When School Principal Wants Meeting for Child's Missed School Days

Just think of it this way... if a kid misses that many days and there IS something troubling going on at home, this is the school's way to find out and help the child. It sounds like you have nothing to worry about it.

Most schools have a similiar policy and, typically, a "sick note" from a parent will still result in an excused absence (just as a doctor's note would). If the principal is honoring the policy, he's doing his job. He's going to meet with you and all you have to do is listen to what he says and respond accordingly. He may say "I know Suzy has only had absences due to true illness and they are excused but I have to document that we've discussed the absences"...in which all you have to say is "I understand and thank you". If he says something like "Suzy is missing too much time and I want to know why?"...you respond with "I know she's missed a lot of time, which I regret but they were necessary because..."

If I were you, I would have a notation made of what days she missed and why (so you have the info in front of you if/when he asks). You can then say t(as an example) hat while she was not sick enough to go to the doctor she did have a fever of 100.7 on 2/14 and since it didn't break and stay gone w/out medication until late that night, she couldn't come to school on 2/15...thus requiring, per school policy, for her to miss two days of school.

When mulitple days are missed, you could always call the doctor and ask if you can get a note (some will give it when the symptoms do warrant staying home but not a doctor's visit).

Find out what the district policy is for absences then hand that to him and say bye bye. The principal can't go against district policy on something like this.

I think you care because you consider yourself a contributing member at the school and want to be taken at face value.

That said, there's probably some wonky policy in place where the principal has to sign off that they had the discussion, so that *they* don't get into trouble on his end. Must suck in both situations. Try to think of it this way, if he knows you are at the school often and you have the excuses, I'm sure he's also just rolling his eyes at the thought of having to meet up and put parents through this.

Just a thought.

I don't understand why you're taking it personally. You show up with the documentation, hand it over, ask if there's anything else that needs to happen, and go on your way. They will see that everything is in order, wish your daughter well, and thank you for your time. Try to see it for what it is -- not a big deal.

Our principle is a great guy...he would totally look at the documentation and then we would visit a bit and I would leave...no biggie...

He is doing his job and I am doing mine...

Breathe - it's procedure, and you have documentation. They just need to know that they're not being jerked around. Some people are not like you and don't care as much.

Think of it as a sanity check.

The principal is saving you a hearing before the school board or a court appearance, but taking time out of his day to sidestep the new ridiculous policies.

Unless he starts lecturing you & being a patoot.

But he's probably not. He PROBABLY thinks the policy is ridiculous, and instead of just sending you to the school board (what most schools around here are doing), or to court (what many are elsewhere)... He's made it so HE can send a note to the school board (spoke with parents, they understand the truancy laws, Billy was out due to medical reasons). Saving you the headache

AND

It keeps him in the loop if a student is missing 20/30/40+ days of school. Which is CYA and also something he should know (at risk student, medically fragile student, etc.).

I also got a letter from the school and if my GD misses any more days, she is supposed to have a doctor's note. Like you, I have called the doctor and they are putting together documentation of all visits and/or phone calls from me that resulted in prescriptions being called in to the pharmacy.

I think that the principal is trying to "evaluate each situation." The only way for him to do that is for him to meet with you and get your input. If this were a "formal" truancy meeting, other people would be present.

I also do not let my GD stay home on a whim. Hubby and I have to go to work every day and if she is ill, she has to stay home with auntie who works nights so she's sleeping all day. None of us like her being left to her own devices all day and it is boring for her, so it's not something we do on a whim.

There is a 4 day absence for GD because I sent her to school and the school sent her home and told me not to send her back until her cough was better because her coughing was "disruptive in the classroom." I intend to tell the truancy powers that be that I do not accept responsibility for those 4 days because I tried to send her to school and if they have a problem with that, they can meet with the school staff. That was THEIR call, not mine.

Good luck at your meeting. I'm sure it will be okay, but it is upsetting for those of us who really are responsible when things beyond our control cause us to have to defend ourselves.

Um, you are not a little kid being called into the principal's office. You are a mature, stable, responsible mom. You rock! You are not the problem. It's those who couldn't care less if their kid gets to school or not. They just need to weed you out before getting to the kids that really have a problem.
You will look back at this in ten years and laugh! This is nothing.

