What Would You Do? MIL Problem

Nothing pisses off a busy-body faster then acting like her comments don't exist. Killer her with silence about it!! Ignore it.

I'd let it go and continue to parent however I saw fit. Her opinion or anyone else's for that matter only have any power if I let it. I choose to not let it effect what I do.

Do the same thing, you are always going to meet someone who knows better then you. Are you going to fight them at every corner? Probably not, so don't start now.

Give him the words. "Mom, this is between myself and my wife and not up for discussion with you." Repeat as necessary.

Hi A., actually I kind of like your husband's approach to his nosey annoying mother. Ignore her.

He's on your side, he really is. It's not like he's going around telling you "Uh, my mother said we should do it THIS way instead", right?

Maybe since he's been dealing with her for so long he knows the best thing to do is just ignore her.

You are correct, they ARE your kids, so brush it off.

If she DIRECTLY tells YOU you need to do something differently, than just say something like "actually, THIS is the thing that works for us" and change the subject.

Sorry, that IS annoying. Bleck.

:)

Calm down!

There is a technique called "fogging" that works very well for people like your MIL. When confronted just happily agree with her, but do what you want and ignore the advice.

Example:
MIL: Your baby needs to be in her own bed.
You: Yes, she probably should be.

The trick is not to let her ruffle your feathers. You are in control of the decision and you can't change her mind. So what you want to do is create a technique that will get her off your back at the moment. After awhile, if anyone is frustrated it will be her! In the meantime no harsh words and a nice relationship.

by the way...... in the case of that text. JUST IGNORE IT. When she asks your husband if he got it he can respond honestly. "Yes. Both my wife and I saw it." If she comes back with a directive/criticism..... let the fogging begin.

well, yes, she's very nosy and intrusive.
however, she didn't make the comment to you.
until she does, let your dh handle it. no need to start a war.
khairete
S.

Let it go already.... People will make comments welcomed and unwelcomed, we , as moms, have to know when to let things go.

Take care of your children the way you and your hubby see fit and and ignore comments. Don't engage MIL with this trivial info.

Okay, here goes. So far, this communication is none of your business. She has a right to say this to her son. Let him handle it. There is nothing for you to do or say, as long it's not in your face or affecting your home. If you and your husband are on the same page and feel good about your decision...nothing for you to do but move forward. What good would it really do to confront her? You think you're gonna change her mind? You think she's gonna stop expressing her beliefs to her son. Leave it between them.

I don't think the MIL is doing anything terribly wrong, she stated an opinion, but she didn't do it in a hateful or judgmental way. Co-sleeping works for lots of families. However, at 3, there is a point in her having her own bed as well according to several child psychologists. I would simply let it go and not worry about what she said. Also, in her time, co-sleeping was considered more dangerous, and even now co-sleeping should be practiced with care. There are many benefits with co-sleeping, and there are also many benefits with older toddlers learning to self-sooth and learn to sleep on their own, as well as for couples to have their beds back. Just appreciate the fact that she is thinking of your child's safety from her own point of reference. Now, if she is constantly harassing you about things, than you can calmly tell her that you make choices that are healthy for your children and that you appreciate her concern, will take what she says into consideration and then will do what is best for your family. Who knows, she may have good advice every once in a while.

Many experts out there see nothing wrong with sharing a bed with their [non-infant] children, as long as couples carve out intimate time for themselves. "If both parents agree on the arrangement and everyone gets enough sleep, cosleeping is absolutely fine," says Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., a psychologist and vice chair of the board of directors for the National Sleep Foundation. "It's a choice that families make."

Read more: Is It Ok to Co-Sleep with Your Kids - Redbook

They are your children but they are also her grandchildren. She is entitled to her opinion and has every right to share it with her son. You do not have to listen to her, you can make your own way, you are after all the parents of the children.

