Planning a 2Nd Child

D.,
I am 5m pg and Brianna is 21m--it's been a super experience! Plus we are working on pottie training, and B will be in school starting in Jan, so when baby is 6m, I will have some alone time with him/her as I did B. I don't really see any drawbacks (yet?)!
If you have any specific questions, feel free to e me directly.
smiles,
L., 39
Brianna 21m & yes! still bf'ing!
and baby
butterflylindamarie at yahoo dot com

My two granddaughters are 3 years and 1 week apart and when the 6 year old comes home from kindergarten they hug and play very nice, until one doesn't get her way. But you will have that when they are young. My daughters were 6 years apart and they didn't play together too much because they had other friends and interests. My 3 grandsons are 3 years apart and when they were small they played together all the time. Now 17, 14, 11 they also have there own friends and interests. I would say 2-3 years apart would be my preferrence. Unfortunatley I didn't have that choice. I have 5 siblings and we were born in a 9 year span and my sister and I were 2 years apart and didn't fight until we got into junior high and then it was about clothes and boys. My 4 brothers didn't fight much since they were so close in age and had the same interests, sports! Let's hope this helped you a little.

My kids are 2 yr 8 months apart, worked out well, they ride the same bus together, the younger one copies the older one with studying, etc.

Hi D.. I have 3 kids. The first 2 are exactly 2 years apart. They get along like you would expect ( the 7 yr old calls the 5 yr old a baby and stupid and picks on her). But when it's playtime, they have so much fun together because they are a little closer. My youngest is 2, 3 yrs younger than my daughter, 5 yrs younger than my son. The 3 of them can play wonderfully together at certain things, but when it's time to play Barbies or play video games, the baby is definitely not wanted. But for the most part, this spacing between all 3 of them has helped me with the care of each one, and the older ones don't feel like I take advantage of them because I occasionally ask them to help me with their little brother. Good luck!!

Hi D., I have three kids. They came boy, boy and then a girl. Between the 1st to 2nd and 2nd to 3rd they are each 1 year and 9 months apart. They all play together very well. The middle one has the best deal. He has a great relationship with the oldest and youngest and plays with each quite abit. Whereas the oldest and youngest (6.5 and 3) play a little less. My 4 year old (5 in June) doesn't seem to care if he is playing with his older brother or younger sister. We purposely had our kids this way. We planned to start trying when each turned one and magically got pregnant both times on the first try! I love that they are close, but not so close that all three will be in high school, or more importantly college, at the same time. Good luck and go for it!

Hi! I have a 5 year old, 3 year old, and a 9 month old (all girls). So I have experienced both 2 and 3 years apart. It is very crazy at times but I wouldn't have it any other way. My 5 and 3 year olds can't live with or without each other. They are into more of the same things and they can play together all the time. I did 2 years the first time and waited 3 years for the next one - mainly to regain my sanity. If I had to do it over I probably would have done 2 years spacing again. It's hard the first year but it gets easier. Good luck with your decision!

Hi D..

I have two children with only 11 months apart. A girl and a boy. It was very much like having twins. Although the first year was difficult the pros out weigh the cons. They are best friends and are in fact in the same grade. I am pretty much in the same phase with both. I have never had to entertain them. Biggest con for me is it has left me wanting more!! What ever you decide like you said each situation is different. Good luck!!

My daughters are 3 years and 1 month apart (they're now 5 and 2) and I think that for our family, that spacing is perfect! Madison had just turned 3 when Olivia was born and she was able to help with a lot of things - which, IMO, really helped her feel part of everything instead of feeling replaced by the new baby. She loved being my little helper - going to get diapers, changes of clothing, bottles, etc...And she was potty trained so there was only 1 in diapers. I would say the only drawback that I can think of is that when the oldest child starts in activities (soccer, dance, whatever) you are dragging a toddler around to them who (like in my case) doesn't always understand why she can't do it too! We are now thinking about having #3. We are hoping to get pregnant this summer which will make Olivia and #3 3 years apart, too. We really like this spacing, but everyone's different!

My oldest is 2 and my youngest is 4 months. Things are really crazy now in my life especially since I am working. It has been very hard for me to make sure I get time with both of my girls. It was even harder when I was exclusively breastfeeding my youngest to squeeze in time with my oldest. My oldest is a point where she can say what's on her mind so I can tell when she is jealous and when she needs more mommy time which is very helpful.

