What Would You Do? - Renton,WA

Wow you did get some rude responses. You didn't say you were calling CPS so I am not sure where that came from. I don't blame you for wanting to keep your child healthy. Unless you need the money it sounds like you would be better off not watching her child anymore. I am sorry that you got so many rude responses.

Are you a licensed provider? If so, you are required to report it. If so, you probably can't allow her to bring her child when she has something contagious (even if you didn't have a child of her own). Tell her that you understand that she needs to work but you have both your own child and the law to worry about as well.

Roto-virus, from what I have heard, does not clear up so quickly as to be able to get it twic in two weeks, more than likely she never got cleared up. Be sure you disinfect everything to be sure nothing is lingering.

That said, if you are already clashing, you may want to also let her know that you would understand if she needed to make other arrangments since she is obviously not happy with your services.

Be sure to document everything!

I like what Peg and Lynn have both suggested.

As someone who has worked with kids for a long time, and in a variety of settings, I have a certain degree of empathy with you. I do understand how chronic diaper rash can begin to seem 'neglectful'. At one daycare I worked at, we had a toddler who would come in with a bloody red bottom on Monday. My team had one goal for this little girl: getting her bottom cleared up. Diaper changes were huge screaming tantrums on Monday and Tuesday because they hurt her so much ( and we did everything from more frequent changes-- once every 1.5-2 hours-- to rinsing out wipes, etc.). By Wednesday the rash wasn't a screaming terror and by Friday her bottom was healed again. But come Monday-- all our hard work was gone, and her bottom was bloody red again. And we'd tried every method of parent communication/education we could think of, but nothing seemed to sink in. So, yes, in my opinion, this can be considered neglectful.

I don't have much more to add than two other points, and I'll try to keep them brief: first, if you are done with this woman, it's okay to be done. I've worked with some wonderful parents in my time, but there were also those who seemed a bit rude/nuts, and it never really did 'get better' to work with. In fact, those working relationships tended to become more and more fraught with problems, just because some parents are working from a very different perspective and don't see their responsibility within situations of their own making. You *can* try sitting down with this mother, but only if you genuinely want to improve the relationship and the health of the child. Be prepared that this conversation has the potential to end badly, because she isn't asking you for advice and will perceive this as direct criticism of her parenting. (I've learned the hard way not to offer advice unless someone asks.) And she may not "hear" you at all, but only what gets through her filters, so once again, you will have to be the one grounded in reality going into it.

The other thing to keep in mind is that you are doing absolutely the right thing to keep this child separate from your own. Even if this woman only sees the inconvenience--- and not the harm-- of bringing her child into your home, it's simply not good form to be getting upset at the care provider for this sort of exclusion . Assumably, she'd want the same regs in place if her child were the healthy one.

I know you have some choices to make here. If it were me, personally, if you choose to continue care, I'd create an exclusion policy and go over it with her, and have both of you sign it. (Explain, too, that if YOUR child is unwell, that these rules apply and that you will have to cancel care.) People often forget that having a care provider doesn't excuse them from also finding backup care, which is a necessity in any case.

Or, you could always make your life simpler and tell her that you are finding that this care arrangement just isn't working for your family and that you will be done on "X" date, and give her as much notice as you feel is reasonable. Then, if she wants to quit early, that's understandable. Sometimes, some parents are just more work than their kids are, and it's okay to say "I don't need this kind of drama in my life". My guess, from your description, is that she's a parent who may need a lot of parenting/health education, and may or may not be receptive to it. It's okay to say "I don't want to continue to support a parent who is showing no reciprocity, or even a willingness to have these conversations." It's up to you...

H.

(Oh, and in answer to your last question-- if it were me, I'd ask her to make other arrangements. But I'm 40 and tired and as I sometimes like to joke "just too old for this sh*t!" I don't choose to deal with unpleasant people on a daily basis, thanks!)

having Roto-virus, with ANY care provider, means NOT BRINGING your kid. Keeping them home.
It is contagious.

The parents, seem... not real clued in.

If trouble from them continues, I would not service them.

I am sure, you have a contract/service contract signed by them??? With rules on illnesses and all that?

Just document things, note things/observations down, for your own sake.
Never know, when it may come in handy.

Do they even take her to her well-child visits?

Ok, well I had to look up what Roto virus is and I have 3 kids, so I don't know that it's neglectful that she doesn't know what it is. I am also the kind of mom that won't take my kids to the doctor for a virus that the dr can't do anything about anyways.That being said when I looked it up it said that it does come and go and you should consider your child contagious for 12 days after the onset of diarrhea. She probably didn't catch it again, she's probably just still sick. Besides plenty of liquids there is no cure, just two medicines that might work but haven't been proven.

Is it rude to tell her not to bring her child in? Well I just told a friend that no I couldn't watch her kids with pink eye so she could go to work. When I worked I found it very frustrating that my employer didn't understand that daycare's won't watch sick kids, so I needed to be home. Now that I am staying home with my kids, I don't want my kids getting sick so I can't watch anybody else's sick kids. It's really a no win situation.

