What to Do with Daughter's Pregnant Friend?

I know this is a bit delayed, but there is a shelter in McKinney called the Samaritan Inn that is wonderful. They will help her with counseling and steer her in the right direction for state funded assistance.

Hi V.,
My friends works in at a pregnancy advocacy center. She will ask for referrels. Just needs to know what part of town this young girl lives in Dallas or Ft, Worth areas.

D.

Dear V.,

I am a licensed professional counselor and I work mostly with adolescents. I also have two adopted children. So I have two suggestions....the young woman definitely needs some counseling and if you contact Life Path in Plano she could probably qualify for some free services. And if she is thinking about giving the baby up for adoption, if she goes through a private agency they will completely support her during the pregancy. I mean rent, food, clothing, doctor appointments, transportation, everything. Hope this is a little helpful. And one more thing, if you do decide to take her into your home, put some specific rules and time limits. It might help to improve your relationship with your daughter as well. My e-mail address is ____@____.com if you have any questions I might be able to help you with. Good luck, Sincerely J.

If she will put the baby up for adoption she can live in a home sponsored by the United Methodist Church. Ask one for more information.

V.,
Hello, there are places she could get help. Look for Plano family services ... Tell her she can do taste test through Peryam and kroll 800.281.3155 off of coit to make at least $20.00-$75.00 (she has to sign up tell them A. Strahl referred her it's better than nothing)Maybe she can get help through the state with no income... or she can stay at a shelter as well. Good Luck,
A.

I'm afraid that you might be enabling the 19-yr-old and interferring with the punishment that was sent down from her own parents. Why is a 19-yr-old still living at home with parents anyway? I was out and independent at 18. She's young, but she's old enough to learn how to fend for herself -- 19 is a legal adult. A full-time retail job at any mall can give her health benefits and enough income to pay rent and utilities at an studio or 1-bedroom apartment. There are even special, "affordable housing" apartments, a federal mandate, some in Plano, that only allow renters that make under a certain income -- and these are nice apartments for a CHEAP rental rate!

And there's the WIC federal program for pregnant women and mothers to help with groceries with good food vouches --
http://www.co.collin.tx.us/healthcare_services/wic.jsp

If transportation is an issue, there are many apartment complexes that are on the DART bus line -- Dallas apartments connect to more routes than Plano apartments. I took DART to work every day for a long time -- very reliable source of transportation! And you save money on car insurance and gas!!
I'm afraid that if you take her in, why should she ever learn to be independent when you're there to supply her every need and want. I'm sorry there's no excuse not to work -- there are so many retail and food businesses that are always looking to hire full-time employees, no matter what the experience is... they just need help.
This may be the push she needs in her life right now to help sort things out. There are a lot of resouces out there than can help get her on her own feet.

V.,

Hi my name is K. and I know a lot about your problem, I got prenant at age 16 and my parents kicked me out of the house because they didnt like my boyfriend and my irresponsibility also. I would advise you to help the girl out as much as possible because she needs someone that is a good role model in her life. I know that might be hard because it looks like you have younger kids too. If the girl is just a really bad kid than I wouldnt bring her in your house with your other kids. I dont know what the situation is but go with your gut about it. If you need someone to talk to or someone to talk to the girl I will be more than happy to talk to them. I raised my daughter and she is now 8 yrs and I got my education and I am now married to a wonderful man and a sucessful career, but I now stay at home with my kids. I would love to help if you need any, just let me know. Thank you and good luck.

K.

If your daughter's friend is open to the idea, you might suggest she look into adoption agencies in the area. I know many of them help pregnant teens throughout their pregnancies and then continue to support them after the baby is born. There an agency in Tyler, Loving Alternatives, that has a home for pregnant teens.

My son is adopted and, while I know it was the most difficult decision his birthmother ever made, she would also tell you it was her best decision as well. There are many loving families ready and able to raise a child.

Good luck and you and your daughter's friends are in my thoughts.

I agree with Jazmin that this girl is NOT your responsibility which is why you should not feel compelled or guilty for not taking her in. Do not come between her and her parents...it will only cause more problems. If this girl is abused, then it is another story...but it doesn't sound like she is.

