB. I ask myself - Do I really want my "friend" that I graduated HS with (but wasn't in the same social circle) with reading this? Do they even care? What's the point of this post?
I think it just comes with the territory - if you are going to post something, you need to be ready for what others are going to say :-/ But yeah, I agree - it is hard to waste time on here when you try to help and it really isn't worth it.
Because it is an anonymous site and we can.
BTW - the poster of the Chick Fil A question asked 'I was wondering if I should or shouldn't....' - that looks like a question about 'should she or shouldn't she have a birthday party at Chick Fil A?' with a secondary question about whether she needs to buy food for the parents.
If the question seems like there's a defensive attitude there, I don't bother answering because I already know that the asker has an idea in her/his head and anything against it will be taken as an insult. Somehow, you can tell when the asker is a whiny person looking for validation who will throw a fit when they're told they're wrong. It's too bad, because most folks on here give sound advice and are truly trying to be helpful.
Funny, I was just having this exact same wonderment. :)
Well, I'm going to stretch beyond a chicken sandwich question and say that in general, yes, I've noticed that there are some posters who do tend to blast anyone and everyone who does not validate their way of thinking. Some of them really cannot handle even constructive criticism, they take it as an affront to their person.
Those are the posters I don't respond to. Not even if I have solid-gold sure-to-work answer. I prefer not to get yelled at.
(However, there are some people who do extrapolate an entire other question from a post, sometimes due to poor words. That's another issue entirely, IMO.)
Why do they have tantrums here? Y'know, V., I am guessing that this isn't the only place they tantrum. ;) I don't believe we are so special that they are saving it up for us. Maybe they are just as lovely with their families? Who knows? Either that, or online anonymity at its finest, right? Most of those episodes... really, if we knew a live human being acting like this in front of us, we'd just move along and ignore them. People still have that option instead of engaging and remaining an audience.
We always tell people to put a tantrumming child in a safe place and let them ride it out, because you can't talk sense to them when they are in that state. It often works on adults, too!
ETA: Jim, you are right. I am married to a very patient man, and even at my feistiest, I do know his limits!
well, some people aren't really looking for answers, just validation. but they don't seem to realize that until other people (who can't read their mind) respond.
just human nature.
khairete
S.
I really don't try to be mean on here - I DID answer one person in kind of a mean tone without realizing it - and she called me out on it and I apologized - accepted or not, I don't know, but at least I made the effort. I usually read a question a couple times before I answer because I know if I give my first gut-reaction, it will undoubtedly come out wrong. I also re-read what I've written before I hit that little "post" button because I know once I hit that bugger, there's no turning back!!
What I really don't appreciate is when I respond to someone and within my response I'll ask a question and then another responder attacks ME for asking a question (Lisa D!) - I don't understand that at all. I don't always understand the situations to the fullest so then I'll ask questions so I CAN understand. My mother always taught me "no question is stupid" - I guess others just weren't taught that!!
But to answer your question - I would say it's because we're not face-to-face and everyone feels they can just be as honest and blunt as they want. I am betting, or at least hoping, most aren't this nasty in person!! I love getting all the responses, even the blunt ones (sometimes!) because it makes me look at a situation in a different way or think about things differently and helps me come up with a better solution.
This is ALL just MY opinion!!! lol!!
Personally I thought your answer to her post was quite ignorant.
Because b!tchez are crazy!!!!
Seriously, I think "grown women" can be the most childish segment of society out there.
Being in this forum is not like the real world where you can see faces and have to really deal with other people. It is very easy for the cowardly to get on their high horses and flap their yaps about how terrible you are for not agreeing with them or their opinions or get their panties in a bunch over something they thought you meant while taking what you did mean out of context.
I personally take things here lightly and with a grain of salt. In the scheme of things this is ultimately just entertainment and hopefully along they way I may or may not help someone and vice versa.
It's probably closer to what Jim said and how sad and pitiful is that?
Good Point!!! I think this is why I don't post or respond to many questions.