I can't really give any advice on the parenting side of age differences because I'm only a mommy of one at the present time, but I can give you some on the sibling side. Me and my brother are 2 and a half years apart. We did everything together growing up and even had all the same friends. It was great being so close because our interests were so similiar. It was always nice knowing that I had a friend that was there for me no matter what and that I could trust with anything. And it made it alot easier to have someone to talk to when family stuff was going on that I wouldn't have felt 100% comfortable talking about with just anyone. We always had each other. I am now 23 and he is 21 and we are still very close. I plan on spacing my children 2 and a half to three years apart because I want them to be able to have a great relationship with their siblings like I had, and still have with my brother. Well, hope this helps and good luck.

Hi .. my 2 dd's are 27 months apart. It has worked out great, they are each other's best friend and most constant companion. We are a homeschool family and I'm sure that has contributed to that closeness. We had very little issues with sibling rivalary .. although EVERYONE warned me about that. I have always included the older girl in what I did with the younger one. When the second child was still in utereo I read books to the older one about having a younger sibling .. there are plenty of books that deal with that subject. I told her that the baby would need all the help available since he/she would be helpless for at least a year. I didn't just mention it once or twice, I inundated her with information and kept re-inforcing it. When the baby came home from the hospital I had my oldest help me with changing the diaper/clothes and bathing .. she loved that! When I nursed the baby my older one would 'nurse' her doll! They have had some issues due to the age difference .. the older being able to do more things and have more freedoms .. but that is life and I don't treat them the same (although I do find that I expect more from the younger one at a younger age .. she has a built in helper after all!!) One thing that I will mention that can be an issue is your lack of space and time for yourself. When you have one, you can nap when they nap, rest when they're quiet .. when you have a toddler and an infant .. that is no longer an option!

My first was 16m when I got pregnant with our 2nd. The girls are 2yrs, 5days apart, and I LOVE that spacing! My 2yr old adored her little sister (now 8m) from the first moment, and loved being "mommy's helper" (getting diapers, wipes, clothes, etc). I think no matter what age the older is, it helps to include them in baby's care as much as possible -- they feel like the special big sister/brother that way. We did have about 2 weeks of melt downs when our baby came home and our toddler realized she'd have to "share" attention. This usually occurred after naps, when I've found most kids feel neediest. Now that our little one is crawling and "playing", I can see how great it is going to be. They play together every day, and our baby's face just lights up when she sees her big sister. When baby wakes from her morning nap, it's our toddler who wants to run up and be the first one to "greet" her in her crib. They are very close, and hug each other all the time. My sister and I are only 1yr apart and have always been super close. My mom said the best part about having us so close in age was that we were in the same "phase" at the same time. My sister spaced her youngest 3 yrs, and now regrets that he is getting "dragged around" (her words) to school, bus stops, & after school/weekend activities with his older siblings, not able to have regular naps, and not "included" in their big kid activities. Whereas my sister always did everything together.
I think whatever you choose, you'll see the positive aspects of the special sibling relationship - now matter how far apart in age they are. Good luck!

Hi D.

I had my second baby, when my son was about 2 1/2. There have been some pluses and minuses. He was old enough to want Mommy all to himself, but young enough to eventually forget that he was an only child before the baby. He regressed in the binky and diaper department which is common for toddlers. I let both issues be until he had turned 3 and enough time had passed that regression wouldn't be an issue. He was never very interested in helping with the baby. sometimes he got (gets) mad about a baby, sometimes he ignored that there was a new baby. He had a few behavior issues. Now that the baby is getting bigger and is more mobile and interactive he want's her to play, on his terms of course. Having 2 ( at least for me) was much more difficult than having one. It takes sooo much more time to get ready for anything, outings, bedtime, getting dressed in the morning, but maybe that's just me. I don't know if waiting until my son had been older would have worked better or not, I can imagine that there would still have been jealousy, behavior and other issues to deal with. No matter how long or soon you wait, you get twice the smiles, twice the kisses, twicw the hugs and twice the laughs and love (plus twice the mess!) I think you just have to try and decide if it's a good time in life for the challenge, because it's definately a challenge. A worthwhile challenge of course. Sometimes I think there is a touch of insanity involved but hey, we're all alive, fed and loved at the end of the day and waiting for tomorrow to begin. And, just when I thought I might, MIGHT, be getting a handle on having 2, God decided that we were going to have a 3rd, so I figure it's all in His hands and all planning aside, parents always find a way. Happy Planning!