The thing is saying something to her, why? What would you hope to accomplish by that? Do you want her to know you think you know better? Do you want to put her down? What do you hope will be the outcome of telling her off for having a different opinion on what is right or wrong for children? That is all she did, expressed her opinion.

Everyone has mother in laws and mothers like this. Pretty sure you will be the same way with your kids when they plop their children in their own cribs from day one. Are you going to keep your mouth shut when you don't feel they are properly bonding with their kids, your grandchildren? Are you just going to smile when they do everything different from what you feel is sooooo important right now?

Everything in life is about perspective.

i agree with riley but on a side note i think he married someone like his mom...nosey=) (i am too so its the pot calling the kettle black) but I;ve never once accidentally tried to turn off the phone, turned it on and then accidentally read the message..that's a lot of oop's=)

I may be in the minority here but imho it is wrong for your MIL to text that stuff to your husband.

How would husband like it if you and your dad constantly emailed and texted privately about how your husband should be making more money, working harder, etc.?

You guys are cleaved together, and one unit. Anything that is said to one should be able to be said to the other (other than silly things like surprise parties). His parents (and yours too) need to respect that boundary. If they truly have a concern about how you are raising your children it should be lovingly expressed to both of you (not passively-aggressively b****** about).

The above comments notwithstanding, this is a problem that your husband should handle. I don't think you should get in the middle of it. And however he decides to handle it, let it go. Let him know that you trust him just as he can trust you.

When my sons get married (God willing) I really hope I will follow my own advice because I truly do think marriages work better that way.

JMO and good luck.

PS: I would NOT argue the merits of co-sleeping, or any other decision, with her unless you truly want her opinion.

She's not going to start thinking her parenting is WRONG.... Anymore than you would

So take that as a base.

Many people CANNOT see that 'best' is not singular. That there are multiple 'bests'. Therefore, if you're doing something differently than she is, ONE of you must be 'wrong'.

In order for that not to be her, she's coming up with 'reasons' why YOUR best must actually be wrong. (It's unhealthy, blah blah blah).

You could do the same/try to convince her she's (and by that extension her parenting) wrong... But 'a man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still'.

And mamas fight like tigers for their kids.

You will NOT convince her she was a bad mother. Which is how SingularBest people take different parenting styles.

So PERSONSLLY (my mum being a singular best type person), I just love on her for loving my son so much she wants what is 'best' for him and summarily ignore her UNTIL she crosses a boundary (tells my son xyz undermining my parenting... Happened twice, and I cut off all contact for a few weeks, big, since she saw us several times a week) until she could respect those boundaries.

WHAT finally convinced her that my way wasn't wrong?

Time. AND griping to her friends.

Time, in that she got to see good results.
Friends, both in blowing off steam AND inevitably finding others who did things the same way I did and THEIR results as well.

She still believes her way is best. But instead of the doom and destruction she associated with my way... She now rather proudly shows off her grandson, even with his SECOND best upbringing. ;) LOL

My MIL used to be like that. I would respond with "Oh, that's a good idea!" or "We'll have to consider that!", then simply continue doing things exactly like *I* wanted to. Nothing she said ever bothered me because I knew what was best for MY kids. So no amount of judgment from her affected me. I'm very secure in my parenting skills and my kids have (so far) turned out pretty great in my opinion, of course ;) . She's not like that anymore - I think at some point she realized that I was going to do what I was going to do regardless of what she said. But she DID try to micromanage during my kids' earlier years.

I think you did the right thing by posting here first instead of shooting off a really mad email to her. I did the email blast once when I was pissed at my MIL (over a religious issue we disagree on) and I later regretted it. I still believe and stand by what I said to her, but I would've come at it a little more rationally if I had calmed down first. Things are fine with us now though, since we did talk it through. So my advice to you is - type everything you'd like to say (or yell) to her in a word document and save it on your computer. Leave it for a few days. Come back to it and see if it's too harsh. You may or may not end up sending it. Sometimes email isn't the best way to communicate something so big. Sometimes it is. But definitely get all of your feelings out to someone else before you say anything to her! Good luck. I know what you're going through.

