What Would You Do? SWH ADDED

Start interviewing. The money alone would be motivation enough for me but given the rest of it... I would be hard pressed to stay. Best of luck.

My husband works in tech support. Like you, his tendency was to bring a work iPad or answer calls/emails from his phone. Both his tablet and phone are provided and paid for by work.

At home doesn't typically bother me, but I have basically forbidden him from doing so when we're out having dinner or when we're on vacation. He doesn't really WANT to anyway but felt like he had to. He does not. Neither do you. Next time you take a vacation let the office know you'll be out of reach for x-days. Even if they call or email, do not answer.

You teach people how to treat you. You have done this for years and years and now you are sick of it and expect them to be ok with it. I guess all you can do is tell the boss you truly want and need "time off" and you will not be responding to emails. If you really are the ONLY one who can handle emergencies, then I believe you need to continue to do that. So tell them you won't have email access but IF there is an emergency...something that really can't wait until you get back...they need to CALL you and you will handle it. Otherwise, I wouldn't get emails any longer. Everyone deserves a break and I would ask them to respect that. Good luck.

If you don't want to cut the boss off cold turkey, then tell him that you will not be able to answer emails in real time, and make sure your phone and email forward to autoresponses that say you are on vacation. If your company is one deep on your job and there is NO ONE else, then that is their trouble. It seems to me that they need some sort of contingency plan. If I dropped dead, at least the Project Manager or QA guy would be able to limp along til my replacement was hired. Might be time to teach them a contingency if you are eaten by bears. IMO, if it is YOUR cell phone, then you don't have to have work emails on it. Instead, they should provide a cell phone for work and you can leave that back in the hotel til you get around to it if you feel you must take it along. My DH has a Blackberry (yeah, I know) for work and when he's off the clock, he doesn't touch it. He had a long talk with his boss about being dragged back into work stuff on his off days and realizing she was burning out a good employee, she reminded him he only needed it on in case of emergency (like a system went down), not necessarily any old email thing that could wait or be redirected.

Like with life in general, you teach people how to treat you and if you've taught them that your time is not valuable, no time (ha) like the present to remind them it is. You earned your time off. If you end up working, they should pay you back for that time, at a minimum. My DH is taking a staycation end of the summer because of all the weekends he had to work earlier in the year. They WILL give him his time off.

Look, as much as you or anyone likes to think they are indispensable - you're not.
We're all cogs in a huge impersonal machine and they swap us out with nary a by-your-leave.
When I wonder exactly how much loyalty any company deserves from me - I think about how much loyalty they have shown me.
The company NEEDS to appreciate you - it doesn't sound like they do very much.
If you want a real completely away from the office vacation - tell them.
See how they react.
It might be alright - or you might need to find another job.

Lay out a list of pros & cons about this job situation.

Assess from there if you should ask for what you deserve from them - a laptop, work phone, raise, etc. or if you need to find a different job.

Create a "procedures manual" for whoever will take over to minimize training stress if you do decide to go.

It's not your job to be working on vacation. If they are too cheap to treat you right, this isn't a good situation.

If you died tomorrow, they'd just replace you. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. Disconnect and enjoy your vacation. They can live without you. If you don't set boundaries, they never will!

I'm answering after reading your SWH. I'm sad to see that despite the advice you've received that you're going right back to the way is presently.

We all need to unplug from time to time, whether it's work related or not. Vacation is generally a good time to do that. I get that you're senior staff and take on a lot, and you sound like you're probably very good at your job. But, there is such thing as being TOO dedicated. I really encourage you to try to unplug during your vacation, from work, checking Facebook, email, calls, whatever..you're too attached and you need to give yourself a break.

Your firm needs to understand the risk of having no backup for your job function. Even if the solution is a temp firm, it's their responsibility to make sure that someone can cover for you when you take time off. They haven't addressed this because it's just easier to make you feel like you need to be responsible for this. It's really short-sighted of them and frankly I'm surprised that in an industry as risk-averse as law that they haven't solved this problem in 8 years. I would push them to commit to a timeframe to either train someone on staff to cover your critical functions or to contract with a temp agency that can provide a contractor to cover those functions. It may mean that when you go on vacation they need to pay for an extra week of temp coverage so that the person will know what she or he needs to know to for that week but that's the price they'll have to pay for not planning for any contingency within the existing full time staff.