I get the letter every year. (My daughter has chronic sinusitis) It is just a form letter so I just trash it.
I do however always get a doctors note if my daughter is seen by her pediatrician when she is ill.
If I were you I would send the documentation from your doctors office to the principal and if the school had any further questions or concerns they should contact your daughters's pediatrician. You could also remind the school that they have a policy that a child can not attend with a fever.
I really don't think this is anything to be upset about. I definitely do not take it personally.
Last year though I got a call from the district social worker. She threatened to make my daughter repeat the 3rd grade despite my daughter being a straight A student. The social worker never spoke to my daughters's teacher or the school nurse. My doctor's office informed me that I could have the district provide private tutoring at the districts expense. The social worker didn't think that was necessary and I never heard from her again:).

Be thankful that your principal cares this much to take his time to meet with parents who's children are missing school. When I was teaching, students would miss school and it was beyond frustrating when NOTHING would get done about it. The child was missing out - starting their school career off on the wrong foot and the parents didn't seem to care.

If you go in and meet with him, explain what you have told us, simply the fact that you talk with him and spend so much time volunteering shows you value your child's education.

It is NOT parents like you that this rule exists for.

"I know I am not an exception to the rule and do not want favoritism. I just think he should understand and evaluate each situation before having a meeting to discuss the truancy laws."

He is trying to evaluate each situation, hence the meeting.

Our district rule is '10 days, excused or unexcused' will result in a review for retention.
My son went one year where he had 9 missed days. He has asthma and missed 6 of the days fighting off 2 bad attacks in Dec. and Jan. One of which he ended up in the ER. When the school sent the note, I called them and explained. They said if he doesn't have a fever, or throwing up, or diahrea, send him to school. If his coughing/asthma becomes a problem, we'll call you.
He had to go 2 months without an absence or he would have had to go before a disciplinary board to defend why he should not be held back in the grade, because of absences. His good report card wouldn't count.

So please don't take offense, they are just going through their standard procedure. Try, without emotion, to calmly explain that with each instance, you were just following their guidelines.

My sister was prosecuted for the truancy of her child. He was in kindergarten, and had never had a true absence, but my sister's clock was 5 minutes behind the clock at the school & after being five minutes late, the school marked her kid absent 10 times. She tried to speak to the principal & the school board but they wouldn't withdraw the complaint. So she had to go to court.

In court, after the judge heard her kiddo was just in kindergarten, he laughed and laughed, and then severely scolded the prosecuting attorney for not dismissing the case. And then he scolded the principal for letting it go that far.

Some of these schools are out of control in my opinion.

You should have no problems with the meeting.
You'll have your documentation and it'll be ok.
Some parents will keep their kids home for no reason or 'mental health days' or just plain skipping out - and those are the parents the principal is trying to reach/educate.
You'll be fine!

Not sure why you are so upset. You have done nothing wrong. He is just following the policy with you, just like the other good parents.

He will gather and document this and all will be fine

As long as you are telling the truth, this is a non issue..

This is not a red mark on your child's record.. And does not make you look like a bad parent.. No judgements from anyone..

What is funny are the parents that do allow their children days off and they do not give a rats, A-- about what the school thinks.. Kinda Funny..

I live in California and this is pretty normal.

My son got a weird blood infection and had to have hospital I.V. antibiotics for two days and then recovery time. His teacher even came to see him in the hospital, which was so sweet of her. Obviously, my son had been very ill and we had complete documentation. I still got the letter, but obviously, it wasn't a matter of truancy.

I have friends who are teachers and you might be surprised how many parents just can't see to it that their kids get to school. There was one family at my son's school whose kids were NEVER there. They were even called in front of the school board. They bought alarm clocks, the teachers offered to pick the kids up in the morning and bring them home after school.
Still, the kids were never there even though they lived within walking distance.

I know one mother who wouldn't let her kids go to school if they had a temp of 99 with zero other symptoms. She didn't take them to the doctor, she just made the "mom" call that they were too sick to go to school. Her kids weren't too sick to play video games all day or jump on the trampoline to get "fresh air" in the backyard, but they were too sick to get up and dressed and go to class.

She got letters left and right. Nothing to back the absences up other than her thermometer said 99.

To me, that's ridiculous. And, that's why schools pay attention to kids being absent. You may have valid reasons. No big deal in that case. Some things can't be helped.

You can't take it personally. I don't believe in racing a kid to the doctor for every little thing, that's going overboard. BUT, it's always been in my parent's handbooks how they handle what they consider to be excessive absences. My son had on paper what they considered to be "excessive" absenses, but he'd also been in the hospital. I got the letter, but they didn't mess with me beyond that. It's just something generated.

Truancy laws are in place for a reason and I'm all for them, frankly.