If it isn't a big deal for you then don't make it one. She is entitled to her own opinion, but you don't have to respond.

My FIL once asked why I was breastfeeding. He was talking to my husband and said "All you kids had formula and were just fine." We both just smiled. Hubby then said "But booby milk is free!" That was a couple of years ago, and FIL has never said another word about it.

My mother told me recently to make sure my daughter's juice was watered down. lol Cracked me up! :) Instead of telling her I already knew that, I just said thanks for the tip.

Parents are always crazy with unwanted advice. When my girls get pregnant I'm going to be all over them with motherly advice. :)

First - deep breath. Second, just ignore her! Don't engage. Don't enter into discussions. Either agree with her and then do what you want, or just wander away when she gives unsolicited advice.

You gain absolutely nothing by telling her to keep her opinions to herself. Yes, you'll feel good for about ten minutes. But telling MILs to shut up never pays off. (and yes - most people have MILs like yours!)

I would just delete the message and live my life as if it never happened. If she asks if he got it, he can tell her, "Yes, I got the message." If she keeps pushing, he can tell her, "Mom, your opinion has been duly noted. Now, how about those (insert sports team here)?"

The text was intended for your husband. Your mother-in-law stated an opinion to him and he obviously didn't race to do exactly as his mother said.
I'm glad you saw the text, but I would let it go completely until or unless she says something directly to you.

If your husband doesn't want to start a huge fight over his mom's unsolicited opinion, why would you? If you hadn't seen the text, you wouldn't be upset. Perhaps your own mom has opinions that you don't necessarily share with your husband because the opinion goes in one ear and out the other and it's not worth starting a family feud over.

I understand the desire to be protective of your family and the way you do things, but in this instance, it's not like she confronted you. She expressed an opinion to her son. It doesn't sound like he took it too seriously.

What's the saying? Opinions are like a$$holes. Everybody has one.

People have all kinds of differing views about raising children. Some topics are more sensitive than others. If you believe in what you're doing, then you don't need to waste your energy justifying it to anyone.

In this case, I would leave it alone. Older generations did things differently. You're never going to change that. Even if she directly confronts you, you can still say, "I hear what you're saying, but we're doing what we think is best for our own family. It might not be what you would do, but we aren't you and this is working for us."

No venom. Nothing accusatory. It leaves little room for a come-back.

Hang in there.

I think it's good that you told your husband you saw the text. That was a good first step. Second step is to yes, calm down. I know it seems like a bigger deal because you are in the moment of the situation. But, let your husband deal with her as he will. He probably hasn't said anything back to her because he is trying to think of WHAT to say to her. I too, have a MIL that says crazy things at time, but I just let the husband deal with it, unless she says it to ME or my face then I will address it accordingly.

So, if you two are happy with your sleeping situation, and all that, then ignore her. It's none of her business, but it wont stop her from saying things. Just ask and let your husband take care of it.

I agree with what you say here, but why on earth does she know this anyway? That is your business. She has too much information, unless you all live in the same home. I learned (pretty much the hard way) that things that are controversial like this are best kept to ourselves. My son slept with us for a long time and my sister convinced me how horrid it was, now what I wouldn't give for a comfy moment with one of my babies and hubby again. So, tell her to butt out if you must but remember you and your husband shouldn't be sharing all this information anyway, as I am sure you know people always stick their noses in. Or you can just go 'yes mother...
and ignore her. It AINT NONE HER BEEZness

Don't worry about it. Parents think that it's their right to give their children unsolicited advice. My mom does it all the time. But nothing that she says when she's being like that makes me change what I am doing unless I want to. She feels its her right. And it's my right to ignore her! Which I do regularly!!!!!!!!!! :)

You can be pissed off about it, but then you lose your "I'm a rational adult grown-up" cred, and then your MIL will likely feel that your decision to continue cosleeping is due to your emotions, not logic. ---Because you will be acting in a purely emotional manner.

