Why Are People So Hard to Understand Sometimes?

I think you hit the nail on the head with "we would all be happier if we cut each other some slack."

A little kindness and patience can go a long way.

Hugs.

I have felt like that too.

You are normal.

I am tired today too. Getting ready for the in-laws to arrive this week... and staying with us for 3 weeks.
From a whole other world.

Being a mom is sooooo exhausting. You sound like a wonderful mom, a fantastic grandma, and a generous daycare provider. Don't let people get you down. Of course you deserve a paycheck, of course your daughter doesn't want to hear your wisdom (right now), she's probably young, immature and embarrassed with her life decisions. Try to put yourself first once in a while.

ETA: my husbands grandfather says "when kids are little they step on your toes, when they are older they step on your heart"

The supermom thing is a myth--SAHM or WM. Something always has to give.
To be loving/giving/selfless with our families 24/7 results in the appearance of Cranky Mom.

Who would begrudge a child care giver a decent wage? Not me. Personally I think raising kids (and that's essentially what you're doing when you have a child all day--I don't mean it as "let the child care raise your kids") is O. of the most important jobs on the planet--yet it's a horrible paying profession. Why IS that?

And you have every right to express yourself about your role in/observations about your daughter/grandson. Doesn't mean you love them any less. Might mean you've (even though I dislike the expression) "been there/done that" a time or two and MIGHT have some insight/wisdom/helpful advice.

I think the WORST thing any mother can do is to BECOME "the mom" -- ONLY. We all have WAY more to us than that. Moms (and Grandmas) completely rock, but the BEST moms are people too! :)

I don't get in the box. There are days when I feel like that and I tell the husband, "hey dude...get it together!" He is oblivious sometimes, but kindhearted. He doesn't expect or want me to be superwoman, and I don't either. I don't care if people want to expect more. Yes, people WOULD be happier if cut some slack. You know, you have to speak up and demand it sometimes. (I'm not saying you don't.) I believe people will only run someone ragged, if they let them. I EXPECT people to allow me to be the person I am. Wife, friend, sister, mother, screw-up, has it together, tired, messy... I do NOT allow people to tell me (whether vocally, or through actions) you are THIS, you must do this and love it all the time. You must be good at it all the time. People will do it, if you let them. They won't if you don't.

With that said, if people were easy to understand...I suspect your title would look a lot like this..."Why are people so boring all the time? We're all tired. Every mom. I hope you enjoy your "me time" and get a little energy boost :)

no answers at all, but what a cool post! it really is true, we get stuffed into a box of 'mom' or 'adult caregiver' or 'meanie' and then anything outside that box gets pounced on.
i was recently shocked when my youngest brother complained bitterly that my parents, who are in their late 70s, insisted that he schedule his doctor visits, to which THEY drive into DC to take him, must not be during rush hour because they find the driving overwhelming. his attitude seemed to be that if they wanted to help him out, then dammit, they should just be 100% willing to do whatever he wants whenever he wants and shouldn't have the audacity to put any conditions on it whatsoever.
to cut him some slack, he was in terrible pain and not really himself. but i was pretty unhappy on my parents' behalf.
i totally get the ambiguity about your daughter and grandson moving out. enjoy the gift of time in your life which will open up!
:) khairete
S.

Hi there. Yes I do agree with you. We try to be the best that we can be, and show the best of ourselves, and we have kids that let us down sometimes, and sometimes it's a lot. And sometimes we let our kids walk on us, and I guess to us, that is how we show our love. I think a lot of it is guilt, no matter how much time we spend with our kids. I don't know, this was supposed to be easy, wasn't it? Well I'm wishing you the best of luck, and hope you get some rest and relaxation. You deserve it. And don't feel guilty for loving your grandson, then handing him right back to is momma!!

What has helped me is to know that feelings aren't facts. Love is a decision. I know you said you weren't talking about people but, if I told anyone how I was "feeling" about those I love at times, they might be very hurt or shocked ~ especially since my hormones are heading toward menopause currently. I have a 21 and 19 year old and was feeling some pretty strong feelings toward the one still at home. I just figured it is what you said about letting go. I believe the stress of separation anxiety is responsible for the feelings going both ways. Thank you for sharing that since now I don't feel alone. As far as my decision to be a Mom and wife at home, I love the job, but with any job you love there is drudgery.

I agree, especially on the daycare end of your observation. Every other profession is considered successful if they make a lot of money - but we (and teachers) are supposed to work our tails off (and be GREAT at it) just because we LOVE kids. Like we're not supposed to be interested in supporting our families, like the rest of the world! When I teach classes to other providers, I sometimes ask, "Why do you do this job?" Most of them answer, "For the hugs! For the smiles!" They are always shocked when I say, "For the money!" (yes, I say it with a smile) Obviously, I'm using my skill set as a teacher to run my child care business, that's why I do child care - it's what I'm good at. If I were number-minded, I'd be an accountant or something. But that attitude definitely bugs me - that people in teaching professions aren't supposed to make a decent living while doing it.

Me.....I live for the moment. I could never stand the thought of my grandson living far away. So, right now, I see him as much as I possibly can...and pray that nothing EVER changes. I know it will...that's why I live for the moment. Feeding the seagulls at the beach this weekend was awesome....he sat up in the lifeguard chair...up high...and just laughed and laughed while we both threw bread up in the air. I will never forget it!

I totally get what you're saying. You can't expect to have your cake and eat it too?!?

I hope that you can still be a BIG part of your grandson's life while also enjoying a little more freedom and time to yourself. I hope your daughter can make it work out there on her own!

Best wishes!

I completely agree that " I finally decided that teenagers become raunchy so that we don't have to experience such a hard time with empty nest syndrome."

But I'm not entirely sure what your question is. Regardless of why you help with your grandchild, your daughter should still show thanks and appreciation. But manners have to be taught while they are young. I'm still working on my kids' manners, so I know it's not easy. Good luck with it, and keep insisting that your daughter learn to voice appreciation, because it will help her in future relationships.

I totally get you, LiveBold., and hope most of these messages have cheered you up. This post has actually helped me today, so thank you!

OMGosh, you just reminded me of a day years ago. I got my dream job, was in the middle of making it even better with lots of work and my supervisor asked how things were going. I told him I loved my work and that this was a wonderful job. He told me not to repeat that to anyone, because they would think I wasn't working hard enough!!!!

From that day forward it became a joke between us. He'd ask me how things were, and I'd say "Oh, just terrible, so hard, no fun, work, work, work.......... :)

I hope your day improves as your read the postings!

Maybe it is because I never got the box thing but I have never felt I must do......

I was a stay at home mom like very few and I am now a working mom like very few but all the way though I have always been happy.

Well except when I was around my ex but he was never home anyway. :)

Of course its normal to sometimes like and dislike the same thing! Every step from conception to "empty nest" has its own unique challenges and joys eg when baby is really small you never have that momentary anxiety as when baby is just starting to try and crawl and ends up stuck under a piece of furniture in the time it took you to answer the call of nature! On the other hand its just awesome to see them reach their milestones. Babies in nappies are easier to take to the mall than ones who haven't been fully potty trained but are out of nappies already! I'm sure that for every developmental stage we can all think of many, many examples of things we loved and things we hated about it. My daughter is 16 years old and I'm doing my best to encourage her to express ALL her feelings ... even the "ugly" ones like anger, and then talk about how to resolve whatever issue caused that emotion in the first place. After all (as Dr Phil so aptly likes to say) "No matter how flat you make a pancake it always has 2 sides! :)