I would also say that if they want you to receive e-mail and calls, they need to provide and pay for a separate phone. When you are on vacation, you can agree to perhaps check messages once a day at most at first but really they should get to a place where you don't even need to do that.

I've been in your shoes and it sucks...I used to be in a position where I had almost no backup at all, and then 5 of the 7 people on my team were laid off and the other guy who was kept had zero overlap with my function. My boss was one of the people let go and my new boss was like "this is crazy, this is a huge risk to the business, we need to hire someone immediately who you can train to cover for you." My first vacation was less than a month after my new hire joined so I did have to work through a lot of that but after that, I was able to actually go on real vacations and not have to be connected to the office at all. That's how vacation should be - you're not an attorney, you're not a partner in the firm, you're an employee and your time off should be your time off. Don't let them continue to take advantage of you. The conversation will be uncomfortable but if no one else can do your job, you're presenting your case from a place of pretty good job security so go ahead and have that conversation and push for a commitment to remedy this situation, which puts the business at risk as much as it ruins your vacations.

I read your SWH, and I'm kind of bummed that you feel this way after everything else you wrote. You're going to walk right back into this.

I did like you for many years. I came back early from DISNEY WORLD because my boss had to be out of town. I still can't believe I did that. I didn't realize just how little I ever relaxed while I was on vacation until I wasn't working anymore.

Honestly, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have been on my computer all the time. I wouldn't have called my boss all the time either. I needed rest and I deserved it.

I hope that you will write a list of your "value added" accomplishments and contributions and present it to your boss at your annual review, along with evidence of what the industry average pay for your position is. It's about time that you think hard about this, really.

What would they do if you died?
I know this sounds like a morbid question but really think about it. Who would do your job if you could not be there?
I think you need to sit down with your boss and ask those questions. There has to be a back-up person to cover you in case of illness, death or vacation.
I would also talk with your state labor board. Since this is YOUR cell phone I believe you have the right to decide what is and is not on YOUR phone.

I think it all depends on how much you want this job. If you would be very upset to lose it, then you have to suck it up. If you don't really care if you lose it because you can find another job that pays better or the same, then start making your own terms. I work on vacations and am always available but it's usually not too onerous and I am one of the few overpaid people out there. So I feel very compensated for it and know there's no way I could find a similar position where I live. It's a conscious choice. Just make a conscious choice yourself. Know the risks and then as long as you can live with the consequences, it's your call. It all comes down to supply and demand. You and similar professionals are the supply. Your particular job set-up is demand. Which is bigger?...

This is how I seem to answer many questions like this: when you are old and nearing the end of life are you going to say to yourself, "I'm so glad I worked my a$$ off 10+ hours a day and nights and weekends for half the normal salary!" or are you going to say, "I wish I would have unplugged a little more from the work life and been more present with family at night and on weekends and vacations."

If your job is your passion and brings joy, great. If not, it might be time to restructure what you can.

You make, at best, only 2/3 of the industry standard for your job, by your own accounting.

So do you stay with it because it is structured (at this particular firm) so you can do it at home? Is that what keeps you on their payroll at a substantially reduced rate compared to what you'd be paid at other firms--firms that might not let you work from home?

I ask because I can't see why you'd work for so much less money unless it's because you prefer the trade-off of less money for the ability to work from home. But if your specialty is so important that you're the sole person who can do it -- why haven't you said you want more money AND you want to work from home?

Anyway, regarding the vacation versus 24/7 availability question: Your firm is being very short-sighted, frankly, by ensuring you are the one and only person who can handle what you handle. As others note below: What if you died? Or what if you got sick long-term, or had a child or spouse who needed your care so you had to take family and medical leave etc., etc.? If you want to appear great to the bosses, talk to them about this and create a manual for someone to do your job when you're on vacation.

If you do not want to be contacted on vacation, you need to tell your boss that. But be prepared for blowback or even threats that you're actually not irreplaceable after all. Your bosses have gotten used to being able to contact you; they have gotten used to your being OK with that (or at least with your staying silent about not being OK with it); they have already been nagging you to get your new phone set up to get your work e-mails. See all that for the writing on the wall that it really is: Your job, in your bosses' eyes, requires 24/7 contact and response from you, even on vacation time, and if you buck that you may have to pay a price that could include losing your job. The employer may look on your availability as part of your fundamental function at the firm and as something you must accept if you want the privilege of working from home. You need to clarify that with your boss and with whoever sets up the work at home arrangements (human resources?).