I heard this sort of criticism too. Boy, did I. Criticism and some covert, sideways remarks from people I loved, who felt we were on the wrong track. We coslept with Kiddo for the first three years and heard a bit from my in-laws on 'coddling'. (My folks were smart enough to steer clear on this one.) When the comments came, I'd just smile and say "Well, I'll keep that (whatever the concern was) in mind. This is working for us for now, and you can be sure he'll be in his own bed when it doesn't work any more."

And there were challenges regarding that transition, too--I won't lie--, but I don't think they were any more profound than many of the challenges of families who sleep separately. Sleep issues will always be present. Different,but very usually often, present. As a nanny, I saw plenty of this.

A., a lot of this is going to rely on how confident YOU are in your choice to cosleep. So, MIL has some concerns and, really, I think it's kind of immature to text what she did, but...***Whatever***, right? Husbands and wives respond differently to this sort of thing, too. While women can be more social creatures and want to address the conflict, I know from my husband that sometimes his silence in response to insults can really mean "I'm not even discussing it with you and you can blow it out your you-know-what. I really don't care." He simply doesn't give it any of his thought and energy.

If you and your husband are unified on extended cosleeping, then she should be a non-issue. Keep in mind that she did raise her son well enough that he's polite and doesn't fly off the handle, so she may perceive that she's done a good job on her kid and what you are doing is a bit off the map for her. I know it was for *my* in-laws, too. (They since recanted a bit when our son visited them with my husband last year and was pretty much a little angel the whole time.)

Decide where you want to put your energy and thoughts. From my perspective, the optimal response is to politely acknowledge the concern when it is directed straight to you (don't get into "I saw a text from you...."), and then do what you confidently know you should be doing. Eventually, she'll either get the message or she won't. That said, and I speak from experience, know that when you are doing something that's outside socially recognized 'norms', the people who are going to have a problem with *something* will choose to be upset by it. I've learned to be very, very careful with what I discuss in regard to child-rearing if it's not something that's a widely-accepted practice. I am confident enough in my choice that I don't need the validation of others and don't need to convert anyone to my side or way of thinking. Nearly everyone will have this sort of conflict with their own family, in-laws or siblings, with one party expressing concern over what another person is doing with Baby. It's nearly inevitable. Go forward without a lot of discussion and do what you think is best for your child.

Honest, honest response: get over it. :) & I'm saying this with a smile.

You read a communication which was not meant for your eyes....& it follows the same pattern as the old wives' tale about "eavesdroppers hearing no good of themselves". It was something between mother & son, & not meant for you.

& while you find this distasteful......haven't you & your family shared thoughts about your ILs? Ones which your husband's never seen/heard? :)

Furthermore, this is not just your MIL, this is just not your family.

For many families, this is an universal issue...not only with ILs....but also with generations.

Don't use this as a/allow it to become a wedge between you. Find a way to see the humor in it, find a way to smile & move on.

& for a fully-honest response: I partially agree with your MIL. Your daughter needs her own bed. I do not consider this unhealthy, but more of a privacy issue between mom/dad. Do you really want her watching you have sex? Just saying, she's 3 & will start asking questions. ....this is my opinion & does not have to be yours!

Ugh. Yeah, I have a MIL like that. I would let it go. It was meant for your husband and he needs to handle it, even if that means he's going to ignore it. I would be pissed too and it would take a while for me to let it go, for sure, but that's what I suggest. Now, if she says something to you directly, then yes, tell her how you feel in the nicest way possible. You aren't going to change her mind, but that's okay, cuz she's not going to change yours either.

Oh and my MIL had an "intervention" with me one afternoon because I didn't put gates up on our steps. It was ridiculous. I told her how I felt about it, let her say her piece and when she asked if I was going to do it I responded with no, but thanks for your opinions. Goodbye...and shooed her out the door! ;)

She is probably about the same age as I am. At the time when my kids were little parents were discouraged from co-sleeping. The 2 main reasons are one parent could roll over on top of the child and smother them in their sleep and the limitations to being sexual with each other.

