What to Do After Daughter Gets into Dangerous Chats Online? (PLEASE HELP ME!!)

I would shut off the internet. get the neighborhood involved in a neighborhood watch get me a big intimidating dog. and buy a gun just in case. I would drive her everywhere she needs to go and so on. make her check in with me constantly and etc. tell her if she doesnt check in you will call the cops. that is embarassing to a 14 yr old. put her in maritial arts just in case. tellher to be aware of her surroundings and if something dont feel right go knock on the first door she sees. If you im me I can tell you a wrist escape she can do if they try to grab her. have her try it on her dad and tell her dad to do it hard so she will learn how much pressure she needs to make it work.

What this man did/doing is a federal crime!

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServle...

You can report the incident at the CyberTipline Web site (www.cybertipline.com) or call their toll-free number, 1-800-843-5678. The CyberTipline is staffed 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.

I know you may think it extreme, but I would start looking for a new home. The safety of my daughter is the MOST important thing in my life. Men like this are dangerous and they do bond together in their sickness.

Look I am sorry, but I won't sympathetic like some of these other moms. You shouldn't have let your 14 year old daughter on a site like that. I know all to well how those work, but I never once called a number they gave me or gave them mine. I always gave them a fake name, and things started getting weird i'd leave. I am 22 years old with a 6 month old son and one on the way, I would never in my right mind ever let my kids go on a site like that. I plan to have parental blocks on the computer and some channels in tv. It's perfectly free to download AOL instant messenger where she can add her friends and it is a private chat and only her friends and anyone else she adds can talk to her. But whatever website you let her on perverts and other weirdos prowl them and can talk to who ever is on them. Sorry but you weren't smart by letting her on it. Think smarter next time, and calling them wasn't the best idea either. As you can see some of them can trace a call very easily which not only puts your daughter in danger it puts your whole family in danger.
And the cops won't stay around for ever. I hope nothing happens to your daughter but if I were you I'd delete her account and all her info she has on it. I know it sounds mean to say all that but it's the truth. I am sure some of the other moms agree with me but just want to be nice about saying it. But sometimes nice doesn't help. Good luck and I have your daughter in my prayers.

My guess is these guys are never coming over. They would certainly not warn you if they really wanted to achieve something grisly and illegal. Obviously keep up the security and all, but I'm a little shocked that with all the public attention to online predators in our society that she was allowed to have an IM site for "friends" which showed her age and photo. Don't beat yourself up, but do get rid of her computer access. She is too young to act safely on there. The fact she "thought they just wanted to chat" and was willing to chat with grown men is the biggest red siren on earth before any of the talk got out of hand-your daughter is not mature, and you parents may not be quite up to date either-sorry to be insulting but how terrifying. Once she cannot be contacted, this will all stop.

Also- since I didn't see this mentioned- tell the other girls moms what is going on and make sure they are informed! Their daughters might be in similar situations and they need to know!
I agree with making sure she is with someone at ALL times- these guys are creeps- you don't want to take any chances. Get her some pepper spray or something she can spray (I heard wasp spray is good- it shoots farther, but I don't know if it comes in small purse sizes).
And say a ton of prayer!
~C.

You need to get your neighborhood involved as well. Let them know what happend and I would organize a meeting at your place with all the neighbors to discuss and talk about options. The police is a good but they wont be there forever....did you trace that guys number to his address??? what about the other guys IP addresses? The police should be able to track those other guys down and question them for sending perverted pix to your daughter...I think that is illegal.
Lastly...but first thing...get your daughter to delete her acct.

**Adding This: If the Predator does come to your home... to get your daughter... he will NOT IN ANY WAY... come near your home IF the POLICE are there. They are not dumb. He will WAIT, until they leave.. then try and abduct or hurt your daughter... Predators will observe... AND there are MANY Predators, that know about your daughter/your address/your phone number... since that Predator freely gave this information to other Predators... thus, you need to be looking out for MANY various potential... Predators... after your daughter. At any time....
Personally, I would not let my daughter be alone, anywhere, at any time. If not this week, then "WHEN" will those Predator(s) strike??? You do not know that.... if they really want a girl/child... they can get real tunnel vision about it. Don't assume, they/he will just give up, after 1 day. or many days.

TELL the Feds.

**And to be honest... (just thinking of the other facet to this): If other parents/neighbors knew... I don't think, a parent or friend, would let THEIR daughter, go anywhere with YOUR daughter... because then, what if MY daughter gets targeted too... and harmed/abducted by that Predator???? So, don't assume, all your daughter's friends... will ALL be with her, anywhere she goes. The other parents, out of 'fear' may not allow it, nor allow their child to be anywhere with your daughter. AND, what if, that Predator/Sex Offender... works with other Predators... as a 'group'... to get your daughter??? They seem to know a lot about her... and are really aggressive... and brazen, not even being 'afraid' of YOU calling him and he actually gave you HIS phone number too!
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In addition to all the advice here: You NEED to make sure, your daughter, is ALWAYS accompanied.... by someone.... and not by herself.. nor go anywhere by herself..... AND at school... she can be abducted or accosted there too... by these men.
Predators... often, will know, where a child goes to school... etc.
So... TALK to the Police... and MAKE SURE... that outside the confines of your home (which they are guarding), that your Daughter is ALSO... guarded, anywhere else she goes...as well.

