My brother and his wife are in the process of adopting two beautiful girls and the adoption is supposed to be final on June 12,2009. DO you think we should be giving a gift? Right after they got the girls a year and a half ago they were given a shower and the girls also had a birthday since then. We were thinking about getting them a little gift but didnt know if it would be appropriate and thought i would get your advice.
Thank you so much for everyones suggestions. I think i will take a little advice from all of them and get a family goft and or a poem of some sort. I really like the frame idea as well. SO we will see. As far as a party goes my brother is going to be having one the day after the adoption is final because i told him to take his family out on their official first family trip for the day of. Thanks again
I think a nice idea for them becoming official would be to get them a gift certificate for a place that does family photos to commemorate their officially being a family.
It would be nice to get them a certificate to have a family photo made and a nice frame since they are officially becoming a family.
Hi J.
i was adopted the age of 12 by my parents and my mom gave me a wonderful gift that to this day i still cherish... it was a photo album and in the inside cover she wrote a very special note to me and the first photo in there was of me, her, my father and my brothers.. something else she gave me that i lost years ago was a cabbage doll..
being adopted is a very special gift and it should be celebrated with some small token. every year as a child my adoption was celebrated with a family dinner and that made me feel even more special.
N.
Yes, totally appropriate. Often, in court when the proceeding is final, the judge or court will give a gift - a teddy bear or something - It's a huge deal, adopting and/or being adopted and accepted permanantly into your new and forever family. Celebrate the hell out of it.
Whatever you want to give them. Why not? I almost gave a "baby" shower to someone who adopted an 8 year old, but then things got busy and it never happened. Oh well, it was a good idea anyway.
We have six adopted kids. We had a baby shower too, but finalization is a big deal. Small gifts are customary, at least in my circle of friends who are also adoptive parents. We received things like picture frames, a kit to make a stepping stone for the garden that we could all put our hands on, a basket filled with snacks and family movies, etc.
The other special thing we did was we went to Build-A-Bear Workshop and let the kids adopt an animal to take with them for their own adoption.
L.
My brother is adopted and for years my parents celebrated his adoption day and his birthday, as he got older it became more like a nice dinner out with family but it was and still is a special day. I think a small gift would be very nice.
I think it is always alright to give a gift to celebrate any event- and this is such a wonderful thing. It is nice to show your love and support.
Perhaps a family photography session or a photo collage for each of the girls- or a photo album they can add to. Perhaps a locket depending on the girls ages
Even a just a card to express your joy and commitment to your extended family.
Always appropriate to acknowledge the special moments in life!
I say go for it. Who knows what these girls have gone through. A family type gift might be best to celebrate that they are one now. Anything that shows they are loved.
I think it is thoughtful that you would even think of getting them something. When we adopted our children, we had one person do something and it was a sweet sign that said "God Bless Our Home" We threw a huge party for everyone... and we celebrate a family anniversary, but it seems as if an adoption is insignificant, especially if a child is "older" than an infant to any one but the adoptive parents. J., you have to be one of the most thoughtful people on the planet! <3
I love Viki's idea of a gift certificate for a family photo. I would also give a nice picture frame. Maybe something engraved with their family name and the date.
Wow...sounds very familiar! LOL!....We adopted my girls after a year and a half.......more than likely they have everything for your neices now...BUT.....I was given an adoption shower and parties......and we really apprecited the gifts we got to be used as a family......photo albums, picture frames.....zoo membersships, kid park memberships....plus my children received toys and stuffed animals....it wasn't a whole bunch but it made the event so much more special for us and especially for the girls.....how are your neices.....my girls are 3 and 5.....we received them in our care when my youngest was a little under 4 months and my oldest had just turned 2...they are half sisters....I think also the gifts have to be age appropriate...if her daughters are older....a keepsake jewerly box with a special charm/necklace would be cool.....anywhoo...feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Congrats to your brother and to you for becoming an official aunt! :-)
I would get a gift for the family rather than for the girls... Maybe find a poem or verse about family and frame it for them, or if you are feeling really ambitious you could make a family tree or something.
Why not? It seems like a nice idea to recognize this significant change in status.
We had a party after our daughter's adoption was finalized. Nothing big, just a lunch for some close friends and family. I have some beautiful photos of everyone with my daughter, and they are the greatest gifts of all.
I definately think a gift would be nice. It is a huge milestone and something to celebrate. Maybe a family gift...