Hi. For what it's worth, here is my two cents. My children are not quite 3 years apart (2 years 10 months), and they are 16 and 13 years old. From my experience, there were times where the spacing was perfect (new born) or very workable. Other times, most notably at 7 and 4, or 13 and 10, there was a bit of conflict. Personally I really like the 3 year gap, and certainly wouldn't want any more than a 3 year gap. The three years gave me a chance to experience the individual ages of each of my children.

Whether you can handle a 2 year gap is something you need to think about with your lifestyle.

Good luck!

Hi D.! I have two boys just about 3yrs apart my oldest will be 4 in August and my little guy is 10mnts. For me overall it has been an awesome experience. My oldest was really excited that he was going to have a little brother and he showed no jealousy at all when he was born. He wanted to be a helper and I let him as much as I could. Recently he has been testing us but I know that this is his age. For me I feel like 3 yrs is a lot tougher than the so called terrible twos, my oldest was an awesome two year old. He still is amazing but he definetly is testing a lot more. I really enjoy the 3yr. spacing. My oldest was potty trained before #2 came along and just more mature. He had a grasp on what was going to happen and is enjoying his little brother sooo much (until he gets one of his cars!) Hope this helps you out. You will enjoy them no matter which way you choose. Take care. Leah

Hi D.,
I have 3 kids first 2 are 18 months apart then 20 months apart. I would say wait a bit longer becasue it is not easy having several kids so close together I don't care what anyone tells you. Then there are things you can't plan for, my middle daughter has autism and with all 3 kids so young it was a really hard for a few years. It is getting better now that my youngest is 4. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

My kids are 17, 12, 5 and 7 mos. While the pros are...
1. only 1 at a time in diapers
2. older ones are big help most of the time
3. different stages at same time
4. semi easier to give one on one attention

cons...

1. different stages at same time, lol
2. dont always have that 'play' time like if the ages were closer
3. starting all over again
4. sometimes your runnin in many different directions

it's 4 am so that's all i can really think of atm

good luck, hope that helped

I have two children, a daughter 3 and a son who is almost 5 months old. I think that spacing is great. My daughter took very well to my son. She likes to hold him, hhelp me feed him and so forth. Although each child is different I made it a point (my husband is away on business a lot) to include my daughter in my doctor's visits and picking out stuff for the baby and had her help me around the house (as much as a three year old can) rinsing dishes etc. (with help). my husband does the same when he is home. That would be the best adive I could give you is to not make your first child feel like they don't matter. It is very hard sometimes to divide the attention but eventually they get used to it. Expect that there may be some regression of the first child for a time and expect them to maybe be angry at first but a lot of us have siblings and I couldn't imagine my life without my brothers. My middle brother is one of my best friends and my youngest and I are friends too just not the same because of the 12 year age difference. My middle brother and I are 3.5 years apart and we know eachother's friends and so forth and hang out together. Good luck with the new baby and getting pregnant.

Our children are 3 years apart. It seemed to work well. My older daughter wasn't too jealous and she was potty trained before the baby was born. She is also a good helper. The only drawbacks are that they won't be great playmates for a few years still and my oldest can sometimes be a little rough. I am the type of person that can't handle chaos very well, so for us this is probably the closest we could do.

Good Luck!

hi D.. I have three girls. There is exactly 2yrs and one week between the first two. There is 3 yrs and 3 weeks between #2 and #3. I can honestly say I have no idea which is better. There is good and bad to both splits. The older two share a lot from musical tastes to friends. They also fight alot...over everything and nothing. Then there is my youngest, who wants to do everything they do...forget that there is 5 years between her and her oldest sister. As they enter their teens the age difference is really becomming a noticable gap. But then again when I had our youngest the older two were really a lot of fun with the baby, and they all played well together until my oldest became a teen. Frankly it's all a guessing game. Good luck & best wishes.

I found out I was pregnant with my second child when my first was 18 months old. I was nervous that I would take too much attention from my first child and I would be hurting her in some way. My sister told me something I will never forget. She said, "You're not taking anything away from her, you're giving her the greatest gift you can ever give her." So, to answer your question, I had reservations each time I got pregnant, but now I have four children. They are two years apart, three years apart, and four years apart. They are all spaced differently and it didn't matter at all. My closest together are both girls and into the same things. They played great together, and still do. My son and daughter are four years apart, and play together all the time. They play school or superheros or other pretend games. I've found the spacing didn't make a difference. They are all close and the older ones can help out more if God decides that they should be spaced out more. That's a blessing also...believe me!

