Whining

We have not really had a bigh problem with this. I wish I had some good advice...but I do see responses that look very hopeful! When Alyssa (2-1/2 yrs) does get whiny we just tell her we can not understand her and that she has to speak clearly. Usually this will work and like I saw on the response page, we always praise her for asking so that we can understand her. I think this also has helped her to lear to say please, thank you, you're welcome and excuse me especially when she wants something!
Good luck, C..

My soon to be thre year old whines sometimes, but it is getting less frequent b/c we have used the approach the we tell her that we arent going to talk to her when she whines. If she cant talk like a big girl, then she doesnt get whatever it is she wants...when she asks like a big girl, then we respond immediately- so that she'll realize the difference in attention.... hope it helps you!!!

It MUST be an age thing! My son who is now 6 has been atrociously whiny since he was 4. My biggest thing is to not even answer him when he whines. I don't know if it's working but I just try to walk away or say something mindless. For instance if he says "but all the other kids get to stay up late and eat sweets", I respond "It's a good thing your mama loves you so much she cares about your physical wellbeing". Or "I'm so sorry to hear that". If he says something to lay a guilt trip like "you never let me have fun" I will say " so sorry you feel that way". And then divert my attention to something else like cleaning or making dinner to end the confrontation.

E.,
I'm with you, whining gets on my last nerve. One suggestion, turn into a broken record. Say Mommy does not understand whining, come talk to me when your voice is sweet like mine and walk away if you can. Sometimes if I can't walk away, I say, "Ut oh! It's the whiny voice again!"
Good luck!
P.

I am the mother of a brand new baby, so I have not tried this personaly. That being said, I still remeber what my parents did when I whined. When I would start to whine my parents would look at me and say in an silly deep voice, "I can't hear you when your voice is that high, you will have to lower your voice so that I can hear you." Then I wuold start talking in a really deep voice. This accomplished a number of things. 1. It destracted me from what I was whining about. 2. It did not give me any attention for whining. 3. It made a game out of asking for things. While I have not tried this with my own kid yet, I think the fact that I remeber what they did 30 years later speaks for it's self. Good Luck!!

First, I tell my daughter that I can't understand her because she is whining, and tell her to come talk to me when she can talk like a big girl. After a few minutes of being ignored, she comes back speaking in a normal tone. If she asks for something and I reply "yes", all is well. If I reply "maybe" and she starts whining, I change it to "no" (and stick with it!). If I reply "no" and she whines, I say "I said no, and if you keep whining it will be no tomorrow, too." I have had to follow through with that threat once or twice, but after she learned I was serious, that usually did the trick. And if she does not whine, I recognize that with her, saying "Thank you so much for not whining and talking like a big girl! I'm proud of you for that!" She's actually gotten to the point now where she will usually reply in a normal tone "OK Mommy", and then get an excited look on her face and say "I didn't whine! I'm a big girl!" It's really quite cute!

My daughter is 3 1/2 and she went through the whining. First I explained to her that I couldn't understand when she whined so she needed tospeak clearly to get what she wanted. When that didn't work, I went baby on. Everytime she whined I whined back. It took a total of 3 times before she just stopped. After each time she whined and I whined back she would look at me and say "mommy, why do you sound like that? why are you whining?" and I would tell her that it seemed like the only way we could speak to each other. Since she was doing it why couldn't i?

It happens to everyone. Could you give some more info? What is she whining about? Is there a specific time of day? What type of reward or discipline system do you use? Has it worked in the past? Is this something new? Is she whining more with one parent then the other? How long can she go for before giving up or you breaking down and giving in?

I have a four year old son that is very whining about everything! I usually just tell him that I am not going to listen until he changes his attitude. He usually changes his tone then. Good news I also have a 5 year old (they are 1 year apart) and he is not whining:)

Well the thing that worked for me is not giving in to matter how long she whins. She is whining because she knows if she does it long enough you will give in. every parent does. I tell my 4 year old that I am not talking to im until he stops wining and then we can talk, it works he usually stops and we talk. But most important when you talk stick to your guns and don't give in tell her no you can't.... and why say because? I don't know how much your daughter understands but telling my son why he cant.... helps.

I have a 3 year old step daughter. She is going through this whining stage! Oh, it so terribly annoying! When she starts whining my husband and I first tell her that she must use her words because we can't understand whining. Most of the time it works, but when it doesn't we just ignore her. After a few minutes we again tell her that she must use her words. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, but when she realizes that the whining isn't working she will use her words.

Just try not to get annoyed with them, and be patient. That's what we learned has worked with our daughter. We have a son on the way, so we'll be going through this all over again in a couple of years!! Always something to look forward to.

I hope this helps!

E.

I had the same problem with my son who is three. I have a whinning chair in his room. If he starts up he must go to the whinning chair. Also if he is asking for something with a whinny voice I just keep saying to him "I don't understand you because you are whinning". It helps.

M.

***Geeeeeee, Maaaaa...why does her whiiiiiiiiining botherrrr you so muuuuuuch?***

Sorry. I know it gets annoying. How long has she been doing this? Any other changes?

Have you given in and let her win by letting her have what she whined for? It only takes One Win for kids to know what works for them. It's their job to test and learn Limits.

At 4 years, her vocabulary is probably strong enough to understand if you tell her, calmly, "I am not going to listen to you when you whine at me. You have to ask nicely, or I am not going to answer you." Then you have to STICK to it! When she DOES ask nicely, recognize that, and say, "Thank you for asking so nicely!" DON'T reward her by buying her everything she asks for! Remember who's the adult, here.

If it makes you feel any better, she'll most likely out-grow it. Take note of what she watches on tv, too. She may me imitating one of the characters. We had to ban quite a few cartoons here, due to certain favorites being mimicked. (Fairly Odd Parents resulted in "I wish..." overuse.)

Not sure if this will help, but my niece did that at one time. My sister just simply told her that if she whines she will not be responded to. When she can talk in a normal tone of voice, then she will have a better chance of getting heard. When Isabel realizes she would never get what she wanted by whining, it stopped.

Don't respond until she asks for it, or talks in a normal tone. She is old enough that she doesn't need to be whinning and to do it over everything is not good. Generally ignoring her til she talks correctly will work, but some children may need to be punished. I would recommend time out for whinning, with absolutely no talking allowed. She could sit in timeout for 2 minutes or so and then when she comes out should talk properly or be sent back to time out. you have to be consistent about whatever you decide. If you are not going to respond then do not respond, tell her you will answer her, or help her when she can ask properly and not whine, and then no more til she does right. It may take some time, but eventually she will talk properly to get your attention and to ask for things.

I have a 3 & a 5 year old.
My mantra is: "Please use a normal voice." I say it in a normal voice, wait & repeat if necessary. We still have some whining, but it's a quick conversion to normal voice.

From what I've read and experienced, age 4 is the peak of whining. Some things that worked for me: (1) I stated that I cannot hear whining--I only respond to spoken words with no twinge of whining; (2) whine back--sometimes this causes the whining child to laugh and forget the problem causing the whining in the first place; (3) tape record the whining and play it back to the child; (4) encourage and reward appropriate vocalization of feelings instead of whining. Good luck!

When my 4 year old whiner was in pre-k his teacher said one time "you get what you get and you don't have a fit" and was firm in her belief. We just took that and ran with it. If he starts whining we just pick him up and head home, it doesn't matter what we are doing or how badly we need to do it...it only takes one or two times to just do it and it's fairly well cured.
T.