When Do You Say Enough Is Enough?

hmm i would have to say he may be tuning you out if your screaming at him.show the kids how to start picking up some to help.You husband is also probably tired from working all nite. Me i wish mine would help out more with the kids but helps in his own way . Are there any parenting groups by you? We go to a group thats for parents of kids that have problems the adults have time 2 talk & the kids get time to play with each other mail me if you wanna chat i know ways of getting guys to help with housework without yelling. the reward system works for more than just kids lol

Show him this post. If that doesn't work, leave him temporarily. See if he comes around to understanding that when you lay, you pay. And stop cleaning up after him immediately!!!! If that doesn't work, you can do better by yourself, don't be afraid to try.

I don't think separation or divorce is something to consider here. It sounds like your hubby is doing the best HE thinks he can for his family and doesn't understand that your idea of best is different.

The best thing to do, though it may be tough to swing, is to sit with your husband at a calm, quiet time (not in the heat of frustration) and explain to him how it makes YOU feel when he doesn't do the few things you ask him to do. Don't turn it into an attack on him, just focus on you - how YOU are exhausted, etc. If he turns it into HIM being exhausted, acknowledge that, but then get back to you. Maybe he just doesn't get what the big deal is. Try to work something out that benefits both of you, even if you can't all of what you want.

Is there any way you can hire a sitter for a few hours a week to give you a break? Or a cleaning service once a month or so? I don't know if you belong to a church or not, but they usually have people willing to help out in situations like that. A website that might help if you're interested is www.flylady.net - it's great for helping you set up easy routines that wouldn't require your hubby's help.

Good luck!
D.

i don't know if this will help but i was going through the same thing and i explained to my boyfriend that i have 2 kids not 3 and i understand that he works but i feel a bit overwhelmed with everything i have to do (then i went down the list of everything i do) and i explained to him that he needs to help me out more or it wont work out b/c i already have too much on my plate. then i stopped doing certain things (i did what was priority) and when he would complain about them i would tell him to do it and sure enough he slowly began doing them. You have to remember that you are only 1 person, you can't do everything. you made the kids together, therefore you should care for them together. Hope this helps :O)

A.,

Have you and your husband ever considered counseling? It sounds to me like your husband is feeling some inadequacies and is taking it out on the family. You both could use an objective person to listen and help guide you. It would be a shame to end a marriage when there are kids involved before it is necessary.

Good Luck!

H.

U need to do whats best for you and the kids.
Aside from him driving you crazy is it effecting the kids. (you kinda answered that with the xbox issue). try one more thing.. counsleing.(either individual if he wont go or joint some town vna's offer this to fammilys for free) if that doesnt work Kids come first if this is really effecting you two then well you need to think of them. list it/ sort it/ try to solve it.. then go with your gut. Good luck

I can understand you my husband works 12 am to 8 am and i go to school in the evening and don't come home to about after 9pm and it's hard. have you tryed to get your kids extra help. i got my 2 younger kids IE early intervention where a special education teacher, phyiscal therpy and more come to your house 2 or 3 or more if needed to work with your kids doing activities it helps to keep them busy and they work with you also if needed and sometimes they take the kids out to a movie or park so you can be alone it something to think about. as for you husband try to understand he works late and guys are just lazy LOL

A.,

If every woman in America who didn't get enough help with the house and the kids filed for divorce, there'd be about 4 married couples left!! Seriously, there are other ways to work this out.

Counseling is probably a good starting point. Someone who can act as an impartial mediator could realy help you two work out a reasonable division of labor within your house that takes into account work schedules, time with the kids, etc. It's something that has to be negotiated in good faith, though. If you both are willing to go in with open hearts and open minds, to truly build a system that is fair, and then each hold up your end of the deal, then it can work.

Have you ever talked to your husband about why he is the way he is? Not why didn't he empty the dishwasher tonight, but why does he feel that the burden of all of these responsibilities should fall on you. A lot of people go into relationships with very different expectations of how things will run, because it doesn't get discussed and negotiated in the beginning. You're thinking that you work part time, shuttle him back and forth, and take care of two special needs kids and run a household. He's thinking that he holds down a full time job, provides the main financial support for the family, and pitches in by letting you get some extra sleep when he can. In his eyes, your job is probably the at home stuff, with a couple of hours at a part time job for some extra cash. Depending on where you stand, things can look really different, and what seems fair looks different. You have to both really look hard at your own schedules and each other's to realize how to break things up fairly, so that you each get some down time, and you can get some family time all together.