They might even try to reel you in and say you have to work in the office, if you fight the idea of being available on vacation time. Is that right or fair or nice of them? No. Do they have the ability to do that to you? Yes, if your work at home arrangement is informal and not a formally contracted one.

If your speciality is this important, can you find another job? Or do you know that your field usually requires people like you to work in the office, so you want to hang onto this job?

Do you have anyone at work who can give you a confidential "read" on how the bosses feel about your work at home arrangement, and, frankly, how peeved they are that you're balking at being reachable on vacation? Because you don't work in their office day to day, you may not be aware of office politics or the fact that maybe other workers are not thrilled that you can work from home (some folks might want to do so but can't). .

Don't disappear on vacation and then blame IT by saying "Oh, you couldn't reach me because IT couldn't get the phone hooked up for work stuff before I left." The bosses will likely see that as throwing IT under the bus. They know that YOU know they want you to be reachable on this vacation. Since that's a problem for you, and it never was before (that they knew), you need to be up front about it before you go.

Just tell your boss you don't want the emails on your phone any more. You have a right to that. Then you need to decide where you are going to receive them, and work that out with your boss.

You certainly have a right to go on vacation and not take work emails. That's why they call it a "vacation."

I think the precedent was set on this 8 years ago, unfortunately. There may be a misperception, as there is with pretty much any of us who work at home, that we're just sitting around watching TV or throwing in a few loads of laundry. We don't have commuting time/expense and we don't need a work wardrobe. Therefore, the argument follows, why should we complain about some emails? Do you think this is why you make 1/2 to 2/3 of what other people do in comparable positions?

You say that you brought up to your boss 2 years ago the unfairness of your vacation situation - but it's not clear what, if anything, was decided, except that you wouldn't haul a laptop with you. And is the small stipend supposed to cover your monthly phone bill as well as the general home office expenses?

I think you have to negotiate something - I'd start with an out-of-office reply with a designated message that says when you'll be back to work and giving the number or email of the person who is designated, by you and your boss, to handle matters in your absence. I'd forward the emails to that person automatically if you can, unless that means that all your personal emails will go to that person as well - do you have 2 email addresses, I hope? Then that person can determine if, indeed, you need to be called on any emergency matters, and if so, those should be combined into one call every other day at a set time. Let them manage! Meantime, you need to resist the urge to check your phone all day long. I don't think you can refuse to have your phone set up with IT, but I do think you should be negotiating a raise or a higher stipend, and some sort of agreement that you are entitled to vacation! Did you track the number of hours you spent on work during your last 2 or 3 vacations? What does your boss do when he is on vacation? Who handles his work related issues?

I do think you can quietly arrange to be "out of cell service range" for large chunks of time during your vacation even if it means turning off your phone's ringer. Yes, you'll miss personal calls, but so what? Isn't this supposed to be a vacation from everything? Your auto-reply can say that you will have "limited access to internet" during your vacation and so they should direct their inquiries to So-and-so.

And I agree that every single company must have back-up and redundancy - it's irresponsible of your firm to not have this in place. And it's ridiculous for them to have an employee for 8 years who has never had a vacation to restore and decompress. So you are working 52 weeks a year for 8 years? Does that seem unfair to you as well as your boss?

I think you either have to find a backbone, or start looking for another job - which might well mean giving up your convenient in-home office. But this situation is really unfair.

I agree with Luna....

Where you write this part in your SWH " In the morning, the first thing I have done 7 days a week for 8 years is go through all my work emails that came in during the night before I even got out of bed."

I'm going to be honest here ... you sound very much like the moms who write in who are frustrated because their husbands aren't doing enough around the house, yet they pick up their dirty socks, wash their dishes, and don't say no to it.

No disrespect intended. Sounds like you are so dedicated to your job and that's super admirable. But if you are Type A and can't disengage, then honestly you are probably super stressed. A vacation without any work distractions would be so good for you. But only if it wouldn't stress you out.