My kids are 2y and 2m apart almost to the day. While it may hold it's challenges initially, as they grow older they get closer. My brother and I were 2y and 4m apart and we are now the best of friends. I wouldn't want us any further apart, because I know it would change things. My two at this age are great because the 5yo, while he does so much more than our 3yo, our 3yo is so much more advanced because of the older one, but since they are so close, the youngest is not doing to much that is beyond her age.

Good luck and best wishes for a healthy second when the time comes!

Hi D.,

I have 3 children girl boy girl the first two are 27 months apart and the 2nd and 3rd are 24 months to the day. It was hard when they were young because of their needs. When the oldest went to school the younger two really became even closer. Now they are teenagers and they get along really well with each other they even makes plans and hang out together sometimes.It is really nice to see the relationships they have developed with each other.

I have two daughters. My oldest is 5yrs and my youngest is 3yrs. At first it was hard because they were so close in age, but when my youngest was about one it got a lot easier. They play together all day. My husband took my oldest to work with him on an overnight business trip a couple of weeks ago and my youngest didn't know what to do without her big sister. She stayed glued to my hip the whole time they were gone. When my husband came home I told him never to take Leah (my oldest) away for that long again. To me it is so worth having them 2yrs apart. They are so close and they always have someone to play with. I also have noticed that my oldest helps me in teaching my youngest things. For example potty training was easier because she had her big sister to show her how. I think having them so close was a good surprise. Hope I helped.

A.

As the Mom of 5 kids, ages 16,14,13,11, and 3, I will say this. The closer their births are like my 14 & 13 year old, the more they will have personality clashes/fight. Two years apart seems to be the best, they not only get along better and are good friends with each other. Yes, one of the drawbacks to having kids closer together is having to potty train while taking care of a baby. Toddler years can be a bit heck tick, but not if you do not let them figure out how to gang up on you. Kids are smart so never let your guard down. LOL..I enjoy the challenge and it keeps me busy. Another drawback is pre-teen whines and teen age mouth and attitude. The positives are that the closer your kids are in age, is that while it may seem very difficult it will only be for a little while while each of your children are going through it. so those who chose to space further apart with children, will have to go through those stages for a longer duration and you can be done with it sooner the closer they are. then there are those wonderful surprise accidents that come, like my 3 year old. All of my children love and adore him, but cannot stand it when he gets into their things as toddlers do. One of my friends had an accident when her then youngest was 18, that child was basically raised as an only child and had the benefits of going to stay with older siblings at their house. hope this helps...

Good Day D.,

I'm a MOM of 4. The oldest 2 are 4 1/2 years apart. Kristy & Tony never really had much of a relationship. Don't get me wrong they Love each other but they never really did much together because of the age difference. My youngest 2 are 17 months apart. They do EVERYTHING together! They are 3 1/2 & 5. It is a little hectic in the first couple years still is. When Raymond finished a milestone Patricia started one. They get along GREAT Oh YES we have some fighting times just like all siblings do.

Enjoy whatever you and your husband decide the children grow way too fast! My oldest 2 are 23 & 19!

Best Wishes!

I. B.
www.trisharay.candlebizfromhome.com

My boys are just about 29 months apart & it's the best!! My oldest is 33 months & my baby is 5 months. My older son just adores his baby brother & the baby lights up when he sees his big brother.
For us it is the perfect age gap. We never experienced any jealousy.
Good luck!

My kids are just over 3 years apart. My daughter is now 6 and my son will be 3 this summer. I think 3 years apart is great. My daughter was potty trained, old enough that she could do a lot of things on her own, was a great help. Although they do fight once in a while, they mostly get along. She acts like a little mother to him, and he doesn't seem to mind.

I am a mom of 3. my first 2 are 4 years apart (#2 was a fertility baby) My #2 and #3 are 16 1/2 months apart (he was a surprise:-)) In the beginning it was hard being so close in age, but now that they are 2 and 3 it is wonderful. They play really well together (1 is a boy and 1 is a girl) I often feel sorry for my oldest bc he is so much older than them, that it is like 2 separate families.