We were encouraged to set up a nursery and baby had his/her own room.

Instead of being hurt and angry sit down and talk with her about this. Be non-confrontable and stay calm and ask her why she is so concerned about this.

Try to ignore it. I didn't co-sleep with my kids when they were younger, but once they got their own big kid beds, they end up back in our room, or us in theirs more nights than not.

I agree to ignore her comment and let your husband handle it.

Or to say," I will take that into consideration.. "

Or to say, "yes, they used to say a lot of things about how to raise children, we are doing what is best for our family. "

No, my MIL isnt like this. She pretty much is the other way around, which is good I guess.
In my experience with things like this, its best to let it go. There is no need to start a war with family members.
You clearly do not need help raising your kid, you are doing what is best for you, so who cares what anyone else thinks?
If she ever mentions anything to you about raising yours kids, just nod and move on.
For some reason, mothers or MILs feel like its ok to tell you how to raise a kid, because they have raised kids and think they know it all, plus these are THEIR grandkids, so they think that gives them even more of a right.
If I went off on my inlaws everytime they pissed me off, my kids would not even know them.
Brush it off. Shes lame.

We co-slept with both our kids, and my MIL hated it! She kept saying, "When are you finally going to let him cry it out?" Um, never! She'd chuckle and tell us that we would regret letting them sleep in our bed. I'll admit, there were some nights when I did want to kick them out, but I don't regret it at all.

My husband just shrugs her off. He says she can think what she wants, but we are the parents and these are our decisions. We're happy, so who cares what she thinks.

He's actually quite serious about that. He loves his mom, but he does not give in to her opinions at all. Maybe that's why she tells us what she thinks over and over and over again!

Over the years we have become very careful about what we choose to tell her. I'll admit, I'm not used to having to do this (my parents do not give unsolicited advise, ever ... to a fault, actually), and I've let things slip before and thought, dangit! But overall, we simply don't tell her things that we don't think she's going to agree with. She simply doesn't need to know.

Good luck! I feel for you!

Annoying......in-laws and our parents tend to give their 2 cents. I take it with a grain of salt...Who cares what she says?Our parents raised kids differently. And parents of today do things different then eachother.
I didn't co-sleep w/ my first two. My third, that was the ONLY way he'd go to sleep for months. But once he would sleep in his own bed he did. Thats my preference. But most pediatricians are totally against co-sleeping. But IMO, I just wouldn't tell.
My younger two slept in our room until they were over 1. My middle was because we lived in a very tiny house and I wasnt going to stick a baby in my older sons room. And my last was a horrible sleeper so it was just easier for me to have him next to my bed.
No matter what you do, someones going to tell you it should be done differently. If it works for you and your family and your child is not being harmed, who cares?Im sure your MIL's reasons for thinking she needs her own room are harmless. Most of us were raised thinking you need the "independence" and parents should have privacy in the bedroom etc. Just let it roll off your back if she mentions it to you.And its probably better for your hubby to address it since she sent the message to him.

I love my MIL, but I parent differently than her. In many instances she thinks I'm crazy, but I'm okay with it. If she questions one of my decisions, sometimes I'll explain to her why I made the decision or I'll brush it off. Very often she just doesn't know the facts.

If she is persistent on an issue, like co-sleeping, press her to back up her opinion. If she says, "Co-sleeping is unhealthy", ask her, "How so?" And keep pressing her for solid evidence. At minimum, you may learn something (maybe she's an undercover expert) and at most, you and her will realize she has no clue what she's talking about.

Well, it sounds like to me that your MIL knows your business too much. Unless she is spending the night with you guys all the time, the only way she is going to know this stuff is if you tell her.