My sister on vacation has to organize it all to relax. She can't just let go, unless every single thing is planned out. I find it insanely over the top - but only then can she say "Ah now I can have a beer" and relax. So if you would be more relaxed checking your emails - that's only something you can decide.

But I do agree, I think that you don't need to be quite as involved as you think. People will pick up the slack if you aren't there and they will function. I know that's hard to believe, but my husband runs an organization and kind of micro-manages, and I make him leave his work behind. And surprisingly, to him, they can manage!

Good luck and enjoy your vacation :) You deserve it!

And this is exactly why I DON'T have a cell phone and, as far as my boss knows, no computer access at home either. I also work in a law office and I KNOW they will take advantage if you let them. And you are letting them. You need to sit down with your boss and tell him that you will NOT be checking e-mails or anything else while on vacation. I don't know what type of law you work in or what your specialized position is, but I am fairly certain that someone can be trained to fill in for you when you're away. You put your best foot forward for your job; now it's time to do the same for your family. They deserve this time with you.

I would suggest that while you have your work emails on your phone, you shut notifications off until work hours on work days. If it's Saturday morning, you don't check it. If it's Sunday morning, you don't check it. Since notifications are off, you won't hear it either. If it's a true emergency and they need your guidance ASAP then they can (gasp) CALL you.

As for vacation, while you should be able to have undisturbed vacation time...if no one else can handle an emergency in your department while you are out then maybe you check it Monday morning in case something came in over the weekend and again Thursday night/Friday morning to handle anything before the weekend. And by handle it I mean delegate to someone else. Before you vacation talk to your boss and see if he will handle things or if he'd prefer you to have assistance from the other support staff.

It's pretty shortsighted of this law firm to have just one person who can do a vital job and to not grant that person actual vacation time and respect their personal life.

Perhaps you've been so accommodating and so efficient and so gracious and so available that you've created a situation where they have just come to expect that.

Perhaps they think that because you work from home, it's not really "work" and you have plenty of time to relax, since you're on the couch in your pajamas watching soap operas and snacking (I know you're not, but some people truly have that misguided perception). So they may be thinking, what do you need a vacation from?

So maybe you need to INFORM them that you will be taking an actual vacation. Maybe you need to subtly remind them that for 8 years you have mastered your job, and that you're critical to the daily operations, and that from this date to this date you will not be available.

And then hurry up and start your vacation before IT sets up your phone! Let them stew a little and appreciate what you do. And stand up for yourself and tell them that you will maintain regular hours from now on.

Of course, if you're going to do those things, you might need a back-up plan. If this job is truly helpful to you and fulfilling, then it just might be that aside from this one vacation, it's the way it's going to be. Sometimes the perfect job has a few thorns in it, but it's worth putting up with when compared to the alternatives.

I did this once, with a former boss who was a very demanding and mean guy. He wanted me to come in on a day when I called in sick. I had not called in sick before, and I was truly sick. He told me to get in there with a bucket, in my pajamas. I had to tell him no. He had to see what it was like without me there. When I got back a couple days later he was more appreciative (still a jerk, but a little less so).

I prefer to have everything go through my phone because I hate surprises when I come back to work. Really we are going to Brussels at the end of the month and I am taking my laptop with me as well. I don't really know what you do but at least in my line of work something can get really messed up if someone tries to fix it when I am not around and then I have a huge mess instead of a small mess I could have cleared in a few minutes.

I personally cannot understand how you can relax on vacation with that hanging over your head. Like sure, you don't get the emails, you don't get calls, at no point do you start wondering what is going on and imagining, then stressing?

I do not make industry standard but I take less pay so I can work remotely, so I can work from home, so I can have flex hours. I appreciate that, ya know. I know they can't replace me at this price point but that doesn't mean I can take my job less seriously, make demands, which is what this sounds like but then I am stressed trying to get every little thing tied down before I go on vacation so maybe I am projecting.

I also want to add, I could make more, I won't lose this job. My 401k is vested, I make enough and I have 6 weeks paid time off. I don't feel like starting from scratch. You say nothing negative about your actual employer. Sure you say you don't get paid as much as you perhaps could get but you don't know that for sure and I am sure you have acquired benefits as well. So I get the whole you can't be replaced at your price point but are you really sure you could so easily replace your employer?