Really.

If anything... once the Police are gone... what do THEY suggest, about how to keep your home AND your daughter AND family safe????
What will happen, once the police are gone from guarding your home? They cannot be there forever...
I would really, ask them this...

AND, say after 1 week passes... and everyone is 'comfortable' again... or forgets about it... the Predators can STILL... target her... and often, they "watch" the home/child/routines and habits of the family.. and they KNOW when no one is home etc., and the habits of the child and family. So... NEVER EVER let your guard down... This is a Convicted Sex Offender... and he gave other Predators your home address and phone number... and your information is therefore "public" info... in predator websites etc.

all the best,
Susan

the feds need to be involved. if they sent your daughter those types of photos and any of them is a registered sex offended they will be persecuted but the fact that the police hasn't gone to him is odd. actually this whole thing is a bit odd but i will leave my feelings aside.
you need to let the neighbors know what has happened. their children aren't safe either. yes, you won't be well-liked but you owe it to them. how come you called the pervert and not have the police call them? of course you can trace any trace via a landline home number.
another thing: your daughter should be banned from using the internet. not just supervised surfing, but banned for a a a a long time. why? she was tempted to respond to a stranger. she communicated with a stranger, and started this whole thing. yes, the children are victims but they need to be taught and they need to know better. they're not allowed to talk to strangers on the street, so why respond to anything online? it's the same thing, except a million times scarier because you do not see them.
anyway, call the police ask to see what they're doing about this (photos, contact with a minor, solicitation for s.. etc)

The only thing I can think of to add to what has been done/said you might want to talk to the school and other actvity programs your child is involved in and advise them as well. I am stealing this from Law & Order but if you have pictures of his face that can be made appropriate post his picture and the messaging EVERYWHERE, it is already public info anyways you have to warn your community. And maybe you can take steps to make this a learning situation and speak out publicly in regards to internet safety and predators. Please do not let this rule your life, I know it souds odd but try.

Call the police and ask them how to handle this.. And next time have your daughter not post her age.. and to make it a closed account so she can control who she speaks with online..

Sounds like you did the right thing and have already received some great advice. I just wanted to say your obviously doing a great job with your daughter. Many 14 year old girls would hide this from their parents thinking they did something wrong to make this happen. Thank God, your child realized this was a problem & came to you right away. This could have been a tragedy. Good job to you and your smart girl.

Never been in your situation. I have a 17 year old boy and if I found anything like that he would have zero access to a computer.

You've done the right thing by contacting the authorities. Stay very pro active with this and make them do something about it or steer you to other online cop resources, I know they are out there I've seen it on TV. How horrifyingly scary this must be for you.
It's no different than being allerted by the news that a predator is lurking in your neighborhood so do the same kind of preparedness you would do for that. Don't be ashamed, this is common since teens are not too smart about what they do online, you arent alone.

don't ever contact them!!! now they have exactly what they wanted from your daughter. first step should have been to call the police. the problem is so much worse now that they have some of your contact info... sorry i only have preventative advice

Wow. This is a very scary situation. First thing, don't let your daughter use the computer is private areas. At her age, the computer needs to be in an open area, very easily monitored. The only other advice, is to inquire more with the police. Ask them to contact neighbors and warn them, that a known sex offender made contact with a minor in the area. They can instruct the parents to always be with the children, until the situation is resolved.

My cousins had this happen on Thanksgiving, though I caught them before they gave out their address. The IP number was traced back to their SMALL town so he could have come and found them with no problems since helpful, nice people would have directed him to our house without question.
They were BANNED from being online unless one of us was right there.
Also, I had to uninstall the chat program TWICE because the one installed it a second time when grandma was watching her(clueless grandma was looking at her type in the little chat box and didn't understand she was disobeying again).
I would tell your neighbors so they can call the police if strangers show up.
They have a right to know. You also need to let the school know.
I would go stay somewhere else, accompany my child to and from school, and be on guard.
Our local police would NOT have agreed to sit on the house. They would have turned it over to the FBI or some other agency.

i agree with the other mom's about her safety. Let us know what happens.

My initial thought was contact the police which you have done , you need to close down your daughters site also. If there are kids in the area that play in the street with no adults outside then I would speak to the neighbours aswell and advise them of the situation , you don't need to go into specific detail but if it were me then I would want to know.

Wow, this is a very scary and very real threat amidst us now. You are an amazing mom that you were able to stay on top of this potentially tragic scene and be able to write about it and educate us. I would offer the same advice below. Please be sure to inform the neighbors of the potential threat, especially families with kids.

I just attended a parents night at our elementary with the district IP manager. It think that means Internet P? The public schools will be having free internet access, which is available most anywhere anyhow. Kids with Iphones or similar are vulnerable everywhere, not just at home.

I don't allow my children to have computers in private rooms - only public areas. I check the histories on their computer with strict rules about not erasing the history, b/c I'm not computer savvy enough to figure out the erased history.

These predators will eventually realize that your daughter is not a target and will look elsewhere for unprotected, unsuspecting teenagers. Stay vigilant.