Whose Last Name Should My Son Get?

I am one for Mom's last name if not married regardless of how involved the father is due to legal/tax issues. Plus I feel if the time spent isn't 50/50, then he's SOL on any say in names. I'm a single mom and have no sympathy for the "I'm going to be there" dad. You are welcome to change it later once he proves himself. I had my dad's last name when I was born but he was never around so I switched it later. We are close now but he lost that privelage.

I think he should get your last name and I like the idea of giving your son his father's middle name. The father made his decision. *This* decision is totally, 100% up to you. If you were already married, it may be a different story. Truth is, you have no idea what the future holds with this man and you have to do what you can for yourself and your baby boy. ... and no one else!! Best wishes on becoming a mom!

I think you are making a great decision to give the son your last name and his fathers name as middle name. When your son gets older he can legally have his name changed if he wants to. Also if the father decides not to be in the picture (although they all swear they are gonna be good dads) it is much easier for a future husband to adopt your son (if that ever comes up) if the child does not have the fathers name. However... by giving your son his fathers last name the father has to sign the birth certificate which establishes paternity, so if you are planning on wanting child support you may want to rethink this. If he does not have the fathers name the dad doesn't have to sign the birth certificate which means if you go for c.s. you have to establish paternity first. Which can take longer. A friend of mine went through this with her kids (both by different dads so I know some about this stuff). The child who did have the fathers last name she was able to get child support very easy for but when her husband wanted to adopt the boy because the biodad had disappeared and stopped paying it was a long drawn out process and took alot of legal fees, the child without the biofathers name she was not able to get childsupport on b/c biodad disappeared and no paternity could be established but when the adoption came up it was basically just signing papers and was done. All things to think about not just the name. Good luck and congrats on the baby!

A friend of ours gave her son her last name. Dad finally came around and decided to give the relationship a go and when they got married they changed her and her son's name.

Another vote for giving him your last name. Dad has made his intentions clear, and I certainly wouldn't give him dad's last name as a favor or in hopes of it changing things between you. It doesn't sound like you're doing anything for spite, which is good- there's just no good reason to not give him your name. As a side note, I hyphenate my last name with my maiden and my husband's name, but it's a long name and I didn't want to do that to my daughter. So we made her middle name my maiden name. If you feel like it's important for your son to have that namesake (which is sweet of you, btw), you could consider making the dad's last name your son's middle name. You are already kind of doing that with the middle name, but just to add to that.

Best of luck to you and your son!

Honey, when it comes down to it your the one who has carried the child so name him whatever you want. Personally I wouldnt give the baby his last name if I wasnt married to him. The idea of giving the baby the fathers last name as the babies middle name seems like a civil compromise but dont feel like you owe it to the father. Im sorry that you are having such a stressful time during your pregnancy. Try not to let it consume you, as hard as that may be. Good luck and I hope I can help you.

I'm a single mom that struggled with this decision. Almost the exact same situation. I gave my daughter my last name, and I am so thankful that I did. Just from paperwork/legal standpoint, it makes everything so much easier! Most of the time mother's are the ones doing the paperwork for school,sports, etc. Sounds like in this situation you will definitely be the more responsible one. Anyways, it is easier when faculty/staff/coaches, etc can familiarize your child with you. Less questoins to answer. Sounds like this dad may skip out, so why should your child have the last name of an absent parent? My daughter's father has been involved 2 out of 3 yrs of her life. He has gotten married now, so if my daughter had his last name, he could very well pass off his new wife as her bio-mother (we look a lot alike, except I am about 80 lbs thinner). I wouldn't put it past him to try that either. If my daughter had his last name, I would have to constantly convince people that I am her mother, not this other woman. Some of my reasoning too was that my daughter will get married some day so her name will change then too. So might be different for you since you are having a boy. I would strongly suggest using your last name, or at the least hyphenating. Good luck!

I found this posting on another question, thought you might be interested:

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/13564579137628209153

The question is titled "Being a step mom"

I've been a stepmom of two who are now 27 & 24 since they were both in diapers. You have an important role in your stepdaughter's life. Mine now call me "mom" and we are very close.

The judge and family court do not care about you, though. (We were in court several times, and we learned the hard way that our family court system is not a solution to anything - but can cost extreme amounts of money, energy, and emotion. Do not expect it to use logic or "common sense" - not one bit.) I was expected to sit silently in the back of the courtroom, dressed conservatively, and looking "nice". That's all.

Here's a resource written by a woman that I have met and respect: http://becomingastepmom.wordpress.com/

As far as the difficulties with legal, medical, school things that others have mentioned. I didn't run into that. I had the same last name as my stepchildren and never admitted that I wasn't their "mother" and I signed them into school, out of the hospital, and wrote them permission to go on a trip to Mexico, for example, and no one ever questioned me.

Good luck!

The part that concerns me and would probably concern you is

"I wasn't their "mother" and I signed them into school, out of the hospital, and wrote them permission to go on a trip to Mexico, for example, and no one ever questioned me."

Again I am so thankful that my daughter has my last name, because step mom and father already tried to pull some stuff. Give your child your last name!

Your son should have your last name. You will be making the best choice for your son. Good for you for not letting the father bully you! If he thinks that being tied to the two of you is a lifetime of unhappiness then he doesn't deserve the right to have a child bear his last name.
Congratulations on your baby!

I'm with everyone else...I was the child with mom's last name. I was born to a single mom who was brave & smart enough to give me her last name. Dad really never was around and I am proud to carry on her name as the family name because she showed me what family is really about. When I got married I changed her last name to become my middle name, I think family names are that important, they give you/your child a place to belong. Good luck with your decision!

It looks like most everyone agrees that he should get your last name. I am with everyone else. I was in a pretty similiar situation as you when my 7 year old son was born however I went the other route and gave him his father's last name. I have regretted it ever since. Especially because he is never really been envolved in my son's life. And as much as I want to change it legally to my last name my son doesn't want to change it. I can only hope that one day he will change it to my last name. So stand your ground on this one and if your son wants when he gets older he can make a decesion to change it to his father's last name. Good Luck!

You gave this child life, give him your name.
I believe that children should have their mother`s last name whether it was hers before marriage or a name she shares with her husband.

If a father is going to say and do things like that he does not deserve to have his son have his name. My friend hyphenated her daughters name since she wasnt and never was with the father. I would make his last name your name, if the dad has a problem with it, tough. If your son asks why he has your name and not his dads when he gets older, tell him the truth and say his dad wasnt very respectful and didnt deserve it.