When Did You Tell Your Kids That a New Baby Is on the Way?

I have a 20 month old daughter and I am pregnant with number 2; due in March. I just explained to my daughter that I have a baby growing in my belly. I told her when it is done growing it will come out. That ended all discusion of when the baby will be here. She know just comes up to my belly and says "baby growing" and is satisfied with knowing that. I told her when I started showing. Hope that helps.

I have 3 kids spaced 2 and 3 years apart. When I found out... I just started talking about it. My daughter (eventually daughters) went to all my appointments, helped with all the baby stuff, picked out names, etc. We never told them when the baby would come, just that the dr appointments were to see if it was time for baby to come out. After each appointment we said "not yet". There was never resentment for the new baby, if nothing it was over loved by big sister (s).

Congratulations and good luck!
Mom to 2 girls (8&5) and a son 3 next week!

My kids were just about the same difference in age. My oldest turned 2 in February (2006) and my second was born in May.
Our biggest mistake was telling him too early. He was so excited to have a baby come live in our house! And a month seems like a lifetime to kids that age, so a whole month before the baby was due, the 2 year old broke down in tears, begging the baby to come out. It was a rough month for him. And then on top of that, he didn't really understnad that the baby wouldn't be able to play with him for a few more months after he was born! It was torture for a 2 year old. He's a very observant kid, but I don't think he would have notice my giant tummy if we hadn't told him anything. I think the biggest problem is that we were talking about the new baby, naturally, and he picked up on that. I wish I'd tried harder to hold off on that for his sake.
Of course, all kids are different and will react to things differently. If your child has a hard time adapting and adjusting to new situations, she may need more time to get used to the idea. My son was very adaptable, and more excitable than anything, so knowing too far in advance was a bad thing for him.
He's also always been very sensitive to how I'm feeling, but he didn't seem to notice that I was feeling any different.

I love the book "Siblings Without Rivalry". I cannot tell you who the author is, because I have loaned it out and I don't know off the top of my head, but it is a GREAT resource!! Good luck!

Congratulations on the new addition! I'm also due at the end of May and have 2 year old as well as a four year old. We've told both our girls about the new baby. Sometimes my two year old will rub my belly and say baby, but she realy doesn't get it. My four year old does and is very excited! When I was expecting my now 2 year old, though, it was quite different for her. We constantly talked about the baby, and she knew that baby was in mommy's tummy. I don't think she realized that it was a real baby in there until after the baby was born, though. It was just too abstract for her before then. We talked about a baby but she couldn't see a baby.
Talk about the new baby with you little one, and tell her about all the fun thing she'll get to do as the big sister. Show her how she can help with the new baby usuing a doll. she may not fully get it now, but it will click once the baby is here.

My son is 4 years old so he understands a little bit more. We told him that we were going to have a baby once we found out. We talk about it all the time. I am due in a few weeks and since we have talked about it and he has gone to doctors appointments with us, he is so excited for the day that his brother is with us. We also let him pick out a few things for his new baby brother so he feels like he is involved. I am not sure where you are located but the hospital that I am delivering at had a sibling class. I signed my son up for it and it cost $6.00 and he learned about how to be a big brother. They talk to the kids about the rules of having a new baby in the house, watch a movie, learn to wrap a baby doll or stuffed animal, tour the hospital and also get a gift bag of things for just them. I think it really helped my son to understand that things are going to change. You might check into something like that in your area. Good luck!

M.,

Congratulations on baby number two! Spring babies are wonderful (plus, you won't be pregnant in the summer).

You are so right that your daughter does not understand the concept of time well enough to tell her a date or to understand a countdown calendar. We told our daughter (and with baby #3 our son, too) that we were going to have a new baby. The baby is growing inside mommy and when the baby is too big to stay inside mommy, he/she will come out and be a part of our family. When we say prayers at night, we pray for each member of our family and so as soon as we told the kids another baby was coming, we included baby in our prayers. We told God how excited we were for the baby to get big enough to come out so we could love on him or her. With my daughter, who was older, we would give her more information on what was developing. For example, we would say, the baby can now suck its thumb inside mommy. She loved learning that stuff. My son could care less. Your daughter is so much younger, so I don't know if that will be helpful to you. Tell her now! Don't be surprised if she seems indifferent. The idea of baby will take a while to become a reality and that's okay.

As for sibling books, I think the best out there is Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. First published in 1987, the ideas in this book are fantastic. I cannot remember how much time the book spends on bringing home baby, but it is a great source.

