What to Do About preschool...A Long Question...

My kids are 18 months apart, so very recently one was 3 and the other 5. They are both boys. There is a huge difference between 3 and 5. My 3y.o. gets frustrated because he can't physically, mentally or emotionally keep up with his brother. It's very sad for him. I can't imagine if there was a room full of "big kids" that I couldn't compete with. IMO, having the youngest boy in a group is ALWAYS something to worry about. Even with just the size difference and rough play, I would be worried. But also, at 5, kids should be learning how to read simple words and recognize numbers up to 100 (along with many other things). A 3 y.o. just can't keep up with that.
Me? I'd move him to a preschool that has the ages grouped more appropriately. The best teacher in the world can't make a 3 year old 5, or vice versa.

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think there's a big milestone difference between age 3 and age 5. Five year olds have a different level of confidence and self control, but also a different perspective in being friendly, teasing, playing with others. Besides, to 3 year olds, five year olds can be intimidating. 4 and 5 year olds mesh better than 3 and 5. My advice is to find a classroom where he is surrounded by children in his immediate age and range of ability. Because development of his self confidence is a huge milestone which will stay with him throughout his childhood. He should be a leader, not a follower.

just a thought, since i used to teach preschool....
just sounds like he is not happy with that particular mix of kids and or the way the room is run. i used to befriend these kids too, as a teacher. That is, the couple of kids that were not happy and left out and teased or hit or just not included for whatever reason. sometimes there can be clicks that run the room. i always wished the parents would take their child out and sign them up for a different class because non of the truly unhappy kids ever came to being happy. (i would have been fired for saying so though). esp with a baby coming i would want him to be happy. if he was happy before he can be happy again somewhere else i would think. good luck!

I think he just needs to adjust.

Your question and the Teacher's response seems reasonable. They are trying and validate your concerns.
That is good.
They are trying to help him. They show compassion.

My Daughter, was a bit like that, like your son. She was seemingly 'shy' with her class... BUT it was because she is the type that is not instantly gregarious... she OBSERVES first... THEN actually CHOOSE who and what to play with. She will speak up though, for any right/wrong things done to her. We taught her that. But she is a very self-reliant child... and was able to KNOW herself... and we didn't expect her to be SUPER extroverts like the other kids. She is herself. She adjusted fine. She found friends, she got along with. NICE kids. She observes and chooses well.
It was fine.
Some kids a just that way.
But at home, our girl was SUPER extroverted and outgoing. Of course. Like most kids.
She was not "unhappy" at Preschool... she just took time, to adjust. But she actually LOVED it.

Did your child ACTUALLY say, he is "unhappy" at Preschool??? Or do you just think he is???

BUT, the Teacher, can ALSO talk to the WHOLE class, about proper behavior/sharing etc., and how to be polite. THAT is what my Daughter's Preschool Teacher did. NOT just talking to my daughter about "her" behavior... and how to come out of her shell.
A Teacher, ALSO has to address the WHOLE class, on behavior too... and ESPECIALLY if there are strong personalities in the class because these kids, can literally take over and command the other kids.
SO... maybe suggest that to the Teacher, as well... that she talk to the whole class about proper 'manners' etc.

all the best,
Susan

I would try a different class or preschool that has more kids his age. You may even consider an in home daycare with someone that only takes kids around his age. The main thing is to make you little one love going to daycare or school again. If he starts to hate it now it will only get worse later.

Maybe it would help if you could arrange a couple playdates with some of the other kids in his class (one kid at a time, of course). The teacher may be even able to suggest who would be good to invite. Then, when he is in class he will have a few kids that he is more familiar with. Having a couple friends in class always helps. I have a little 4 year old (almost 5) boy in my class that is as quiet as can be. For the first few weeks he just played by himself. Then, he finally started connecting with another boy in the class and the difference is amazing. He really lights up and has tons off fun playing with this other boy.

I hope your little guy gets happier. I just started working so my daughter has to attend pre k 5 days a week for 3 hrs and she is getting to the point where she says she doesn't want to go anymore. She just wants to stay home with. It makes me really sad and I would much rather be home with her, but she seems fine during school. I think it is just when she has spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with me that she doesn't want me to go anywhere.

Good luck!

former preschool teacher.

While i'm sure he was a happy kid in his other classrooms, he wasn't at the stage he is now of social play, he was probably parallel playing before, now that he is more aware of sharing etc, he may be a little overwhelmed.

Your teacher sounds lovely by the way, i personally wouldn't move him.

What i would do is role play what to do when someone "takes over your play" or excludes him from the play. Some times you have to really supply kids with the correct script, "hey, I"m cooking pancakes over here, but you can set the table" " I would like a turn with that trike when you are done, Please let me know when you are finished" " HI my name is Sam, can i play space rangers too?"

You are doing everything right just support him and give him a little time. Typically kids need until after Halloween to really settle in.

I think the teacher's response is a great one. It sounds like they are really working hard with your son to help him fit in and make sure his needs are met. Meeting with them in person is still a good idea though. Obviously, you can get a lot more info and some tips/advice on how to help at home so that he's happier at school.

Good luck!

It sounds to me that they are aware that he is struggling a bit to adjust but they see progress.
Ultimately, it's up to you to move him or not, but nothing in the teacher's response seems anything but kind and caring. Good luck!

It sounds to me like everyone seems to have a good handle on what is going on and I would feel very comfortable leaving your son in that class and give him a little more time to adjust and learn to enjoy his new class. But I would also talk with the teacher about the need to address the "stronger personalities" in the class about the need to be kind and thoughtful to others...it could be a good learning example for them to become not quite such "strong personalities". Maybe you could also ask the teacher for the names and phone numbers of some of the children that she feels like your son would be most comfortable with and set up some play dates with them so that he has some real friends in the class to feel safe with.

I once went to school to see why my 7 year old was so unhappy. The teacher was one of those extremely constipated, uptight women whose unbending attitude made my kid sick. The principal told me she did not have a better classroom for my child so I switched her to another school. She did not thrive and a few weeks later we moved her into a Summerhillian environment where she thrived. She learned to read in six weeks.
If the teacher is not the right person for your son put him in another school.
I also once went to preschool to pick up one of our small relatives and heard the teacher chewing out two girls. She talked so badly to them that I knew the school was not watching her adequately. I reported her behavior to the owner of the school and called the county to come in and survey the pre-school.