When Should We Bring Another Sibling into the Family?

I think it is different for each family. Most people I know are happy with the spacing of their children, whether the kids are close in age or not as close. Mine are 18.5 and 21 months apart, and I really like having them so close. Good luck!

My daughter was 2 when my son was born and she did not like him for about a good 1/2 a year. She would not go by him...it was like he just came and was invading her space. She started to regress a little bit and started acting like she was a baby at times...she is 3 now and she loves her brother who is now 1. We also have a 2 month old in the house...she has taken real well to him and so has my 1 year old. I think it's just hard when the child is an only child for a while and then here comes another kid to "fill that space". I think my daughter thought that he was going to replace her or something...Now she's very well adjusted. It all depends on the child too i suppose. My step children are older (6 and 9 years old) and they absolutely loved their little brother when he was first born...(my daugter was from a prior relationship)She was 1 when they met her...they loved her to pieces too!

My brother and I are 15mos. apart and have always been buddies.

Now my older brother is 4 years older and has always been jealous and just to far apart to get along.

Like others said, it's a personal choice - no right or wrong answers. I think it mainly depends on your family dynamics and children's personalities (but who can predict that?) I have 7 yrs between #1 and #2, almost 19 months between #2 and #3, and I'll have 22 months between #3 and #4 when #4 arrives in September. The large spacing was more due to circumstances than choice, but it's worked well - he's 10 and adores his little brothers (3 and 19 months). The close spacing has been great - hectic at times, but a lot of fun. I don't think I personally would like a 2 1/2-3 yr spacing, just because I think that it's a difficult period. I don't think spacing has as much of an impact on children getting along as personalities - I know siblings who are 12 yrs apart and great friends as adults, and those a year or 2 apart who hate each other - and vice versa...

My kids are 25 months apart and I think it is an excellent age gap. The oldest is not too young or too old. She's able to help and play while I tend to baby. My half brothers and I are over 10 years and that's not good. We can't relate and I talk to them like I would my own kids. My nephews are 3 years apart and that is a good gap too but I think there would be differences in how they play. My half brothers are 3 years apart and they are not that close and didn't relate well. They had many fights. I think a 2 year gap is best in my opinion but who knows if I'll change my mind later. Good luck.

I think that it all depends on you. Different gaps for one family may not work for you. I got pregnant with the 2nd when my first was 13 months. So my children are about 23 months apart and I can say that I really enjoyed that gap but we are waiting a little longer for number three because we felt as though we missed some things between the time I got pregnant with number two, till the time number 2 came. Its all by choice I think, what works for one may not work for another so you will probably get a lot of different gaps in ages. Good luck I hope you find something that will work for your growing family.

My kids are 20 months apart. I love it! Yes, it is difficult in the beginning (OK, for the first 9-12 months!), but now that they are 3 & 18 months it is so fun to watch them together. My son doesn't remember what it was like to be an only child and my daughter thinks the world revolves around her brother.

For practical reasons having our kids close in age made sense for us. My husband and I were in our early 30's when we had our son and we didn't want to wait too long to have our next. Plus, we didn't have to get all new toys/equipment. Everything was still out and now as Zoey outgrows things we can just get rid of it (we are not having more kids) rather than having to store it for years.

There are a lot of pros/cons for having kids close together as well as for spacing them out more. For us though, this worked out great. As much as I'm a little sad I don't have a "baby" anymore, I would do it this way again in a heartbeat.

Experts recommend that women wait at least 18 months after giving birth before getting pregnant again. This is to let their bodies heal properly and be ready for another one. I don't plan on waiting quite that long - my baby is 9 months, and we are already thinking about another one. I think it mainly depends on what you as a parent can take in terms of the amount of work. Having them closer together can be really hard - if your older child is 3 or so, they are more independent and can also help. My brother and I are only 10 months apart - that's right - 10 months! (It wasn't planned.) We didn't get along all through growing up, but we get along now. My advice is just to go with your instinct.

My mother in law says perfect is about 2.5 years apart. The only thing i can say is that 5 years is too much. I grew up where my closest sibling was was 5 years older than me the next 8 years and the oldest 10 years. I had no connection to them when growing up and even now it's a little strained. I'm going to try and keep siblings fairly close together if i can help it. I suppose that doesnt have to be the case for everyone if you work on it there can be a good connection but i think it makes it harder. Plus my brother teh one closest to me knew what it was to be the youngest until he was 5 and liked ti so when i came along he didnt like that he wasnt the youngest anymore and didnt much like me for it.

My girls are 3 and 5 almost to the day. They are the best of friends. They have grown really close the last year or so because my youngest can keep up with her and interact with her more. It is great to watch them. They also have their share of fights but what siblings don't fight.

My brother and I were two years apart and we were very close.
I'm glad we were so close in age. It is nice because not only were we siblings but we were also friends.

I think you will know when the right time is. All people are different. I have a friend whose kids are about 16 months apart and she loves them that close. Personally, I couldn't have had mine any closer than two years just because they need so much more care when they are younger.

