My son, 4 1/2, is in his first year of preschool and it's been rough! He's extremely sensitive, and I suspect there are some sensory issues. He had a tough time getting used to the preschool setting at first, but I thought by now, he would be much better. He's afraid of loud noise, but has no problem making noise. He dances, bangs on drums, etc. But we can't take him to places where it might be loud. He covers his ears at birthday parties, won't go to the movies, etc. There have been times when we have taken him to places ( even the movies, bowling alley etc) where he got through it ok. But the last time I tried to take him to a movie, it was a disaster. He also "toe walks" quite a bit. He gets very upset when he needs his nails trimmed, but is fine with me using a nail file. He doesn't like getting his haircut either, but is much better as long as they don't use electric clippers. Going to the Dr. has been tough too, but the last time I had to take him, he was much better. His sister did a lot of the same things, but not to the same degree, and she is gifted ( age 10).
He loves to play at school, but doesn't like to do "academic" tasks. He has meltdowns at school where he covers his ears and cries and screams when told he has to finish a task or something before he can play. I guess he has issues waking up from nap as well ( I didn't know this until recently). Once he is more "awake" , he is fine according to staff there. When I pick him up, he is already anxious about going back the next day. He will say " I don't have school?" or " Mommy will come and get me after nap and snack." before he goes to sleep. I don't know why he has so much anxiety. He is not ready for Kindergarten, and we managed to get a waiver for him to attend their young 5's program next year, even though his birthday is in June, not July. He had an informal observation by their teacher consultant, and is set to have an eval after Spring Break for special ed. Since he's only in his first year of preschool, I feel like he is at a disadvantage because he hasn't had a lot of practice with academic tasks. He's extremely articulate, has an amazing memory, can recognize his name, recognize most letters and sounds, follow directions, can count up to 30 with only one or two mistakes, can sort, knows his shapes and colors, plays well with others etc. BUT he doesn't write his name, or does it in weird scribbles. He can draw a person, but not very well. He can draw a circle, make a straight line, etc. But, when he attempts to draw something specific, he ends up scribbling and telling me he is making a roller coaster. My husband thinks he just needs more time to mature, etc. I'm afraid he is going to be labeled as delayed or worse...HELP! Thanks!
to "mynewnickname"- he is set to have an eval after spring break, so we will see how it goes and what they suggest. :)
Turns out , it was more of a meeting than an eval. There were a ton of people there. We discussed his anxiety, sensory issues etc. The social workers spend a little time with him ( he was very nervous when they brought him in- poor guy) and they felt ( based on a little interaction with him) that he would not qualify for developmental delay, and their feeling is that he is attached to me, and is just taking a long time to adjust to being away during the day. They suggested trying to get him to be more independent at home and help to build his confidence. He is quite independent at home already. The speech and language person offered to do a language eval to see if he would qualify for any services.
The report that his preschool teacher sent was really negative :( She said that he isn't "performing" as well as the other kids- who are already 5 ( most of them), and have been in preschool for a couple of years. She says that he doesn't " initiate" play with other kids , although he does join in with them. She also says that he doesn't respond appropriately to classroom discussions. She wrote something at the bottom of the page about it being " beyond his success" or something strange like that. For example, when they were in a circle group she asked each of them what they did over Spring Break, and when it was his turn he said " pink". I've seen him initiate play with kids many times at the park, etc., and when my parents asked him what he did over Easter ( I wonder if he got confused because she used to term spring break), he told them ," I went to Canada to visit my Aunt M." which is what we did. So, I think he gets nervous. I emailed his teacher asking for suggestions of how we can get him to do things we know he can do at school, but she didn't respond. I think she is sick of me.
This is something you should be discussing with the pediatrician. Also there should be no "academic" tasks at this age. If he's not enrolled in a play based, fully accredited preschool pull him out and either keep him home or enroll him somewhere more appropriate. Having him in a poorly run program is going to make him LESS ready for kindergarten.
Ignore the academics. He's 4. Zillions of kids don't get involved in academics at this age, and pushing them can result in resentment of school. You chose an academic vs. a play-based preschool, but look around for next year. There is absolutely no reason why a child needs to go to kindergarten at age 5. It's possible that some of his anxiety comes from expectations from adults about being able to write his name and not making any mistakes in counting. There's no requirement to be able to draw a realistic person either. I think that's a ton of pressure to put on a child.