Knowledge is power. Stop giving her the power. It's really that simple.

Dawn

The issue is really not her cosleeping, its MIL respecting your parenting decisions. Really your husband needs to deal with this as it is his mom, that doesnt mean he will though. He needs to explain to her that he understands she is concerned for her grandchild, its not her place to decide how that child is raised. If you ever are to trust her alone with your daughter, you need to feel comfortable that she will respect your parenting decisions whether she agrees with them or not.

Whenever someone says something so stupid to me, like the text you got, I have found the best thing to do.is ask then where they read that. Say 'where did you get that information, Id like to read it, as EVERYTHING Ive read says the exact opposite'. Or something similar, or you can explain that they have learned a lot about the best ways to raise a child in the last 30 years, like placing babies in their backs, when to introduce solids, extended breastfeeding, ect. Explain that you know she was only.doing what she thought was right for her kids, that doesnt mean there havent been advancements in what is now recommended.

The old theory was that babies needed to be made independent, they should CIO and If you 'spoiled' them by picking them up all the time behavior become clingy, codependent adults. Now of course we know that this is complete hogwash and that babies whos needs are.promptly met and who feel secure and loved are actually more independent later and grow up emotionally healthy. Why would letting your daughter sleep with you be unhealthy? Mothers slept with their children for thousands of years. Perhaps you could buy her a book on attachment parenting?? Really whether she agrees with it understands your parenting choices, she really just needs to.understand that they are not her choices to make and its not her place to interfere.

She's overly opinionated. Dismiss it. It's your child and your business. Let your hubby deal with it if he wants. It will only create more trouble. You'll have plenty of other bigger issues to fight with her on. Save your energy for the future.

What did the previous texts consist of? What I mean is, I highly doubt she just sent this message out of the blue. What were your husband and her talking about, and why? This doesn't seem like a text coming from someone who isn't participating in an actual conversation (ie with your husband).

Do your husband and MIL talk fequently about the kids? Does he ask her advice? (You may think you know the answer to these questions, but I highly suggest asking him before you answer. He may surprise you).

If they do converse freely and often about the kids, her advice isn't necessarily unsolicited, perhaps.

And my MIL has often upset me, as most of them will. I have never yelled at her, as she isn't my mother. And even though I was very angry and had every right to be, I never look back and regret not saying something. Your husband should be the one to respond "thanks mom, but we are doing perfectly fine with the way things are".

And come on, you were reading his messages, not accidentally "turning off the phone" =)

It pains me to say this, but let him know you're letting it go. If he agrees with you, that's what matters. If you also insist he sets his mommy straight-it's probably not going to happen and you're going to be hurt again and again. My soon-to-be-ex NEVER stood up to his mom on my behalf. It's ONE of the things (out of many) that ruined our relationship. But if it was the ONLY thing wrong, I would have let it go. You'll have less stress if you just leave it alone as long as he's not trying to get you to comply with her opinions. Once he does that though, definitely hold your ground and be ready to confront her if necessary. I got trampled by mine for years, and when I finally stood up to her once or twice she went back into the woodwork where she belonged and just griped about me behind my back.
In-laws can really stink.

how the heck does she even know that your child sleeps in your bed unless she is still in her son's "bed" with him?? Obviously I know she isn't really IN his bed anymore... but sybolically she must still be if she is up in his business that much that she knows so much about his life that she knows who is sleeping where in his home every night, right? DO what you wnat and what feels right for your family Mama. Don't worry about the in laws. I say let the hubby deal with the intrusive Mother. She is his problem, not yours. :)

It's her opinion, and she's entitled to it. She voiced her concern; hopefully she'll leave it at that. If so, then I would also leave it alone. Like I said, she's entitled to her opinion.

If she doesn't let the sleeping dog lie (pun intended), then just calmly tell her that it is your choice to co-sleep and that there is nothing unhealthy about it.

