What to Do When Your Little One Doesn't Want to Go to Preschool?

Kids do this for a long time - sometimes into 2nd grade.
For some - crying just becomes part of their transition routine.
It doesn't mean he doesn't want to go.

One of the day care places our son went to had a window where parents could look in without the kids knowing their parents were watching.
When the tears flow at drop off time - the parents would watch - and within 10 or 15 minutes the tears were over and their child was happily playing with friends.

The flip side of this - and this happened to me - was I'd come to pick him up at the end of the day - and our son would cry because he wanted to stay and play longer.

Poor us! We get it coming and going!

Don't take it personally.
This is totally normal and eventually they all out grow it.

It sounds like your son's preschool teacher is seeing things that you are not seeing and vice versa. That's very, very possible and normal. Still, ask for a meeting with her so that you can sit down and really listen to her concerns. There probably are some skills that your son doesn't have that would be helpful for him to have in kindergarten (or young 5's). No shame in learning what they are and consider helping him with those.

Remember, just because he's not 100% clicking with preschool doesn't mean he will feel the same way in August. He is going to grow and change a ton between now and then. Also, young 5's is a different program with a different school and a different teacher. He might click better than, so try not to get too far ahead of yourself.

My oldest did a year like young 5's and started kindergarten when he was 6. Best thing for him!!! He's in 5th grade right now, and I am so glad he's not in 6th. He belongs in that age group. He's doing great, and he is where he should be.

Now, it's great that you did the school's special ed evaluations. Hopefully you learn somethings about your son, both things that he's good at and things he can work on. It's always helpful to learn those types of things. But do keep in mind that a school's special ed evaluation is not in any way equivalent to a psychologist's evaluation. If you son really does have any type of diagnosis, it needs to be done be a psychologist. I'm not saying he does (believe me, I am not even remotely qualified to do that, even if I did meet your son).

Based on the concerns you mentioned in your previous post, he needs to be seen by a psychologist, and a school evaluation isn't going to be enough. School evaluations are very narrow. They are only looking at whether or not he has very specific needs in specific academic areas. The concerns you mention actually fall more in line with Occupational Therapy, and that is not something a school is going to be able to address.

If the concerns you had in your previous post are still valid, you need to schedule an appointment with a child psychologist and have him evaluated.

Completely normal. I am a preschool teacher and some kids are totally "mature" about going to school while others put on the coolest show of tears and what not. What really does help is parents letting the kids go when the teachers are at the door, I know it is difficult but rest assured the kids really just need to get through the transition. Unless there is something really serious going on where the kid is being hurt at school by an adult I truly believe it is just a phase. Hang in there! We still have kids where the parents won't drop them off until 10am in the morning when school starts earlier. It really impacts the kids entire day when they get dropped off late.

i myself take issue with this country's obsession with sending tiny people to school so they get ready for school. it's such a wack concept.

my kids went to preschool because i had to work. if i didn't i'd have kept them home until it was time for them to go to school. i don't think 4 year olds, barely past toddlerhood, should necessarily have to suck it up and learn how to be students.

studies done in countries where schooling starts much later back me up.

but if your little boy HAS to go, go he shall and he'll learn, like millions of other small children, how to cope. it actually sounds as if he already is.

it's not at all uncommon for very small people to weep when they're first dropped off in the morning. the fact that he's fine when you pick him up is the biggest tipoff that he's adjusting fine. he may just need to mature a bit more before he makes the click that once he's in the classroom with his friends and teacher he's going to feel better.

the best way to help him there, if he's not to stay home another year, is to remain completely calm and cheerful about it all. he's so small- he is taking his cues from you. if you are sympathetic but not indulgent of his tears (aw, i'm sorry you don't want to go today. i understand. give me a hug- i think you're going to have a great day and i'll see you at pick up time!') that's what he will learn.

don't join him in the angsty dance, but don't dismiss his unhappiness as nothing. he gets to feel what he feels.

i HOWLED when i dropped my 2 year off at daycare. they invited me to come back and watch through the one way mirror. it wasn't even 10 minutes before he was playing happily.

khairete
S.

All of my kids except one didn't like drop off. I thought that was quite normal. It got better once they went to 'big' school. It was a maturity thing. Other children were the same.

Does he have a transition object? That can be helpful. Something to keep in his pocket. Mine had things like pebbles (special nice round ones), etc. Something very small no one sees, but they know it's there.

What about having something special in the class he can look forward to? Like a special book he gets to look at when he arrives, or a special activity? My mom was a kindergarten teacher and ran into this constantly. She would work with parents to come up with a solution for each kid. She even brought in our hamster once for a kid who was so anxious he couldn't handle coming in the classroom, but he loved animals.

I'd keep working with the teacher. Figure out a way for him to enjoy coming. Maybe time it so a special bud is already there - it's easier if your child has a friend to run to. Sometimes arriving early before all the kids are there so teachers has more one on one time can help. Hustle and bustle can be intimidating for an anxious child.

You may have to come up with your own ideas. But most teachers will be flexible and just try to work with you to make your child's experience better.

If he isn't initiating play or interacting in classroom discussions, my personal suggestion based on experience is to also have his hearing assessed (tested). We have a child who was evaluated as being delayed who just had excess fluid in his ears. He was improperly diagnosed (so I don't necessarily trust evaluations). Always, get a second opinion.

If you think your child behaves fine - it's likely because you have developed ways of communicating with him - whereas the teacher likely has not. That's what happened in our case. I would talk to his pediatrician and see if you should be referred to ENT. I would continue having him evaluated if that's what they suggest, but I'd explore other possibilities too.

Hope that helps - just speaking from personal experience :)

(My kids outgrew the tears at drop off by kindergarten if that helps!)

Time and patience. You do not say when his birthday is. Is he going to a transitional
K? If it is it sounds like the perfect solution. Some kids are just homebodies and that’s not a bad thing. I think just time. Summer time can bring about big changes in a good way.