My husband had work people calling him all the time on his personal cell phone.We paid. He answered day and night. It was a huge disruption. Finally when we were sitting in the funeral of my brother in law's brother....the phone went off and my husband tried to go answer it. I threw a silent fit.And sign languaged, loudly whispered that: We were at a funeral for crying out loud. And then later through no fault of his own,although he still works at the same company, they demoted him, or did away with his position, but kept most responsibilities and lowered his pay a bit. No one is guaranteed a forever job,even if you think you are people have always been replaced when need be. You need to get a vacation and enjoy your family. Be firm, and tell them what you think without a 'gee is this ok?' You are entitled to a vacation.

On one hand if you train anyone else to do your job you create a situation where someone that's in the office will be handy to do your job for you and then you'll not be needed at some point. On the other hand you deserve to have work free time.

Tell your boss you're going to a location that cell service and internet is pretty much a no go. That you'd love to show someone else what to do in the event of an emergency.

The fact is that we are all expendable. That expedability might happen unexpectedly too then what would happen to your bosses company, seriously, if no one can access your work material and if no one knows how to do your job then they are basically shut down and out of business until they can hire someone to come in and get in your programs and access it then train someone to do it for them.

I suggest you pick the brightest person you can find and show them how to do your job, so that if something happens to you they are fully trained and so that YOU can go on vacations once in a while.

No one can force you to take an unplugged vacation. Only you can do that for yourself.

When you go away, set up your emails to forward to someone else. It's easy to do.

And go on a cruise and don't get the Wifi package! It will change your world.

Oh, and time to demand a raise! Don't wait.

I'm so sorry, I know how hard it is to be chained to your job and it stinks. We do it to ourselves, but I think it's because of dedication and desire to kick butt at what we do.

I think you need to have your personal cell phone be personal. If they want you to have a work cell phone, fine, but it should be for EMERGENCIES only. And I can't imagine there are daily emergencies.

Ultimately, if you quit today with no notice, the job would still get done. They don't realize what they have in you, and you aren't telling them.

Stop bringing your laptop on vacation...type A or not, stop checking your work email on days you aren't working and outside of work hours. Just stop.

I worked from home for 9 months and it was miserable. Yes, I got to sit on my comfy furniture, listen to what I wanted to on TV or the radio, not deal with the annoyances of an office, stay in my comfy clothes, etc, but I was also chained to my job. My husband does it now and he is much better about disconnecting than I was.

I'm sorry this has happened. It doesn't sound like you hate your job or want to leave, it sounds like you want the constant connection to go away. Make that happen. Be firm in your convictions when you speak with your boss. Don't let them take advantage of you.

You need to go on a vacation that is unplugged. If you had a major surgery, would you still try to work from your ICU bed? No, I don't think so. The only person who is burning out is you none of the others in the office are.

Weekends are weekends and you learn to unplug from the phone. Go for walks out in the woods and enjoy the peace and quiet and listen to the wind in the trees. You need to learn how to balance work and life.

Present to your boss a plan for an assistant to help you in the office. Include in the plan how the assistant will assist, how your hours will be reduced from the 10+ to say 8 and tackle a pay increase. If this does not work, go to law school and get your license.

Life is too short to be doing all this and getting no reward. Your family is suffering from neglect - they might say anything but they feel left behind and it is not a nice feeling. You must remember you reap what you sow. So in your later years in life this will come back to bite you in the butt.

Please take this vacation to figure out what you want in the future in your life and work from there. I sure hope that when you get back you do not slip back into the "old ways" of how things were/have been done.

the other S.

tell your boss what you want. and know your rights as a worker and if what they are doing is even legal. if they are unwilling to give you someone trained to do your job so you can have some vacation time without work ringing in on your phone then find a better workplace that will allow you to do your job and have your vacation time seperate.
(my dh was oncall 24-7 and would get "emergency" calls while on vacation... it was stressful for him too. and i hated it. but now he has a better job and when he is on vacation he is allowed to leave his workphone home and enjoy time away from work and do stuff with his family)
i would consider a different job or telling your boss how it should be. one pnone for work and one for personal use. they pay for the work one and can send whatever e-mails they want to it (and you can leave it home when you are vacationing)