She is also old enough to get a job!! If she doesn't respect and love herself enough to take care of herself...maybe she needs to start thinking of this unborn baby. Also, she really needs to talk to a counselor on adoption or how this baby is going to affect her life if she decides to keep him/her.

Where is the father of this child?? Can you ask her to talk to him and his family and see what support they are prepared to give?

She is probably fully aware that Welfare will help her out, but she needs to know that she will be respected for every effort she puts forth without the aid of Welfare.

This is so sad, I hope the best for her and especially the baby. I hope she makes the right decision and places the baby up for adoption if she is not capable of supporting it.

Hi, V.!!
I saw your request and wanted to respond because I have been there. I got pregnant at 19 and had to drop out of school after the semester was over, and even though my situation was very different in that my boyfriend at the time and I really loved each other and later married and the fact that my parents were there for me helped tremendoulsy. The reason why I'm telling you this is because your daughter's friend might not have that support. My advice to you is to get with her parents and discuss the situation. I wouldnt suggest taking her in until you know her parents and or boyfriend are NOT willing to help. If she indeed does not have anyone than I would take her in for a trial period and if that works, than you can work something out for a longer stay with you. But remember she is NOT your responsibility, It may even help her to grow up. I know it helped me to have my mom leave me on my own on certain things. Lastly if you do not take her in at least show support to her situation because its very hard to be there specially if she's in it alone.

hope this helps!!
-J.

Me personally. maybe talk to her parents or that doesn't work talk to the friend and see what she is going to do. There is help out there she just needs to find it.
maybe let me stay just for a month.
Think about the baby, it's not the baby's fault.
I am not saying let her move in but at least find out her plans.

Good Luck

Have you considered finding her a home to live with (adoptive parents) until the birth? Many couples want to adopt and are willing to foot the bill until the child arrives? Do you know if she has considered adoption? I have many friends/family who are looking to adopt.

Been there, done that. Don't move her in! If possible, meet with her parents, her, and your daughter to make sure all is on up and up. Then take her to welfare office. They should be able to give her emergency assistance until her own assistance starts. If you do let her stay with you, put a two week time limit on it. She is acting grown up, so now she had to be. Good luck to you

If you do a google search and put" shelter for pregnant teenagers in dfw area"...there are alot of hits on organizations that can help out. The girl probably needs to have a major talk with her parents and ask to come back home. I don't know the situation on their relationship, but I would think good parents would listen to what she has to say and work something out. If not, I would worry about having her in my own home and the problems it may cause my own family from her upbringing. Good luck! Pray for advise! That always helps me :O)

I'm not sure what to say about how to help your daughter's friend. There is a resource in Plano called Real Options for Women and she can get pregnancy testing, counseling and they have an RN on staff to help with the medical side. It's a free service to her. Go to www.realoptionsforwomen.com for their contact information and details about the organization. Do you know what her plans are for the pregnancy? This is going to sound very weird but if she is interested in giving her baby up for adoption my husband and I may be interested in helping her. We are in the process of adopting our first child who is 8 months old and we want to adopt a second. I know it's weird hearing this from a perfect stranger but if she chooses this path I'd like for us to talk more. Please encourage her not to abort! C.

Hi V.,
I sympathize with your situation. I wanted to let you know about the Jireh House in Lewisville. It's a place for young pregnant girls to come and live while they are pregnant. The number is ###-###-####. Judy Lance is the director--she's a wonderful kind, compassionate woman. ( I know her because she goes to my church.) They will help her with everything regarding the baby and even help her get on her feet after the birth. Please call them---they could change the direction of this girl's life---for the better! I'll say a prayer! Let me know if you need more info. L.

