What Would You Have Done? - Chicago,IL

If I saw that she was waiting on me because I was blocking her way I would have smiled and did the hand waive, oh so sorry, just a moment. I usually try to diffuse issues when driving. If that didn't work and I saw her intentionally damage my car I would have spoken up without a doubt.

Well, you can't level with crazy.

Most normal people would've a) waited or b) asked for you to close the door.

I do have to agree that while I don't think you necessarily were in the wrong, it wasn't necessary to have both doors open. While I am a mom & get that it can take a while, it's nice to be considerate while you're doing so.

UHG I would have done the same thing you did and then came here and asked a question about it because I am mad at myself for doing nothing and I can't let it go!!! sorry for the run on sentence.:) It sucks being so NICE.

Since I am the person who cares about other people I have to ask is there a reason you couldn't take one second to shut the other door. At least in my experience that is pretty self centered behavior.

Not saying it gives her a right to ding your door, two wrongs don't make a right an all.

So what would I have done, I would have been considerate and shut the other door so she could do her thing as well. I am not special regardless of the cars we drive.

Okay the comments about the temperature, your car has air, right? I had several mini vans they all had air. I tend to crank the engine before all so the car cools down, ya know? There is no reason other than you didn't give a care that the other door wasn't shut already.

"Ummm, excuse me, Miss....Do you realize that when you slammed your door open you hit my car and caused this damage? Yes. May I please have your insurance information? I know, I am having a bad day too, but I am going to have to fix this."

That's what I hope I would have said in that moment.

truthfully as some of the ladies said, i probably would have sat there fuming and not taken action until it was too late.

but it WAS super hot. AND she was pregnant. AND wrestling another kid.

the fact that she was driving an expensive lexus suv would have ticked me off in general but that's a pet peeve of mine, driving ridiculously expensive gas guzzling cars. i think you were both in the wrong though. so i can't give you the "go girl" props on this one. i also agree that you should not have left your door open, keeping her from getting her door open enough to get her child in. if i had been her i would have been annoyed and frazzled too. doesn't make either of you right, however....two wrongs, as they say, don't make a right.

J., you didn't do anything wrong leaving your door open. I'm sorry this happened. She knows she hit your car with her door. She didn't bother to look that there was a mark because she didn't care.

I'm sure you were just shocked that she did it and momentarily flummoxed. I also think that her being pregnant had something to do with you failing to stop her.

Chalk it up to a lesson learned. Though you weren't wrong to leave your door open, perhaps you shouldn't do it anymore. Get one of those things you put inside your windshield to keep it cooler in the car. That actually does help.

So sorry,
Dawn

I'm confused... She opened her door (shoved it ?) into the door of your car? Now, you said it was automatic, so is this a minivan? I thought those slid open, so it shouldn't have been sticking out in the way, right? What was open sticking out in her way? Or did she hit the front passenger door?
See why I'm confused??

I would like to think you both might have shown a little more compassion for the other one. It was hot. You both (presumably had cranky kids, upon leaving the pool) were trying to get loaded up and get home/on about your day. You were half done situating your kids. She was 7 months preggo (so probably pretty miserable in the heat and sitting at the pool watching her daughter) and trying to get her daughter in the car (how old was her daughter?) She probably figured she was faster than you were being. And evidently she figured correctly, if she backed out and you were still sitting there.
So I'm just wondering exactly how the door was hit. Did she go out of her way to hit it? Or did her having a huge belly and trying to maneuver her daughter into the car bump the door out beyond where she intended. Did the wind catch it? (I've had wind snatch an opening door out of my hands before, or keep one moving beyond where I let it go). Was one of you parked on top of the parking space line and there was less than normal spacing between the vehicles?

But really... neither of you said, "Oh, sorry, I'm almost done" or "Excuse me, do you mind letting me open this really quick?" You both just stewed about how rude the other one was I guess. Sad.