Your son still naps? Mine did too, for 3 hours until 4.5 years, so we didn't start him in kindergarten until the following year (he turned 6 in June). It worked out great in every way.
The noise thing is an issue. You can try noise-cancelling headphones which a lot of my friends use who have kids with sensory issues, autism and so on. You're getting an evaluation, which is great. The issues with not getting a haircut may or may not be indicative of something. But remember, there are tons of resources and therapies and tips available to help kids adjust to areas that are tough for them. You mention that your son had problems at the doctor's visit - but did you discuss any of this with the doctor? If not, please do. You can video your child during nail trimming or haircutting sessions, and show those to the doctor (privately, while your son is in the play area of the waiting room, or via email).
Don't worry about labels now - and don't use them. I wouldn't ignore it the way your husband seems to, but I wouldn't panic the way you seem to be doing. You just don't have enough info now. Get a notebook, write down what everyone says, and take it with you to evaluations and medical appointments.
You need to get him evaluated by a professional. Developmental evaluation take a couple of hours by a professional. There is no way moms on the internet can determine if he needs help based on a few sentences.
Please get over your fear of him being labelled. Do you know what is far far worse than having a label? Being a little kid who has a problem, and there is readily available help for that problem, but he doesn't get the help he needs because his parents refuse to get him that help. (and by the way, a label is just something you need for insurance to get approval for your child to get services, it's not a life-long stigma)
Your husband might be right - but why risk it? Talk to your pediatrician and get a referral for a developmental evaluation.
well, without a professional evaluation i don't see how anyone here can give you a definitive answer. yes, it could be a developmental delay. or autism. or all manner of scarier stuff.
it could well just be a 4 year old who is on his own timetable.
i'm glad you've got an evaluation scheduled. but surely you've discussed all of this with your pediatrician. what does she say?
i think your fears over labels are unfounded. if the label helps your kid get necessary help, then it's a good label, right?
get the evaluation, then calmly and sensibly make your plan for your next step from there. don't make yourself crazy with speculation. your son is counting on you to be calm and cool, to be his advocate. whether he's a delayed genius or a child with severe developmental challenges or a perfectly ordinary little boy who has some early sensory issues, you can handle it.
khairete
S.
My son was the same way at that age. He still covers his ears when there is a lot of noise and he's almost 16. He has very sensitive ears like me. My son and I both had visual issues. (Not just vision) Our eyes did not work together. so we had to do vision therapy to train our eyes to work together. But because of this our other senses are heightened. Getting him evaluated is a good start.
You need to talk to your pediatrician. An evaluation through the school might help, but it’s not going to answer your questions or address your concerns.
Your son may have some sensitivities to noise, but it may be something more severe. You can talk to your pediatrician and take steps to find out now, or you can wait and see. But if you wait and see and it’s something more, you run the risk of things get so much worse before they get better. Why not find out now? If you decide to see a specialist and find out he doesn’t have any delays, you will have piece of mind.
Personally, I’d talk to my pediatrician.
I don’t think you has anything to worry about academically. My kids went to a play based preschool with very little academics and are doing great in school. Your son will learn his letters and learn to write his name in kindergarten right along with most of the other kids in his class. Neither of my kids was interested in drawing or art projects at 5hat age, and now they love them. In that respect, your son’s behavior is quite common.
Talk to your pediatrician. You’ll either find out your son will need extra help or not. Either way, knowing is better than not knowing.
