Whining - Richmond,VA

I have a very simple rule in this house: we do not speak whinese.

So, when she starts, just tell her "i'm sorry, we don't speak whinese. If you would kindly use your normal voice, I'd be happy to help you in any way I can."

I have another rule too, if you are going to pitch yourself on the floor or throw a tantrum, you can go to your room until you are calm. My 4 year old will go from a crying fit to a perfectly normal voice in 3 sec if I remind her she has to use a normal voice or she can go to her room..... This doesn't work as well with the 2 year old crowd, but I do send my 2 year old to his room sometimes and it works.

I answered your other question about sharing....& I'm going to tie this one in with it:

find a playgroup & fill her time a little bit more. She'll learn to share, & hopefully she'll be too busy to whine on you!

With my own children, my nieces/nephews, & with my daycare.....whining is not allowed. Plain & simple. I will not act upon a request until the speaker uses a normal tone of voice. No begging, hanging allowed either. All interactions with me have to be polite & considerate.

For some parents, this will sound harsh. It's not! It's simply modeling the desired behavior & not accepting any less.... I never raise my voice, I never berate the child, I simply give eye contact & make my request for a normal tone of voice..... Calm & quiet....until the child complies. :)

Hi, MM:
Is she having BM's every day?
Is she cutting teeth?
Comfort and nurture her. Give her a back massage.
Whatever you can think of to be nurturing and supportive do that.
It is time consuming but relax and just do it.
Good luck.
D.

All I can say is hang in there. It's not anything you're doing or not doing. My kids did, and do it now at, 6 and 8, just in a different sounding of their voice. Ugh. But seriously, it's definitely a stage. I always believed it was their way of making everyone share in their frustration, getting more attention, and as always pushing the envelope. When it came down to whining about something some-what specific or situational, at 2 1/2, is so hard for them to communicate, I would try to give them a simple choice. You can either keep whining and not get the toy or you could try and use your normal voice to speak with me. I always used to say, mommy doesn't understand whinese! It sort of made them stop in their tracks, at 2,3,4, that sometimes they would forget what they were whining about. At 5, they caught on, those smart little buggers. Hang in there, it's annoying, but just remember they have no clue how to understand or communicate their own feelings just yet.

Ha! Just read Julie V. Too friggin funny!

"mommy can't hear whinese" and "i will understand you better if you take a breath (show her an example) and talk to me like a big girl. use your words"

don't give her what she wants unless she requests it in an acceptable manner.

even at 5 i have to remind my son at times. he tends to just complain. "UGH! i can't DO IT!" and i say, "well then what do you need to do?" (the answer is ask for help, which he knows) "mommy would you help me tie my shoes?" "sure thing buddy, come over here!"

same thing for whining. all kids do it, but that's our method for counter-acting it.

It sounds like your daughter might need more time with you. Often when they whine, it is because they are left to themselves too much. Are you giving her good attention during the day? Do you play with her, read to her, cuddle with her? They need this so much.

Also, big girls DO cry. Crying is healthy. It is a healing emotional response. Whining is not the same as crying.

We had a similar problem at about the same age with my oldest daughter. So we invented the "Fuss Chair". Whenever she was fussing and whining about something that was a bit too much over the top she would have to go to fuss chair. She had to stay in fuss chair until she could come to us and tell us what she needed and/or politely ask for help. It really worked well. She would pull herself together and come back and ask for what she needed. It did not permantly cure her fussiness but it created an opportunity for her to pull herself together and re-approach the problem. We all get frustrated sometimes but we all need to learn how to control that frustration so we can accomplish what we set out to do.

Whining is probably at the top of my "I don't do this" list, I didn't do it with my older kids or anyone else's. If my guy (3 next month) begins to whine (and he started trying when he was around 2.5) I tell him, "I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying, you need to speak in a normal voice." If it continues he can go to his room, he obviously is tired and needs to rest, yet it hasn't come to that.

