When Do You Go to a Funeral?

If the deceased was important in the life of someone I love, I go if humanly possible, even if it's inconvenient. Funerals aren't for the dead - they're to comfort the living.
I took off work to go to the funeral of my best friend's grandmother. I had never met the woman. But my friend loved her, and she was glad I was there.
I drove 100 miles to the wake of a friend's husband. I had met the man twice in my life, as they moved shortly after I met him, but my friend was heartbroken over losing his husband and I wanted to be there for him.

Most of the time you only go if it is local. Sometimes even family won't fly.

Since it is really about the living perhaps fly out after the funeral to do a girls weekend or something for your friend. Really at the funeral you would just be one more person. Sure it is nice to see a friend cares that much but beyond that she will need you more after everyone has scattered again.

You don't have to go.
Just send your condolences and a nice flower arrangement to the funeral home.

If you can't attend the actual funeral, then perhaps you can plan to take some personal time from work to coincide with a weekend and visit your friend for the express purpose of supporting her when the time comes.

No, you don't have to go. My best friend from first grade 30-something years ago lost her mom last year. We've kept in touch over the years and I knew her mom well back then, but I didn't fly out there for the funeral.

For funerals, I just go if it's someone I knew well personally or it's someone local who would really appreciate the support.

The only way I would go in this situation is if she really doesn't have a support system there and could really use you. We go when it is a close relative or someone local. Send her a nice card and maybe a gift card to a restaurant so she can get a meal out (since you're not there to make something). Let her know that you'll keep checking in on her through-out the next few weeks.

If it were local, I would go, but since it's not, considering the flight and missing work, I would not. I definitely would contact your friend, though, and perhaps send flowers/donation/card.

I have gone to my friend's grandfathers funeral because she is my best friend. I would weigh out on how close you are with this friend and/or how convenient it is to go and base your judgement off of those things.

I would call her and then send her something she can keep to the funeral home. That way when she see's it later, she remembers you and her mother. There's a lot of neat things that are sent now. When I lost my grandfather last month, my company sent a memory bench. Some other family members received plants, blankets, pictures, a wind chime.

I like Jo's idea about going to visit her sometime after the funeral.

I would just send a flower arrangement.

I think every situation is different.

Chances are, if you feel you "want" to be there for your friend, you should go. It's only a day or two...work and kids will be fine. (Otherwise none of us would ever do anything or go anywhere, right? LOL)

Sorry about your friend's mom.

No, since you live in another town, you really don’t have to go unless it was someone extremely close to you. However, it would be nice if your sent a card and if you can afford it, flowers or maybe a fruit basket for the gathering after the funeral; people like to know that they were thought of during a difficult time, even if the person couldn’t be there.

It was very comforting to me to have the kids who grew up with me attend each of my parents funerals. One (who had young children at the time) is in the next town, so that wasn't an issue, but the other two traveled 3 and 8 hours by car to attend. Yes, they tied it with a visit to their own parents, but it still meant something to me. Do you think your friend would find comfort in your attending?

No. Funerals are for closest family and friends.