My son was like this with the sensory issues. Noise canceling head phones help. My son outgrew the loud sounds thing. I put him in a play based preschool. They did do fun activities that teach letters and numbers and easy math...but it was in a hands on way. (manipulating objects like beans or sticks, learning a letter a week and having a song and dance about it and a story, etc.). At home I read to him 3 or so books every day and pointed out letters. At home I would show him how to spell his name. I would point out letters on signs around town. First focusing on T the first letter of his name! And getting excited when we saw a T. He never liked to draw till he got older...what is funny is he is really into art and drawing as a teenager now! In preschool, Kindergarten, maybe even 1st grade he just scribbled. He'd just do it really fast if someone wanted him to do a drawing. You could tell he just wanted to get it over with and then go do something he thought was fun. He also had anxiety. I found it important to empathize but to NOT let him get out of things or get his way bc then he started expecting it. Instead I expected him to do what any other kid would do...go to school. He complained bitterly about school and would even fake an injury up until 4th grade. He was impossible. I did have him see a therapist in 4th/5th grade and this was really helpful. Then he matured more starting in 5th grade and started being less impossible. From 6th grade on he has been really mature and great...taking responsibility for himself and knowing what he has to do. At home my husband and I both focused on reading, doing easy math, easy puzzles, we would buy those activity books. Just on a daily basis throughout the day we would point out letters, numbers, do an easy 1 plus 2 math problem with pasta or something and show them...look! It makes 3! It was just a daily thing. I can't say if your son will have a delay but he sounds perfectly normal to me! Some kids are more advanced than other kids and they all seem to catch up to each other around 3rd grade (for the most part). He doesn't sound behind to me. My son also had scribbly awful handwriting. He's a lefty. He would give the pencil a death grip. In 2nd grade I had him see an occupational therapist just once. She went over with him how to properly hold the pencil, how to not grip hard, and had him use things like those soft pencil grips...and do some special hand exercises. After that his handwriting improved immensely in 3rd grade. My opinion is you are worrying too much and he's fine, but if you feel like he would benefit from being held back a year you can always do that.
I don't see anything as delayed from what you write. The only thing that stands out to me as a-typical is the noise part but that could be sensitivity to noise, and from having a kid with ear troubles (and talking to a lot of parents because of this) I found out that's a lot more common that you would think. I am sensitive to loud noises for example. Some people just are.
I mean, if he can bang on loud drums, how sensitive can he be? Know what I mean?
So the parties and movies might not be the noise that is bothering him so much as just sensory overload - but that's the same for a lot of little kids. My kids found movie theaters pretty overwhelming and same with parties, they would kind of take a while to adjust. Even drop off at preschool .. so I don't know. That could just be personality. He's still only little.
None of mine could draw people until school - I think if he can draw a circled make a line, etc. and cut that's pretty good. I had one who needed intervention for that kind of thing in first grade (end) because she had trouble and we got OT involved, and she caught up by grade 2. That was with me working with her over the summer. So I wouldn't be too concerned (personally) by that.
I didn't worry about academics at all at that age. It was play based learning at our preschool.
Is it anxiety or a tantrum? I have had kids with both - anxiety is more a physical reaction to stress (like vomiting or tummy upset, or shaking) whereas a tantrum is reacting because doesn't want to do something (like not wanting to finish his work before play). Tantrums pretty normal in preschool and that's a maturity thing - he will outgrow and positive reinforcement will help. My kids had some not wanting to go to preschool at times, and that's not really anxiety. I had some separation anxiety but pretty mild - not the true physical reaction kind (requiring therapy or anything like that) but the cling to my legs, tears kind. That's not that uncommon in preschool.
Not sure if that helps - but you may just want to ask pediatrician about his ears for noise sensitivity. I don't know much about sensory issues (ours didn't have them) so another mom can guide you there if they suspect that might be at play.
Otherwise, sounds pretty typical to me :) Keep us posted. It's always helpful to other moms going through same stuff to hear how things turn out!
Good grief, he’s 4. For the life of me I don’t get the push for academics at that age. Did you know that Scandinavian countries have the highest literacy rates and they don’t start school until 8 years old. Yet our society has jumped on the train that says they have to start at 4 and have ZERO positive stats to back up this trend. UGH!
Your son is 4. He doesn’t need structure, he needs freedom. He needs to find out about his surroundings. He needs to play in the dirt.
My daughter has very sensitive ears. She can hear stuff the rest of us don’t until it’s on us. She wore hearing protection to Disney because of the loud through high school. Now she’s serving in the Navy as a Master at Arms (military police). When she would get discouraged because of her differences I would remind her when she quit looking at it as a handicap and embraced her abilities her life would be better. When she chose a law enforcement career I firmly believe it will one day save her life and maybe other’s too.