I have 3 boys - 5, 3 and 0, so I have one of each spacing! I found that having an infant with a 2 year old was very difficult - they're just that much more needy than a three year old. I recall when my second was about 2 weeks old thinking to myself "Well, I'm not doing this spacing again!" You also have better odds of having them potty trained at 3 (although there is the possibility of some regression on that count). Of course, down then line, I think the boys that are two years apart may end up being closer, so it's all a trade off.
The good news is that kids are amazingly adaptable, and you can make it work however it comes!

Hi D. -

My boys are 3 years (and eight days) apart : ) I'm happy with the spacing. By the time my second was born - my older son was old enough to do somethings for himself or with less assistance. He even helped with his baby brother by getting extra diapers or wipes for me! My boys are really close and get along well (there are "moments" but that is to be expected). For me - having the kids 2 years apart was too soon. I'm sure the kids would be fine..my hubby and I just weren't ready...and we were enjoying focusing all our attention on our first son.

Best of luck!!!

Hi D.
I have two girls who are now 6 and 8. My husband and I wanted our kids to be close in age. Looking back, it was a challenge, but now matter what the age difference, going from one to two children at any time is huge!I love the fact that they are only 2 years apart, they are so close and like mostly the same things at this stage. Probably my biggest challenge was potty training a 2 year old while toting around a newborn. Just like anything, as a Mom you just work through it. Well, hope this helps.

HI! My boys are 28 months apart, my oldest son is wonderful with his brother. He is proud to be his big brother. The only time I feel stressed is when my husband is away and when we have to be somewhere and my oldest doesn't want to leave. The boys are currently 32months and 4 months. I have enjoyed having them close I feel like the will be close friends. Best of luck

My boys are almost exactly 2 1/2 yrs apart. Perfect timing if you ask me! The older one was old enough be a helper to Mommy when the baby was born, and he was also on the way to school so I could have time with the baby. Now that they are 3 & 5 1/2 they are best friends. The 5 yr old is a little bossy, but I couldn't ask for better brothers!

D.,
My children are 4 1/2 years apart. I don't regret doing it this way. But, looking back in hindsight- it probably would have been better to have my children a little closer in age. When there's such a big age span- the older child doesn't always fully accept the younger one, which can cause some issues later on.

we just had our second child they are 23 months apart. Our 1st is a boy and now we have a girl. So we are happy to have one of each. But anyway, I was a bit worried at first how my son would take it, having to share the attention. But it all worked out fine. When I was in the hospital with our second our first got to stay with grandma at our house; and the first day he came to visit us in the hospital he kind of ignored the baby and me and my husband. But the second day he wanted to hold her (with my help of course) and it was so sweet it was like he was checking her out to make sure she was all there. Making sure she has fingers and toes, hands and feet, eyes, nose, mouth, hair, it was so cute, he gave her kisses, and asked where her teeth were. She's 2 months now and he loves her most of the time. He always wants to help out with his sister. He calls her "my sister baby". We wanted our kids to be close together in age so they can grow up and play together. So yeah i was a bit worried if i could handle two together, and yeah some times it is frusterating, but i wouldn't change it for the world

Hi D.,

I have two boys that are 17 months apart. Although the beginning was tough, especially having double diaper duty, it got easier as they aged. They are super close and enjoy the same toys and activities. My little one learns so much from his brother, both socially and academically. There has been little jealousy, and not physical bullying. I think two years apart is great!!

Hi D.! I have three little girls (ages 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 1). Believe me, at times it is CHAOTIC in here!! But, for me, the positives have far outweighed the negatives.
Positives:
* My three girls are extremely close (not to say that battles over toys never occur, or that they don't battle for attention from mommy or daddy!!). They constantly look out for one another and do a "head count" first thing in the morning and last thing at night!
* They are in the pretty much the same developmental stages. They learn so much from one another (good and bad, mind you!).
* They play together and keep each other amused, not to mention that they teach each other new things.
Negatives:
* Lack of time to devote to each child individually (I'm a mom who works from home)
* I usually need backup help when taking a trip to the store (thank goodness for husbands and my own mom!!). I can take the three of them but it can get kind of stressful if it's a big shopping order.
I'm sure there are other positives/negatives that I'm missing. But, all in all, it has been a wonderful experience so far!! And I think most importantly, you have to nurture the personalities of each child. We never compare them to one another (in the hopes of preventing any sibling rivalry). They are all loved for their own individual personalities and traits (both good and bad).
Hope this helps!!!