Talk to the school, provide whatever documentation you can and relax.
Since they know you so well, it's likely anyone truly believes there is a real truancy problem.

I never worried about it.

Just my opinion.

A meeting simply sounds like you have an opportunity to explain the absences and that the principal rest assure the situation was followed up on. I'm sure the principal just wants to touch base, not give you the strap.

The meeting is just that... a meeting. Remember that the principal is your equal. She's doing the meeting because she's required to do it, okay? Having the doctor's notes will back you up and it's not as if you had your daughter out for minor things like your daughter just didn't feel like going to school and you decided to let her stay home and eat pizza all day while watching cartoons. She was actually sick.

The meeting's purpose is to evaluate each situation.

Schools have policies. They are following them. Just show up and explain. I am sure it won't be a problem. 10 days is a lot. They might be having a real problem with absences this year. I am sure they have a set number of absences allowed for the year. If she reaches that quota, she could possibly be held back.

Simply meet with the principal and give him the documentation and you'll be fine. It's just policy, nothing personal. It's not about you. It's about a prior system that didn't work.

Assuming this is a public school, they don't get the federal $$$ when the fannies aren't in the seats . . . hence the ever increasing pressure regarding absences. I think it is absurd unless a family is a particular problem during a school year.

That being said, it's their school - their rules.

We homeschool and my kids' educations are nobody's responsibility but my own. It's alot of pressure at times, but the upside is making the judgment call on items like this. It's really a no-brainer. Your child has been very sick. The ironic thing is my kids can still do work when they're sick because they're at home and I can personally observe them (they moan and groan about this).

I would just take the documentation, explain the situation, and not be cowed or emotional whatsoever. They are not the only game in town. Stay business-like. YOU are the parent and this is YOUR child. You do have options.

Good luck.

yes, instead of working on making curriculum better they are bothering themselves with documenting every little cold, as if any of us would go to a doctor for a 100.1 fever instead of letting children rest, eat and get better. get whatever docs you can and what you can't tell him sue me.

This happened to us when the school lost/my son forgot to turn in all three of his excuses this year. I wrote the excuses (AGAIN) and called and said I wasn't going in for the meeting since all of his absences were legal and excused there was no reason to dictate policy to me. I never heard back. Our kids aren't the problem, they really want to go after the chronic skippers. And anyway, if you followed district policy then there's no reason for a meeting. In PA, all absences are excused with a note from home, unless it's more than 3 consecutive days, those require a note from the doctor. Find out what your district's policy's say. If you sent a note to excuse her and none of her absences required a note per their policies, there's no reason for a meeting.

I agree with Jen. I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure once you explain the situation and show your documentation he will be understanding. I'm also sure that he will stress the importance of having her come as much as she can for the remainder of the year but since you already said you are on board with that, I wouldn't worry.

Well, you have documentation for flu and strep. Otherwise, you wouldn't have a real diagnosis for this. So bring that. Just tell him that your child had fever and vomiting for the other and school rules say you can't send them to school like that.

If he gives you static, then go ahead and send your daughter to school sick. The nurse will call you and tell you to come get your daughter. The principal will have to live with the consequence of this, having more meetings with more parents because they ALL will start sending sick children to school.

Tell him you are aware of truancy laws and your daughter is not a truant. Don't put up with being hounded and lectured. You don't have to have a fight with him, but you don't have to put up with bull from him either.

Don't go in there upset, mom. Go in there with your head held high and just tell him what's what. I'm glad I didn't have to put up with this when my kindergartner had salmonella and missed a week of school, then a week later we found out he had chickenpox (yes, he had the shot when he was little and still caught it), missed over a week, and then had roseola. His teacher was pregnant and you don't put a kid with THAT around a pregnant woman. What a nightmare for us! It's bad enough that the kids and parents go through the nightmare of our kids being sick, and then have to come in and have a lecture about truancy.

I would simply ignore the guy.

Dawn

last year my daughter had 1 sick day.. this year she has had 10 sick days...strep throat, inflenza, ear infection..you name it we have had it..

if that is the policy.. that is the policy.. I expect I will get the form letter soon that my child has had excessive absences..

she has had a lot of absences.. seh has been sick.. alot..

hoping next year is a healthier year for all.

The same thing happened to me last year, except I wasn't asked for documentation since we send in notes after each absence. The principal told me that it was a district level policy, because they not only does the school lose money for the student not being in class but they also need to assess if there is any support that needs to be offered. When my kids are out of school I usually have to miss work to stay home with them. I make a note on my calendar who was out and what the reason was. I was able to make a list of all the days missed (they count tardiness too) and went over them one by one with the principal. The principal eventually interrupted me and told me she was required to look into the absences and added the letters that are mailed get generated by the school district. It is what it is, good luck.