I don't know that a gift is necessarily in order, but I do think some sort of a celebration is called for. Just a cake/dessert party or a big extended family celebration - but definitely something to commend this wonderful and very special occasion.
I'm an adoptive mom: we finalized last year. Our son did receive a few gifts, although I wouldn't have expected them. If you do, I'd suggest something more meaningful and lasting. Or maybe an adoption book (Tapestry books have a good selection). My son received 'on the night you were born' which was lovely and perfect for an adopted child (as well as a biological child)
E.
I have two sisters that have both adopted two children, one at a time. The day that the adoption is final is a very joyous day and we usually had a big party. It really is just a time of family and friends acknowledging that the children truly are theirs (finally). If they are not having a celebration then a small gift would be apropriate. Something that has to do with family would be ideal.
get them whatever you want, they are your family too and if you think this is something worth celebrating then by all means do it for you and for all others involved who will see that you love all of them.
J.,
I know of a book that could be the perfect gift:
Happy Adoption Day by John McCutcheon.
It comes with a CD too because it was first written as a song. It's beautiful for any child. I have 6 adopted brothers and sisters and wish we had this book when we were little. P.
Hi, how thoughtful of you to think of celebrating such a special day. I was adopted and my mom wrote me a poem for me to celebrate my adoption day. I still have it and I have to say it was better than any gift I have ever received.
Why not write a simple poem to the adopted girls? "It happened in June, we had a full moon and your adoption made final was to happen soon!...etc." The poem my mom wrote for me was like that, fun and lighthearted but really special!
Or make a personalized card with a family photo in it or something? I think the thought is way more important than the cost.
I am an adoptive mom. On the day we finalized we went out to breakfast after the court hearing. Some family members were in court with us and some met us at the restaurant. It has become our yearly tradition to get together for breakfast/brunch on our daughters "adoption day". I would suggest if you are local to them...take them out to lunch or something and have a nice celebration. If you would like to give a gift...some adoption books would be wonderful! Tell Me Again About The Night I Was Born (as mentioned below) is great, We Belong Together is also fabulous. Borders or Barnes and Noble have small sections with adoption story books. I think getting a few and wrapping with just a nice ribbon and bow would be so very thoughtful.
Both my children are adopted...and they both came to us through foster care. You always know there is the possibility they won't remain with you, but may reunify with their biological family. I never consciously felt that stress (or maybe I was just in denial), but the day we adopted my oldest what kept running through my head was "I'm going to Disneyland"...and it wasn't so much the act of going to Disneyland that was such a big deal, but just the reality that I could finally plan for things like future trips to Disneyland. What a blessing and a relief. (To any mom (or dad) who has lost a child to reunification, bless you for keeping that baby/child safe and sound and giving them a home when it was needed. You are MY hero!)
We invited our friends and family to lunch before our court appearance and then took them all to court with us. I love the idea of it taking a village to raise a child, so we brought the village with us. Afterwards, we went out for coffee. We bought lunch, but let everyone buy their own coffee after.
And, of course, the day is not complete without pictures of the people present, the judge, the immediate family, etc. To me, this is more of a "Thanksgiving" type of celebration, where you want your loved ones there to enjoy it with you.
One thing I wish I had - a video of the adoption proceedings. So there's something you could provide...
Another idea that might be nice is a gift certificate for a couples massage and the offer of babysitting while mom and dad go...along with an explanation that you know they have been keeping a watchful vigil over their children and now they can finally relax, just a little bit. Trust me, especially if it's been a really stressful situation (every foster care case is unique!), mom and dad need a little time alone to process that it's finally over...and family life has begun in earnest! Good luck to them and to you. Blessings upon your (extended) family.
Hi J.,
I am the mother of two adopted children. For each of them each year I make them their favorite dinner on the anniversary of the day we all stood in court and the judge pronounced us "family". We also celebrate the day they each arrived in this country with a modest evening of doing something they like. I give them a card and a small keepsake. We look at pictures of our times together before their adoption and their first months with us all together.
An adoption date is special. It is a date certain that says "you now are part of a family". In our home we celebrate the anniversary of this date. My kids look forward to it. It is a time that allows me say how very special they are to me.
You are all in my prayers,
L.
You have shared your joy with them alot. If you wish, a plant and a card saying Congratulations to the parents. The kids have had thier parties; this is for the parents.
F.
