Just wondering if during your pregnancies your husbands help more, with other kids, with housework, etc. My husband seems to think I can do everything exactly the same. I have to constantly ask for help. He doesn't do it on his own, at all. I'm 9 months pregnant and he doesn't seem to notice things are harder for me now.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry...but no, he didn't help more. One of the many reasons he's now my ex. He got groceries, one time, after the baby was born. He called me three times from the store with questions...
My husband has always helped out more when I've been pregnant. He helps out a lot all the time , though. He helps even more the 6 wks after baby.
Nope men for the most part don't get it. I mowed the lawn 9 months pregnant and did everything. If you need something directly tell him or just don't do it and when he asks why tell him.
Sorry but it is the reality. You waste too much energy wishing for a different reality. Accept what they can do and ask for what you need.
Wow I've never had to "train" my hubby like a dog, that's horrible! Mine is so helpful pregnant or not. He will walk our son to the bus stop on his days off so I can sleep in:) or does the dishes if I'm tired after dinner.
Yes, without asking. I never have to ask for much. I think he's rare and I'm very lucky.
Want him to help? Start firing off checks and hire some help!
Wow, I feel so bad for you. My husband gives me heck if he sees me doing something that he feels I shouldnt be doing and if there is anything that I specifically tell him I cant do he not only does it but he will continue to stay on it for me so that I dont have a chance to even attempt it for myself. I have a 2 yr old and I am 7 months pregnant and he has been 110% supportive since the day we found out I was pregnant with my first
Tell your man to Man up and help you
Hope things get better for you =)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - (I think you can guess my answer) :)
My husband does not 'help' me. Housework is equally our responsibility, not mine. He does 1/2. He did not do more when I was pregnant. I worked FT up until 48 hours before I delivered (it was on a Sunday) and I did not have any issues with housework. He did mow the lawn most of the time later in my pregnancy.
Hahahahahaha! Hold on, I need to catch my breath! Ummmm.....NO!
It takes a lot of teeth pulling and even then, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!
I will say he does tell me to 'take it easy' (I'm 16 +weeks) but I suspect that's more because he sees the stink eye I give him when he's watching tv or playing video games while I'm mopping or making the top bunk of the boys bunk beds.
My husband helps me when I am not pregnant. I think you need to sit him down and have a straight forward talk with him.
You gotta train those guys...just like a puppy....it helps if you start sharing some home jobs around the house from the beginning. I you didn't, then you just let them know what you can and can't do and will need his help, understanding and cooperation.
Blessings....
Updated
You gotta train those guys...just like a puppy....it helps if you start sharing some home jobs around the house from the beginning. I you didn't, then you just let them know what you can and can't do and will need his help, understanding and cooperation.
Blessings....
If it is obvious enough how miserable I am that particular day, then yes without being asked. Otherwise, I just have to say my complaints out loud enough and he usually gets the hint!
Yes, immensely, I have very difficult pregnancies and right now I am 20 weeks. He does almost all cooking, cleaning, laundry, getting kids to bed, bathtime with them... pretty much everything. On days I am able, I will do some things, but it is very hard for me and so he will tell me to lie down. What can you do? Stay in bed all day, talk to him. If he want's food, or clean clothes or a house that isn't a mess, he can freaking help out. And by the way, he better pitch in and help out with the baby too, because you are going to need to rest and have physical healing as well then.
When I'm not pregnant, we still split cleaning and cooking almost 50/50. You need to lay down the law.
My husband was wonderful. It may just be his personality but instead of expecting him to help out in general and continually bringing it up, I would just ask for a specific thing when I needed it.
For example, "Honey, would you mind doing the dishes tonight. I need to put my feet up as they feel like they are swelling." Men need specifics. I don't think many men sit around thinking of what they can do to help out. Just be sure to ask in a way that doesn't tear him down.
Then be sure to brag about him in front of others. Men love hearing you brag on them to others. They need to know that you see them as your hero. They will help again to hear it.