ETA after SWH: So because she was pregnant it was her fault she couldn't open her car door? What does it matter? What if she was just fat and couldn't fit in without opening her door wider? She couldn't get into her car b/c your door was taking up some of the space she needed to open hers. The polite thing to do would have been to SAY "Ooh... sorry.. hold on one second while I close the door" or "I'll be done in just one second" and then HURRIED UP. Kim O. measured hers... is your sliding door really only 2 inches thick? Really? You obviously were aware she was having difficulty (you say in your post she walked around to this side, then back to that side, etc) and yet you did and said nothing about it. Acknowledging that you are holding someone up can go a LONG WAY towards diffusing an awkward/rude situation. And not just regarding car doors... in ANY situation...

I'm not sure. I was ready to take your side, but I reread and realized that you were not being as considerate as you should have been. Didn't you have a door open that was not being used? Why didn't you use one door to load the kids or close the door on your daughter's side once you were done? I've had that happen when a person has several of their doors open and seems to be taking their sweet time with no care that they are impeding my ability to enter my vehicle. I haven't and wouldn't scratch or bang anyone's door because of it though. If the damage is minor you should let it go and in the future don't block anyone from getting into their vehicle. If she did bigger damage to your vehicle then her door is mostly likely damaged as well and you probably didn't get her plate number, so you two are even.

@Dana K, that doesn't matter. J. G should have opened whatever windows could open and/or turn her air on full blast. Saying that it was 90 degrees only makes me feel sorrier for the other lady. She was trying to get her pregnant self and her child out of the heat. Such a high temperature is another reason to load the kids in on one side so that mom/the driver can get in quickly and get the vehicle cooled off.

I would have jumped out in front of her to stop her and made sure to get her information. She scratched your car on purpose and caused damage-and you watched her do it! Letting her get away with it was not smart-sorry.

why does it matter that she was a "cute young thing driving an expensive Lexus SUV" & you are "40 driving a Minivan"......how does this have anything to do with the situation? LOL

if anything, that would have spurred me further into a confrontation!

Honestly & seriously, don't judge by the cover. Don't belittle yourself. So what if you're 40. I'm almost 50 & still can take care of my own battles.

I honestly don't understand "why" you didn't say anything! & one more thing: if your minivan has automatic doors, then it's not like you had a door wide open...blocking the pathway. I think she was in a snit....& took it out on you. Doesn't matter if she's preggers or not....she dumped on you.

I would have blocked her departure & addressed the situation. At the very least, I would taken down her license plate & called the police. She damaged your vehicle & drove off. No reason for you to "turn the other cheek". :)

She was very wrong in what she did, so I'm not trying to justify that. But, you were also being very rude. The minivan door doesn't add two inches (I've got one - it adds 6 - 8 inches - just measured). That's a lot of inches in a tight parking spot to a pregnant woman. If I had the key fob in my pocket, I would have pressed the button and closed the door immediately. If the key fob was not handy, I would have stopped what I was doing and closed the door for the other woman. (I don't mean to sound harsh - but how slow were you going that a pregnant woman was able to get her kid in a car and pull out before you when you already had your two kids in the car before she even started?)

Assuming I didn't want to be considerate of others and left the door open for her to wait even longer adn she did that to me - as much as I'd want to call her out on it and get her insurance info, I probably wouldn't have said anything and then stewed about my dented car for a few days.

I would have gotten her license number and called the police to report the damage to your car. I do not tolerate anyone scratching my vehicle and I don't tolerate anyone getting impatient with me for making sure my child is safely in their seat. I would have definitely said something and held her accountable.

Yes. I would have confronted her - pregnant or no - she damaged MY PERSONAL PROPERTY!!!

She COULD have had manners and said "excuse me, can we close this door while I try to get my child in the car?" Or said SOMETHING!!! It's CALLED MANNERS!!!! Something MANY people in this world seem to be lacking.

Just like the (expletive deleted) who DAMAGED my NEW CAR last week and left no note!! Now, I have to pay the $250 deductible to get my car fixed - turns out they did MORE than just scrap and dent my door - they also broke the front bumper!!!