Congratulations,
Theresa

I have three, the first 2 are 4 yrs apart, my 1st and 3rd and 6yrs apart and my 2nd and 3rd are 23months apart. I told my toddler when he was probably about 18 months. In all honesty, he didn't quite get it, but we kept talking about the baby, showing him ultrasound pictures and reading him big brother books. As for you, I really LOVE the book "Siblings Without Rivalry" and suggest reading it right away! I am a birth doula in the Denver area and suggest to all my second time mamas and they all love it too! Let me know if you have any questions!

When we got pregnant with #2 my first was just 7 months old, so we didn't tell him anything for awhile. I think we waited until I was showing and he could see that there was something in my tummy. You don't want to tell her TOO early because children that age don't comprehend that far into the future, they only understand here and now. When we got pregnant with my 3rd and then when we got pregnant with our 4th we ended up telling the kids a little earlier on, because they were older, understood what it meant for Mommy to have a baby in her belly because they had already experienced it, and it made more sense to them then. But the first child doesn't understand what that means, especially if you tell them before there is evidence of what is going on. They have never experienced that before, all they know is 'ME!' But having a third, #2 understands that they have never been the only child and gets more excited to learn that they are going to be joined by someone else.

M.,

Well, I am due Jan.2nd and my little guy turned 2 today!! I have told him there is a baby inside me since day one. I tease him my lap is getting small and brother is pushing him off. He kisses him goodnight. We make it a topic often. I know he does not comprehend a little baby is going to take my time and there will be struggles come January.

However, this is important. It is all about YOUR attitude. If you are already nervous or freaked out about how she will act, she is going to freak out. If you just calm down she will follow suit. This is part of her life, matter of fact. She will have varying emotios about it and she can be validated. But you have to start even at this early age to help her understand her emotions do not have to dictate her actions. Also, you need to have lower expectations. You are a twin, so you may not truly understand this. But there are periods, even long periods they will not be close. They are gonna fight. Resentment, jealosy, etc. are normal. Your job is to help them manage these feelings and their actions in appropriate manner.

Good luck and congratulations.

Having a baby is pretty abstract at 2. We went ahead and told our boys about the next baby as soon as we were past the loosing the baby point, which for us was an important milestone. We still lost our twin, which was very hard on the then 2.5 yo. They understand more than we give them credit for. If there is something special in May, you could tell her the baby comes around that time. i.e. Our babies were all due in July, so we just said that the new baby would come around their birthday. Once your DD can feel the baby kick, it will seem more real. I had one who loved it and one who hated it. My Mama's boy had a very hard time with the baby kicking him. So far at 5, 2, and 4 months, the kids all adore each other. We do have our moments, but nobody else better step in between them. Just talk about the baby, and once snuggling with mom gets tricky, she'll start to understand. Congratulations!

The best advice I every got for having another baby was to never blame anything on the baby. If you can't carry your toddler because you are too pregnant, don't tell her it's because of the pregnancy or the baby; just tell her she is too big. After the baby is born don't ever tell your daughter that she she has to leave the park because the baby needs a nap or you can't play with her right now because you are nursing. Everytime you use the baby as an excuse (even though the baby is really the excuse) your daughter will hear, "you could have what you want if the baby wasn't here." You should never lie to your child, just tell her it isn't the right time or it is just time to go. I tried this when I had my second and there was no jealousy until my baby was about 6 months old. At that time I realized I had started blaming the baby. I stopped and the jealousy stopped too.

I told my toddler that there was a baby in my tummy, it wasn't 2 weeks later he started pointing to his own tummy and saying "that's where my baby is!"

When we brought the twins home from the hospital, I always called them "your baby" when talking to the other young kids instead of 'our baby' or 'my baby' or 'the baby'.

they used to kiss my tummy g'nite and talk to my tummy...but now they talk to the babies.

When my oldest (now 8) was 3, we found out we were expecting and told her. We lost that baby - which confused her. Later, when we were expecting again, (she was 4) we waited to tell her - until I was about 5 or so months along, I guess. I took her to what appointments I could - she got to go to the sonogram and see the baby. She was pretty excited. She got to go with me to make the baby registry and help pick some things. And she got an "I'm the big sister" shirt that she LOVED!

We also let her pick a special baby doll so she could practice being careful with the baby.

Some of those things may be "older" than your girl, but the baby doll idea we used with my nephew. My Mom was going to watch him and my daughter. So we got him a baby doll so he could practice being around a baby - he was 18 months old when she was born.

I wold have to agree that talking is key. My 2nd came when my oldest was only 18 months old, so the concept of a new baby was really hard. It was a hard adjustment for her. She was scared of the baby at first, but we got through it. Now the are almost 3 and 15 months and they don't like to be apart. Congrats on your new little one. Don't worry too much. As long as you make time for your oldest when the new baby comes, things will be fine. It is all a matter of adjustment.