I am probably close to her age, and I'll tell you that the FIRST thing we think about is how are you having sex? She may be thinking that that's what's unhealthy about it. So, if she does bring it up, I would calmly tell her that it's not unhealthy and in fact is very healthy in terms of close relationships with the child and that you and hubby have discovered new and exciting places to have sex. That may aleviate some of her concerns!

If it was me I would find research (credible sources) that talk about the benefits of extended co-sleeping. Send them in an email with a note saying that you understand it is not right for every family or every child, but that it works for your family and you would appreciate no further comments regarding it, and then email it all to your mil (or better yet, have it all come from your husband so you are not put in the middle). But I am also rather passive aggressive, it may be better for you husband to take the research to her in person.

Well, if she REALLY bothers you both, Hubby could get a new cell phone number and not give it to his Mom.
That way she can text all she wants and who ever gets the number when it's reassigned can deal with it.
If that's too much bother, then just ignore her.
If she presses, tell her when you want her opinion you'll ask for it.

The next time, if she has the guts to actually tell you in person, you just say you are the parents. And that's that.
And you BOTH, Hubby AND you... need to be BOTH telling her the SAME thing. So that she knows she cannot... "divide" you or pit you and Hubby against each other.

You do not have to justify yourselves to her.
If you do so then it will seem like you are lower than her.
And she will pull rank.

YES it is irritating and irksome.
Just tell her, REPEATEDLY, that you/Hubby are the parents.

Just a tip: I have a pushy relative. From when my kids were Toddlers, I taught them the pecking order or Totem Pole of things. That *I* am the Mom, their Aunt is not. And that, I have the last say. I ALSO taught my kids... to think on their own too, and to SPEAK up to the pushy bossy Aunty... so that they can discern things too. ie: If Aunty says "here is some candy... don't tell Mommy...." My kids WILL say "No thanks." or they will say "Can I use your cell phone to call Mommy and ask her first..." and they do. Therefore, their pushy Aunt has realized, that she can't push things on them that they know... is contrary to our family ways of doing things. And now, Aunty is less pushy, with them, and us.
I tell my kids, that me or Daddy is the parents, not Aunty.
So instead of us or my kids being at the whims of their pushy Aunt... THEY can also speak up and know how and are polite about it. And when they tell their Aunt "no..." they mean it. Aunty now realizes that.

You just have to learn to let it roll off of you. It will be hard, this is not the hardest one she will throw at you. Simply either don't reply, or have hubby text back "thanks for the advice, we will take it into consideration." Practice that line over and over. Say it in response to any of these things in the future.

Just ignore her. It's not as if she can force you two to do anything. All your husband should say to her is, "Thank you for your concern, Mom. I heard what you said but A. and I will be making our own decisions on this. So do you and Dad need help with mowing the lawn for the last time this season?"

Lather, rinse, repeat. My husband and I learned this early on in our parenting career when it came to his mom. She knows she's being deflected, but it's much gentler than arguing with her and it preserves our relationship. She gets to spit out her opinion, she knows we heard her, and if we take her advice we do let her know.

Do nothing, Your mother your problem and his mother his problem...to a limit. If she insults you or undermines you to your face then you should have a calm discussion with her. But, she obviously meant to take this up with your husband.
My mother in law has started to undermine my authority in front of me to my son and I have told my husband that he needs to manage this. This is mainly because I would never want my husband to blow up at my father...My father is sometimes tough to be around. So here, I put up with a bit and he can deal with his mom the way he thinks is best.
Of course, if I reach my limit I will speak with her but it has to be very tangible and needs to be done in a good way.
I honestly feel this is something you need your husband to deal with. She has not offended or hurt you directly. But when she does I think then you two can talk about it.