One thing to consider is how many kids you are planning on having. We want 5 or 6 kids so ours are spaced closer together, besides the fact that we are adopting, so some of them are the same age. You also have to consider finances and how many kids you want to have in diapers at once because we've had 3 and it's quite the expense. Our birth children are 20 months apart and I think that was perfect. We actually got pregnant the day after our oldest turned 1. Now we have a foster/adopt 16 month old and are thinking about adopting another one but it's tricky because he's really needy and so is my 3 year old special needs daughter.
You also have to consider the needs of your current child. Is she high maintenance? Our first cried day and night for the first 4 months but then was fine once I stopped nursing her. If our second would have been like that I think I'd have lost my mind because you can't pace the floor day and night with one when you have another little one.
It's hard to tell where your daughter will be in 9 months so that makes it tough but either way you'll manage. I guess the biggest thing for me is that I have an amazing husband so I never get too overwhelmed and that can make a world of difference.
Best Wishes,
J.

I think the answer lies partly in the personality of your daughter. My boys are 2 years and 4 months apart. This was exactly what we planned but I think it would have been better to wait for them to be 3 years and 4 months apart. That is because my oldest is an emotional child and when I look at him now at 3 I just think it would have been better to wait until now for our second.
That being said, I don't think there is a good and a bad age gap. There are pros and cons to any age difference. I know people with kids 14 months apart and kids 8 years apart. They all seem to love the way they did things.
Good Luck!

Nobody can answer this question for you. My boys are 3 1/2 years apart and it was perfect for us, and when #3 comes along some day, he/she will be at least 3 years younger than my youngest son.

However I have friends who have thier kids 18 months apart and wouldn't change a thing, same for friends who have kids 5-7 years apart. I think its whatever is going to work for your family, think about how you want your daughter to be whe nyour next baby is born. Still in diapers? Talking? A little independent, or alot? THinking of these things will help you choose a time to have a baby that is right for your family.

my first child was 2 when I got pregnant and 2 1/2 when the baby was born. this was great spacing...my oldest kind of understood that we were having another baby, still took naps when i was preg so i could nap during the weekends too, was very excited when the baby came and could help with diapers, bottles etc. and she wasnt too jealous to share mom and dad. now that they are getting older, they make great playmates and are interested in the same things: going to the park, riding in the bike, dolls, crayons etc...if you can plan your next baby, i would think about the spacing of about 2 years. then your first one gets to still be a baby before you bring another baby into the house.

T.,

I think 3 years is the best difference between two kids.
My oldest son and daughter are 2-1/2 years apart. This has worked, but at times seems to provide some challenges. Now between my daughter and our youngest son, we have 3 years.

I think the kids have more maturity at 3, understand the newness and needs of the baby and can communicate, which is a definite plus. Any younger and I think you have more competition (for attention, for activities, for school, for everything).

The age difference still offers some sibling play time with each other, but also allows you to feel like you have special one-on-one time with each child separately. You already had special time with the oldest, now once the oldest is in school, you will have time for the youngest.

Also, you will more than likely just have one in diapers if your wait until about 3 years. Plus the oldest is starting to show signs of independence (brushing teeth, putting on clothes, helping around the house, etc...)

Whatever time frame you decide will certainly be the right time for your family -- but I would recommend 3 years.

I completely agree with Michelle, it depends on the kids. My sister and I are 12 years apart and get along wonderful. My other sister and I are 10 years and get along OK. The 2 of them are 2 year apart and do not get along AT ALL!!
All 3 of my kids are 2 years apart. It does get crazy around here but they are more playmates more often then not. They have similar toys and interests right now.
Again, it is a personal choice you have to make. Good luck, it is not an easy one to make or something you can predict. The only thing I would suggest is really prepare your child for the changes that are going to happen in the house when the time comes!

My 3 kids are each a year apart and I LOVE it!! They are 10-13 now and they are very close, always have been.
My brother is 4 years older and we never got along, and are not close now. My half brother is 13 years younger. We have always been very close. As a teenager I was his 3rd parent, and now that he's finally 21, we're drinking buddies, lol.

Like someone already mentioned...this is totally a personal choice. That said, my sons are 17 months apart (almost 3 1/2 and 2), and I love how close they are right now. I am due with our 3rd boy in September. I wanted them close so they will hopefully be close growing up (though I can't really control their temperaments and personalities). So far, they really love each other and play together all the time (mostly now because they have no choice :) ) The downsides: First of all, when my second was born, my first was only 17 mos...too little to help. Now it is getting easier, as my 3 1/2 year old is pretty helpful. But when my second was born, my then 17 mo. old was too little to even understand the fact of why he was getting less attention, although he seemed to adjust well. I wondered if I should have let him be the baby for a little longer. But now, it's great, and I make special time for each child so they both feel special and important. Also another thing..I was nursing when I conceived my 2nd child, and I continued to nurse throughout the 1st trimester (with drs approval) So don't let that make the decision...you can get pregnant while nursing. Good luck!