I think it is fine telling her that she needs to take care of her sick child.

That being said I don't think this is a good match for you. I'm sure she feels the same and is probably going to find a new sitter soon anyways.

I personally have been rather rude to a few people who have watched my children. When it comes to my children my mama bear comes out. If someone is treating me like I'm a neglectful parent because I don't live up to their standard, yeah I'm going to start getting mean. She's doing the best she can, your doing the best you can. She needs to do what's best for her family, you need to do what's best for your family.

I think you have to decide how this family is affecting your family. It sounds like a lot of baggage to carry after the little girl leaves each night. I would call the parents and have a meeting some evening to discuss how you feel about the way that they treat you. If you think they are rude, you may want to to have the meeting in a public place so they would have to behave. I understand the feeling of taking care of this little girl, but you have to realize how much stress it puts on you as well. You will only this time with your child once and you need to make the best choices you can based on that.

Good luck with a difficult decision..
G.

Just keep track of things that you are noticing.

Is this their first child? Do they know what they are supposed to be doing? Do you have a written agreement with them? I know that our daycare provider's contract is really specfic about illness and what can/can't come to school!

I would talk with the mother (calmly) about your concerns. Be specific- chronic diaper rash, and whatever else you are noticing. Be prepared for them to discontinue with you, but also think positively- things may change!

If you mention it and it doesn't improve, then go from there. Honestly- chronic diaper rash and needing to work wouldn't constitute a "neglectful" parent.

I too have an 18 month old, and WAS keeping a 2 and 4 year old. Their mom was very neglectful, they had different dads. Dad of the 4 yr old was a good dad. The 2 yr old didn't see her dad, but the mom didn't discipline the two year old AT all and thought that it was cute when she threw tantrums. UGH!!! Also, she would stay around 30-40 minutes at drop off and picking them up. The kids were HORRIBLE when their mom arrived. It was stressing me and my husband out so badly that I told her that it wasn't working out and informed her that I was afraid to leave her two year old around my son or the little girls sister while fixing lunch due to her "attacking" kicking, hitting,biting,ect.. That I could not keep her children anymore. Unfortunately, when kids act like they do because of the parents, you don't have alot of options. My advice: either find a positive way of telling them your problem, and see how they deal with it. (If you take this route, you will probably be doing it once a week.) OR Just tell it like it is, and if there is any questions simply say, I have the same rules as any day care-no difference. Just remember to put your families (children) safety first.

I think if you are not wanting to keep this child in your day care, it would be better for all to be done. I think that rude responses may be from it hitting the nerves of some who aren't "clean freaks" or changing their children as often as they should, don't let it bother you. Your question was reasonable and very well put.

Your post makes me sad for this baby girl. You were absolutely right to refuse to have her in your home until this clears up. Do you feel comfortable confronting this woman with these issues?

There's only one way to get rotavirus-the child/person has to literally ingest the virus which is carried in the feces of an infected person. Cleaning and hand washing take care of this. BTW-there is a vaccine. She probably improves at your house and then goes home to a not so clean environment.
:( Thank God she has you! But I don't blame you for wanting the mom to keep her at home. Maybe you could tell her-in a nice way -how it is spread?

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Laurie is absolutely right. Stand your ground but remain respectful. I would probably send a tip in as well. All the authorities do is check out the situation, if they find nothing...no harm no fowl.

You have NOT given any good enough reason to get DCFS involved. So lets see here, I am a clean freak, so if I walked in your house and it didn't measure up to my standards does that mean I should call DCFS on you because your child is living in what I would believe to be a dirty home.

Here is what I got from Mayo Clinic regarding ROTAVIRUS:
Almost all children have become infected with rotavirus by their third birthday. Repeat infections with different viral strains are possible, and most children have several episodes of rotavirus infection in the first years of life. After several infections with different strains of the virus, children acquire immunity to rotavirus.

Do you realize this child could have caught this virus from you? After all she is in your care for a good portion of the day.

Another thing is that she probably was more frustrated than pissed. I was a working mom & boy was it tough to take time off work because my child was sick. Maybe she took it out on you a bit or maybe you took her frustration the wrong way.

If you want to be done, then just be done, but don't try to ruin someone's life UNLESS there is true & intentional neglect.

As a daycare provider, you are a mandatory reporter. On the other hand, CPS screens calls to make sure that there is a reason to investigate. If you call them and tell them that you have concerns, it doesn't mean an automatic investigation. If you tell them honestly and precisely what your concerns are, they will decide if those concerns are enough to investigate. I think that you should call them if you are truly concerned about this little girl being neglected.

i wouldn't go so far as to call CPS just yet, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to one of your local DHS social workers. Just say that you're wondering what you should and shouldn't report as a child care provider, and whether certain things, like on-going diaper rashes and sickness are considered neglect. If you did choose to report it, you can report anonomously too. But I would start by asking what is considered neglect and what needs to be reported.