Who Is in Charge?

Welcome to my world! The incentive charts really don't work for the older kids. You have to hit them hard with a consequence, like take away their cell phone or ground them.

The sassy and disrespectful talk is age appropriate. I'm not saying to accept it, but it's not unusual. You just have to keep on them, let it know it's not allowed and follow through with a punishment.

I find as summer goes on and we get closer to school starting, my kids act out more. I don't know if it's too much togetherness or what.

www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com is a site for younger children about estabilshing who's boss. You may want to peak there and see if they deal with this age. If not some of the principals might be the same.

Also the book "Creative Corection" might be good for you to look at.

Dear K.-

12 yrs. is really the beginning of the teen years, and the teen attitude (I have a 15 yr old) There are going to be alot of times when you are going to have to pick your battles. They are not going to be respectful, and will be very sassy. It is normal teen behavior. I am not saying that it should just be tolerated all of the time, but you need to think back to being a teen, and remember that it is normal. It is part of growing up and becoming an independent person. We all went through it. It is a very trying time as parents, because not only are they super moody, but it is a time when they will be seeking more freedom, which is very scary. It is important that you show her that you understand her feelings are real to her (even if they seem rediculous to you) That is a very difficult time in a girls life. As for her being mean to your younger child, I haven't figured that out yet ( I also have a 9 year old) I think that all kids are rotten (at times)to the people that love them the most because they know that you, and her sister will always love them. It is not so different from when they were toddlers, and were testing the boundries. Good Luck - you are not alone

Hi K.!
All parents struggle with this. I have a 10 year old sassy miss here. I've found that blackouts work really well, or even the threat. Basically you take away every single thing they love (TV, CPU, music, books, art, going outside, even their favorite foods & snacks) for X amount of time, obviously it has to fit the offense. It works beautifully. It only takes you doing it once or twice if yours are stubborn like my oldest was, and you will see results. My daughter was having literal fits. Pathetic, really, but I had to stop it and when I told her the next time it happened I'd give her a blackout, she not only stopped her fit but cut another off the next day when I said remember what I said about blackout? She stopped cold and hasn't done it again. It isn't easy but it works. I learned it from Dr. Ray Guerendi, who is the father of TEN adopted kiddos. The trick is sticking to your word, gotta follow through or else they really are the bosses.

Good luck!
D.
mom of 3 - ages 19, 10 & 21 mos

You have to find what motivates her. What is her "currency"? Does she want money? Then reward good behavior with money. Does she want time with you? Then reward with that.

I have two girls, they are 10 and 7. Last year they sibling squabbles got out of hand so I got mean. I told them I was sick of it. I gave them an ultimatum, either they make life nicer and get along or I would make life miserable for them. I started spanking BOTH of them if either of them argued with me or eachother, or if either of them got the other one mad, or if either of them came to me complaining about the other. It took only 3 hard spanks (each girl got 3, so really 6 spanks I guess) and then life got really great. Now if they get back to bickering all it takes is one spanking time and they remember to be nice.