wow, this is kind of a tough one. My name is C. and I am a 20 year old mother to a 2 year old. So I am sure you can do the math I had my daughter when I was 18. Needless to say my parents were not the happiest. I don't know this girl, so I can't give you the best advice. All I can say is go with your gut. If you let her into your home don't expect her to leave any time soon. I was lucky in the sense that I had a good head on my shoulders and I was very much in love with my daughters dad, who I am now married too. We used the pregnancy to better ourselves and we grew up and got good jobs and bought a house. Now our daughter is our life and we live our life like any normal family. Having children at a young age makes SOME people grow up, but not all. I assume that you are a very good person and you feel for this girl or else you wouldn't be asking advice. I get the feeling you ask for advice because you know in your heart that probably isn't the best idea. I would reccomend trying to help in other ways. See if you can get her to meet with a counselor or try and help her with her parents. Take her to a church where they can help her. You don't want to jepordize your family by helping someone else. I am not by any means saying to throw this girl on the street and never help her, but help her in a way that doesn't put you in a potentially bad situation. That was a big reason that my husband and I grew up so quickly. My parents were there for me, but we were not moving into their house together and they were not going to support us. They told us we were going to be parents and we were going to learn one way or the other what responsibilty really was. I couldn't thank my mother more for that today. I grew up and became the young woman that I am today because of her. If she would have handed me everything there would hve been no need for me to work things out myself. I hope this helps. I left my email address if you would like to talk some more. Also they have groups for young girls that are pregnant, so that the girls can get together and talk. Usually at churches or at support centers. Planned Parenthood could help her too.

C.

Hello
I just want to say I know how hard it must be for you I have a younger sister she is 16 and I am 33. Teenagers these days are just not as close with there parents and its hard sometimes for them to be close to parents who don't communicate with there child. I am not saying that is the case with the girl you have been mentoring. Have you checked with the state for some kind of help. I know there are tons of resources out there, jus tlike this site for mothers. Putting her out is not going to solve the problem and this can make the girl do something very drastic or turn to strangers then who knows what will happen to this girl. You are in a very sticky situation, maybe let her stay with you for a bit, until things cool down with her parents and then maybe you cantact them and see if they would be willing to let her back. What about the boy? Does he even know, he needs to be responsible party as well. I really feel for this girl, even if she is a troubled teenager we have got to be there for our kids. She obviously is crying out for help!

Goodluck and if you ever want to chat my email is ____@____.com I currently live in Chicago, but will be relocating in May back to Dallas. So happy to get away from the snow!

Dear V.,
You are so kind to be trying to help this poor lost girl. My hope is that you will connect her with the people who are able to help her. If it was my daughter, I would want to know so I guess I would suggest that you help her to talk to her parents. Go with her or have them over to your house. Another step I hope she will let you take is to speak to someone about adoption with her. The baby will have a better chance in life being in a loving two parent home - and the teen will too. The local Catholic church (or any church really) can help with this. Our church (Christ Church Episcopal) in Plano on Legacy helps to support an agency that works with these teens. If you want me to get more info on it I would be glad to - just email me back.
Best wishes to you - I hope you can end up being an angel for her and a great example for your own daughter.
A.

V.,
I'll start out by saying that I am a bleeding heart myself and always want to help people when I can... My first advice is to make decisions with caution and remember you have 2 other small & impressionable children in your house to think about. Not knowing her situation, but guessing that at 19, she should have a high school diploma behind her I would tell her if she gets a job- full time - and she keeps it for 2 months- ask to see the paychecks...I would also require during this time that she show you proof that she has spoken to adoption services as well as teen assistance agencies to learn about all her options post baby (even if they are not a consideration she can at least get the education, plus teaches your teen daughter a lesson too) then you will discuss allowing her in your home under a provisional basis. This will give her a taste of reality while she is trying to accomplish all this- might need to live in a shelter or YMCA if they have them here. However if she succeeds and you take her in, she'll be more appreciative. Who knows what her home life is like, but sometimes teens need a push in the right direction ans some rewards when they've done well. Others just need a little love. ALWAYS remember that your own children come first and she needs to fully understand and respect the position you would put yourself in should you allow her in... If you do let her in, I would set some very strict guidelines and be tough about following them...

I am only 32...so needless to say do not have teens of my own.(I have a 2 1/2 year old and one on the way) I do however have a 20 year old brother so have some insight into the minds of teens/college kids... GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL WHATEVER YOU DECIDE!