Well me and my husband are thinking of having a baby together. I have a 3yr old and a 5yr old from a previous relationship. Im wondering if any mothers have found it better to have a new baby when my kids are this age now, or when they get older? Ive got a lot of different answers about what people think is better. Like, Do it while the kids are close in age, or wait till there older because they can help out with the little one...etc. But what Im worried about is how is going to effect my 3 and 5yr old. Has anyone experianced how the older kids get effected by a new baby that has a different father, and also go back and forth with there bio father?
Wow, such a tough decsion.....Ive thought out all these different possibiltys...Well my hubbys been in my kids life since they were born...He was a long time friend of mine,(strictly friend, Im 100% faithful in my realtionships) even when I was with there father. So they have always known him as my friend before and now they know him as my husband. The difference I think is I feel like my kids actually dont see them as there real dad. There real dad is in there life and I see the differece with how they are with both of them. My kids love my husband and get along with him really well, but they just dont have that bond with him, that they have with there real father. I always wonder if that would cause a problem bring in a new baby? I never wanted to pressure my kids into making them feel like they HAD to look up to my husband as there father. ( Unlike there stepmother having them call her mom even before her and my X got married! Litterly asking my then 1yr old whos your mommy? and he would say her and she would praise him and tell him THATs Right Im Your Mommy...)
Also, I know I would never put the responsibilty on my children to help raise a little one. They are kids themselves and I know its my responibilty to raise them not theres. I know a lot of women who say they were left to raise there siblings while the mother was out doing her thing. I dont understand mothers when they do that and I would never do that. This is still such a hard decsion to make....
There's no such thing as the perfect age gap. They all have pros and cons, and every child reacts to them differently.
I can say that my eldest got new siblings (between his bio father and myself) at age 3.5, almost-5, 8, 9, and 12. He's never had any issues stemming from any of those additions.
Have a baby if you're able. It's going to affect the older children regardless.
How long have you been together as a family? Has it been less than a year? Or since the kids were born? You said you have 2 from previous relationship----If it has been at least 2 years of them having your hubby as daddy, then I would say sooner is better. If not, I would wait til the adjustment is better for them and then go for it. Best wishes!
M
i would say it would matter more on how much change they've had recently more than age..if this is all within the last year you have a new hubby/step dad for them....maybe wait, if things have been the same for a while, then do it when its right for you
Have a baby. The kids will love having a new brother or sister. The only children I've ever seen respond with jealousy instead of delight are the children who are constantly being coddled and coerced and "checked" for jealousy by their worried parents.
So take a deep breath, don't worry, and follow your heart.
Whenever is right for you and your husband is the best time. The children will have to make adjustments whatever their age. My daughter was born when her half-siblings were 17 and 19, and it was all fine. I didn't expect any help from them, though, as their lives were filled with the usual teenage things.
every child is different.
I think closer, because it will be easier w/ all the kid's interests. i don not believe in expecting older children to be mini parents. They didn't choose to have a baby.
I was 9 when my mom had a child with her new husband. Being expected to help out with taking care of my baby sister made me resent her and my mom. My mom expected me to change diapers and get up with the baby in the middle of the night when she cried. I didn't choose to have a baby sister, so I felt it was unfair that I was expected to take on these duties. I also resented having to share a bedroom with my sister, especially since she was allowed to play with my things when I was away visiting my dad. I would often come back to my mom's house to find my things ruined (example: she used my nail polish to paint her nails in my bed and ruined my sheets. My mom tried to hide the mess.)
If you do have another child, don't shift responsibilities to your older kids unless they volunteer to help. It may cause them to resent the new child. And don't favor or be overly protective of the new child to the detriment of the older kids.
I'm on the side that doesn't think it's healthy to have a new baby if you have kids from a previous marriage. No matter what the age, the kids may feel like "less" than your new baby because their father doesn't live in the home with you and your husband may treat the bio child differently, although not purposely. Your children are innocents and didn't choose for you to divorce. I think it's our responsibility to pay for our own mistakes and not to disrupt a child's life because of our own selfish desires. It may seem that having a baby with your new husband will bring you closer together, but in reality it may cause more conflict with disciplining the kids and the resulting emotional problems. I would think about it more before deciding.