M.

I've loved the book "Siblings Without Rivalry." It would be easy to find at the library or for cheap online.
I also love "Baby on the Way" and "What Baby Needs" by Dr. William and Martha Sears. They are more text-heavy than some kids' books, but with great pictures so there's lots to talk about on several levels. Also, for this very young age, I highly recommend "What's Inside?" and "After That." The author's last name is Ashbe, and they are the most darling lift-the-flap books I've ever seen. They are so excellent for talking about a coming baby, even if you have awhile to go.
My kids went to midwife appointments with me and my midwife let them hold the stethoscope to my belly while she used the doptone. They were really included and felt like the baby was theirs, too. I was so happy they felt invested in the health of their sibling. They were a bit older than yours--my oldest was just over three when my second came, nd my second was not quite three when my third came--but if you can find a gentle health care provider who will help them feel a part of things, I think it goes a long way. Congrats!

I told my daughter pretty soon after I found out. I was 8 weeks along at that point and told her a baby was growing in mommies tummy and she was going to be a big sister. Until I started truly showing did it start to sink in. She was 28 mos when I found out.
I never read any books really. Seriously it all depends on your childs temperment. My daughter wanted a little brother or sister so badly she was so happy and excited. There are no magic tricks to making kids close. Takes time and depends on their personalities.

My son worshipped and still does, his big sister. She was very good with him until he got verbal and mobile then it was a fight every day over little things, now they are 4 and 7 and the fighting has lessened a ton. She never had one ounce of resentment or jealousy and it is nice as a newborn sleeps a lot and I had tons of time still with her during the day. When my son was very little I put her in one day a week Moms Day out so she had something of her very own without being associated with the baby. That helped a lot. It is a change and kids handle change differently too. She regressed with potty training a bit but that was all I noticed in her.

I took her to every OBGYN appt, let her hear the heartbeat, see the monitor and all so she really got what was happening.
The night before we brought her brother home we got her a boy baby doll all of her own, with accessories so she could take care of her baby while I took care of mine. She was very happy and it was a breeze of a transition. I also sat with her before I went to have him at the hospital and showed her baby pictures and videos of herself. Explained how much care babies need and why they cry.

Funny thing is when her brother cried she would yell at me to JUMP NOW and take care of him and was very doting.
Not until he was 2 and into her stuff and pulling her hair did it occur to her maybe she wasn't too thrilled with a little brother, hee hee.....now they play well but fight too!
Congrats!

My oldest was 2 1/2 when her brother was born. We told her when I was around 4 months. She needed a lot of time to warm up to the idea. When I was around 8 mos. I realized she was worried that the baby was going to get all of her toys and clothes etc. We kept reassuring her and letting her know all the great things about being the big sister. I think they all just need the reassurance that Mom and Dad will still love them and that they won't have to give anything up. She was very excited about being a big sister and knowing that she would be "Mommy's special helper" Also, we did a lot of role playing with her dolls, like how to hold the baby, and how to hold a bottle, etc. When her brother was born, I would let her hold him and feed him a bottle. Usually she just wanted to hold or feed him for like a minute and then was done, but it made her feel like she was a part of things. You'll also want to tell her that the baby won't be able to play with her for a very long time. I think at that age they think the baby will be a playmate right away. I think the age difference you will have is good, because as the baby goes through certain stages you can explain them to your daughter and for the most part she will understand. Also, after my son was born people brought over all kinds of gifts. Before each person came over I would tell her that someone was going to bring a present over for the baby. There would not be anything for her, but that she could open it up. Most people very generously brought over a little something for my daughter as well, but then she wasn't expecting anything and she seemed satisfied with opening up his gifts. My oldest two are still very close. I hope this helps--Best of luck!

I found out I was pregnant with my second child when my first son was 16 months. From day one, I always told him that there was a baby in mommy's tummy. I never gave him a deadline of when the new baby would come. He was young and most likely wouldn't understand a timeline. I did try to incorporate him into helping with the new baby right away. We went to the store and picked out new baby brother's clothes and he helped pick him out some toys. I would always keep telling him throughout the pregnancy that he had a baby brother in mommy's tummy and he got to the point where he would give my tummy kisses and say "hi baby brother". When baby brother got to come home, my husband and I made sure that baby brother had presents for big brother. Big brother thought he was pretty special and that since baby brother gave him a gift, he wasn't too bad after all. Big brother was also a great mommy's helper. He felt very important and like a Big Boy when he would help mommy get a diaper for baby brother and other things like that. Hope this helps! Have fun!!!!!!