Have evaluations done if you’ll feel better about it, but I agree with your husband. He needs time. And I taught Tuesday Thursday school and we had kids who attended the year and still needed reassurance of when their parent would come and one little boy cried from drop off until lunch the entire year. So I don’t think that’s too unusual.
ETA again - An eval through the school is not going to be good enough. You really need to get an eval done by a pediatric psychologist. The evals the schools do are fine for most kids, but they do not diagnose. You need to know if your son has a diagnosis. If he has those types of sensory issues and meltdowns, he may have a diagnosis that needs to be identified.
ETA - I was responding to the sensory issues (for the most part) and the anxiety and meltdowns. He might be perfectly within the normal range. One of my sons is not, so I was thinking along those lines. Personaly, I would still request an evaluation so that you know for sure your concerns are being heard. I would keep notes for a few weeks on everything you observe and bring those with you so that you know you are being heard, taken seriously and can be given an opinion based on what you truly are dealing with.
Original Answer:
Academically, it can wait. It is absolutely ok for hiim to not have all of his letters or not be able to write his name. Those are things that many preschoolers pick up on, but many do not. I volunteered in both my son's kindergarten classes, and there were many, many kids who did not know their letters or shapes or whatever. Kindergarten is a strange time, because kids come in at so many different levels. I don't know how the teachers do it, but they somehow get all those kids ready for first grade.
There seems to be a big push these days for "kindergarten readiness," but academics is a small part of that.
I would talk to your pediatrician and get a referral to a psychologist to discuss the sensory issues and your other concerns. My son has many of those same challenges, and they are very, very real and need to be taken seriously. They can be debilitating to the child, but there are ways to deal with it. First you have to get the right diagnosis (so that your insurance will pay for things) and discuss the type of therapy or accommodations your son would benefit from.
I completely understand the fear of your child being "labeled." That thought makes me so angry! (Not angry at you ... angry at anyone who would do that!) I'm going to quote Dr. Suess:
"Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
If you are true to your son and seeking help for your son, one of the best things you can do for yourself and for your son is to block out the negativity from others. There will be that day when you are at the grocery store and your son has a meltdown and people will stare at you or tell you that he needs to be spanked or ask if they can help (which they can't if he's having a;meltdown) or whatever. And it won't be easy. But you have to ignore all of that and just focus on what your son needs. And that will get easier. And soon (probably sooner than you think) you will find support from people who really do get it. And they will become the people you turn to.
Schools do not "label" kids. Teachers do not "label" kids. Schools and teachers do not always make the right choices/decisions for the students, but that is because sometimes what you try doesn't work and you just have to go back and try again. Work with the school, work with the teachers, stay positive, keep trying ... they want to help all of their students. In fact, they want to help all of their students have a "normal" a school experience as possible, and they will work with any students to help them have less time with the special ed teachers and more time in the regular classroom. That is the goal!
Talk to your doctor. Find the right specialist. Keep asking questions. You can do this!!!
First off,the child is too young to have a teacher demand that he can't move until he finishes a task,hes what..four??he's not delayed,hes just independent.your first child did the exact same things,right? And she is in the gifted class,so,no problem..
I'm not seeing where anything you mention is out of the ordinary.
He's 4 1/2.
His learning should be play based - academic based anything for the next few years is not the best way for him to learn.
Some kids are in pre-k until they are closer to 6 - and it's ok and they are not delayed.
It's not a competition - he will develop in his own time.
Quite a bit of manual dexterity is needed for printing and writing - and it's a work in progress into 2nd and 3rd grade.
If your pediatrician is happy - then relax and enjoy your child!
While I am no expert - I'm not seeing why he would need an evaluation at this point.
There is a wide range for what passes for normal.
While a very few kids can read and write before kindergarten - many do not do so till the 2nd half of 2nd grade - and they are totally normal and not late or behind or delayed.
He doesn't need special ed! Don't allow them to do that to him. They are unfairly not giving him academic tasks. He's only four and a half! If you hire someone to work with him on writing his name . I didn't draw well when i was four but now my husband and mom and some people say i['m an artist. I draw extremely well, he's only four. He doesn't need special ed because he doesn't draw well! Get him away from that school! To a quieter better maybe private school if you can afford. Worth moving if you can't afford tuition. Your son more important than your house.
They will stunt him more with special ed.