Well - if I'd seen a 7 mo pregnant woman trying to get into her car in 90 degree heat and I was making it more difficult for her, I would have tried as quickly as possible to get out of her way and told her I was going to do so. Unless she was actually parked across the line, she was in her spot so not her fault it was close. Some parking lots are ridiculous now in terms of the size of spots. I know my daughter at 4 also knew how to push the button to close her door so she may have figured you could have just asked your daughter to close it. If I were her, I would have asked you, likely in a not so nice voice if i was hot and felt like you were taking your time, to please close your door. Going so far as to intentionally hit and mark your door was not called for. I'm surprised there's a permanent mark though. It seems to take a lot nowadays to actually scratch the paint. So maybe she didn't mean to actually scratch your car and was just trying to make a point that you should have made room for her. So since it's not clear she really wanted to make a permanent mark and you did contribute to the situation, I probably wouldn't have said anything as I thought through it all in the split second I had to decide what to do...

I would have confronted her right then and there. If she acted ugly about it, I would have called the non emergency police line for assistance.

SHE damaged your car. Now you have no recourse unless you managed to get her tag number.

I purposely park WAY far away from people to avoid things like this. I am very picky with my car and if I see someone purposely do something my my car they'll be pulling a stump back for an arm.

This happened to my friend's BMW and the person who did it not see her hubby sitting in the back seat. Well, it cost that person $400 to fix it when her hubby got out of the car and confronted the person who slammed a door into the BMW.

I'll be honest, I probably wouldn't have checked right away either and then been mad at myself for it. I am extremely nonconfrontational, so I would have chosen the flight instead of the fight. I know, it's dumb, but it's my nature.

I would have taken down her license plate number and reported it to my insurance company to file a claim. Your insurance company could have taken it from there against her insurance company.

Truthfully, what Grandma T said is what I would've done.

I lease a car and have done so for lots of years. I don't stress at all about minor scratches and dings (and sometimes fairly major ones). They always take them back at the end of the lease with a smile and give me an ever better deal on the next one! VW has my business for life!

I would have NICELY asked for her insurance information.

I would have said something or said "oh wait a minute let me move because you obviously have more important things to do than I".... don't back down no matter who it is... even if she doesn't say something back at least you said your piece and feel a little better.

Yep, would've said something. If I had a pen handy, I would've taken down her license plate info too.

next time get the license plate number and report it to your insurance company

Isn't that annoying when you wish you had handled a situation differently? Ugh!

Once I realized that I wanted to say something, I would have tried to get her attention to talk to her. Whether you talked to her or not, you should have gotten her license plate so you could report it. It's a shame that we get caught off guard and don't always have the presence of mind that we get in hindsight.

Oh, by the way, she was wrong.

ETA: If no one else was around, then you were perfectly justified in having all your doors open wide. If you saw her coming, then it would have been appropriate for you to say something--"I'll be right there; I'm sorry." She should have said something--maybe you didn't realize that she needed more space than was there.

I take issue with people parking crooked. The lines are painted at an angle, but people don't care. They think that just being between the lines is enough. If they're not angled in right, though, other cars can't park next to them. If they are too close to or on the line, others can't park. Sometimes that's part of the issue.

I would have got her license plate and reported her for a hit and run.

Question: how old was her kid? why couldnt she use the other door to get her kid in? did she have a very little one with a carseat on that side?

i think you were rude somewhat (possibly not intentionally) she was waiting in that 90 degree heat pregnant waiting on you. Doesnt give her the right to dmage others property though.

Both of you could have handled things better. She could have said "excuse M., can you please close your door"
and you could have closed it realizing that she was trying to get her door open...i mean she had enough time to wait, get annoyed, and then walk from one side to the other.

What Queen of the Castle said.

@ Cupcake - I assume the doors were both open because it was well over 90 degrees today.

I would have tried to stop her and tell her she is responsible for the damages. If she didnt' stop, take her license plate down and report it a hit and run. If she would have been apologetic I would be more sympathetic, however, she obviously could care less.

I probably would have gone around and looked right then and then asked her for her insurance information to make a claim.

I would have said something right then. And if she tried to leave without giving you her insurance info write down her plate number and call the police. There is never any reason to hit someone else's car.

I would have gotten her plate number and reported it to your insurance company.

Towanda!

(ever seen the movie fried green tomatoes?)