When Should Babies/toddlers Meet Friends

My DD has had a little friend since she was 9 months old... At first they just played next to each other, but by a year they were playing together (sometimes fighting:) and not at almost 2 they just love each other! My DD gets so excited when we pull down their street!! Now she has a couple other friends she loves and we do go to a play group sometimes AND to story time for kids her age at the library, which she LOVES! We are also going to start going to a mommy and me tumbling class as soon as her 2nd birthday passes....I find if she gets to play she is a much better behaved child, which makes for a happier me. I don't really love going to Mommy and Me classes and hanging out with people I don't know, but I feel it is extremely important to her development and happiness!

As someone who's taken care of a lot of babies, I'd say that socialization becomes important at around 2 and a half. And then, they need tons of support from us. Up until then, they might be interested in other children (older children say 6+ are definetly more engaging with young ones than other babies/toddlers) but aren't going to really start developing what we perceive as friendship until 2.5 years, and sometimes not until 3 or 4. Every child has their own schedule. Your child might enjoy library times when they can see other babies, but despite a lot of popular thinking, this isn't something you need to worry about right now. If you feel up to it, when they're 3, enroll them in a preschool program. This is when they'll be wanting to learn how to play with other kids, and will be more interested in them.

H.

Every child and mother is different. We started meeting other moms and babies when my oldest was two months old. With our second, we were out and about with our friends within days. It's been a lifesaver in so many ways for us all.

What do you find so off-putting about Mommy and Me groups? I personally think they're a great way for both me and my children to make friends. Especially as a new mom, I really appreciated meeting other people who were going through the same thing I was and who could sympathize and advise when I was having a hard time.

My baby, now 19mths, didn't get a lot of social interaction (outside of family and maybe one other baby at church) until around 14mths when we moved to a new town that offers story time and play groups at the library and community center. I found that even though he didn't always interact with the other children, he did enjoy watching them - and it puts him in such a great mood just to be around other children. Plus, it was really nice for me to get out and meet other moms...and I am about as introverted as they come.

Hi there,
as a mom of now three kids and I used to work for Zero to Three,National Center for Infants, toddlers, and families in DC.
So I have some experience, LoL...

Provide opportunities for your toddler to develop relationships with peers. Children need practice in order to learn to share, take turns, resolve conflict, and feel the joy of friendship. Playing together gives children all of this—plus a chance for parents to connect with others adults, too! At this age, being present during play-dates is important as children often need help learning and practicing their new friendship skills. And it's a good rule of thumb to keep playdates short for little ones—45 minutes-to-an-hour is about right for most toddlers. For older toddlers, you can use their playtime with peers to nurture relationship-building skills by:

•Suggesting, when appropriate, that children turn to peers for assistance or to get answers to their questions: “You are wondering how to get the little doll to sit in the high chair? Why don’t you ask Jeremy? I just saw him feeding her a few minutes ago.”

•Asking children to imagine how their behavior might affect others: “I see that you told Greta that she can’t play ball with you. How do you think that made her feel?”

•Encouraging children to work in groups or as teams, when appropriate: “Sam and DeShawn, could you please put the cars away? Then you can help me get your snack ready.”

•Helping children to see others’ points of view, which encourages empathy: “Casey is feeling sad because his mom had to go.”
So at around 18 months to two years it is a greta idea to let them have playdates or playgroup time. Yes they will play side by side a lot, but you'e planting the seed. It will definately help build strong relationships in the future.
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/social-emoti...
The library story times are a great idea, also maybe a moms morning out program.
Have fun and good luck,
pammy

Whenever they are around, I think. We started hanging out with our friends and family member's kids and DD also played in the mall play area or at the park with neighborhood kids from an early age. We also do story time at the library, which she's done since she was about 16 mo. She has two little friends we see there regularly. She's 2 now, and she has her own little social circle of about 5 kids we see often enough for her to remember them. They've even started requesting playdates (friend's daughter said, "Go in car play DD?" and friend said, "I think she wants to play with your DD."). I don't think it's necessarily that she needs to play WITH another child, but social interaction, even on a low level, is important for growth. She'll learn to share the letter board at the library, or maybe play chase with another kid at the gym and then you'll figure out who gets to be a one-time playmate and who you want to see more of.

