What to Let Go

I would say pick the one thing that "bothers" you the most. "we say please and thank you" (or whatever) and work on that for a couple weeks. Then move on to something else.

"tone" is hard for a three year old to understand (you can tackle that when she's a teenager - because she will replicate her same behavioral issues she is now... she'll just be bigger!!!!!). So, I would work on things that are concrete "we use nice words or we say nothing" rather than "don't be a smart-mouth" or "be polite"

For the glares, this might be something I might acknowlege "I see from the way you are looking at me you are upset." but, personally, I probably would let it go. I think if you are working on the other stuff, the glares will work themselves out.

Not sure if you have transitioned from toddler-mentality to pre-school-mentality. She may be wanting to make more choices and have more independence. That may be where some of this attitude is coming from. So try ramping up what you allow her to do and see if her newfound independence helps.

BTW.... I was serious when I said she will turn into this same person as a teenager. They've actually done studies that the same issues you have with toddlers/pre-schoolers are just versions of the same ones you will have as a teenager. It has to do with how the brain develops. So, take note of what works with her. You will need those same tools to parent her in 10 years.

I like what CoMoMom suggested of picking the one thing that bothers you the most. Kids have a harder time if we are busting them on every little thing.

Some simple phrases: "Oh, you have a mad face right now, I can see you don't want to do X" (just acknowledging her feelings)

or "This is a time for doing, not a time for arguing. You may go do X now, please."

or "I see you have a mad look on your face. Would you like to take a break and come back in a few minutes when you are feeling better about things?" (only if this is a reasonable option for you)

Glaring-- that's really an expression of her anger or upset. In our house my husband calls it a 'pineapple face' (prickly, I guess) and will tell our son "hmmm... I don't want to take a pineapple face to the store with me. If you want to come (he loves the samples), please find another face to wear".

Consider using humor at times, too. One thing I did with argumentative preschoolers was to explain the whole "This is a doing time, not an arguing time" when we needed to get things done, but I also goofed with them during more calm, neutral times. "Let's practice arguing. Are you ready? I'll say No and you say Yes. Here we go. No." This was a really 'fun' way for kids to get to do that arguing in a socially safe way, and I often did that trick of replying the same way they did (they say Yes, I say Yes, then they say No) to show them how *easy* it was to forget what one is arguing about. It was a silly moment, I kept my voice very singsong and silly, and it allowed them to try it out in a silly, fun way.

Once your girl is older, lots of empathy helps. When my son gets in a fuss about having to wear sunblock, (he's 6 ) I might give him a squeeze and say "I know, sunblock is a bummer, huh? You don't get to have a pink sunburn and have hurting skin, do you?" Then I'll give him a squeeze and tell him I know it's a pain and I have to do it too and thanks for cooperating. That usually works pretty well, empathy.

Typical behavior. Three is all about fighting with mom but wanting mom. There is a new independence, but it makes them scared. They need to know that mom will always love them, so they provoke mom. They also give mom the middle finger when she is being too controlling.

I walk away and ignore a lot. Back talk and the like is not allowed, he is told to try again or go to him his room until he is ready to play nice. If he is grumpy, i tell him he needs to change his attitude or go take a nap.

All of the above...my seven year old and I just returned from vacation. She was the sweetest besty one could have while it was the two of us together. Once we were on the flight home, she flipped her little nose at me, rolled her eyes, back talked, and refused to listen to me. It was as if the switch flipped when we passed the state line, mid-flight.

Start curbing that attitude now. She is three, so you don't have to give her a grocery list of bad behaviors, but pick one and start fixing it.

It's all typical 3 year old behavior. She mostly does it with you because she trusts you to still be there for her even when she tests the boundaries. I don't think you should ignore any misbehavior just don't over react to it or feel bad because it's only you.

She is sweet at school. You are doing a good job with her. She is a lucky girl!