What to Say When Daughter Doesn't Get a Part in Theater Group

Tell her that even the big stars had to pay their dues, takes a long time to finally make it. Persistence.

You say "better luck next time". ANYONE who is into performing arts can tell you that it is a profession the requires a thick skin and being able to deal with rejection. Most if not all big actors got the "thanks but no thanks" for YEARS before they had their breakthrough. Many big name actors will still get a "thanks but no thanks" on a project here or there that they REALLY want to be in....

If she doesn't have a lot of experience get her some lessons or consider a less competitive group. But being rejected is simply part of it... so that will not guarantee instant success.
Good luck

Has she heard the evaluation of this mega star?:

"Can't sing. Can't act. Balding. Can dance a little."

That was Fred Astaire's screen test report on for RKO Pictures!

At 12, she may be old enough to watch "the Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch (you can find it on youtube). It has a great perspective on what to do when you don't succeed at first.

I started trying out for the swing choir at about 7th grade I didn't get in. I tried again, three and four times a year until my junior year. I was called in the spring of my junior year because they had a girl drop and they needed someone a replacement. The choir director said to me I know you can sing, but you have to work extra with Ms T for dance. It was 13 tries before I made it.
Take her to the next audition. Enroll her in drama classes with the park district or look for a Christian Youth Theater Group near you, or another type of youth theater.
Dont' fall into her drama when she doesn't make it. Just say, there will be a next time. You can even say I have this friend who tried out for 5 years before she made it. She doesn't have to know you have no idea who I am.
One day she will make it into something. When she does, make sure you help her be successful. Help her with her lines and dance steps.

Oh and I still can't dance. :o)

Good luck to her.

Hi S.-

I would encourage her to help out behind the scenes in any way she can...costumes...props...set...lighting...makeup etc.

It is a great learning experience...and a LOT of fun to boot!!

Takes a LOT of work from a great many people to 'make it all happen' ON stage!

best luck!
michele/cat

If she truly loves it why not say. I really dont want you to give up on something you really enjoy. We got you ACTING LESSONS! Your good at this and have lots of fun. Acting lessons will also teach you how to audition and stand out. We cannot as parents who know nothing about acting or theater help out with this but we want to see you having fun onstage. Good luck.- oops break a leg.

I was that kid. Understand that it stinks to look at a cast list and not see your name, especially if there were callbacks. Encourage her to keep trying. If there are other ways she can be involved (I did stage crew, too, and so did my SD, for shows she was not otherwise in) if she wants to be. I always tell my SD that I'm proud of her for not giving up.

Not all shows will be this way. My SD got ensemble this time, but then later the director decided to give her 3 lines. She's thrilled. Sure, she'd love the lead (SO wanted to be Penny in Hairspray) but she understands that small roles are still important. And while I was usually in a small or group role, I did have a few shining moments here and there. There's always HS and college and further community theatre.

If she's really brave, she can ask the directors what she could work on. Sometimes it's just that they needed someone with a different look. I'm petite. There were roles I just wasn't going to get because I wasn't 5'10".

I don't have much experience with theater and drama stuff or do I have 12 year old kids yet, but I have worked with a lot of kids at this age. I would think as a general rule with anything she tries out for in life-theater, sports, job interviews, etc.- is all about taking risks. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but chalk the "losing" up to experience. I mean how impressive is it to put herself out there on a stage to be critiqued on her acting abilities like that?? Not many adults would have the guts to do that, let alone at age 12! Really emphasize to her how amazing it is for her to pursue this interest in theater so relentlessly. That is what is important and that is the kind of attitude that will eventually create success no matter what she sets her mind to do. Give her examples of other theater people she admires-actors, celebrities- I think I read an interview once with Miley Cyrus saying she lost a part in a 4th grade play, but it really taught her a lot because she usually was chosen for a lead role in whatever she wanted. Perhaps have her read different biographies of famous people she admires. I guarantee all of them have had their share of setbacks, the common thread they all share is their willingness to pick themselves back up, dust themselves off and go at it again. Also, if she doesn't get a part in the actual production, encourage her to work on one of the behind the scenes crews like props, makeup or costumes. I did that when I was in high school and it was super fun too. Hope this helps!
A.

I remember in high school getting rejected for roles (I found out later the teacher rejected me because I was a shy quiet student and he was afraid I would therefore freeze on stage--not realizing that acting was my escape from reality). What helped me was "dreaming big." Tell her to hold on to her dreams, that someday maybe she will be the star and she can show everyone that they made a mistake by not casting her. Did I become a big star? No. I do remember sending the newspaper clipping of my starring role in a college show to my high school drama teacher to show him that I was a successful actress. You can also tell her that many famous stars were rejected at one time or another, some from their drama schools. She Just needs to keep trying if she loves it.