Good husbands help out more. Mine made the concerted effort to lift his feet for me to vacuum under them so as to not disturb his X-box game when I was 8.5 mos pregnant.
If you're tired and it's hard, TELL him to do the chores. And just don't do them yourself!
With this pregnancy, I couldn't even get out of bed I was so sick. I puked constantly until about 22 weeks. My husband was the biggest blessing I could have asked for. He cooked, cleaned, took care of our 5 year old daughter and me. I am now almost to the end of this pregnancy and he still helps out everyday.
Depended on the day and my mood and how many times that day I had to ask!
Somedays he did and would go above and beyond to help out... other days nope not so much help.
He helps if I ask, BUT I have to ask. It never occurs to him to just do something. I'm working on trying not to get annoyed and reminding myself that he isn't being a jerk, he just requires direct communication.
Yes my hubby did help out more both times I was pregnant. One thing you have to remember is that he can't read your mind. He has no idea what it is like to be pregnant, how you are feeling or the physiological changes your body is going through. You have to tell him! If you need help, ask! Most likely he just wasn't thinking and didn't realize that you need help. (Men are like that sometimes!)
Also don't just say "I need help". Be specific say "it would really help me if you could do X, Y Z.". Communication is key to keep from having hurt feelings or resentment build up! He also needs to know that after the baby comes your going to need more help too!
Good luck and congrats!
Not unless I asked. Then he didn't pick up all the slack - just some of it. I really think they just don't see it (or I just say that to myself so I'm not ticked off all the time). Our house went to hell in a handbasket when I was as pregnant as you. Let it go as much as you can.
I hate to admit this but it's just the truth. No, he didn't. He never treated me like a princess. He was completely clueless how pregnancy effected me (how hard it was on my body). I think he just thought, you have a belly and that's it. When I was throwing up for months with one pregnancy, he had to do more with our son. He was great about it for approximately 3 weeks, then he secretly became resentful. He never said it but I knew it; he doesn't hide his emotions well at all. It left me feeling extremely guilty as I puked on the couch. Good luck.
Yes he helped more if I asked him for help. One thing I've learned about my husband is he is willing to help me with pretty much anything, but unless I tell him exactly what help I need, he is clueless..I think the same goes for most men.
I didnt read many responses, but i agree with Sue W. I wanted to say HAHAHAHAHA too! Yeah right, he was clueless!
Nope......he really isnt conditioned to know how to do those things, its my fault and his mom's. But he works like 80 hours a week so i dont exactly complain. if i asked him too he probably would, but then he wouldnt do it the way i liked it and id have to redo it when he wasnt looking. its easier just to do it myself.
He is a lot more sensitive to me though, more softer touches and being delicate with my feelings when otherwise we are quite blunt and honest with each other.
I agree that you need to be more straightforward with him and then if he is unwilling to increase his responsibilities around the house then you need to hire some help.
The other thing you can do is just STOP doing whatever it is. When the house isn't dusted and he asks about it you simply say that you can't do that right now and he was unwilling to do it, so it's not going to get done (ie - peanut butter sandwiches for dinner instead of a cooked meal).
I think you should have a conversation with him about your expectations and needs after the baby is born. It sounds like you have other kids, so you know how it is.... things are MUCH harder after the baby comes than when you are pregnant.
He is either selfish, has unrealistic expectations or you are not clearly communicating what you want. It sounds like (you at least think) you are asking for his help - so now it is time to clarify his expectations.
My husband does try to help out more. I do have to ask for specific things nicely, but that is usually all it takes. Aside from a few things, (taking out the garbage and recycling, cleaning the cat litter) he doesn't really see the need or will only do it if I ask him. I don't think he does it to be a jerk, but because it just doesn't seem to be important to him. It drives me nuts to have to ask, but I've learned in the last 10 years of marriage (and 3 kids), that what works and keeps the peace. Don't be too hard on him.