I can actually count on one hand how many times he's done it because I don't allow it or encourage it. He's starting preschool next fall and I don't want him to all of a sudden be expected to behave, so I've worked on training him in good behavior since he was a baby, and he's a happy, cooperative, creative, intelligent guy : )

At 2 1/2 she really isn't a 'big' girl yet. She is probably trying to voice her frustrations with her environment and doesn't have the ability to vocalize what is exactly wrong; whining is the default mechanism for this frustration. She may be experiencing actual growing pains, she may be requiring more attention from you as she enters into the next developmental stage of childhood, or she could even just need a change of scenery, a snack or an extra nap. Try this, get her favorite book, and blanket or stuffed animal and the two of you take a cuddle time out. Offer her a snack like goldfish and juice or fruit and then read her the story, or find one prior to this about whining. "Love You When You Whine" by Emily Jenkins, "A Children's Book About Whining" (Help me Be Good Series) By Joy Berry or "Mama Cat's Adventures in Child Training Presents: No Whining" By:
Janice C. Villnerve are 2 good ones. Of course there is the "Monsters Eat Whiny Children" by Bruce Eric Kaplan, for which she may be a little too young. I prefer the "Help me Be Good Series", because it actually explains why children should stop the behavior issue at hand and they are great for helping children learn why they should be nice to people, etc. So remember Children usually whine when they feel overwhelmed or unable to vocalize exactly what's wrong so parental P. is your best skill. If all else fails, talk to her in the same manner, ask her Whhyyy aaarree yyoouuu ttaallkkiiinnngg llliiiiikkkeee ttthhhiiiisss, it may make her laugh or she might realize that it kind of gets on your nerves and hurts your ears.

Whining, in my opinion, is a natural toddler stage. I don't necessarily think that it means she's in any sort of 'emotional pain.' Kids go through lots of stages at this age from whining to refusing to eat their favorite foods, etc. I tell my son that "I don't speak whine." Short and sweet. If you make it a really long explanation you'll lose her attention/confuse her. I knew that whining wasn't something that I would be able to tolerate so I've done that from the beginning and he immediately changes his tone. He does not get what he's asking for when he whines so he knows it's useless to do so. Consistency is key. Good luck!
ADD: Also, make sure that you're modeling the no whining rule. Sounds funny, I know. I sometimes catch myself with this when I'm exhausted and I've asked him for the 4,567th time to pick up his toys. Or when he's called my name for the 25,965,125th time I'll catch myself in the middle of saying (insert nasal whine tone here) Whaaahhhhhaaaaattt?

My oldest nipped whining on her own with warnings. My middle guy was the kiiing of whiiiiiiining and did need discipline (swatting) for it when nothing else worked. And that worked. My third (2 1/2) is VERY prone to tantrums and whining, but she does neither because she too was disciplined. The minute she gears up some tears for whining/tantrumming, she stops on a dime when you remind her to talk nicely.

How firm you want to be really depends on how much you can take and how important it is to you that your child doesn't get attached to whining. If this is the beginning of her habit, it's the perfect time to nip it. If you warn her calmly, "No whining" and then pop her on the butt when she continues, she will cry more in that moment. But if you are consistent and always act after just one warning, she'll mind your warning in the future fairly soon. This isn't traumatic either. My 2 1/2 year old can now go from a tearful whine to a giggle with just a joking light hearted warning and no discipline at all, but that's only because she honed her impulse control from being disciplined.

The best is when she removes the audio from her whine. She stops the "sound" of her whine, but keeps the cry face and talks in that little sad voice but holds the cry. When she sees me start to laugh, she starts to laugh.

I suggest that your effort to force her to share is causing her emotional pain. Accept her as she is. She will learn to share in time. At two she is just discovering that she has ownership. Her brain isn't developed enough to understand the concept of sharing.

I suggest that she needs more positive attention and warm support for who she is. I agree with Donna S.

At the same time I also suggest that you ignore the whining. Tell her you can't hear her when she whines. Tell her to use her big girl voice. Be calm and loving when you say this. After the one statement ignore her until she uses a big girl voice.

I use the 'Love and Logic' philosphy and it worked wonders and continues to do so. Check if your library has a copy of the book also some schools provide classes( my daughters school did) or see if there are seminars in your area or if you can get a vidoe or tape for it as i found them very helpful in addition to the books as it shows how to effectively voice what needs to be said i.e with empathy and consecquences.
Look up jim fay and charles Fay