I would be as upset as you (but that's beside the point). My only advice is to keep to your beliefs. Let him deal with the text, however, when she says something next time, tell her calmly, you don't agree, and you and your husband have made a different choice (PERIOD). Then I'd calmly ask her to please respect your choice (even if you don't agree). Best of luck :)

Mine is very much like that. I have learned that if I don't want a fight or her to make a mean joke, I either stand there and don't answer or I walk away. When I walk away I don't storm off I just walk off normal like its nothing. It took me a very long time to figure this out.
You will figure out a way also but it might take a decade to do so but you'll get there.

Most of the time mothers and MILs say things becuase they truly think they are making suggestions that are in the best interests of the child - because they love your child. In our family it was usually my mother that was adding her opinion, not my MIL. And I know that she really truly thought she was making a valuable contribution to the information we "needed" to make good decisions. And, there were many times that my mother would say things that reflected her concern for me and how she thought my husband wasn't doing the thing that was best for me, her child. I had to ask my aunt to intervene and have a chat with my mom since she's one the only people my mom would listen to.

All that being said. your MIL's generation (probably my older sister's age) was raised in a culture with two distinct viewpoints - one was the "normal" family, of babies being in their own bed from birth, etc. The other was that co-sleeping was sort of "Hippy-ish" or "commune-ish". My older sisters were apalled that I'd let my daughter (now 16) sleep in bed with us when she'd wake in the middle of the night. They were also appalled that I let my kids nurse at bedtime when they were 2.

Don't take it personally. It takes years for inlaws to meld into one family. I've been with my husband for more than 20 years and married for 17 and my husband is now my mom's favorite son inlaw (I have two sisters). Only one of my SIL's ranks higher than my husband in my mom's eyes. But back in the day my mom was known to have referred him "that idiot" when she saw him taking down a tree or doing something "the wrong way". There were many times I had to pull her aisde and remind her that he's my husband and the father of my children!!!

My husband, thankfully, has a thick skin and didn't see or hear some of this stuff. And now he kids her that he's her favorite.

You have to use your sense of humor and develope a thick skin - then ignore it. My only question - how does she know your child sleeps with you? Perhaps your husband mentions he's tired becuase of it? Does your husband truly support this or is he ready to get you child her own bed now? Remember that this is a lifestyle that you both have to be 100% in favor of. If his enthusiasm is waning it may be time to give it up. ;o( There's a lot of mixed emotions seeing my kids grow up!

Your DH needs to man up & tell her to back off. This is not your battle. It's not even worth getting upset over. Try to let it go.

I co-sleep and half my family doesn't agree with it. I tell them that they don't have to. It works for our family, we believe it is the best for our kids and they don't have to raise them or do anything but love them---so their opinion, doesn't count. I wouldn't respond. Let your husband deal with it if he chooses. Now if she says something to your face.....Thats another story!!!!!

unfortunatley im the one who has the mother that always has suggestions.. never anything like that.. she would never say anything we were doing was wrong or unhealthy, if she did id be pissed to i dont blame you my mother just tends to suggest things .. like do you think she needs a jacket or a hat,isnt it cold out here im freezing? or if the baby is fussing she'll say i think she needs to eat or maybe she needs this or that.. or if we're going out shell be like o do u have a hat for her,did u bring an extra outfit do u have a burpcloth..it irritates me but i just say ok mom i got it undercontrol im good .. i think you should say something to her but dont make it world war one .. try not to turn it into a giant argument, just let her know it hurt your feelings and thats all shes doing by saying things like that because its not going to change how u parent your kids ..choose your words wisely, but definatley say somthing

I have not read the other responses. I don't have a mother in law like this but my sister is. My mom never says anything so I figure she feels it is my decision. My son sleeps with us. My 4 yr old slept with us until last May when it was just too crowded. My sister thinks it is totally wrong and we are setting ourselves up for failure etc. I just let it roll off. She is not in my shoes--TG--and it is really non of her business or her decision..So good for you for not saying anything. It really is not her place to decide how or what you do as a parent unless you are putting your child in danger. And really, my sis is NOT the best role model to decide how to be a mom in the first place so much of her advice is kind of shrugged off.