This is kind of what I'm going to tell my kids when they get there. One of the main things I've learned in my life is the imprtance of persistence. I was one of those people who couldn't focus and if I couldn't be the best, or at least the top rung in something, especially sports. I just quit or didn't try hard. I always had an excuse. As an early adult, I found myself doing the same thing in my career. And here is what I noticed: The people who kept at it, who worked hard, even if they weren't bright or naturally gifted, WERE successful. Wow, what an eye opener for me. I worked with a woman who didn't have two brain cells to rub together but she was a nice person and worked hard. I had a natural sales gift but gave up easily and wasn't persistent. She made $100K per year and I made $50K. She won sales awards, I was average. Now, I try hard. I took up running last year at age 47. I run 4 days a week and really try. I ran a race this weekend with my girlfriend who barely trains. She beat me! But I beat my goal time and also ran the first part of the race faster than I've ever run before. Yay me! Tell your daughter just to keep trying. She WILL get there!

Encourage her to get involved in other ways...stage crew, set design, volunteering to hand out programs ANYTHING to get her foot in the door, I am so ex-drama girl and seriously they can be so darn Clique-ish. You have to make them know you, make them see you are truly motivated to be involved.

Tell your daughter that there will be other auditions. Also encourage her to not give up if it is something she truly loves.

I have never done theater but had a few friends who tried out for auditions in NYC when we were younger. Some got parts and others didn't.

When you go to an audition you do not know what they are looking for. All you can do is your best and hope that you have what image they are casting. You may have red hair and they want blonde or you are very slender and they want someone with a little more "fluff".

Watching America's Next Top Model and what they contestants do to just get picked is eye opening - many very talented and pretty young women and still many don't make it. I bring up the modeling aspect because it is the same as acting and rejection.

Tell your daughter that for every rose there are a thousand thorns that you have to go through to get to that rose. In order words you have to pay your dues (good/bad/ugly) in order to get to the top. My favorite saying is "there has to be a pony in here somewhere". Just keep trying and one day you will make it. Try to keep a positive spin on the whole thing and learn from each audition.

Good luck to the both of you. Maybe we will see her name in lights one day on Broadway. Set a goal and work for it.

The other S.

PS Practice makes perfect even if it is years of practice.

I did theater in high school and had many rejections. AS a freshman I worked on the sets to show my commitment. I then got a great chorus role in the musical Hello Dolly because I was primarily a dancer. (In other words, I really cannot sing.) After that role, I thought things would be easy....except that the auditions always went like this: sing first, then act, then dance. I would get cut because of my singing. Twice I was called back to take on dance roles after others who had received the parts could not do the dancing.

Finally, in my senior year I was up for the lead.(non musical) ..I auditioned several times and I knew I had a real shot at getting the lead. The director asked me how I felt about being the understudy. I knew it was a test....I told her that I would have to quit my job and that I was not sure I was willing to do that for an understudy role....I knew I was failing the test. She wanted me to show extreme dedication, but I also knew the other girl was physically better for the role (an older woman) because I was very young looking and very tiny. I think the director might have thought I was the better actress, but that I would not have the right look. I also think she was trying to make herself feel like she was being "fair" by giving me the understudy role.

Here is my point: being in theater means being disappointed and learning how to cope with that and keep on going. As shocking as it might seem, I am not a world famous movie star. However, I am very grateful for the lessons I learned in theater....even the ones that involved tears and disappointment. Help her keep trying. The lessons learned are really worth it and she will get a role eventually and get to have that special experience that comes with performing. I use the skills I honed in theater everyday in my teaching career.

My daughter grew up doing community theater. There are always more auditionees than there are roles, and not getting cast is the chance you take when you audition. Yes, it's disappointing, especially if you think your audition was better than the person who got cast. Yes, it hurts. But it's the nature of the game. If you can't develop a thick skin for those times when you don't get cast, you need to not do theater.

If you don't get cast, offer to build sets, work with costumes or props, stage manage. All of those are ways to be involved in crucial aspects of the show.

aweee... i have 2 boys who r still very young for all this but i soo understand what u mite be feeling rite now ..
I believe the best thing is to honestly find a good acting school and sign up for some acting classes for her. this would immediately give her the extra help she needs for becoming a better actress and also give u the satisfaction of having done something for her.
We have good acting singing classes being offered in our area, and i believe u can find the same in ur area as well. :)