What to Do When You Have a Special Needs Child and You Want Out of Your Marriage

Updated on February 13, 2007
J.G. asks from Culver, IN
8 answers

my marriage to my husband of almost 13 yrs is falling apart,he has a horrible temper makes empty threats and makes all sorts of insults to me.we have 2 daughters and our oldest who is 10 has special needs and in a wheelchair and everything i do for her is getting extremely difficult she is getting bigger and heavier and we have to carry her everywhere in the house,she has a rare illness called metachromatic luekodystrophy and im constantly waiting on her and carrying her around the house but my husband doesnt lift a finger to help with bathing her and he doesnt allow me to go anywhere by myself to just get away he gets away all the time he goes to work and goes fishing and ima stay at home mom and i dont drive or have a license.all my husband does is just sit there and say that im lazy and worthless and im turning into a bad mother and a bad wife and ido the best that i can but nothing is good enough for him.i would love to divorce him but i have no job or money and i can stay with my mom but i dont want to put her through that and i know it would hard for my daughters we have one who is 7 and she is already becoming mouthy and demanding like her dad because he does these things in front of the girls.anybody out there have any advice for this?i would appreciate anything you come up with thanks.

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So What Happened?

thanks everyone for your great advice!i am fully intending to file for divorce very soon.as for my special needs daughter we are getting ssi for her once a month and we have not yet signed up for a medicaide(sp) waiver,she goes to physical therapy in nappanee in, once a week her therapist loren hartman is a great man he should have a free pass to heaven for the good that he does he is a walking angel.we did have a nurse come but she was mainly to help us with her g-tube and we really didnt need her.she goes to our public school partial days 4 days a week,my husband works third shift so when he is sleeping and i have a few hours of just me time then afternoon i have to take care of paula until my 7 yr old gets home at 4.i will keep everyone updated on any further information that comes up.again thanks to everyone for your advice it really helped alot.thanks and god bless.

More Answers

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K.F.

answers from South Bend on

Do you guys receive any sort of assistance? First off I would sign up for the Medicaid Waiver. It's not income based and it can get you some respite care so you can have time to leave the house and be able to leave your daughter in capable hands. I wish I had some wisdom for you as far as leaving your husband. Do you get SSI? I have a son who is in a wheelchair also, he is 8. He is mentally all there but unable to do anything for himself. He also has a g-tube and he also needs to be cathed, fed, bathed....it can be really tiring. I hope you can find help somewhere. I would certainly start looking into programs that can help give you a break!! Email if you want to talk to me more ____@____.com

K.

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L.B.

answers from Bloomington on

I have been is your shoes and know how you feel. I was completely dependent oh an abusive man for too long. He, as most abusive men do, knew what he was doing when he choose to mistreat his family. I have been out of the situation for about 2 years now and there were some very frightening times. But not more the the times of relief. It all has passed and I learned a lot of things about myself. I learned I can exist on my own and I am doing better then I ever have because I rid myself of all the oppression.

I soo much want to encourage you to believe YOU CAN do it too. There is sooo much support available to assist you on your journey to becoming self suffcient. Life does get better, and each step easier with time and healing.

To quote a strong and firm Mom who gave me effective advice; "It's a long slow road but the important thing for us to remember is that everytime we give in it makes the road longer." RP

I commend you for seeking help today, I hope many more will have the courage and strength as you do!

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A.S.

answers from Fort Wayne on

i would look on the internet for help in your area. there are a lot of women's shelters that can give you a transitional home. Also, the government has TONS of aid available to not only single moms, but families with health problems. I wish you the best of luck in turning your life around. You are an awesome woman to be able to sacrifice so much for your children. Staying at home with a healthy child is hard enough work, let alone one with special needs. God bless you and I wish you the best.

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D.B.

answers from Kokomo on

Ok I know this sounds a little crazy, cut you can do this. First off, you need to leave your husband. He is abuseto you. I wouldn't take that from any guy.

Aslo, you can sign your daughter up for SSI checks. At least that way she will have the money she needs for her illness. Try to find friends and family that will help you out. Also, you can get food stamps and whatever else you have to do until you find a way to get on your feet. Don't be afraid to sign up for HUD and Section 8 for an apartment.

If you need a friend don't hesitate to send me a private message on here.

I will be praying for you and your family!!!

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S.C.

answers from Owensboro on

If you have not already did this you should file for social security on your daughter because of her disability and on the form it will ask something about someone taking care of the child, you need to check yes and you will also receive a check per month since you do not work to take care of your child. You should also check into having someone come to your home several times a week to take of your daughter while you relax or do what you have to do. This services should be paid for through medicaid. I hope this information helps you and I will pray for you and your kids.

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J.M.

answers from Muncie on

You should investigate options to help you with your daughters care, especially if you are considering leaving. That will get you prepared and you can have things in place. You should contact your BDDS office in District 2. The service coordinators should be able to help steer you in the right direction. Do you get services for your daughter from a local provider at all yet? If you do, talk to them too. The contact info for BDDS District 2 (South Bend office) is: 877-218-3059
I hope this helps a little.

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J.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

I honestly dont know what to say.. But I am married to a A** ..lol and I am considering kicking him out.. He too complains alot.. I also have a 4 year old with Special needs.. I do all the work for her also. I am a stay at home mom to 3 of my own daughters and 2 step daughters.I know what it is like to do it all.. Have you gotten any waivers from the state? My Abbey just got one and they said there is also ones that will apy for a nurse to come out and one different that will pay for a nurse to come out after school hours so you can work.. I would love to talk more with you.. maybe I could be some support.. Pleas feel free to email me privately if you would loke.. My name Is J...

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S.W.

answers from Evansville on

J., I work for a Provider of Medicaid Waiver. It is a wonderful program. You should contact your local office and set a meeting time to talk to someone about help. There are lots of different ways that Waiver can help you. As for your husband, I would sit him down, explain your feelings to him. give him a deadline, if he can not prove himself by the time set then kick him to the curb. This worked for me. In the begining of my relationship with my husband he started to insult me, I told him in a very straight forward way that I was raised to believe that I did not need a man, they were just for convience and I could make it without him. I left for a couple days, and needless to say, we have been together 10 years next month and married 51/2 of those years. He realized that he could not do that and get away with it. I believe everyone should have a 2nd chance, but you also deserve a 2nd chance at a happy life. Hope everything works out for the best (whatever that may be) for you and your girls!
Good luck and God bless.

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