My DD was previously in daycare and I noticed right away that she missed the interaction, such as it was, with other kids.

In my experience with our local toddler meet up, I actually like having an activity that is primary. I go, and there's a group, and if we get along, great. If not, we say our good-byes, never chat again, but DD got an outing. Or the library. We go for the story and if we see someone to hang out with, bonus. But we're not pressured to "make friends" at every event.

Our moms group started when the kids were about 6months. Most of our kids are 6 now and I think it was a good way for moms to connect and the kids too. However if u didn't want to join a moms group take them to library time or the park and maybe you will meet someone there that you get along with.

Hello M.!

Babies under about 3 will typically engage in what's called "parallel play" - which means they don't actually play *together* but alongside one another. So in that regard you're not missing out on much, though it has always been thought of as a good thing to expose babies to other babies. They seem to be fascinated with one another. Although babies at 1 year old can become overstimulated, so playtime doesn't have to be an all day affair.

However, when our kiddo was that age we faced a similar situation. We met a few other kids and parents at a local park, which was nice. I wasn't really into the "mommy and me" classes either, but I did attend a couple of them and met one other mom that I really clicked with. We scheduled a few play dates after that (just this other mommy and her son) and all was well. I got to know her and she is now a good friend. It turned out to be really fun.

Just some thoughts! Hope it's helpful! :)

I wasn't a big "Mommy and Me" fan either. We really haven't been involved in many play groups or anything either (my kids are 5 and almost 3). Until maybe 2 or 3, kids don't really NEED socialization. What they need is family/mommy interaction time and playtime (with mommy or alone). She won't "fall behind socially" by not being in a playgroup. Your interactions with her at home that teach her to share, take turns, wait patiently, be kind, etc. are the ones that will prepare her for socialization when it is time for her to finally get out there.

I would recommend (as I believe others have already) library story time or visits and other opportunities like that if you want to get her out to see other kids. But don't feel that you're somehow slighting her by not involving her in a playgroup at such a young age.

My daughter is 2 and I have tried those mommies groups and loathed them. It feels so forced. We started getting my daughter involved in activities we thought my daughter would enjoy and some friendships evolved naturally. We take her or have taken her to swim lessons, a tumbling class, storytime at the library and other events. I bring her to the gym with me where they have a child watch program while you work out so she gets to play with kids there. I, too, was worried about her not having enough interaction with other children but she seems to be doing very well with the way we've handled it. Just my $.02. Good luck!

Babies aren't really into playing until 18 months or 2 yrs. Before that, it's a lot of parallel play (side-by-side) and any interaction is about achieving a goal- like snagging a toy!

Don't count on the toddler being buddies with an infant, though. You may want to consider enrolling in some kind of small group lesson. We joined a toddler story hour at our local library and do swim lessons on Saturdays which are great! You could also look into a Kindermusik class or something similar.

I can understand what you mean about the Mommy and Me groups--I kinda felt like I was too introverted to really make friends there, especially when alot of the moms there knew each other already.

I don't agree that children don't need interaction until age 2 just because until that point they will only watch or engage in parallel play. Think about the way children used to be raised when members of extended families lived very close together and the idea of the nuclear family really didn't exist. If you think of it from that perspective, kids usually had siblings had a new sibling within a year of being born and lots of cousins about to watch and play with.

As a WAHM I have the best of both worlds because I run a family daycare while raising my DD. From 4months on she had older kids to look up to and younger kids to set an example for. She and the other children had to learn early on the sun did not rise and set on their whims. A very good lesson for my intense by nature child! Some parents act as if their first child should have their parents undivided attention for the first 2 or 3 years of life until a new sibling comes along and feel guilty when the new baby comes or when they can't live up to the expectations of attachment parenting. I think that is completely unrealistic given the way humans, as mammals have been raised historically. The youngest child in my daycare is 13 months old, talking quite a bit, running all about trying to keep up with her older playmates and she gets to learn about sharing early while the older children need to learn how to negotiate with someone that understands less than them. You cannot create those kinds of valuable experiences just at home with your child. If you don't find any community activities fit your needs, do you have any friends around with kids you can meet up with? Sorry for the length--just wanted to share a different perspective on the issue