Of course these things happen. They are often unavoidable. Just go to the appointment and talk to him. Part of the reason he has to do this is so that he can talk to each parent. There may be many parents at the school that are not as diligent and need to understand the situation for what it is.

I went to a Catholic grade school and was confirmed in 8th grade. There were many things we had to do to prepare for Confirmation, but one of them was for us and our parents to meet with the pastor. I was so scared! He was a very stern looking man who commanded respect. The time finally came to meet with him, and I was shocked to find out he was a really nice guy. He and my parents chatted away, and I'm sure he probably asked me a question or two, but I don't remember.

Years later my dad still laughs at how nervous I was. He tells me that the real reason for the meeting wasn't so the pastor could evaluate me, it was because not all of the parents are very involved and he didn't even know many of them. For the ones whose parents are involved (mine were very active), it was mostly a formality.

The principal needs to be able to document things. He needs to answer to the superintendent and the state so that the school can receive funding. It's not personal, and in your case it probably is a formality.

Don't sweat it. Just do your part and go from there. It will be fine.

This is normal school policy.
It is not targeting you.
And, it is not just the Principal that is deciding this... it is PROBABLY, the school district or Dept. of Education, that is instituting this policy.
It is not personal.

My son, was out sick, 10 times already since school started. And this semester, about 2 times already. He had just gotten sick so many times, but so have a lot of the other kids at school. The season of colds and the Flu.
But EACH time, I took my son to the Doctor. And got a Doctor's note.
And given it to his Teacher. And it is fine.
The school, IF a child is failing or there are just kids who don't come to school for no reason, THEN the school/Teacher/Principal, will speak to the parents. Because yes, there are kids who don't come to school and they have no reason.

This really is not a personal thing "against" you.

I think the reason for the meeting IS to evaluate the situation. It seems you want special treatment but the school can not do that, they have to treat all parents and students the same.

He does not like the polilcy either--he just has to do what the district tells him to do.

My 14 yr old is home today AGAIN! This is day 5 for this semester, same as your situation she has been sick a lot this year. The school is simply following protocol, so attend the meeting with your documentation and be prepared to hear a lot of red tape lingo. I'm preparing my daughter for the possibility of Saturday School to make up for her absences, it is totally ridiculous, but it is a way for the district to regain $$ for days kids miss school.

My friend had documentation and she got mad at the meeting. The woman principal called CPS on her. She had to deal with it for 6 months. Keep calm.

Remember that all it takes is one bad apple to spoil a bunch... this rule is not meant to keep conscientious parents (like you) "honest". It is meant for the parents who sign their kid out "sick" for a trip to Disney a couple times a year.

Unfortunately, it happens ALL the time and kids tend to tell the truth. Example:
Me: "How are you feeling?"
Kid: "Fine."
Me: "I went to find you last week for your testing and Mrs. Johnson said you were out."
Kid: ___
Me: "Were you sick?"
Kid: "Um... I think so"

If your child is genuinely sick, send in a note the next day. When I was working as an Assistant Principal, I "excused" notes that said the following:

"Sarah was home yesterday with a fever and sore throat. She is feeling better today, so we are not going to the doctor. If her fever returns today, please feel free to call me and I will take her immediately."

It's enough of an explanation and there is no expectation that you will take your child to the doctor for everything... just don't pull them out for every little thing! My guess is that he just has to "check off" that you met and that you verified the absences. No biggie.

If they are all due to medical reasons, dont worry. You may want to call him and ask if he even needs to meet with you or can you just drop of the doctors note.

you'll be okay. i understand your trepidation at having to "go to the principal's office" - it is ingrained in us from the time we are little! (my son at 4 was terrified of going to kindergarten - which didn't happen till a month before his 6th birthday - because someone told him that in kindergarten you don't get time outs, you go TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!...OOOoOoOooOoh!)

anyway, i think us "good kids" just have that fear forever...and maybe rightly so. but remember you are an adult now, your child was not playing hooky - and you will have documentation to back quite a bit of that up. they have to allow for a few just regular old "she had a fever so i didn't send her" days. you will be fine! don't let the fear get to you. i am sure the principal is on your side - and i bet it will be refreshing for him to meet with you and NOT hear a dozen lame excuses from a lazy parent who slacked off. you're not that parent! it'll be ok :)